Darwin’s Journal

[Darwinn]

Back to feeling super tired and out of it. Think it's just a matter of needing more sleep and exercise. Still feel no self directed anger.

[Darwinn]

Possibly my last post on this. The impacts of LTU aren't astounding. At least you don't wake up to chicks trying to jump your bones, to people all of a sudden bowing to you or piles of cash appearing under your bed.

But if you have my experience, then you will find yourself at some point finding it difficult to remember why you were previously ever down, depressed, anxious or whatever before. You'll find that relationships and activities are more fun, more enlivening etc. And often social problems or problems which used to bug you/make you doubt yourself no longer do so. They might still be there, but the accompanying self chastisement and dark mental chatter will be gone and there will be space to work on it.

Similarly inescapable valleys in terms of circumstance, people behaving like shit and so on, don't unnecessarily snowball into excessive periods of self created unhappiness - If someone shits on your doorstep you don't add to add to its stinking up your life by getting down on your knees and deeply inhaling it's stink, then cry about the injustice, pull your pants down and add to it...which I see people and have seen myself doing. you have the freedom to sweep it off your doorstep, and out of your life, possibly even spraying a little air freshner.

I'm guessing and hoping that this trajectory continues over this few months (up to a year if I decide to go that way). There isn't likely to be ground breaking stuff above what I've mentioned before, so I'll refrain from posting much if anything now as there's only so much I can update to say 'wow my life has just got better and I'm happier and happier'.

So Shannon, thanks. This sub is the business, and just sticking with it for a good period of time now has radically, although creepingly and almost without notice, shifted my life into a whole new place.

[ffaux]

Don't be afraid of sharing your positivity! Putting positive out in the universe affects everyone who comes across it. I enjoy reading your posts. Thanks for sharing!

[Darwinn]

Thanks man. Just seems what I have to say isn't really fitting for this forum for now. Just due to the fact that everyone is on DMSI and therefore have different goals to me. But if it helps will continue to post here and there.

On that note I just finished an email to someone in my commpant and realise that I'm actually engaging as normal with people and senior people in my company who used to horribly intimidate me. Now I'm going out of my way to talk to them, even able to joke with them.

Having constant dreams about fears and being shamed so OGSF is kicking in big time. Dream of people laughing at me, coming up short when I'm asked to do something, embarrassing myself, as well as being under immense pressure for exams/life or death situations.

[cataleya]

Noooo I like reading journals about LTU, don`t leave us here drowning in DMSI journals

[Darwinn]

Haha , yeah I'm not with the vibe of the forum, everyone is on a get laid or die trying mission where as I'm like, solid fun and fulfilling long term relationship, building a career and financial security while figuring out how I wanna contribute to the world and ascend to deeper levels of understanding of reality.

[Zane]

Yeah with all of the DMSI... I get lost.. I keep searching for post title which doesn't include "DMSI" and if I find one.. Its a Jackpot for me.. Its my kinda drug... I also have a journal here.. I wonder if anyone reads mine but still I make one so that in future I can look back and see how far I have come... You know what.. I am gonna like all your post To show that I read ur journal and also I love ur dp..fox one.

[Zane]

All done...

[Darwinn]

Thanks man very much appreciate it.

I actually thought I wouldn't have much to share going forward since the insights I was getting were pretty repetitive. But something just hit me pretty square in the face.

I've been having a lot of dreams about death and situations where I'm being shamed in my dreams which I guess is down to dealing with shame and the fear of death. Someone recommended a book about death to me and so I started learning about it and realised I was deeply terrified, I have an unconscious belief that I'm not going to die ever and do everything I can to avoid the fact of death.

Thoughts are just occurring to me as I engage with this now - first I think this is the core fear that underlies all my fears, and the only way to overcome it is to practice surrendering to this fear and to accept it. What's more in everything I do, to acknowledge that resistance comes from this fear, and rather than trying to achieve something physical in the world, my aim is to use the activity of ggoing for things and living to expose and untie all of the unconscious knots which have been tied up by this fear and gravitate towards a life which is spontaneous and in flow.

All other fears, insecurities, goals and dreams, all seem to pale and are petty in the face of the fear of death and realisation that we're mortal.

[cataleya]

Yeah with all of the DMSI... I get lost.. I keep searching for post title which doesn't include "DMSI" and if I find one.. Its a Jackpot for me.. Its my kinda drug... I also have a journal here.. I wonder if anyone reads mine but still I make one so that in future I can look back and see how far I have come... You know what.. I am gonna like all your post To show that I read ur journal and also I love ur dp..fox one.

I read your journal

[chaosvrgn]

Noooo I like reading journals about LTU, don`t leave us here drowning in DMSI journals

You could always, you know, not read the DMSI journals. OR, actually buy the subs you want to experience and create your own journal.

Or, I guess you could keep being a value leech and keep making passive aggressive and mildly condescending comments against people running DMSI (as this is the third time I've seen this).

[Darwinn]

Noooo I like reading journals about LTU, don`t leave us here drowning in DMSI journals

You could always, you know, not read the DMSI journals. OR, actually buy the subs you want to experience and create your own journal.

Or, I guess you could keep being a value leech and keep making passive aggressive and mildly condescending comments against people running DMSI (as this is the third time I've seen this).

Defensive much ? No ones being condescending bud.

[chaosvrgn]

Noooo I like reading journals about LTU, don`t leave us here drowning in DMSI journals

You could always, you know, not read the DMSI journals. OR, actually buy the subs you want to experience and create your own journal.

Or, I guess you could keep being a value leech and keep making passive aggressive and mildly condescending comments against people running DMSI (as this is the third time I've seen this).

Defensive much ? No ones being condescending bud.

This particular individual has posted that same sentiment -- that she's tired of the number of DMSI journals on the MEN'S forum -- no less than three times now.

As I stated, the solution is simple. Don't read 'em.

So yeah, you're damn right I'm "defensive." Passive acceptance of wrongdoing is not a virtue (yes, even if you're dealing with a woman, white-knight).

[Darwinn]

Dude - you're reading a lot out of very little, and if this classes as wrong doing to you, perhaps you ought to get some perspective.

Stop being butt hurt over trivial sentiments and focus on your own goals.