Subliminal Talk

No worries, I'm just curious.

Just wanted to jot down one more thing that's been happening to me lately. Eye contact is something that's really hard for me, especially with strangers. So for a while I walked with my eyes looking down, which I didn't want to do but the anxiety was too much. Lately my body language has been a lot more confident and I'll just kind of have a soft gaze looking ahead, not really putting my attention on anyone. I still have that anxiety, but I'm trying to overcome it. Anyway I've been noticing in my peripheral vision a lot of girls checking me out. Today I was walking to a building and I noticed a group of girls with some guys. As soon as I was close to them the girls kind of stopped talking and looked my way, which was a little nerve wracking for me. I'm not really a guy that enjoys being the center of attention, but lately I expect girls to do these things.

The thing is in the past I would try to dismiss it or figure out why. Now I just roll with it because I'm accepting that I am a sexy guy haha. I mean why make things difficult? I think growing up I had a tendency to undersell myself and when a girl had interest in me I just doubted myself. Which probably came across as me being uninterested. Typical low self esteem problem. I've seen guys that were just so full of themselves and I guess I was just the exact opposite, too humble.

So stage 2 hit me pretty hard and I'm having a bit of a rough patch. Woke up this morning dead tired. I try to get at least 8 hours of sleep, any less than that and I'm awful the next day. Not just tired, I get headaches, depression, irritable, just a storm of negative feelings. So today was a bad day for me. I just didn't want to be in any of my classes at college, I pretty much went through the entire day in a haze, not learning anything. On top of that I just wanted to get away from people.

But that being said I acknowledge that these are only feelings and emotions that will pass. In the meantime I'll just ride it out. I remember from my first run through of alpha stage 2 was particularly rough on me and made me lash out a lot in a very aggressive manner at times. I think it's just anxiety and feeling threatened, so I get more aggressive. I'm just trying to be conscious of this behavior. Right now though I feel very on edge.

Sometimes I wonder though how much of my desire to interact with people is hindered by my anxiety and how much I really just don't care. Some days I honestly don't feel like speaking a word to anyone. I'll just have to see once I finish alpha.

So the jerk has emerged once more haha. I'm definitely noticing my intolerance for people who try to take advantage of me or people who don't respect me. Like the other day I was walking on this paved path on my campus and noticed these two girls walking my way. Both these girls were taking up the entire walkway, like they owned it. I'm walking minding my own business expecting these girls to at least clear some amount of room so I can walk through without having to step into the grass. Nope, doesn't happen. So nice guy me would have walked around into the grass, but jerk me had other plans. Basically I just shoulder bump this girl and do not give a crap. I don't ask much from people, just show a little respect. There was no reason why they couldn't have made room for me.

Overreacting? Maybe. But I honestly don't care. I'm gonna do whatever the hell I want from now on. I think my prior run through of alpha I didn't let enough of that jerk out. I shouldn't feel bad about asserting myself. That's been my one mistake over the years, I felt guilty about telling other people no or standing up for myself. I also think a lot of my mind resisted the changes because they felt "wrong". This time around I'm just going to let go and stop trying to control so much. Whatever happens happens and it is part of the programming.

Cool Matt, I like it! Sounds like good results.

I really am being inspired to start Alpha again myself. The other night we were going for a cruise and I was driving, went with 4 friends. My mates sex friend come along, she asked me "can I plug my ipod into your cd player in your car" and I was like "umm.." (because I was thinking of where my cord was to connect it) and my friend goes "no, Ben is an alpha male, he doesn't let anyone use his stuff" or something like that. And I just stopped and let him say it, then ignored it and continued "if the cord is in my car, you can use it" as all the cd's in my car I am sick of. But then it upset me later, not knowing why he said it. Funny because when I was going through the Alpha set, I seen him ALOT less than before that. See him a little more now that it balanced out.

He knows I used to study alot of pua stuff, and when I only had dialup i'd get alot of stuff on his computer as his internet was fast, so I had a folder of stuff about pua, becoming an alpha male etc. So I thought it was giving me shit about that.

I actually started getting annoyed thinking he said it because i'm not alpha at all, which I don't feel I am, I am a bit improved, but I now am more inspired to start Alpha again, aswell as a book that is highly recommended "No More Mr Nice Guy". Which I like over "Become an Alpha Male" by Joseph Alexander.

I'd recommend you have a look at that book. http://www.nomoremrniceguy.com/

I'm actually going to start reading it again now that i've reminded myself.

-Ben

@Ben

I like no more mr nice guy so much i sent it to my father hoping he would read it and see if it could help him on his problems with women telling him he is to nice.

I would read both (for any one interested in either) and take what you want from each. They do crossover into a lot of the same material anyways.

(11-20-2011, 07:30 AM)benjamin Wrote: [ -> ]Cool Matt, I like it! Sounds like good results.

I really am being inspired to start Alpha again myself. The other night we were going for a cruise and I was driving, went with 4 friends. My mates sex friend come along, she asked me "can I plug my ipod into your cd player in your car" and I was like "umm.." (because I was thinking of where my cord was to connect it) and my friend goes "no, Ben is an alpha male, he doesn't let anyone use his stuff" or something like that. And I just stopped and let him say it, then ignored it and continued "if the cord is in my car, you can use it" as all the cd's in my car I am sick of. But then it upset me later, not knowing why he said it. Funny because when I was going through the Alpha set, I seen him ALOT less than before that. See him a little more now that it balanced out.

He knows I used to study alot of pua stuff, and when I only had dialup i'd get alot of stuff on his computer as his internet was fast, so I had a folder of stuff about pua, becoming an alpha male etc. So I thought it was giving me shit about that.

I actually started getting annoyed thinking he said it because i'm not alpha at all, which I don't feel I am, I am a bit improved, but I now am more inspired to start Alpha again, aswell as a book that is highly recommended "No More Mr Nice Guy". Which I like over "Become an Alpha Male" by Joseph Alexander.

I'd recommend you have a look at that book. http://www.nomoremrniceguy.com/

I'm actually going to start reading it again now that i've reminded myself.

-Ben

I read that book a while back, it definitely was an eye opening book. Too much self help is full of puppies and rainbows, I think it causes others to walk all over you. That book was straight to the point.

I gotta admit your friend's joke caused me to laugh a little just because it's so absurd. If one of my friends said that about me I'd just be able to laugh it off and not care because I know it's not true. But the reason he said it was probably just to get approval from others. Let me ask you something, does this guy only make jokes about you when you are with a group of people? He sounds like a guy that would be alright when you are with him one on one, but when he gets in a group he acts like a different person. The whole competing for attention thing and feeling pressure of not being left out.

Ben, I think the fact that this guy made a joke about you to lower your value just shows that he's insecure around you. I used to get caught up in the "I'm not alpha" thinking, but once you run through alpha again you will care less and less. Interestingly enough, the less you care the more alpha you appear! It's such a paradox, but you really start to feel like an alpha male so you don't have to prove it to yourself.

Don't let those jokes get to you. They aren't about you. It's about the person that's telling them. No matter how confident a person appears on the outside, the one tell tale sign of insecurity is when they make jokes at the expense of others.

Damn,Matt YOU nailed it Man. thanx. NcBear

Quote:I read that book a while back, it definitely was an eye opening book. Too much self help is full of puppies and rainbows, I think it causes others to walk all over you. That book was straight to the point.

I gotta admit your friend's joke caused me to laugh a little just because it's so absurd. If one of my friends said that about me I'd just be able to laugh it off and not care because I know it's not true. But the reason he said it was probably just to get approval from others. Let me ask you something, does this guy only make jokes about you when you are with a group of people? He sounds like a guy that would be alright when you are with him one on one, but when he gets in a group he acts like a different person. The whole competing for attention thing and feeling pressure of not being left out.

Ben, I think the fact that this guy made a joke about you to lower your value just shows that he's insecure around you. I used to get caught up in the "I'm not alpha" thinking, but once you run through alpha again you will care less and less. Interestingly enough, the less you care the more alpha you appear! It's such a paradox, but you really start to feel like an Alpha Male so you don't have to prove it to yourself.

Don't let those jokes get to you. They aren't about you. It's about the person that's telling them. No matter how confident a person appears on the outside, the one tell tale sign of insecurity is when they make jokes at the expense of others.

Yeah it is pretty stupid, but it still effected me. Yeah he only really seems to in a group. It's hard to see it as his insecurity I guess because he is usually the leader of the group. He must have been threatened when I was doing Alpha as I seen him alot less then. I guess the fact it effected me is one reason I want to start it again. I've decided to give Ideal Weight another month and if I don't notice much i'm going back to Alpha.

Quote:I like no more mr nice guy so much i sent it to my father hoping he would read it and see if it could help him on his problems with women telling him he is to nice.

Did he read it?

Funny that I started reading it last night and it has the list of 'symptoms' a nice guy has, and I realized my improvement, where before when I read it I got down because of that list, this time I cared less and it highlighted some of my changes.

-Ben

You know...in Sex Magnet I see more friends at times try to take cheap little shots at me in groups, just for laughs. And I naturally ignore them and just keep on talking about what i'm talking about. If someone tries to get to me for whatever reason I usually just ignore they are there and keep doing what I'm doing. So in a sense, I only want to hear what I want to hear, I suppose you could say.

Ryan

I'm actually being teased MORE now but.. that's ok because I don't care.

(11-20-2011, 07:08 PM)benjamin Wrote: [ -> ]

Quote:I read that book a while back, it definitely was an eye opening book. Too much self help is full of puppies and rainbows, I think it causes others to walk all over you. That book was straight to the point.

I gotta admit your friend's joke caused me to laugh a little just because it's so absurd. If one of my friends said that about me I'd just be able to laugh it off and not care because I know it's not true. But the reason he said it was probably just to get approval from others. Let me ask you something, does this guy only make jokes about you when you are with a group of people? He sounds like a guy that would be alright when you are with him one on one, but when he gets in a group he acts like a different person. The whole competing for attention thing and feeling pressure of not being left out.

Ben, I think the fact that this guy made a joke about you to lower your value just shows that he's insecure around you. I used to get caught up in the "I'm not alpha" thinking, but once you run through alpha again you will care less and less. Interestingly enough, the less you care the more alpha you appear! It's such a paradox, but you really start to feel like an Alpha Male so you don't have to prove it to yourself.

Don't let those jokes get to you. They aren't about you. It's about the person that's telling them. No matter how confident a person appears on the outside, the one tell tale sign of insecurity is when they make jokes at the expense of others.

Yeah it is pretty stupid, but it still effected me. Yeah he only really seems to in a group. It's hard to see it as his insecurity I guess because he is usually the leader of the group. He must have been threatened when I was doing Alpha as I seen him alot less then. I guess the fact it effected me is one reason I want to start it again. I've decided to give Ideal Weight another month and if I don't notice much i'm going back to Alpha.

Quote:I like no more mr nice guy so much i sent it to my father hoping he would read it and see if it could help him on his problems with women telling him he is to nice.

Did he read it?

Funny that I started reading it last night and it has the list of 'symptoms' a nice guy has, and I realized my improvement, where before when I read it I got down because of that list, this time I cared less and it highlighted some of my changes.

-Ben

What makes you say he's the leader of the group? Is he loud and outgoing and always tries to take control? In my opinion it doesn't matter who is the leader or not. Sometimes I let my friends lead, sometimes I do. Some "leaders" are really just control freaks who feel threatened if anyone tries to take away their control. In my opinion a true leader values everyone else in the group, just because he is leading doesn't mean he is controlling or dominating.

Anyway, I don't know you personally Ben but I'd be willing to guess you are heavily focused on yourself and overly self critical. That's how I was for a while and what happens is you spend so much time thinking about yourself that you fail to realize that other people aren't perfect either. Just because somebody looks like they have their shit together, doesn't mean they do. So don't be too hard on yourself.

Still working my brain with this sub. Woke up tired again this morning, but it doesn't really bother me as much. But I had some things pop up today about me that brought some insight into knowing myself better.

I am really sensitive and I honestly don't know how much of that has affected me in the long run. I feel like I developed the inverse of that, cold and logical. Some guy I'm friends with in my class today needed a ride to his job because he didn't have a car. So I gave him one, it was pretty much just right around the corner, not too far. But it got me thinking, how many people wouldn't give him a ride? To me helping others comes naturally because I guess I have a lot of empathy. Not everyone I have empathy for because there are some real scumbags that walk around and try to take advantage of people. But the people that do need help, it seems I can always lend a hand if they ask. That's the other thing, I've got too much anxiety to reach out to people, but if they need me I'm usually always there. I know this might lead to some people taking advantage of me, but I'm usually careful enough and understand when I need to say no or enough. I just feel like a lot of fear and anxiety turns me into a cold and standoffish person, when I really mean well a lot of the time.

I was just also thinking of women, relationships, and dating. It seems like there is this expectancy for either a man or woman to be the pursuer in a relationship. I don't mean in the typical man approaches women scenario, I mean in the long run. I think society has conditioned a lot of people to take and take, but hardly ever give back. Sure there are girls that just want one night stands, but to keep a quality girl you have to put your 50% in. Every guy wants to be pursued by hot women because it validates the ego, being desired for is a pretty damn good feeling. But if you think of what it felt like when you wanted a girl and she played with your emotions, that's essentially what happens when a guy takes from a girl without giving back. It sucks and I don't think anyone should ever feel that way. I'm not saying make a girl the center of your life, but some guys just treat them as objects and not human beings. If she wants to be friends with benefits though that is cool, I'm just saying it's important to be aware when you are being selfish.

The best thing I can describe this as is a war. Some women and men have this stupid notion that they are the most important person in the relationship and therefore they must be catered to. It becomes a competition of who can get the most attention, sex, social status, etc. when it should be about a 50/50 balance with each side contributing to the relationship equally.

I've never been in a long term relationship, but I can see how past emotional damage can really affect how you view the opposite sex. I've never even been that emotionally hurt from a girl, but I still feel like somewhere along the line I internalized a lot of stuff that caused me to see women as a threat and treat them as an enemy.

Long post, but overall I don't ever want to be that guy that takes selfishly from a relationship. I've seen the damage some guys can do and how some women just hold onto that and pass it on. It's like a human behavior virus that's contaminated a lot of people.

I'm at a point right now where I'm not really sure what to think about myself. Some days I'm cold and distant, and other days I'm social and happy. Maybe it's just college and my future that's just always on my mind. No matter how hard I try I have this minor anxiety about the future and it's hard to stay in the present moment. My head is always somewhere in the future, calculating, planning. Right now even typing this I'm wondering if this is the truth or if my mind is just coming up with logical answers to a largely subconscious problem.

Or maybe it isn't a problem and I just think it is. Maybe I'm just too damn analytical for my own good. I'm trying to monitor my body throughout the day and try to avoid becoming tense. The one thing I've noticed is that when my mind starts thinking a lot, my body tenses up, and my breathing becomes more shallow. I might have a form of OCD called purely obsessional OCD. It's the obsessive thoughts, but there are no compulsions to act upon. One thing in particular stands out is that if I stop thinking so much I feel anxiety because I'm not in control and I worry about not knowing. I feel something just doesn't feel right. Those feelings are irrational, they really don't have any basis in logic and yet I can't seem to shake them.

While writing this post I've noticed I've become tense and stressed. I think it's because my mind is searching for answers, but these answers are difficult to understand or not even there. I can't put these things into words, that's the most frustrating part. At the moment I've got a splitting headache so that probably doesn't help either.