Stage 4, Day 16:
Already halfway through, times is flying.
A new woman moved into the house. This morning she kept staring at me. I went into the kitchen holding my daughter because someone was sweeping the floor. She grabbed the bowl I fed my Daughter her breakfast from and washed it for me, saying she wanted to help me out. I simply dismissed it as a kind gesture at the moment. After I got dressed for work she stared even more and for some reason kept trying to introduce our children to each other. I went to sit outside before I left as I’ve been feeling more connected to nature, and advancing in my spirituality. As she left to run some errands with her Son, she stopped and started asking a couple probing questions about me. In my personal experience that’s a dead giveaway that a woman is intrigued with me. Honestly I find her mildly attractive. Guess we’ll see how this plays out.
In other news, I seem to make the people I interact with regularly die laughing. I was already funny before AM6 but it seems my sense of humor has skyrocketed in recent months. I’m also beginning to make plans for a new business idea.
Stage 4: Day 21
Woke up with a paradigm shift. I’m now transitioning my mindset from simply being dominant in my interactions to actually being a leader to myself and others at all times. With the word LEAD becoming my new Mantra.
Stage 4, Day 22:
- Voice getting even louder, I'm expressing myself with no issues to people.
- Find myself social even when I don't wanna talk much. Still cut conversations short if they're unproductive.
Stage 4, Day 24:
This marks the day that I’ve run a sub for 17 hours and 20 minutes. That Makes 13 loops worth of AM6 stage 4 run since midnight. The most notable thing is that I’ve been more irritable and hungry than normal. I also did notice being more serious today, but my energy, mental and physical wasn’t effected as badly as I thought it would be. I also had 4 huge bursts of libido throughout the day.
Stage 4, Day 28:
- Still fine tuning my diet, I’m now put the tools in place to only drink water that is both alkaline and filtered.
- I’ve been feeling a great sense of appreciation for everything in my life.
- I bought new workout clothes and I’m beginning to exercise again.
- I’ve been paying more attention to grooming and hygiene, some days I wake up and simply take care of myself completely from the jump.
- I find myself pushing on at work even when I don’t feel like doing anything; whereas before, I’d take excessive breaks and get up from my desk. It got so bad at one point that I was told that I was starting to be watched. Thing is, the stress of the job itself doesn’t get to me the way it used to.
- I’m also very loud and vocal at work when I don’t like something and couldn’t care less who hears my opinion.
- Some days my libido is ridiculous, the way it was when I was 16.
Ending day 28 I was reflecting and just noticed that literally every night for the past 5 nights the same thought occurs to me right before I begin playing am6. I have a thought that tells me that I’m sick of playing this sub. It fades a few seconds after I begin playing it but wow. This feels more like it may be impatience as opposed to resistance because I’ve cut my listening down to 9 hours and 20 minutes daily, all with back to back loops instead of spreading it out like I have been with other stages.
Today I also began to notice that I’m tired of joking around a bit so I may be purposely cutting back on jokes. I love my new sense of humor or rather I love how the sense of humor I’ve always had has been augmented, but I’m literally beginning to tire of smiling and joking as much as I have been. Forgot to mention that I’m also beginning to like myself more when I look in the mirror.
Part of me is starting to feel like I should rev the hours back up to 12 per day, but another part of me enjoys the spare mental energy I feel with just 8-9 hours of exposure. Ultimately though I feel as if I’ll go back to 12 because I’m attempting to get everything possible out of this run due to wanting to begin BASE in 2019. After Base I’ll either do a refresher for AM6 or run the whole thing over again. Still have plenty options on the table.
Stage 4, Day 29:
Woke up and went to the mall early today to shop. I was extroverted as hell. Socializing took no effort and I spoke to everyone I came across like I’ve known them for years. I picked up a bunch of cool stuff too. I went into every store decisive about what I wanted and refused to leave until I either got it or realized the store simply didn’t carry it. There was no trying to negotiate a sale with me for an alternative item.
After leaving the food court I had a lyft driver that overheard me say on the phone that I was dropping my purchases home really quick before heading back out to work. She then offered to wait for me while I was inside , the thing is though she gave me the extra ride to work at no charge. Even offered me her lunch along the way, it’s like she wanted to take care of me or something. At work things were hectic but I managed my stress well, although I almost did blow up on a couple people towards the end. I managed to stay calm and assertive.
My Bluetooth headphones just arrived. I now have earbuds, a stereo speaker, and headphones that are all Bluetooth. Some days wearing earbuds for too long made my ear canals go raw, so I had to get headphones although I’m not a huge fan of them. Since the left and right hemispheres of the brain work better together when headphones or earbuds are used with the subs, and the effectiveness and impact are increased, those will primarily be what I use when awake as opposed to the speaker. This should help me get even more out of am6 for the remainder of my training.
Stage 4, Day 30:
- My wife came over this morning seeming hesitant to file the divorce papers. She asked me twice if that’s what I really wanted. I told her yes, it’s time to rip the band-aid off.
- In the middle of the night I woke up and tried out my new headphones. Bad move, while listening to the ocean surf track, I felt increased heat surge from my body, an increased heart rate, brain activity so excessive that I damn near had an anxiety attack, and also physical, mental, and emotional discomfort. Wtf. Somehow I fought through an entire loop.
I then switched to the Stream track for the rest of the night. I barely got any sleep because I kept having vivid and lucid dreams. The main one I remember is being in a bed full of cockroaches. These may be signs that somehow I get better results using headphones than anything else but I sure as hell won’t be using them during sleeping hours anymore.
I'm really enjoying your journal man, just been lurking offline. Keep up the good work.
(03-17-2018, 10:10 PM)bliss Wrote: [ -> ]I'm really enjoying your journal man, just been lurking offline. Keep up the good work.
Thanks bro
Stage 4, Day 31:
- Went out to a party downtown with a female coworker I’ve been getting close with. She herself is beautiful but she introduced me to a friend of hers that I feel most straight men wouldn’t mind getting pregnant on the spot. Quite the looker and she doesn’t mind dressing in a way that shows off her body. I met both my coworker’s friend and her mom and started talking to them as if we’ve already met. Though the girl is beautiful I was also making jokes teasing her. I was completely relaxed around her, and the fact that she’s pretty didn’t make me put her on any pedestal, I simply treated her like a human being and she was super comfortable around me despite just meeting me. During the night, she even went out of her way to do a little happy dance about the fact that I like her (in a social way). She struck me as so free-spirited that I didn’t even think she would care about my opinion of her.
- I notice I’ve felt more of an urge to take care of others lately and make sure they have what they need. I’ve seen a recent boost in income so I’ve been “sharing the wealth” so to speak. I think the biggest indicator is that the female coworker I’ve mentioned getting close to sometimes refers to me as Papa, although she has admitted on 2 occasions that she almost called me daddy, in a sexual way. Haha I tended to laugh it off both times she told me that.
Stage 4, Day 32:
Finally at the finish line for stage 4, and what a stage it's been. As I'm typing this, I'm wrapping up my final listening session for stage 4 . I looked up the meaning of cockroaches in dreams and ran across an interesting perspective:
" 1. Uncleanness.
Many (most) of us view cockroaches as dirty creatures. Moreover, it is not only themselves who are considered unclean, but the whole place where they live. Our feelings to these crawlers might even be hardwired in the brain. That's why you don't even need to be consicuously kastaridophobic to experience the aversion.
In this sense, cockroaches might symbolize some dirty, "subhuman" thoughts or personality traits that are spoiling your whole inner world. Due to their small size and ability to hide, these aspects don't manifest themselves openly during the day (both literally and metaphorically). But this, together with their numerosity and fertility, makes them even more dangerous for your spiritual health.
2. Resilience.
Cockroaches are one of the most stalwart creatures in the world. They might be among the last ones that will creep this Earth after all the others disappear. Even if this latter fact is not known to you, their ability to evade and survive any means of extermination, however highly technological, is legendary.
This symbolic meaning can go by itself, pointing at some stubborn (and, again, instinctive) part of your personality that you cannot exterminate. But it can also go along with the first meaning, underlining both impurity and invincibility. In this case, they might symbolize those aspects that you've been trying to unsuccessfully cope with for a long time.
3. Facing the reality.
This meaning comes from the slang term "roach" meaning the end of a cigarette (or a marijuana joint). Different smokers have different attitudes to this final bit. But in the most common case it symbolically means the last mile of pleasure before you facing the reality (that one tries to escape by smoking).
If referring to a marijuana joint, this might have a variety of additional symbolic meanings associated with drug intoxication itself — but this is a subject for a whole different (and oh so lengthy) discussion."
These were the 3 most common meanings in dreams and so I find it interesting to think that this was yet another sign of me breaking through another internal barrier or at least there currently being progress on getting to another breakthrough. Could also be a sign of the resistance I wrote about a few days ago.
Stage 5, Day 1
Book of the month: Double your dating by David DeAngelo.
Was supposed to go out with 2 friends earlier in the day but didn’t hear from them. Instead of calling and trying to track them down like I would’ve in the past, I said screw it and used my day off to do what made me happy without worrying about why I got no calls. They did eventually call me way later at night though wanting to chill. I didn’t ask for an explanation and honestly didn’t even care. Later my best friend explained to me how he was dealing with his sick grandmother and showed me pics of her in the hospital, I’ve known his grandma for about 15 years so now I understand that us hanging out probably wasn’t on his mind at the time. My other friend spent all day handling paperwork related to the state of Florida and even has to go to work tomorrow which is why he couldn’t use the daytime to chill as he’s flying back to New York early in the morning.
Understandable, I still didn’t need an explanation though. Speaking of which, the female coworker I went out with the other night never called me up to go out again yesterday like she said she would, but it’s cool. I notice more than ever that I’m good whether I’m around people or I’m in solitude (must be the extroversion training along with my natural introversion). I simply have begun to make backup plans in case things fall through without even caring about the reason why people may make plans to chill with me and then flake. I don’t feel needy at all. The old me would’ve found this disrespectful but these days I’m truly enjoying my own company so much that I’m unbothered by any flakiness, as long as someone doesn’t cancel once I’m already at the place we’re supposed to meet at, which hasn’t happened.
I don’t feel needy enough to chase anyone at all. I’m a blast to be around, especially since starting am6. If someone cancels or flakes, their loss. I get to have my awesome self all to me haha. Anyway, went out to eat with both friends and there were some women in the restaurant looking pretty good. This one in particular, which happened to be the one I liked most, was with her boyfriend. I caught her staring at me while I ate. I glanced over to the right a bit, and her man was staring at me too. I just thought that maybe they mistook me for someone they knew. Nope, less than a minute later I looked back over at their table and they were arguing. Guess he didn’t like the fact she had wandering eyes. Oops lol. Funny thing is around 10 minutes later I caught her staring at me again.
In other news, my wife went to the courthouse and told me she couldn’t go through with it. Apparently couldn’t bring herself to file the divorce papers and told me that if that’s what I really want then I have to do it myself. She then started talking about us having another baby and asked me if I wanted us to live together again. I’m starting to become convinced that I married a psycho. I basically stood my ground and stated that a divorce is what I want. There was a little more to the conversation which included her flirting with me but I feel that’s mostly because it’s been a few weeks since she’s had sex as far as I know.
Supposedly stage 5 produces a sort of James Bond like effect. We’ll see, I can say that while running stage 5, I definitely feel more at peace as opposed to when I ran other stages.
It is a worthwhile endeavour to read the recommended readings. I took alot of value from the Alpha Male book while I was running AM6 stage 7. I found that by front loading my mind with the information, I was better able to make the shifts and changes necessary for growth.
If you can, re-read them 3 times. That way you'll reap the most benefit.