SM Stage 1 Day 26
Had a vivid dream last night. It seemed like I went back in time to meet the kids that had bullied me at school. In the dream I was laughing and joking with them yet being very assertive. I told them that life is to short to hold grudges and we should just be friends. They all agreed. I woke up this morning feel rather perplexed and confused. Perhaps SM was clearing out the emotional baggage that I had been holding onto for decades going back to when I was at school.
(08-15-2018, 05:58 AM)Frosted Wrote: [ -> ]I had similar dreams on SM3. It felt like I was healing from social trauma.
Frosted I am really keen to read your journals on SM. Were these dreams on stage 1 or did they continue right throughout each stage ?
(08-15-2018, 09:12 AM)Frosted Wrote: [ -> ]I think it was like stage 2/3ish. I think it was just during that time, but I'd have to go back and check. I also seemed to mature more looking back on my SM3 video journal. It was when I started making the transition from fake alpha to being myself. I'm actually flattered that you want to read my journal cause I have a negative image of how people view me on this forum, due mostly in part to my own behavior.
Anyways, that just gave me an idea. I'm going to go look at my journal too. I could also show you some videos of myself, although I'd have to cherry pick them as I say some really personal shit in most of them. SM seems to dig deep despite how superficial of a program it might look. SM caused the most upheavel in my life from any program I've ran before so far. If you recall that was the time I thought I was transgender and reaching "enlightenment" and a bunch of other delusions. Basically ever since that point my life has been constant upheaval and ups and downs.
I'm also scared to look lol. I might have to have Ben dig it up from the graveyard cause I had told him to take all my old journals and put them in the thread graveyard.
If you can have them dug up from the grave I would love to read them. The SM journals are far and few on the forum which is a real shame.
(08-15-2018, 09:31 AM)thor2014 Wrote: [ -> ] (08-15-2018, 09:12 AM)Frosted Wrote: [ -> ]I think it was like stage 2/3ish. I think it was just during that time, but I'd have to go back and check. I also seemed to mature more looking back on my SM3 video journal. It was when I started making the transition from fake alpha to being myself. I'm actually flattered that you want to read my journal cause I have a negative image of how people view me on this forum, due mostly in part to my own behavior.
Anyways, that just gave me an idea. I'm going to go look at my journal too. I could also show you some videos of myself, although I'd have to cherry pick them as I say some really personal shit in most of them. SM seems to dig deep despite how superficial of a program it might look. SM caused the most upheavel in my life from any program I've ran before so far. If you recall that was the time I thought I was transgender and reaching "enlightenment" and a bunch of other delusions. Basically ever since that point my life has been constant upheaval and ups and downs.
I'm also scared to look lol. I might have to have Ben dig it up from the graveyard cause I had told him to take all my old journals and put them in the thread graveyard.
If you can have them dug up from the grave I would love to read them. The SM journals are far and few on the forum which is a real shame.
I’ll put my experience up.
(08-15-2018, 09:45 AM)Darkness Wrote: [ -> ] (08-15-2018, 09:31 AM)thor2014 Wrote: [ -> ] (08-15-2018, 09:12 AM)Frosted Wrote: [ -> ]I think it was like stage 2/3ish. I think it was just during that time, but I'd have to go back and check. I also seemed to mature more looking back on my SM3 video journal. It was when I started making the transition from fake alpha to being myself. I'm actually flattered that you want to read my journal cause I have a negative image of how people view me on this forum, due mostly in part to my own behavior.
Anyways, that just gave me an idea. I'm going to go look at my journal too. I could also show you some videos of myself, although I'd have to cherry pick them as I say some really personal shit in most of them. SM seems to dig deep despite how superficial of a program it might look. SM caused the most upheavel in my life from any program I've ran before so far. If you recall that was the time I thought I was transgender and reaching "enlightenment" and a bunch of other delusions. Basically ever since that point my life has been constant upheaval and ups and downs.
I'm also scared to look lol. I might have to have Ben dig it up from the graveyard cause I had told him to take all my old journals and put them in the thread graveyard.
If you can have them dug up from the grave I would love to read them. The SM journals are far and few on the forum which is a real shame.
I’ll put my experience up.
I look foreward to reading your experiences with SM too.
(08-15-2018, 01:44 PM)Frosted Wrote: [ -> ]I will ask Ben. I looked at my current SM3 journal but a ton of posts are missing so I think there's another SM3 thread that got put in the thread graveyard. So will do that.
Anyways, to tell you flat out I didn't get laid. If you're reading it for that then I saved you a bunch of trouble. But I did get some benefit, although I was too stuck in my own ***** at the time to realize it so might not have wrote it down eloquently.
Edit: Sent Ben a message although I'm sure he's reading this anyways 
. I asked him to bring back all my old journals so if anyone wants to read them they should be back up soon. I warn you though there's a lot of mental masturbation and... cringe.
Your not the only one when I did my first run I was in a very difficult head space in fact I could not handle the emotional turbulence generated by SM when I got to stage 3.It was too much so I gave up. One other factor which made it harder for me to execute SM was that my parents lived nearby and my father was continuously shaming me everytime we met which drove me crazy. I knew I had to get away from them but I was "stuck in a hole" so could not make the move.
Not getting laid is NOT the end of the world mate. Each of us has our own challenges which we need to overcome first I like to read about the challenges people face.
I also went kinda crazy on SM 3. Very difficult sub for me.
SM stage 1 Day 29
Nearing the end of stage 1 I have not encountered any kind of resistance on stage 1. What I did experience is
1. An increase in libido in the space of 3 days I shagged 3 women one new one each day.
2. I was able to embrace my masculinity more and communicate my desires to women without words.
3. Lots of eye contact and women playing with their hair when they see me.
4. Girls who could not speak english asking my friend who I was and where I was from.
5. I learned to admire beautiful things in a woman as I imagined her naked.
SM stage 2 Days 1-3
I do not know whether its the subliminal or just me but my libido seems to have dropped for some reason Perhaps its just my mood I sent one of my FB's home as I was just not in the mood for sex.
For some reason women look down at the ground when they pass me in the street or perhaps I look intimidating. Anyone had that ?
This stage I am having some very weird dreams relating to disconnecting from my family other then that nothing out of the ordinary.
(08-24-2018, 06:31 AM)Frosted Wrote: [ -> ]YES. I remember that. I didn't know what it was either.
Its weird its as if women do not want to look at me. As I walk down the road they either look down at the ground or gaze to the side to avoid my eye contact.
(08-24-2018, 09:23 AM)thor2014 Wrote: [ -> ] (08-24-2018, 06:31 AM)Frosted Wrote: [ -> ]YES. I remember that. I didn't know what it was either.
Its weird its as if women do not want to look at me. As I walk down the road they either look down at the ground or gaze to the side to avoid my eye contact.
I get that all the time. A book on body language says it’s a negative signal. Avoidance, dislike, etc
SM stage 2 Days 4-5
Crazy vivid dreams which I believe are related to whats currently going on in my life every day. Might be because of the Zinc and B16 supplements I am taking or it might be stage 2.
A week back I met a girl through a friend she asked my friend who I was and where I was from. My friend got her number and passed it onto me. From the word go I knew this was on and she kept on staring at me whilst my friend was paying for groceries at one of the shopping stores.
Anyway we arranged to meet and told her to dress sexy so we match. I picked her up in my car and we went for a drive to a small bar in a village. She looked sexy as hell all dolled up 26 years old really fit. We went for a drink talked and spent alot of time touching each other.
After drinks we walked back to the car. I asked her back to my place she turned to me and looked me dead in the eye and said "I am not that kind of girl". I laughed and we got back into the car.
I told her I would drive her back to her place. I then started talking nonsenses about how girls in western europe never shave their arm pits and pussies.
She snapped back and said "I always shave". I replied "oh really" and looked her dead in the eye smirking. She began to show me her arm pits I then said "and" then pointed to her pussy.
She paused smiled then pulled her panties down to show her shaven pussy.
I leaned over and said "hmmm its shaven" then immediately thrust my finger into her pussy. She said "nooo" she never resisted then just began moaning as I fingered her. All of sudden I felt horny as she began moaning.
I then pulled my pants down and began wanking myself off and blaming her for making me horny,
One thing led to another and she began wanking me off. I wanted to f**k her there and then but all of sudden I came and spunked all over my legs and the seat. I always keep a box of clean up tissues for situations like this and cleaned myself up and got her back home..what a strange evening
.
LMAO. Thor doesn't disappoint.