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Am I executing? 2 different times today I had this strong sexual feeling come on, and I'm asking since I don't know.
The first time I was riding in the work truck in the morning, and I fell into this really good space, both mentally and physically. I was thinking about women since we normally drive on crowded roads, and I saw quite a few. Mentally, I felt sexy. I felt desirable. I was calm, and I felt a sexiness coming off. I was not anxious either.
The second time was unexpected. Having just left work at the end of the day, I stopped at a stop sign to cross a major road. This SUV was waiting to turn onto my road, and when it began turning, I quickly looked down, as I didn't want to seek attention; I was attempting to stay in old patterns, being honest.
Well, I looked up quickly, and a sexy blond mother figure was driving, I FELT the attraction---and that is what prompted me to write now. I've heard guys say they "knew" they were being watched, and that is exactly what stirred me up sexually. It feels really good and promising, just being wanted. I'm liking this a lot.
Is this me executing? Sounds dumb kind of, but a literal person might say "No. You didn't have sex."
Is this execution?
Ofc this mean u are executing not 100% but u still are. Just because u r not getting laid on DMSI doesnt mean u are executing.
Believe me. In past 2-3 days. Ever since I have started "B" (after being on A for 40 days) I am productive like crazy. I am finding ways to make more money. Its like there is no stopping me. In two days I have manifested/found stuff which can help me in financial situation(Secret)...I dont care about getting laid. For me this is "Execution"
Thank you Zane. I, too, have had a big mental focus on establishing and starting up my business. I spent about 4 hours tonight considering different options: make my own videos, or use someone else's? The answer would appear simple.
I think of mat422 who said a week ago or so that he was constantly trying to make songs "perfect", and he realized........he was just procrastinating. Me TOO! It's fear lately when I get close to pulling the trigger. Me making or using other's videos will be new rules for me; I'll be putting myself "out there" either way.
No major events for DMSI today, meaning no major attraction rose up in me. I'll admit though that I fapped last night and tonight. Seeking old comforts.......as I'd have to go out to see women! I stayed home tonight, mostly since the boss asked me to come in tomorrow. I'm an introvert--but that reason is BS really. I listened to B around 6PM, and something's on my mind. I'll make another post about it.
Ok, this is hitting me. Not harshly, but it's making my eyes wet now.
Well, this morning I did some Rule 4 stuff. In short, I asked to help someone out today. It just came to me, and I didn't have to think about it much. I've asked for other things recently, and something often happens. I had not expected what came to me.
It was a good, productive morning working with a newer driver on a very labor intensive route. I was running, and I was glad to. Being still feeds on itself--and I missed physically running. I even thanked the head boss this morning for putting me on that route.
My coworker was going a little slower. Maybe it's DMSI, but I couldn't really stay angry at him. He said he'd start helping me by getting out of the truck, but he did not for a good 30 minutes. This route takes 2.5 hours with both of us, but 4 easily if I'm working alone.
He did jump out, but he admitted he was off, a couple of times actually. I was grateful he admitted this, and I told him so. I did not have to keep making him an uncaring coworker in my own head--this hurts me.
We finished the route in 3 hours, and what's affecting me now happened during lunch.
He told me months back that he'd been in the Army Reserves for many years, but I never equated it with much action.
During lunch, he mentioned the term "PTSD" hesitantly, and I asked honestly "really? I didn't think you did much active duty." I found out today he went through 3 different tours in 10 years, all in the middle east. He did one of those genuine "this is just between you and me" lines, showing fear and withheld sadness in his eyes. He was feeling very vulnerable.
He told me in the last day while home, he heard something outside which made him think he was back over there. He told me he hides in his walk-in closet since it's dark there. He also said over in the middle east there are no stars, no moon. He said it's pitch black. He said he was sleeping, he woke up in the dark thinking he was over there.......and his young daughter had sought him out during the night and was snuggled up against him sleeping. Hearing her helped him realize....he was in his own home. I know he was scared. He didn't share what he'd done oversees, but he mentioned some very graphic stuff I'll hold off from writing.
He even mentioned suicide. He spoke about it without any prior discussion of it, so it made me aware PTSD was shaking him hard.
Here I was, doing subliminals and EMDR at home to help me with emotional traumas.......and I slowly and carefully shared how both had been helping me. I focused mostly on subs--I spoke of E2--and I mentioned how gentle it was, how Shannon had incorporated very effective and gentle technology, and that it'd really helped me. I shared that it was free to all vets and servicemen. I wanted to assist him, yet like many servicemen, I knew he must decide for himself. The military instills a pride, a self-sufficiency, that sets them apart, and I wanted to respect that. I did. I didn't mention sub names or any person's name, as I even mentioned DavisMind's experience, for military experiences stay with them. I just shared what I sensed him needing at that moment, which is some self-forgiveness and relief from the real inner hell and isolation that war creates.
He asked me if I was working Monday, for it's Memorial Day, and I said I planned on doing so. I read his question as a request to work with me.
I sensed at the end our day he'd begun to be distracted by regular happenings, but before I parted, I said "be sure to take care of yourself this weekend. Hide as much as you need to." I knew that crippling fear can mandate that. And he quickly replied "Yeah! Yeah!" His wide eyes said he was still very vulnerable and feeling fear.
I just didn't know that I cared. And that's why I'm feeling sad now myself.
(05-25-2018, 07:36 PM)findingme Wrote: [ -> ]I just didn't know that I cared. And that's why I'm feeling sad now myself.
In my experience empathy and compassion are a sign of strength and maturity. The ability to resonate and share in the experience of another requires the strength of vulnerability, for no weak man can be truly vulnerable. But you displayed empathy in relating to his vulnerability and issues and went there with him. You also displayed compassion in offering solutions and not just commiserating with him in his issues.
IT TAKES A BIG MAN TO CARE FOR SOMEONE OTHER THAN HIMSELF.
It may not be a popular opinion of masculinity, but I've seen more people affected by stepping into an experience with them and voicing the possibility of something different in the place of their deepest and darkest beliefs, instead of trying to tell them what to do. Like that will ever help.
I'm impressed with what you did. If any of the experience of his issues remains, let go of them or take time to process them. You don't want those "following you home." and confusing his "stuff" as your own.
Thank you very much Wharrgarbl. Those were very kind words.
I'm torn on writing now, but your words inspire me. I just have to put it out there now.
I'd done 2 loops the last 2 days, and I think it may be affecting me negatively. I've been quieter at work, I've not been feeling stuff like I usually do, and being honest, I see myself running from interactions when it's all small talk. A major part of my motivation to listen to my coworker's life yesterday was "he is not pretending at ALL". There was no ability on his part to put up a front. I wasn't required to discern the truth, and this made listening very easy for me.
In short, I'm seeing and feeling a major LACK of desire to make room for BS and small-talk. Even pretending to accept it feels like it's sucking the life out of me.
An example happened today at work. Habitually I've worked with one very lively guy, and I've often boosted my ego by being his "yes man". My focus was often "I don't want to be abandoned". I'm feeling uncomfortable now when trying to be a yes-man again. Part of me is stubbornly resisting to do so. So, feeling unsure and fearful around men (from changing my norm) makes me go silent. I did this today. This evening I also saw my 2 guy friends, we played our game, and I was more withdrawn than usual. But one still promotes a lot of his own BS, and he consistently avoids seeing what it does to his relationships. I, myself, became silently irritated and began tuning him out. Lies, which they are, just drain me.
Being quiet also allows me to hear and feel my own thoughts, not anyone else's. Maybe I'm uncomfortable since.....wow, just saw this.......my old survival mask was me lying to me. When I've seen it in others lately, I get annoyed, and I usually turn quiet. I shut my mouth so I don't encourage more of it.
I see and feel I'm resisting something. I'm tired now, so I'm not figuring it out at this moment.
You make sure your friend with PTSD gets a copy of E2 and the instructions. We need to help our vets heal as much as possible. And by the way, I'm glad for it to be free for genuine veterans of any country, not just the United States. It's also free for people who can prove they are active or retired police or first responders (firemen, paramedics, etc.). You guys can help me make a positive difference by helping these guys understand what this is I am offering them.
(05-27-2018, 03:54 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]You make sure your friend with PTSD gets a copy of E2 and the instructions. We need to help our vets heal as much as possible. And by the way, I'm glad for it to be free for genuine veterans of any country, not just the United States. It's also free for people who can prove they are active or retired police or first responders (firemen, paramedics, etc.). You guys can help me make a positive difference by helping these guys understand what this is I am offering them.
Shannon you should add this to E2 description then.
Also I was wondering if this offer still applies to people who are not suffering for any emotional problems? Or Does it apply to only those who have?
"Shannon you should add this to E2 description then."
It's in there Zane. That's why I knew about it while talking with the affected coworker
I had an experience at work today which shows that IML subs are working. It points toward getting negativity out of my life, and also self validation.
I worked in the shop yard today; slow day due to Memorial Day. I worked with a man who, IMO, is still focused on a survival mentality. He's from another country but has lived in the US for most of his life. He's been trying to control what he feels and thinks about spiritual stuff, and since he had very negative experiences growing up, he opened the door to some of his fear-based conclusions today.
In short, he has been researching UFO's and how they're setting up a war on us. I've never looked into UFO's much, but he even got his girlfriend on the phone saying many people in their country have disappeared and not come back. My coworker's passion (?) for this subject began to annoy me for 2 reasons.
First, when he spoke, he was very afraid. Secondly, his unspoken message was "I'm not going to shut up until you validate me". I realized he had gone over the line being pushy, so I began to steer away from him.. He apparently was not hearing my "I don't like being treated like this". I felt like I was talking to a scared kid who was insisting that I agree with him (he's around my age, mid-40's).
And this isn't the first time he's ruminated on something negative, only to constantly check that I agreed with him. This made me angry. He left our work area for a while, and........I just wanted freedom from this dude's fricken annoying insistence that he be right. I imagined blowing up at him while he was away.
I'd told him I didn't agree with his fear-based mindset. I told him I used to be in those places, and it's NO FUN. I did resort to a low blow, saying some people are addicted to fear, which he agreed with, but did not take it in himself. i was seeing this today, after working with him days past in his fast-paced, fear-led busyness.
I have done the same, like I'm swimming in dangerous waters to feel anything emotionally, but I'm expecting anyone anywhere to pull me out of the water. It was a very dark place for me, and I very rarely was validated by others myself. Which gave life to more fear. On and on, over and over.
I was also tempted to go back to that "save my brother" mentality, which is why I kept the conversation open for a while. I wanted to save him. But it was him repeatedly going back to thrashing in dangerous waters which made me distance myself. It makes me sad knowing that people, and I too, have done this. I remember constantly feeling invaluable, and if someone rescued me, I thought I'd be valuable in someone's (anyone's) eyes. So I have created a lot of chaos in my life, seeking a rescue. IML subs have been working on me, and this change is easy to see.
DMSI has OGSF and E2's self validation modules, but I had thought it was old E2 messages in my head. For in the moment, I knew why his fear ranting was toxic for me. I knew it without thinking about it.
I never blew up. I just communicated my stance. But it drained me. I can't listen to that crap; it's contagious.
Ok. I've had a fulfilling day.
Update on the combat vet using E2:
I rode with the same driver who shared with me last week that he had PTSD from 2 different combat tours in the middle east. I spoke to him about (E2) about an hour into our travels, and he dismissed it. He stated quickly: "I meditate and all the negative energy goes away". That was an easy conversation to continue with since I'd learned that meditation has been proven to reduce physical pain, and I shared this. He quickly hopped on that point sharing how he used meditation in his own life for different ailments successfully. But, at that point, he'd shied away from using a subliminal.
But something he reminded me of opened the door again. He asked me if I remembered he was partially deaf in his right ear. This was why he kept saying "What?" when I'd speak, as I sit to his right. I asked about it, and he said it was from bombs going off near him while in combat.
Well, once we got back to the shop, he had to do his paperwork for the day, a norm. Knowing I was done, I shared "Don't meditate too much" since subs were on my mind. I was seeking more dialogue about subs, he laughed, and I shared why I said that. I told him I listen to the silent versions a lot since it's a high frequency--and I remembered that ultrasonic subs have been used successfully with those suffering from hearing loss--and I quickly told him that. He may have assumed subliminals were all audible, as his last response was: "Wow. I might have to check that out". I'll update here if anything new happens.
Also try to get him to understand that "going away" is a short term solution, and E2 is a long term correction of the underlying issues.
DMSI news:
I forgot to run my loops last night since I was tired when I got home. I dismissed a bunch of normal things before I left for work too. I first began beating myself up, but I also remembered what I'd read about the bloom recently. So, I waited and looked for evidence that DMSI was running in my head.
Now, we worked in a large condominium association today, predominantly older people. However, I noticed half a dozen younger women (40's or so) doing their morning walks. This was exciting to me since for 2 years (pre-DMSI) I knew that I'd enjoyed being eye candy to these women. I felt I had a reputation. Well, I've imagined it many times
But something felt wrong. I'd assumed that I had to prey upon women, be studly
, and act confident. But the more I considered this, the more I realized I was not doing this at all.
I felt different than I'd felt in the 2 years doing this same location.....and something clicked. This is my good news today.
I first felt disappointed at myself. What was DMSI doing? Wasn't I supposed to be....(many questions plagued me)?
Then, I reflected on my honest admission to an IML newcomer this morning that I had gone on and off E2 and UD a number of times. What hit me is that........this will take some time. When I've returned to E2, I quickly feel emotional issues stirring, unlike when I started. I welcome it now--as that's why I've run it. And on UD, a sadness returns within 24 hours. UD was my emotional BS detector and cleanser, and it hits me soon after I start it.
And this morning I'd read Zane's reply to JCasterlin about DMSI in committed relationships: "DMSI will make you want to f*** every woman!" I've been gradually realizing that......I've wanted this too. DMSI is working in me, and I'm single
. I need to allow DMSI to sink in. It's been just over 2 weeks, so "patience grasshopper". DMSI is changing me from the inside.
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