Subliminal Talk

We are certainly working on that too, lol

I regularly watch Made in Chelsea with my gf (don't judge me). It's just a bit of light crap to watch and think 'wouldn't it be nice to be able to afford that'... anyway, bear with me.

I actually think that this is bad for our relationship. The programme features constant arguments almost entirely around relationship status and the idea of being 'faithful'. I have been working for a long time, via DMSI, on changing my thinking around this. I now regard the idea of monogamy and ownership of another person as a social evil. NOTHING good comes from it.

All that happens is resentment, jealousy, control and arguments. If these people just gave each other some freedom to express their care/desire for others then there wouldn't be any issues.

So the problem is that MiC is now one continuous shit test for me. My gf will say something like "don't you think that he's just acted really disrespectfully towards her" and I'll answer "Well, it wasn't ideal, but she's shrieking like a harpy over a text message that she was never meant to see and was just him expressing a genuine thought".

And the more often this happens, the less diplomatic I'm getting. At some point soon, I'm going to end up using Made in Chelsea to tell my GF that I think that monogamy is bullshit. After 23 years together. LOL. That's not going to go down well.

My GF is not unreasonable though, and she has always said that it's normal to fancy other people and to flirt a little. However, the slightest hint that I am straying would send her into extreme anxiety. More than once she has asked me "do I need to be concerned about her?" when I have mentioned another woman. All this does is reinforce my subconscious need to not display any kind 'disloyalty' to avoid hurting her.

Still running B this week. Currently listening to two loops hybrid, mid volume Flac, over headphones. I will continue alternating week to week until 3.2. Unless Shannon tells me otherwise

Sounds like you're making good progress towards doing what will make you genuinely happy, instead of what simply allays your fears. That makes my day.

The receptionist/lifeguard I have talked about was in the pool area this morning, so I went and chatted to her for 45 minutes - plenty of time for the sniper to do its work... but I didn't sense any level of flirtiness. We still have a slightly unusual close relationship, but she always holds back. I am fully friendzoned.

I'm sure that it's supposed to work the other way around, but I got hornier and hornier in her presence and she seemed completely unaffected. I'm now at home, alone, feeling the need to fap. I'm not going to, because I'm not going to cave in. The urge is strong though.

I definitely don't think that I am projecting an aura of any kind. No hunger, headaches, heat.

I did US B, 2 loops, very quiet via my phone last night.

My friend, let me tell you something about women. They are masters of, among other things, hiding their sexual desires and responses. I have learned A LOT about what is really going on under the hood by asking my girlfriend after observing her in a situation. I am pretty much an expert at reading female body language at this point, and there are times when I don't register a thing, but she tells me she was hot and bothered, but trying to hide it.

So don't assume lack of interest. In my experience, women can be smoulderingly horny and pouring wet down their legs and appear to be stone cold on the outside at the same time.

Stuff to note:

I was thinking about a girl who I hadn't seen in ages in the gym. She's a bit chunky, but amazing eyes and face. No arrogance in her at all. And, as if by magic, she appeared in my spin class the next day. Probably coincidence.

One of the other trainers told me that her client had said that I "got hench". I actually got a tan, but I'll take it.

There's a beautiful woman I've clocked a few times in the gym. I always smile at her and make small talk. Today she arrived in my class (first time ever) with her husband. Some part of me thought that she had brought him along to show to me. Sounds ridiculous and arrogant, but I thought it worth noting... even if it's just about my levels of ego.

Haven't thought much about my celeb client while she has been away on holiday, so that's good news. I was beginning to think that I was properly falling for her. I'm seeing her tonight. Just fuelled up on a protein bar and carrot cake. All the major food groups.

Had an urge to fap earlier, but managed to resist.

Switching back to A tonight for a week.

Very true a girl I use to date said when she was horney she use to take a peek at mens "packets" on the train to see if they had erections or not.

(05-04-2017, 11:06 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]My friend, let me tell you something about women. They are masters of, among other things, hiding their sexual desires and responses. I have learned A LOT about what is really going on under the hood by asking my girlfriend after observing her in a situation. I am pretty much an expert at reading female body language at this point, and there are times when I don't register a thing, but she tells me she was hot and bothered, but trying to hide it.

So don't assume lack of interest. In my experience, women can be smoulderingly horny and pouring wet down their legs and appear to be stone cold on the outside at the same time.

My celeb client showed me a photo of her in her bikini on holiday. This wasn't a photo that's going to make it to her Instagram!

Apparently she had to ask her husband to forward it to her... but failed to mention it was so that she could show me. Haha.

I spent a lot of time with the receptionist tonight, but no progress as far as I can see. I'm her "inappropriate friend".

Went back on to A last night.

I spent a fair bit of time around the receptionist again today. The only small thing I noticed was that at one point when we were both looking at the computer screen she leaned in and her breast was just very lightly touching my arm and stayed there for a little while.

Now, it's possible that she didn't notice due to a thick bra, but girls are sensitive to this stuff. Plus it's the one she just got pierced.... so is probably even more sensitive.

I've had a good few days without fapping now. I'm sure that my gf will want some sex this weekend though. Does sex also reduce the build up of energy? I guess it does.

(05-06-2017, 06:02 AM)swisston Wrote: [ -> ]Went back on to A last night.

I spent a fair bit of time around the receptionist again today. The only small thing I noticed was that at one point when we were both looking at the computer screen she leaned in and her breast was just very lightly touching my arm and stayed there for a little while.

Now, it's possible that she didn't notice due to a thick bra, but girls are sensitive to this stuff. Plus it's the one she just got pierced.... so is probably even more sensitive.

I've had a good few days without fapping now. I'm sure that my gf will want some sex this weekend though. Does sex also reduce the build up of energy? I guess it does.

Sex and masturbation are distinctly different energy-wise. There is potential for reciprocation of energy in sex, where masturbation is just release.

And yeah, she'd have to be pretty out of it not to know she was boobing you.

I was listening to A US on speakers, mid volume last night and my ears warmed up. Could have been unrelated, but no other part of me was particularly hot.

I had my celeb client today, but instead of my usual need for her attention I absolutely didn't give a shit. Interestingly, for the first time ever she had tied up the front of her top to expose her belly a bit.

I definitely felt like I was on top of my game and she would have to fight for my attention. Good shift.

She noticed and asked why I was being so serious today.

I realised that I have a worry that if I'm not initiating some flirting, women aren't going to even notice me let alone​ flirt with me. Today though... I don't care. Got shit to do

Just read RTBoss's journal about the capacity to have feelings for more than one person etc. I 100% an going through the same thing. The problem is not me, it's my gf. She's still firmly locked into the one person and anything else is cheating mentality.

If anything she has been using proxy conversions to drive that point home recently, talking about her clients who have been "destroyed by a partner cheating" or how "cheating is devastating to the other person". I guess she's sensing an increase in value in me and is scared. Justifiably.

This just reinforces my damned resistance to DMSI though. Someone I value and love telling me over and over that I'm going to destroy her life if I succeed in implementing DMSI... aaarrgghh.

What's the solution?

The solution is to realize that if she loved you she wouldn't try to hold you back.

I've had proxy convos to the max recently from family members and it's funny because if I do the same thing they get uncomfortable.

(05-09-2017, 05:49 AM)swisston Wrote: [ -> ]This just reinforces my damned resistance to DMSI though.

I think it does the opposite of that.

It's showing it works, and that you're getting real progress. And that women around you are feeling that and even communicating that new feeling they get from you back to you! Despite resistance from your mind. Amazing, I haven't had that kind of blatant commenting from women, good for you! Fantastic to hear about.

In time when the program is made to work far better, and women do indeed respond properly and obvious enough in line with the design goal, a decision will have to be made. Do you want to continue in this relationship that doesn't seem to serve you at all and you look outward to women you're more into? Or go after girls like both your celeb client or the lifeguard girl that you mention often? There's no right or wrong answer, I'm just saying a decision will have to be made as so far there doesn't seem that one has been made. Maybe in time.