Greenduck's LTU5 journal

[Greenduck]

I saw some glimpses of attraction of girls but it’s like it’s still out of my reach. I think that g/s/f is coming in the way of it.

I remember getting glimpses from women myself on LTU--and me too--my mind was not focused on picking up random women. I thought it was just me, but I found that LTU focused on doing what was best for me. Putting on fronts was me not being me.

I'll add something which did hit me strongly my first month or so on LTU. While doing a delivery to a upscale retirement neighborhood, a woman in her 60's came out requesting something I could not give, and my face showed my feelings of concern for her. She had the sweetest (meaning non-manipulative) look on her face, and I found it attractive.

What hit me in that moment was I truly wished to be known intimately by a woman. I wished to be known as I am, and for us be real and honest with each other, warts and all.

While on LTU, I never had the primal urges I've had on DMSI. My heart was way more active, and that's how I want to be.

I think I get what you are saying. I feel like I want to create real bonds with people, meet them so to speak, bond with them, and at the same time find the “real me” in terms of my sexual attraction to others but also my real potential in the workplace. I’m going for authenticity in multiple areas, that’s the way I can describe it i think.

[findingme]

I think I get what you are saying. I feel like I want to create real bonds with people, meet them so to speak, bond with them, and at the same time find the “real me” in terms of my sexual attraction to others but also my real potential in the workplace. I’m going for authenticity in multiple areas, that’s the way I can describe it i think.

I relate to this goal. I may go back on LTU in the future due to all it covers. Authenticity is something I absolutely crave.

[Greenduck]

I'm curious about one thing. My dad and other people have told me that when I get angry, my eyes turns black. Whats your take on that? And why isn't that happening to everyone but just some people?

[Greenduck]

My ban is now over - I'm in a new place from where I was 3 months ago, so I can see that the way I was stubborn over stuff and tried to prove that I was right, which was breaking the rules was really just not necessary. I have a much easier time to let go of stuff and just live my life, which is really a freeing feeling, not getting sucked into my own way of perceiving stuff all the time. I will continue using LTU5 until the 12-months mark in march, a possibly switch to LTU6 depending on when it's released and how my financial situation looks like at that time.

[Greenduck]

Hi there, I'm back from my ban, which now in hind-sight was understandable. I have done progress during this time, and feel better, but right now I have some sort of a low point. I arranged a new years party with some friends which was a success and I met a girl there who I went home with. She was really cute and I though we had something. I came by her some day after and dropped off some things she forgot at the party, we hanged out and just talked and it was nice. We chatted some and I felt we had a nice dynamic going, and talked about seeing each other again. But then I had a bad day of anxiety and I think some neediness showed through in my communication to her, and suddenly she just say she is busy when I suggested a day to hang out - so I just responded "ok then".

This sucks, I liked this girl and was hoping to hang out some more with her. Well, nothing to be done right now, so I'll crossing my fingers that she will maybe see the good things and give us another chance.

I at the same time feel like I got a bit to much affection towards her, and remember telling myself during the party when I made the decision to go home with her "is this really a good idea" - well right now it doesn't look like it, as it's just was one nice night and now a couple of days of anxiety after it, critisising myself and so forth and feeling my self-esteem going down the drain. I'll try bounce back from this, but she keeps popping into my head and I just want to text her, but I at the same time know that is the last thing I should do right now to have any chance of meeting her again.

Just wanted to ventilate about it.

This morning I felt stronger anxiety than I have felt in a long time, I went for a walk and had some kind of emotional release where I breathed deeply and felt relaxation reaching my body, so maybe I'm going through some extra healing right now making things a bit more intense. Also tomorrow is first day back to work after the christmas holidays so that may add into the equation of me feeling like I do right now.

[Greenduck]

Back at work. Things go more smoothly then they did before christmas. I feel more creative, less tensed up by myself and more able to think freely and competently about stuff.

Still having that girl that put me off into my mind, damn that was really a shame, or it feels like that, maybe it was for the greater good in the end. I however realized two things: first that I'm able to feel affection towards someone, it was really a long time that I felt the way I felt towards this girl, so that's encouraging, maybe it's the love-module in LTU helping with this. Also, I feel that I want someone in my life, or at least be dating someone. It's not just in a sexual manner och someone to be intimate with, but I feel that it would be rewarding to have someone to confide in.

[Yous]

Back at work. Things go more smoothly then they did before christmas. I feel more creative, less tensed up by myself and more able to think freely and competently about stuff.

Still having that girl that put me off into my mind, damn that was really a shame, or it feels like that, maybe it was for the greater good in the end. I however realized two things: first that I'm able to feel affection towards someone, it was really a long time that I felt the way I felt towards this girl, so that's encouraging, maybe it's the love-module in LTU helping with this. Also, I feel that I want someone in my life, or at least be dating someone. It's not just in a sexual manner och someone to be intimate with, but I feel that it would be rewarding to have someone to confide in.

Welcome back. More shame would be if you didn't do anything about what you wanted to do. You have to be proud. You can go forward for you what you want even if you can fail, instead of the fear. That its what will stand for the future. The rest will disappear. Try to keep with you the positive of each situation and give it more importance than to the negative. I try it too, maybe not always i can...

[Greenduck]

Back at work. Things go more smoothly then they did before christmas. I feel more creative, less tensed up by myself and more able to think freely and competently about stuff.

Still having that girl that put me off into my mind, damn that was really a shame, or it feels like that, maybe it was for the greater good in the end. I however realized two things: first that I'm able to feel affection towards someone, it was really a long time that I felt the way I felt towards this girl, so that's encouraging, maybe it's the love-module in LTU helping with this. Also, I feel that I want someone in my life, or at least be dating someone. It's not just in a sexual manner och someone to be intimate with, but I feel that it would be rewarding to have someone to confide in.

Welcome back. More shame would be if you didn't do anything about what you wanted to do. You have to be proud. You can go forward for you what you want even if you can fail, instead of the fear. That its what will stand for the future. The rest will disappear. Try to keep with you the positive of each situation and give it more importance than to the negative. I try it too, maybe not always i can...

Hi Yous, yes thank you, that is the right way of looking at it. Building positive momentum!

[Greenduck]

I’ve come to the realization that my mother take advantage of my good intentions (which in turn have been based on guilt). The time for that is starting to come to an end, where I don’t listen to the intention that I’m
Obligated to do anything for her, as I now know that she only take advantage of me when I please her.

[Greenduck]

I read some about prince harry and Meghan in the UK and my thoughts after reading that Meghan “had saved him from his toxic family” lead me to thinking that maybe it is she who is toxic and have manipulated him to follow her. Wouldn’t be surprised if something bad happens between them in the future. Also there’s that she messed up her own family before, so maybe she is just problematic herself and project her inner suffering on other people. Give me the creeps.

[Shannon]

I do not have the energy to discourse with you about the effects feminism has had on the united states, and if I did I wouldn't have the time.  If you want to see how things really, are, you can do an in-depth study of feminist action and thinking from 1st through 4th waves in the United States, and then do an in-depth study of the masculine point of view, both for and against feminism in this country.  

There's a lot of resources available for you to do it.  And to know what you're looking at, all you have to remember is what the definition of "equality" actually is.  If a man can do it, then a woman can do it with the same results, if they are equal; and the same is true in reverse.  If the same result does not happen, then either they are not equal on that point, or there is a situation where one sex is trying to "have their cake and eat it too".  

But this gets into politics, and that is not what we discuss here, so we will end this here.

[Greenduck]

I do not have the energy to discourse with you about the effects feminism has had on the united states, and if I did I wouldn't have the time.  If you want to see how things really, are, you can do an in-depth study of feminist action and thinking from 1st through 4th waves in the United States, and then do an in-depth study of the masculine point of view, both for and against feminism in this country.  

There's a lot of resources available for you to do it.  And to know what you're looking at, all you have to remember is what the definition of "equality" actually is.  If a man can do it, then a woman can do it with the same results, if they are equal; and the same is true in reverse.  If the same result does not happen, then either they are not equal on that point, or there is a situation where one sex is trying to "have their cake and eat it too".  

But this gets into politics, and that is not what we discuss here, so we will end this here.

Thanks for sparing some energy to post this. Hope you get better soon. This goes in line with what Jordan Peterson talks about in Regard to equality of opportunity.

[lano1106]

Google for manosphere blogs... Excellent papers exist that highlights problems with men/women inbalance that feminism did bring.

2 authors that I like very much are Roosh V and Rolo Tomassi...

Reading texts from any of them should open up your eyes to what is presently broken in western societies.

[Greenduck]

Google for manosphere blogs... Excellent papers exist that highlights problems with men/women inbalance that feminism did bring.

2 authors that I like very much are Roosh V and Rolo Tomassi...

Reading texts from any of them should open up your eyes to what is presently broken in western societies.

I read some posts by the authors you recommended, and after a while I got to the point of recognizing an approach that I’ve seen some people take. It’s the “eye for an eye” way of living. Example:

“You don’t have to hate women and you don’t have to abuse them. You don’t have to commit any crimes against them. But you must believe that you are superior and deserve more than them. With the addition of game practice, you will then be sexually rewarded for those beliefs.”

If you take a step back, I don’t think this is beneficial. What women really want is someone who can see through the persona that they go around with, someone who don’t get dragged into arguments that are not valid. Someone with calmness who is a steady point. That is who we are, men, and the reason for things being as they are is that this calmness have been lost. Call it love if you want. It may sound ulopian but that is what I actually believe is the reason behind things being as they are. Masculinity isn’t about fighting with girls at their own game, but finding that stable point inside that make you not need to fight and make you able to calm a stormy see around you. That is what being a man is about. Supporting others emotionally, being a steady point for yourself and others.