My first journal - DMSI 3.3.1 D

[Sal]

Day 14-17

A rollercoaster of emotions. Feel a little better then before. Head feels heavy at times. Feel more confident but not to the level i want to be at.
Getting a lot more hellos and nods both from guys and girls. Watching YouTube videos on alpha male traits and how to treat girls. Im not in a state of abundance. I have to let this girl go, but I am still holding on, even though she has cut all communication I still feel I need to hold to hope.

Day 18-20

Rest days are still tiresome. I generally feel jaded. Very forgetful and absent minded. I dont think this is DMSI, i think its me constantly thinking about this girl. I know i have to let her go, but something wont let me let her go
I also feel taller and walking with more swagger. I am standing taller I think I have the potential to be a lot taller. Maybe my growth was stunted due to some factors.

I feel a lot of potential was stunted when I was younger, maybe the way I was brought up, maybe growing up in a nad environment. DMSI should unlock some of my potential.

Going to start the third cycle tonight.

[Voytek]

I've got more vulnerable doing DMSI, to the point I opened my heart to one girl entirely (honesty and kindness she got from me for nothing) and even though I could control it, it made her disrespect me and now I'm at the point of letting her go. I suppose, women just have to be treated as you didn't really care about them and maybe it's advisable to ill-treat them from time to time.

[Sal]

Yes. From the YouTube videos i have been watching i need to be on a purpose, do my own thing and make girls my lowest priority. Than they flock around me, when I have no time for them.

I nearly burnt down my house last night, left something on the cooker and just went to bed, luckly the smoke alarms woke me up. My absent mindedness is getting dangerous now, its not the girls fault but my own for being so weak. She doesn't care she goes on her purpose and  so should I. Just need to find a purpose now.

[Sal]

When i am usually away on business I put on a few pounds, since listening to DMSI, i lost a few pounds.

I had an appointment and the optometrist and decided to walk to town, I don't usually feel too comfortable, but I did this time to test what DMSI had done. There were a couple of hot girls there so I tried the sniping, to test it. So they were blushing and very submissive, one showed me her wrist as she pulled her hair back. Than she came over to my side and bent over to get something. It could mean something it could be just a normal thing. But these are all positives signs that something is working. I need to venture out some more and be a lot more social to test the effects DMSI.

I switched from the hybrid to the mask and don't feel like i have been in by a truck. I will try masked for a couple of cycles and than back to hybrid.

i forgot to mention some background of me. I am 40 and not much experience with girls. i haven't masturbated to porn since September, but watch the occasional soft porn for when i am doing penis exercising. I do not feel the need to watch hard core porn anymore, even since before starting DMSI.

My feelings for this girl are slowing fading, but I still feel the need to hold on. As someone said that this is a storm just passing, just ride out and the sun will shine soon. I feel DMSI is helping me with my self esteem and self love. But I still have a lot of work to to internally. Was going to do LTU next but will have to save a little more to get it.

Today I backed up all of conversations and pics etc and put them away in the archives for storage and deleted it all from the devices that I have daily access to.

I am reading some of the journals on here and some of the fun stories that are being mentioned regarding DMSI, SM, AM6, etc... I hope to share some of my stories on here soon.

[Sal]

Starting the 3 day break today. Feeling very numb and fatigued a lot of the time. Very little concentration. Still absent minded at times. I hope I come out the other end feeling better. Still get occasionally emotional and teary eyed. 

The girl is still on my mind a whole lot, which is not helping. Wish I could erase her from my mind like how it is done in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind . 

Nothing major to report on the goals of DMSI. Maybe I have not being paying enough attention as mind is all over the place.

[Sal]

Still feeling jaded and foggy. My mind is still all over the place. Still getting over the girl. She unblocks me on Whats app and than blocks me again. She has now unblocked me and its been a couple of days as she has not blocked me. I am not going to message her. She is thinking about me.
Regarding some of the goals of DMSI, I get girls at work trying to get my attention, but I am in my own away and not executing. When I do smile, they smile really big. I wonder if my mind being on this girl is getting in my way?
I am on day 35 still got a way to go yet.

[Sal]

Just over the half way point now and im feeling generally ok. Still very tired more tired than usual. I joined the work cricket team, have not been social for years. I feel more comfortable in new environments, but still getting use to it. And people's insults and digs do not phase me anymore. The girl I really have something for has blocked me again on whatsapp after i updated my status. I didnt hardly feel anything, not like the 1st time she did. I am feeling better about her and I should not let something like that have an affect on me. My frame of mind is very low status. But hopefully with DMSI and other subs and self improvement I will increase my frame of mind to a higher state.
I also noticed after reading another journal that I am also keeping the house cleaner. Instead of waiting days to do something I do it almost immediately.
At work my balls are growing bigger as well as i question people without the fear of what they think but still working on it.
Girl at the tattoo place did turn around on her chair and flashed her panties at mw. I did notice this on AOS. Girls on the train just staring at me and I would almost all the time have girls sitting next to me or opposite me on the train.
After DMSI the plan was to run AM but debating between AM LTU and DMSI. Lets see how the next 45 days go.
Thinking of changing up to 10 days straight and 3 days off, really break my subconscious. I want to do things with girls, but I almost always bail out. I want to have so much fun, but never do. Just still scared and fearful.

[Sal]

So my emotions are back. And i cry just randomly. I remember when i was younger i always thought i wasnt good enough. I remember thinking that she would be better off with someone else. I dont know why I thought like that at such a young age. So instead of taking a 3 day break i will try 2 days and continue with 7 days. LTU looks really good. Maybe I need that.

[Benjamin]

Sounds like part of some healing going on. Especially if those thoughts and memories are coming up all of a sudden. Usually when it's being worked on it becomes more obvious to you and can be kind of 'sensetive' for a bit.

Those thoughts, especially at a young age aren't logical. It likely would be something from your childhood that you developed those beliefs.

[Sal]

Ive never had proper relationship. I always backed off when girls would talk to me, when i was younger. I would get jealous of my friends when they would get the girl
I always wanted it but never thought I was good looking enough, or rich enough or whatever it is i lacked. I guess i am really insecure about my self and i cannot execute. I really dont know why i was like that when i was younger. The only thing that i can think of is movies i watched. Didn't have anyone to guide me on how to handle girls and people in General.

[Sal]

So for the next 4 cycles i will try 8 days on 2 days off. Not sure if i need more time on the sub or less. After this 90 days are up, Im still yet to decided to continue with this or move onto AM6 or LTU5. Leaning towards LTU5. Is it a 35 day break between DMSI aand LTU and AM6?

[Benjamin]

Yes after any recent 5.5g program now is 35 days.

[Sal]

Any advice? Between LTU5, AM6 and DMSI.

[Benjamin]

That's difficult to say without knowing what you're looking for.