I'm at Glastonbury, surrounded by hot, drunk, relaxed women.... and I feel invisible. Insecurity is up. I feel ugly, old, out of place. And I have a cold. And a trapped hair follicle on the side of my face which now looks like a massive zit. Awesome.
I don't have any of the confidence I did at the last two festivals.
I did 7 loops 3.1B US last night, 3 clicks on the phone which is quieter then I have been previously and my dreams were more vivid. Can't remember them now, but they weren't relaxing.
No IOIs, heat, etc.
Maybe not the result you wanted, but it means something is happening. You are in process. Work is being done toward your goal, and it is obviously scaring some part of you, who is Not Cooperating ™. I'm in the same boat atm, except that I would have removed that trapped hair follicle and disinfected it. I have had my subconscious throw up cold, pulled muscle in my back during a spasm (while I was waking up and laying still, mind you), reversed sleep schedule for what I need to succeed, a day when I was unable to see straight because my eyes would not agree, and a few days where my gastrocnemius muscles were feeling as if I had done thousands of the exercises you do to work them by going on the ball of your foot and back down. Walking was difficult at best, and painful. But you know what I did? I went and did a 5 mile hike in the woods! Screw you, resistance, I'm doing this MY way!
I was getting wonky responses from a woman who was previously showing interest yesterday also. But it is a process, and you have to work through the process to achieve the goal. I did not expect to resist like this!
Thanks Shannon.
Well I mostly got myself out of my funk and felt much better for the rest of the day. Went crazy topless dancing to jive/swing in the VIP area which was fantastic. There was still a part of me caring what people think, and another part enjoying the exhibitionism.
I was close to letting go; but not quite. I wasn't thinking about women though, I was just enjoying making a tit of myself which is massive progress for me.
I don't think that I've ever let go fully. If there's something the next version can do to assist with that, it would be helpful.
I know that Shannon has talked before about the biggest controllers being the one who also take huge risks.
I've still been slightly caught in my Celeb client (CC from now on) fantasy. She has been teasingly uncommunicative. Asked me what I was doing a couple of times by WhatsApp, but then didn't really respond. We still haven't met up yet. I'm just going to assume that's not going to happen. I wonder if she's nervous of meeting me in a social environment, or maybe she's just happy doing her own thing.
This is our last day at Glastonbury; back to reality tomorrow.
Slept reasonably well last night, but only had time for 6 loops of quiet US.
Going back to A for the next couple of weeks from tomorrow night, before I go on holiday again.
Nothing much to report from the last few days on A. Mood is steady. Resistance fapping is still there. No obvious IOIs, heat or hunger.
Not much interest in women though, which is a good feeling. It means I get more done.
Nothing external to report. Feeling cool, calm and confident. Still running as many loops of A as I can.
Pretty sure that my Neutron was doing a single loop of the playlist and stopping for a few nights. How can all of my players across different phones have the same problem?? Psychic interference?
Anyway I've resorted to just putting it on permanent loop. Back to the good old days of AM.
I've been running 3.1 A US at -40db but I've now dropped it to -55db (at my head position). I'm just getting nothing from it right now. I don't even feel any real resistance.
No heat, hunger, headaches, obvious IOIs, flirting, manifestations.... just nothing.
Time for a different number of loops, a different volume or a different version. I suggest you try increasing the volume or try B side for a while. Resistance at least means something is happening.
Nothing to report from the increased volume for the last couple of nights.
Going louder again.
I am temporarily switching to MHS 5.5.
I still have this trapped hair follicle on my face which is driving me nuts. It's become infected for the second time now. It's been there for what seems like an eternity and is getting worse, not better.
As soon as that's healed I will get back on to my 7 loops of DMSI 3.1 A
Do you realize how little sense that makes?
Maximum Healing Speed vs a trapped hair follicle? It's designed to heal flesh, not free trapped hair follicles. Or clear the infections they are usually accompanied by...
if anything would be useful, it would be MIR, but even then you would still not be affecting the trapped hair itself. You have to puncture it, drain it and dig it out manually.
Yup, go see a surgeon, this should take, like, 10 minutes, tops, to remove.
The reason I used MHS is because I wasn't going to be able to get an appointment before my holiday, and wanted it fixed asap. All signs of infection disappeared within two days. It's still there, but not bothering me any where near so much, so I will have to go to my local surgery when I get back from holiday.
Back on A US now. 7 loops over night.
You're saying you believe MHS cleared an infection?