whome's LTU5 journal

[whome]

Day 15

Still waking super tired, but emotionally doing ok. The plan was to start the loops at 11pm so they'd finish by 6am before the random sounds woke me, and that worked. I'm still not sure if the poor sleep is due to the loops, or to sleeping without earplugs and having random sounds happen. So I ordered a 10-foot headphone cable that should arrive tonight. That way I can use my Kokoon headphones non-wirelessly. I'll do a calibration with the masked track to see what level to set, and then try the ultrasonic with the headphones overnight. That'll keep the random sounds out, and we'll see if that helps.

I don't remember any of the dreams before waking early while the LTU loops were playing. Once I went back to sleep, there was one about my brother kidnapping me, but in a good-intentioned way, and then I was yelling at him at how that was bad.

My emotions are still holding up pretty well, so that's good. It's been about a week since they clicked into place. Yay!

[whome]

Day 16

Last night I started the loops with the Kokoon headphones. I calibrated with the masked version of the sub, then fell asleep at 10:30pm with the ultrasonic loops running.

At midnight I woke up; my ears were sweating as my apartment was 77°F (25°C). Trying to find coolness, I shifted for a while, but then the radiator popping was back in the wall and was loud, so I gave up. I paused the loops, put in foam earplugs, turned on a fan, turned my phone which was playing the loops up to 16/16, and went back to sleep. I stayed asleep for the rest of the night. I don't remember dreams.

How audible were the loops with the earplugs? No idea. I can find no useful data about attenuation with foam earplugs in the 17kHz range.

This is why I was talking earlier about loops. If there's popping in the wall due to the heat that keeps me awake, and if I need earplugs to sleep, then I need to figure out a different listening situation besides ultrasonic overnight.

[Edit: Just found https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/isola...-ears--2#/ which has a chart that includes foam earplugs showing that foam earplugs block out a ton of sound in the 17kHz range meaning that judging from the audible frequencies doesn't help when evaluating volume settings with earplugs.]

[whome]

Based on that chart, I'm assuming that I haven't gotten the loops in. My cuddler pointed out that if it's ultrasonic I can just play it on my phone at work, and so I'm doing that. I had decided not to play subs out loud at work back when I was doing DMSI, which wouldn't be good to expose others to, but for something like LTU, I'm OK if others get second-hand exposure.

[whome]

Finishing 5 hours of loops at work actually works really well. I got in, hit "play", and just made sure to bring my phone with me everywhere. Tomorrow is the first of the off-days, but I'm definitely going to play it at work when I go back on, rather than doing it overnight.

Last night, with my terrible sleep, I woke not so good emotionally, although it wasn't as bad as it can sometimes get. As I listened to the LTU it seemed like things settled down and I was feeling better. I'm curious now to be awake and listening to it, to see if I can notice things change.

[whome]

Day 17

An off-day. Didn't sleep well, but for reasons beyond the sub.

I'm still feeling in this particular space where I'm full and expressive, and capable of pushing into a space of happiness and power, and yet being in this space seems to open me to the sadness creeping up. I did a session with my energy healer about the sadness, and it's a lot quieter now.

I've been in this space more than a week now, and I'm hopeful that it will continue. I really did feel like the loops yesterday were unwinding me, so I'm curious how it'll turn out on Friday.

[whome]

Given the push to be relevant with the posts, is me posting themes and what I remember from my dreams relevant? I've seen dreams talked about before, which is why I mention them, but if they're not helpful to anyone I'll not bother doing so.

[Benjamin]

That's fine, Shannon in his recent post has talked about what we're meaning with the people who have been banned and what the issue is.

Dreams are relevent, the subliminals actually use dreams to process the changes.

[whome]

Day 18

The second day off.

Thank you, Benjamin, for the clarification.

In order to remember something of my dreams, I have to sleep at least a certain level of "ok", or else I wake too tired and loopy to recall anything. This morning wasn't one of those mornings, alas.

I'm still in that space of being able to be intense and to feel, so yay! that's holding on. Otherwise, though, I don't have much to say.

[whome]

Day 19

Back on. It's pretty clear that overnight isn't going to work for the sub, so from now on I'm going to play it during the day. It's 9 am and I just hit play; the 5 loops will be done by 4 pm.

I live in an apartment with radiators, and so far this winter has been just right so that the radiator in my living room has a popping sound, which allowed me to sleep for a while with no earplugs. That was the case for the previous few weeks on LTU. But now there's a lot of popping in the wall, which is loud and keeps me awake if I'm not wearing hearing protection.

Last night I tried the Kokoon earphones again, and again I had to take them off because of the heat, so I switched to earplugs. With those, though, I find that I sleep too deeply for dreams and wake exhausted, so no dreams to report.

One of the things that I see as "wrong with me" is that I have sleep issues, where I either sleep super deeply and wake exhausted, or sleep lightly and restlessly. In either case, if I have dreams they're always bordering on nightmares. Maaaaaybe LTU can help?

[whome]

Day 20

Sleeping just OK. Emotions all over the place.

I think I found a new word for something. This last week I was feeling freaked out in work, and I realized that the word was "overwhelm". I felt overwhelmed with the work I have to do, and I realized that that particular feeling was familiar. I remembered feeling it when I was doing the PUA stuff and pushing myself to talk to people. I remember it from other places.

It's a particular physical sensation, of something coming down on me from high. I talked to my energy healer, and we spent our session today in releasing it. I feel it a lot less, and I hope that helps with work.

[whome]

Day 22

Yesterday, the plan was to listen overnight because the day was packed, but the popping in the wall forced me to put in earplugs. So I stopped the playback to resume it later, but when I woke up the phone had lost the playback position. Sigh. I estimated the time, and resumed it, but again paused it and again lost the position and had to resume it. I did eventually get in roughly the five loops (I always backed things up a bit before for some overlap), but the new rule for myself is that if I have to stop playback, to take a screenshot so I know where I was.

I met up with a girl on a tea date. I don't drink and don't enjoy noisy spots, so I had a good time. She lives off in Forest Hills and I live in NYC proper, and we met in Greenpoint. (That was about an hour trip for each of us; Forest Hills is quite far-flung.) She occasionally comes into the city, and so we might meet again if she does.

I don't know how to say how this felt. I was attracted to her, but I don't know if I was giving off a sexual vibe. I'm super open when talking to people, but the downside of that seems to be that women tend to fall into advice-giving mode, which isn't what I want. That was kinda the reason I went with DMSI earlier, to be able to project a stronger "sexy" vibe. This is definitely the area in which I struggle the most.

Then, last night, there wasn't popping in the wall, so I went with listening to the loops overnight. I woke suuuuper exhausted, as usual when I listen overnight. The only bits of my dream that I remember is that some RSU stock cashing from work yielded 5x the amount it usually does, and that in my dream I explicitly was putting on a subliminal to listen to. (I don't recall if it was LTU or DMSI.)

[whome]

Day 25

I'm still on schedule, listening. I'm not posting as much because it doesn't feel like there's anything to post. I'm still having dreams that are unsettling (hunting/being hunted), and haven't noticed anything in my real life that corresponds to the LTU programs.

shrug

[Benjamin]

I don't know what to make of it exactly, but a common theme in my dreams when listening to subliminals is running away or trying to escape something or survive.

I remember on the early AMs that we were all talking about zombie dreams.

I wonder if it signified part of me wanting to 'escape' this new programming or something. Hmm. I've never realized that until now.

[whome]

a common theme in my dreams when listening to subliminals is running away

I have always dreamed of being hunted down or running away. It is not caused by listening to subs.

As far back as I can remember, my dreams have been full of watching my family die, of fleeing for my life, of having to pack up and run. When I was young my dreams were all terrifying, all the time. My dreams eventually faded to a level of being just bad.

Two weeks ago, I called out having a dream in which I kissed a girl because it was so unusual. It had been many months, if not years, since I'd had a dream in which I had a positive interaction with a girl.

It would be nice if the subs made my dreams better. At least they're not making it worse.