Had a really powerful dream last night. Was in a room with my dad laying down and someone else came in the room and did something and I got angry. After I got angry my dad put his foot on my chest and tried to keep me down. I got even angrier when he did this. I moved his foot off my chest and he was getting ready to fight me. I told him that I would not fight him, but I won't let him disrespect me. I repeated it like 3 times to him.
Feels like I'm fighting some serious inner demons.
Before that dream I slept and woke up in the middle of the night feeling like the sub was losing effectiveness because I didn't have the heavy feeling in my head. After that dream I had the tired feeling for hours after I woke up.
I Kind of want to start running WM2, but I also want to run erpha 2. I know erpha will be better for me in the long run but I just got this new job and there are so many beautiful girls around. Lol also i don't want to drop 500 on a program that might get upgraded in a year or so. I can do other things in the meantime.
I really want to start running another sub. I'm waiting to see the final spec sheet for erpha 2.0. After I see it I'll decide if I want to use that sub or a different one. Until then I'll keep running erpha 1 and I have to say that I really like this sub. It's just making me a more confident and comfortable person in every situation. It's removing the limits placed by other people on me that have been so ingrained that I've been imprisoning myself with them.
I'm starting to think that erpha is starting to lose effectiveness. I've stopped feeling all those relaxed and mellow effects. Now I'm just sort of existing. I'm also getting slightly less exposure than I have been getting. Due to my new job I have to work earlier in the morning so my sleep is reduced which also reduces my sub time. I'm trying to get exposure while I'm at work but I don't know how effective it is since I'm listening on my phone speaker
My average emotional state is lower than before. Meaning that I'm more negative and depressed than I am neutral.
I've been running a new sub for about 11 days now. I'll write more about it later. I'm getting annoyed with this forum lately so I'm not posting as much.
All I will say for now is that if the events of this past week were a result of the sub, This sub is amazing.
(11-20-2015, 09:28 PM)LeonidasXVI Wrote: [ -> ] (11-20-2015, 09:15 PM)Superman Wrote: [ -> ]But I hate it. I hate that I'm so cynical about everything. Because I see everything rationally everything has lost its magic. Everything is just a step in prescribed system. Want a good job? Follow these steps. Want a nice car? Follow these steps. Want a girl to like you? Follow these steps. Want to steal someone's girlfriend? Follow these steps.
Growing up I always believed in fate and destiny and now being able to see the mechanisms behind everything has ruined my outlook on life. Everything is conditional. And I don't feel like jumping through hoops.
This is EXACTLY what I was thinking yesterday! I have always been fascinated by fate and destiny, and everything happens for some magical reason. But since seeing things as they are, everything has lost its charm. If you want something, all you have to do is follow certain steps and it is yours. Sooner or later, it is yours. No magic. No coincidences. Only your intent plus action.
So the question lingers, is that all to life? Maybe yes, maybe not. But yeah, I can totally relate to this feeling.
Damn guys. I find that realism to be the most empowering thing in the world.
Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.
Alright, story time.
Started wm2 on Dec 25th. After that I made plans with a girl to go over and watch a couple movies. I've known this girl for a while and she also has a boyfriend right now. I went over to her place and we watched the first movie. We sat on separate couches at first but I was Cold so I moved over to her couch. When I sat with her our bodies were like a pretzel, legs twisted in each others to fit on the couch. And then we started playing around tickling and teasing each other. I pinned her down and she looked at me with such lust but I didn't act on it because she has a boyfriend.
Then on new years Eve we went to a mutual friends place and we were supposed to go home but we both got drunk and she refused to go home. We both sobered up and ended up twisted together on the couch again and while everyone else was sleeping we started making out.
Fast forward to yesterday, she comes over to my place this time. We finish off the movies and start tickling and teasing each other again and then have sex in my room.
I think I now have a fwb. Hopefully I can save up enough money in the next 20 days to buy stage 2.
(01-06-2016, 08:09 PM)Superman Wrote: [ -> ]Alright, story time.
Started wm2 on Dec 25th. After that I made plans with a girl to go over and watch a couple movies. I've known this girl for a while and she also has a boyfriend right now. I went over to her place and we watched the first movie. We sat on separate couches at first but I was Cold so I moved over to her couch. When I sat with her our bodies were like a pretzel, legs twisted in each others to fit on the couch. And then we started playing around tickling and teasing each other. I pinned her down and she looked at me with such lust but I didn't act on it because she has a boyfriend.
Then on new years Eve we went to a mutual friends place and we were supposed to go home but we both got drunk and she refused to go home. We both sobered up and ended up twisted together on the couch again and while everyone else was sleeping we started making out.
Fast forward to yesterday, she comes over to my place this time. We finish off the movies and start tickling and teasing each other again and then have sex in my room.
I think I now have a fwb. Hopefully I can save up enough money in the next 20 days to buy stage 2.
Is this normal for you? Have you been this easy with women before subs or since BIABWS/AM?
(01-07-2016, 02:09 AM)Vincent_Vega Wrote: [ -> ]Is this normal for you? Have you been this easy with women before subs or since BIABWS/AM?
No this is most definitely not normal for me. I've only been with one girl before this one. And that was over 2 years ago with my girlfriend. This girl I've known for a few years now, we always tease each other and I've had a feeling she was into me but when I had a girl friend she was single and when I was single she had a boyfriend, who she's still with now.
I'm kind of surprised with myself that I'm doing something like this. In the past I would have respected that she was in a relationship and not try to pursue her. But I really feel that my perspective on things has changed. I see girls in relationships as more available than single girls. When a girl is single you're against the whole world. When a girl is in a relationship you only have to be better than one person. And in this girls case I believe I've got that in the bag.
(01-06-2016, 09:59 PM)FrostedFake Wrote: [ -> ]Btw, would you reccomend BIATBWS? I got it during the new year's sale and I might run it after WM or my future SM run.
i feel that biatbws has helped with my perception of my own attractiveness more than manifesting attraction in women. It made me feel more deserving and unashamed of womens attraction and being attracted to attractive women. As a result of feeling more deserving of womens attraction i became more confident with women and that just helped me be more relaxed and playful with them which we all know turns them on.
So I'm not going to say whether you should run it or not. But if you read my journal and liked what it did for me then give it a shot and see what it does for you.
Obvious results that the sub is working superman
But arent you guys concerned in loosing your morals? I used to fuck girls with boyfriends untill i realized that the only one really profiting from is the girl because she can fuck two men without a problem, and still keeping her boyfriend. Do you know one single girl that would allow you to fuck a girl beside her? I dont every girl wants to be your only source or intimacy. Fucking girls with boyfriends will only put her on a pedastel, make her loose respect for you and men in general and make her feel like a queen. Thats why if ever decide to do i fuck her once then dont answer the phonenfor several days and then i tell her that i feel bad for what happened and i dont want to be used by her and dont want to destroy her luck, if she persists i tell her that she has to make a choice
I don't think we view the situation in the same way. I don't think she's really fucking 2 men anyways. She's tired of her boyfriend, if she weren't then I would have had no chance. And I lightly joke with this girl that I'm seeing other girls on the side and she doesn't get jealous. She wants to have three some. The kind with 2 girls and one guy, not the other way.
And with regard to morals. Living by my morals for 20 something years has gotten me no where. It's not such a big deal to be moral. Especially when you realize that most women don't act based on morals. They act based on how they believe society will view them, and their emotional state as well. As far as I'm concerned she's the one doing something immoral. I'm single, she's in a relationship.
If the day ever comes where society doesn't view sluts and whores as a bad thing. You will see the most immoral and ruthless people you have ever seen in your life time.
(01-08-2016, 07:06 AM)Superman Wrote: [ -> ]I don't think we view the situation in the same way. I don't think she's really ***** 2 men anyways. She's tired of her boyfriend, if she weren't then I would have had no chance. And I lightly joke with this girl that I'm seeing other girls on the side and she doesn't get jealous. She wants to have three some. The kind with 2 girls and one guy, not the other way.
And with regard to morals. Living by my morals for 20 something years has gotten me no where. It's not such a big deal to be moral. Especially when you realize that most women don't act based on morals. They act based on how they believe society will view them, and their emotional state as well. As far as I'm concerned she's the one doing something immoral. I'm single, she's in a relationship.
If the day ever comes where society doesn't view sluts and whores as a bad thing. You will see the most immoral and ruthless people you have ever seen in your life time.
Yeah i know i just was concerned about putting her on a pedastle by giving her two lovers to choose from one she only fucks and one she goes visting her parents
But i understand you need something to bang
No one here believing in karma?