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Rainbow'sNewJournal - RainbowAbyss - 08-26-2012
Hey guys!!
I figured I'd start a new journal to get some
of my subliminal experiences, success, and issues off of my chest.
Right now I'm running winners mindset and Luck magnifier.
Winners mindset is great. I never realized how much I abdicated my own
healthy ego and sense of healthy pride until I started running this set. The disconnecting from others negativity and going after what I want is awesome as well. Both extremely obvious and awesome.
In the next version there should definitely be some scripting added about
being fully entitled to and deserving, and even grateful, for whatever the user wants. I think in any case that would give it a nice finishing touch for follow through in 'winning' and congruence and in my case especially I am noticing a lot of deserving issues, and apathy based on even being worthy or feeling entitled to have what I want coming up. At least the contrast of that to my new winning self at least.
I'm NOTICING this but I'm also noticing it fading more and more and have just been struggling in a minor way with some of the up-downs of that.
Luck Magnifier is off the charts incredible and I can tell its only in its baby stages, when it starts going full gear WHOAA!!...look out time space multiple reality continuum being positively manipulated to meet my ultimately shallow conscious wants and needs lol.
In a week and a half of use 2 new opportunities for consistent cash came out of thin air. A distant cousin heard I was a trainer and I am getting paid to train him for college basketball 4-6 times a week, and my mom's old friend for highschool is paying me 12$ an hour to help him out with life. Not as a life coach or anything like that lol. He is just pretty depressed and called for my help to move, said he paid me, to just help out with stuff like that in his life. And now were doing that and hanging out and playing guitar and fun stuff like that-and I'm getting paid for it lol.
Last night-walking to a party I thought about the kind of woman I wanted to meet that night, and she was literally on the next block, we talked for while we walked in the same direction for a bit and then she had to go up to her house but went in to kiss me and make out with me for a bit before she headed up. Later on a met a more perfect 'version' and less tipsy
of the kind of girl I wanted to meet was at the bar I went to. Back to journaling out the gook...The biggest issue in my life right now are 2 fold. 1. Internal-self sabotage-fear of success and even some victim thinking I never realized I had...more on that later. The second issue is finding new direction and pulling all the incredible things I am interested in improving on/working on together. After 2 years of subs I'm really f-ing good at noticing opportunities and capitalizing on them, as well as creating them, right now I'm struggling with the energy to do those more consistently. I do something every day to take my life forward, but I also waste a lot of time circling, thinking to much (trying to resolve stuff mentality, cover everything, and make it perfect) and just being really tired, I see where I am out of control here and burn out trying to change everything at once and to impatient to take it slow...just have to manage my energy better.
I've been meditating alot lately and the differences in the quality of my life are fantastic, there is definitely a very objective sense of the past coming up to get healed in the present. This is all good but I am also starting to get some clarity on
some really 'monster' emotions that
I'm seeing now have been creating a lot of
victim thinking, and circumstances of stuck-ness and inability to ever fully succeed, I can't stay consistent and I lose it right whenever I am crossing the finish line with anything that matters to me, I've been experiencing alot of success in short term gratification areas, quick money, quick intimate encounters etc, really rewarding sense of contribution and community with certain groups I am involved in etc.. but I'm struggling with doing or succeeding at things that really matter to me, building a real foundation for myself in life, finding my place in life even, following chosen paths instead of circling in the grooves of conditioning and child hood imprints, having relationships that go somewhere where I can have a synergy with someone I am really attracted to and we can actually make an impact on teacher's lives. Both with friends and woman, replace attraction with admirer, respect, and trust for male friends.
Intellectually I never feel or see myself as a victim but these 'monster' emotions seem very related to self sabotage and victim thinking and very connected to the negative way those close to me perceive me. I also can't ever seem to cover all the ground I want to with subs-one thing goes up-another goes down, dropping alpha, I'm feeling to complacent and not strong enough, , on alpha I'm more robotic, lets interested in anything, dropping seek the challenge I'm not making as much purposeful progress, on seek the challenge its to much go go go-.
Its nothing to drastic but I can just intuit the tremendous amount of life energy and success that would be free'd up if these 'monster-emotion' got resolved/transcended and I found sub combos that complimented each-other, or ran one at a time..., not gonna happen! lol, I find since running winners mindset and LM, my actions and general attitude are much more positive and in line with someone in control of his life and able to succeed and go after what I want, but some emotions/resistance going on inside and how their overtly effecting myself and my life is pretty obvious as well, especially in anything that involves completion.
Was wondering how much Alpha 5.0 might deal with some of this really deep internal stuff that might be coming up...
I've been in a wasteland for a while now
right now I'm making the best of the world I kind of wound myself into
and my big goal right now is to make the shift into living completely in a world of my own choice, having the financial independence, credentials, and connections to do that, so I can get started on all the things I am driven to do in my life. Not just dabble in them, but live them.
My self sabatoge/ stuckness seems to involve two major components
1. The negativity I grew up with and its involvement in my life both-i.e. family
2. My own fear of success and sense of deserving-ness
3. Finding a balance between being happy and grateful as well as success oriented, thinking big, and staying motivated-even though those things are not mutually exclusive-to me there like a see-saw-up goes one , down goes the other-
It's like I can create everything I want for myself but I cannot actually accept it, grab onto it, and certainly can't hold on to it at this point.
Concretely what that means is work wise-I keep giving up interviews and opportunities that may or may not work to do short term free lance jobs here and there that will definitively pay.
Woman wise-it means I always eject, not premature ejaculate lol, when things are going well woman I actually really like and someone I could see consistently in my life, and then get a wee bit despondent about it since I struggle crossing that bridge.
Creative wise-I never bring projects, writing, art, music, to completion and keep resisting starting on the path of learning how to run my own business.
Personal wise-I always find some way that something is wrong, or I feel off or not good enough.
Don't get me wrong my life is pretty awesome right now and so is how I feel about myself-but from almost a clinical viewpoint I see this 'negativity' opportunities in my 'system' and its like a dissonance and off-ness that I want to resolve/transcend-evolve beyond.
I'm going to be doing the new WM or Alpha soon and want to run along side and before-end self sabatoge, attract positive energy, everything is possible, and deep gratitude and appreciation, ultra success, happiness and joy, asc and possibly overcome victim thinking although I am not so sure how necessary that will be with the other sets I'll be running-especially if its Alpha 5.0. I figure a month or two before my next 6 stage set.
I'm going to continue LM since its pretty rad and a bit of a life saver right now, and I'm deciding between EIP, end self sabatoge, or attract positive energy to run with it after I wrap up winners mindset...suggestions are as always appreciated
and Shannon-from my extremely limited understanding-alot of the internal conflicts, and drifting into abstraction-inability to turn thoughts, visions, creation, into concrete reality, focus and hard work doesn't seem to be entirely cutting it-especially when the internal sense of direction and desire is shifting so often, are note-able potential down sides to Pisces-any good advice on how to integrate/deal with those things (subliminal's aside
) or where the silver lining is thanx.
RE: Rainbow'sNewJournal - RainbowAbyss - 08-26-2012
@ Shannon -Yes you have answered my question
better than I could have imagined.
I am very aware of my reacting out of sub-conscious fear, but obviously
not very good at how to deal with it, I just recognize that there is something going on under the surface that is causing me to react in patterned and irrational ways, also my notion of facing fear with woman for example was always, approach, face the fear of approach, escalate, move through the fear of escalation etc...I've done all that 1000 times, I can say and get away with stuff with woman, especially after Alpha and SM, and have it moving things forward in a fun and 'sexually' oriented way that any body else I knew wouldn't say ever out of fear, and if they did...it probably wouldn't go over well, I never saw, until recently that my edge of fear was actually, or is actually now, a fear of intimacy and what it would mean to actually have someone meaningful in my life...I wouldn't even know who I would be to not be the 'lone ranger' so to speak, and of course the concomitant fear of rejection when I am being vulnerable is there also. Know I know-so step 1. Get off my butt and stay present...step 2. when I get the strong urge to bolt-bite the bullet and stay in the hailstorm.
I am also very aware of easily I fall into laziness when I am not positively expressing,this is a bit trickier to deal with right now since this I am basically recovering from prolonged amphetamine use, prescribed of course.
now I also know the alternatives-which I was NOT aware of, never even thought to think of them lol
stay vigilant and consciously face the fear-
and find my momentum by continuing to strive in positive expression.
That is of immense value-thank u
I pretty sure I have an aries in there to since your description of that is alot like how I use to be, and can be as well.
at one point in the future can I pay u to go through my chart-which I have somewhere but never really looked, since my mom got it for me years ago, but I didn't understand it?
one more question-which sub with LM do you think would help the most with these issues?
what about if it was between End self sabatoge, attract positive energy, or Everything is possible?
thanx again and get back to me only when the bleary eye is fully rested...
RE: Rainbow'sNewJournal - RainbowAbyss - 09-04-2012
Finished off winners mindset and been running LM with everything is possible the last few days.
I don't know what's happened but I really barely seem to get resistance from subs any more-or at least I don't notice it. I start a new set and its like BAM I'm in it, I'm feeling it, its working for my life, and then it just gets better as I listen more. Maybe after a year of 6 stage sets this single stages are just easier to digest. Also I'm 10x more grateful for subs now than I was the previous year and I also expect subs to be the magic ticket about 100% less-the irony is now they ARE effecting my life more and more strongly and in a more all around way then they have before.
Anyway I prefer to think after mastered the art of push button change.
Everything is possible so far is giving me this almost buzzing and excitement and I just want to start doing all the things I am passionate about-when it cools down its just like I'm locked in on some goal or vision I have but instead of not knowing how to get there-all the threads and bridges, i.e. the steps to take, seem obvious-and further more-I WANT to take them-like as soon as possible-the good feelings carry me through
It also makes me feel more like my best self and has been blowing away any clinging vestiges of apathy that have been lurking in my life as the 'giving up for now' unconscious response. As good as this combo seems to be so far-the overcome fear sub looks really incredible--and I was planning on starting my next 6 stager pretty soon so the question now is to drop one for this new amazing looking sub--it seems to cover a lot of what's in everything is possible and I want to run LM for a while.
questions to Shannon-is could overcome fear be used as a replacement for end self sabatoge?
and ...Overcome fear and ASC run together---overkill? or amazing?
RE: Rainbow'sNewJournal - Shannon - 09-05-2012
Quote:questions to Shannon-is could overcome fear be used as a replacement for end self sabatoge?
That depends on the issues you want to deal with, and how much they are based in fear... but as far as I can see, self sabotage would either be based in fear, or the subconscious acting on the belief that it must prevent success out of blindly literal interpretation of the instruction set. Given that, it wouldn't always be fear... but I'd be surprised if it wasn't fear a majority of the time.
Quote:Overcome fear and ASC.run together---overkill? or amazing?
This sounds to me like it might produce unrealistic levels of self confidence or enthusiasm... but we won't know until someone tries it.
RE: Rainbow'sNewJournal - K-Train - 09-05-2012
(09-05-2012, 04:26 AM)Shannon Wrote:Quote:questions to Shannon-is could overcome fear be used as a replacement for end self sabatoge?
That depends on the issues you want to deal with, and how much they are based in fear... but as far as I can see, self sabotage would either be based in fear, or the subconscious acting on the belief that it must prevent success out of blindly literal interpretation of the instruction set. Given that, it wouldn't always be fear... but I'd be surprised if it wasn't fear a majority of the time.
Quote:Overcome fear and ASC.run together---overkill? or amazing?
This sounds to me like it might produce unrealistic levels of self confidence or enthusiasm... but we won't know until someone tries it.
1 month of AOS 5G, 1 month of Overcome Fear, and then a dive into Woman Magnet 2.0??? Ahh Rainbow, you gotta take one for the team bro...
RE: Rainbow'sNewJournal - RainbowAbyss - 09-05-2012
@ Shannon-I work well with unrealistic levels of confidence and enthusiasm
so I might have to try that combo, as far as self sabotage goes-for me its always been a fear of lasting success-since so much of my identity in life has been short burst of achieving-the idea of having something and holding onto it has horrified me. Who would I be if I wasn't going for it? what would I do? lol That's being really chipped away at this year. @ K-train- Sounds like a challenge K-train lol I'll take it!! No..I can't drop LM and EIP just yet...also]
did you mean aura of sexiness 4g..or absolute self confidence 5g?
RE: Rainbow'sNewJournal - K-Train - 09-05-2012
LOL, my bad rainbow I meant absolute self confidence 5 g. you know it's ironic that you talk about luck magnifier I have someone who is using it right now and they just told me they won 100 dollars off a scratch off. by the way rainbow , are you still seeing results from sex magnet or have they slowed down? I know sometimes luck magnifier can amplify effects from certain subliminals.
RE: Rainbow'sNewJournal - RainbowAbyss - 09-05-2012
@ the K-train...
results from sex magnet? mmm its hard to say-if by results you mean feel sexually connected with woman every way I go ...then yes...if you mean woman approach me still...the hover like crazy but I am very closed off to random socializing these days...I also get so turned on by woman its insane. and see them as so beautiful..like divinely beautiful these days.. that seems to be amping up from the sex magnet...but its just that I am only really open to appreciating..I'm almost actively holding myself back from anything else..accept this time its about staying in the fire of loving my life without woman or chasing pxxxy. Its getting harder and harder though, especially as I am feeling more and more free and self sufficient. I am in at the end of a important transition period..finalizing exactly where I want to go next and starting to act towards it..but who now's..there is a constant dissonance in my life while I try to move into full finical independence and out of self defeating patterns with myself and in certain friendships and family ties. I wish I felt more open to that kind of thing again, sex magnet stuff,..I don't know I want to put some more energy into it...especially since I feel really self accepting and fulfilled these days there is really nothing to lose.
Actually now that I think of it I definitely notice/feel the effects of sex magnet as the underlying base to my life and how I think, act, and relate with woman. Its like everything is driven towards sex...No wonder I'm all business and no relationships still lol Its not quite as enjoyable in the womanizing sense as being on full blown sex magnet..but I ran alpha two month (stages 3 and 6) and that definitely tuned the whole thing away from a more sexual, social, and ease flow to a more boss, aloof, and gentleman, in the badass sense of course lol, like manner. In general I have that really 'high standard' thing going on, maybe to much. A lot of qualification mindset, perhaps not enough joy de vivre
I feel like I'm kind of in the process of real healing around my ability to have intimacy and that includes being willing to be with very specific kind of people..this healing is merging a sense a wholeness of my self and life with or without woman. In the intermittent time-my player-hood has taken a back seat...but the two shall return together very soon...I can sense it coming lolIn any case I think I am gonna run LM f with EIP and then AOS, your mistake was a great idea, with overcome fear...followed by ASC 5.0 and then Alpha or WM 2.0--- the decision looms like two impossibly perfect entrees of which I cannot decide.
RE: Rainbow'sNewJournal - K-Train - 09-05-2012
Good stuff bro. WM2.0 is definitely something I've looked forward to. As much as I enjoyed the "business" oriented subs like Ultra-Success, ASC, and Maximum Learning I never had the chance to tackle SM or WM. I used AM2011, got great life changing results but I haven't enjoyed a "pleasure" sub like WM or SM. It's always business stuff or school related stuff. Not much pleasure (aside from PSE hehe
). I understand exactly what you feel about the whole independence thing. We're around the same age and I'm sure you've got a lot of close family ties. For guys like us these ties must be relaxed and somwhat broken for us to grow but it's hard because those ties represent consistency in our lives as well as safety. I think your decision boils down to answering this question: "What do you NEED most in the next 6 months?"
RE: Rainbow'sNewJournal - RainbowAbyss - 09-06-2012
Journal--k-trains suggestion got me thinking about lm enhancing SM so I decided to go out to have some fun and give it a test whirl. My quick LM boost formula-20 minutes visualizing what I want-feel good about it-know LM will make it happen-let it go and forget about it-no matter what happens stay carefree
I set my intention in the general sexual direction and went out to this hotel rooftop party-..long story short I went home with two quite attractive girls...we picked up some beer and ended up drinking in my studio...it seemed like an inevitable threesome but what ended up happening was they each made moves on me whenever the other went to into another room...and they were clearly best friends who got along like a house on fire...it was really funny actually..anyway one of them was gradually winning me over and the other basically starting manufacturing drama...started thinking she might be pregnant from the guy she used to date or something...me and the other girl were just ripping on her about it but when she wouldn't shut up about it I kicked her out and said she could only come back if she bought a pregnancy test. When she left I had sex with the other girl. She came back a half hour later (I sent her to an inconveniently far pharmacy lol). When she came back we all cheered while she took the test and it was of course negative, since while she might have believed it herself it was obviously manufactured drama...The funniest part is after she found out she was not pregnant and the other girl, who I already had been with at this point, went to the bathroom, this girl straddles and starts grinding me and says it made her really horny to find out she's not pregnant. She was really hot as well and wearing a skirt so it took quite a lot of self control but I was not going to try to start something with her after I had been with the other girl. I kind of liked the idea of having been with both of them and each one thinking I was only with them but somehow it just seemed unethical, only if it was both at once. I was trying to find a good way to move it towards a menage a trois but they were definitely to close as friends..it could have gotten weird. Ridiculous but gotta love it lol.Anyway the whole thing was really fun and it was nice to get a shot of the wild side back. especially since this time I could have cared less about the whole thing so I felt really free to just enjoy it for what it was.
@K-Train That's is a great question to ask..and a really good way of looking at it. I think Alpha would certainly address what I need more but honestly the times of dipped into WM it made me more productive in all areas of my life-as much if not more so than Alpha, and I only grazed stage 1 and the new WM has EIP and gratitude hardwired into it. I'm gonna do some contemplating and journal about it later.
I think we might share some similarities with our family situation..although I think I'm older than you if your still in school..I'm 24...My family ties don't represent safety---I feel safer in free fall
...they represent a sense of familiarity that has kept me from feeling alienated in the past and now my ability to stay in the city and life I know-as I make more than enough to thrive living in a room I built from my dad's old studio-which my mom owns-but not enough to pay rent in any half decent place to live in NYC. With LM my income has been increasing quite fast so maybe soon I can find an equally dope place to live... I love my family and used to think there nuts and I was the only sane one, at least the only one who developed into someone sane,-now I see the depth of depravity quite ripe for personal and spiritual development lol. I like to see my life from both a helmsman and passenger perspective at times, I'm here to flourish in/ expand, and enjoy life as much as possible, and carry out whatever unique gifts I can contribute and co-create with the world and others, and achieve all my authentic desires, without the bs of should's and should not's, excluding harming others of course....to fully being living this way I see more and more that there are real lessons to be learned, embodied, and lived, new paradigms and energy to move into by working through whatever resonances I still have that keep me tied with the 'negative relationships' in my life. That may sound a little woo woo but I assure you the shifts and effects in my subjective experience and ability to achieve purpose, that come from reclaiming my power from this stuck spots is quite concrete. Also my changes have consistently seemed to change everyone else in the family for the better, its like there is some sort of connected effect that amplifies for the better the more differentiated I become. Sure they fall into their own re-activity and conditioning but the less I do, the more prone they are to snapping out of it,, in relationship to me AND surprisingly in their own business as well apparently. It seems there really is something to being the change you want to see in the world, even if it starts as small as not fighting with siblings lol.
RE: Rainbow'sNewJournal - Spiral - 09-06-2012
Again LM looks so awesome. Rainbow, I've had some interesting experiences as well as far as setting intension and just sort of placing my order with the universe. I tried it with a certain sexual act but I thought about it a little too much instead of forgetting about it. HOWEVER, last week on Monday I was like hmm.. that would be cool to get a cup of coffee brought to me tomorrow morning. Lo and behold my new boss came by my office with the coffee pot and asked if I wanted a cup of coffee! I've realized when you start getting used to you, being in tune with yourself and being absolutely clear in that moment of what you want without any doubtful thoughts things will happen from those thoughts of true intent. One day I will be at the point your at and I believe it's not too far away. I've got to get clear on a few other things first but life is starting to feel like an incredible festival
RE: Rainbow'sNewJournal - RainbowAbyss - 09-06-2012
love your post spiral. Life is a festival indeeed!
That's awesome with the coffe lol--I'm imagining a don draper like guy pouring you a cup lol. I really believe one of the big reasons this stuff starting happening to me-its because I took nothing for granted. Even at my darkest moments-when I felt things were pretty hopeless-not even with woman..I mean with getting kicked out of my house and almost being homeless and getting put in a pysch ward for several days, after sharing my intuitions about certain things which seemed to far fetched for my family..and it turned out my intuition was right lol I just didn't know the deep water I was swimming in. Anyway I always kept faith. No matter how I feel, exhausted or like crap, there is always a part of me that knows its ok, everything will work out for the best, and anything amazing could and probably will happen if I just put my right foot in front of the left or vice versa...not even-just showing up is 99% getting there...especially with subs. Emotions follow motion--attention and action bring motion-intention dictates the flow of attention and action...and intention comes from getting in touch with what actually matters to you..each time this cycle is complete it paves the way for easier access to all those feelings that help naturally live the way you want to. That's how I see it at least.The necessary change will happen, to much positive change is just as stressful as to much negativity ..so I've heard...I think your attitude hits the nail on the head-evolve because that's what life is about and what your drawn to do so-not because you 'should'...the easier I am on myself-the quicker everything I want becomes something I have..infinite patience is the same as instantaneous results.
Also Spiral...I know Brent says this and I don't mean to be to much of a copy cat..but its so true...you really are always one interaction away from changing the rest of your life...once something crazy is your reality..then its your...reality. I struggled for four years trying to make whats my reality now my reality back then..nothing changed..except that success leads to more success..its all about reference experiences...and I really want you to understand that you manifesting your boss bringing you that cup of coffe is NO different...not one drop...than you manifesting a threesome with two dream girsl lol. Its just easier for you to believe right now...
RE: Rainbow'sNewJournal - Spiral - 09-07-2012
Thanks Rainbow, as my reality continues to change I will understand more. I am still in love with Brent's videos. There's another guy I've been watching alot of, too. The African American guy in his twenties.. i sent you some of his videos, I think.
RE: Rainbow'sNewJournal - RainbowAbyss - 09-07-2012
can you send that one again, I think I missed it. I liked the other video you sent me with the bald guy alot though..thanks