This sub is the kind that you need to have a lot of interaction with others to notice the difference. You can't notice it if you're just staying home isolated where nothing is happening in your life.
I don't feel negative, in fact I don't feel much at all. Some of that is from am6 and biatbws, but I feel relatively unattached to things, even when I think of negative events from my past.Not happy, not sad, just neutral.
But i also feel neutral in terms of good events as well.
I had used biatbws for 3 months in the summer, and then one month before I switched to erpha.
I believe it was working just fine, and I'm not sure it was resistance that made me switch. It was a feeling of inadequacy, disappointment and insecurity that I felt could not be covered up by another sub(biatbws, am6,asc). It's a feeling from my past that I've grown up with.
I felt this had to be removed before I could really overcome it and move forward . So I started erpha.
Ok guys, I think I got my first real taste of what erpha can do today. I remember having many dreams last night.
I've had issues with my father since I was small. He was always very critical of me and demanded that I be subservient and obedient to him. So whenever it comes to doing things around him there's always some tension and pressure to perform. Today we did some maintenance on my car and we had to drive it to see if the problem was still there. I drive a manual car and I've never driven with him in the car before. I was calm and relaxed the whole time. Driving as smoothly as I always do, even speeding a bit without caring if he was critical of my driving.
Normally, I'm a shy kind of guy especially when it comes to women. Today I was slightly teasing this girl at work whom I find to be exceedingly attractive. Normally around these types of girls I become a complete doormat. Doing whatever I can to try and please them.
Today I was kind of on fire, teasing all the girls at work and asked the exceedingly pretty girl to come join me and some friends bowling after work. She made an excuse and didn't come. But I didn't even care. I know another guy is flirting with her as well and once again I didn't care at all.
I think erpha is unleashing the biatbws programming as well as my own natural charisma and attitude
Yup, I'm almost certain now. Erpha is eroding my fears and shame away and as a result I'm becoming more bold and confident.
I actually get impulses to approach women now. I haven't quite done it yet, but the thought of it doesn't absolutely terrify me anymore. I feel an extremely sexual vibe(probably from Biatbws) , And I don't believe the things coming out of my mouth sometimes. The old me would never be so bold and reckless.
I think this sub is really doing me some good.
Also I think I was right before when I said you need to interact with others to truly notice the difference. The first 2 weeks I ran the sub I was mostly at home and had minimal interaction with other people. Really noticed the diff once I was interacting with others
(12-05-2015, 07:15 PM)yeah! Wrote: [ -> ]Hopefully with 3 months this is permanent.
Yup, Shannon can take his time with OF. I think I'll be going with erpha for around 3-4 months. I'll change it when the next semester ends. So that would be around the end of April. I like doing my subs with the semester. That way I don't experience the extreme drowsiness and exhaustion from adjusting to a new sub.
Had some bad dreams the other night about a person I don't like. Hopefully I released those terrible memories. I Woke up feeling kind of strange. Just kept playing the sub and while the memory of the dream stayed with me the feeling neutralized. Went to school to write an exam and I was so sexually charged. I'm noticing how attractive the girls in my class are and I'm p totally mellow. I'm still pretty charged up and I'm trying my best to avoid masturbating but it gets tough sometimes.
If I had to describe erpha in a summary, I'd call it the mellow sub. When I run erpha I don't feel extremely energetic or happy. But I also don't feel terrible or extremely tired. I'm just in a content mood where I'm unaffected by anything around me. I can see things in a playful and not serious manner, and I'm just chill.
I like this sub.
Oh also a spider crawled on me today and I felt tension and anxiety still, there was some fear at first but I rationalized it away. I couldn't kill it or make too many sudden movements because I was writing my exam when it happened. I blew it off me but it kept crawling back towards me. So I suppose I'm still anxious around insects. I rationalized that even if it did bite me it wouldn't do anything at all. I just don't like things sneaking up on me, especially spiders.
(12-05-2015, 06:10 PM)Superman Wrote: [ -> ]Yup, I'm almost certain now. Erpha is eroding my fears and shame away and as a result I'm becoming more bold and confident.
I actually get impulses to approach women now. I haven't quite done it yet, but the thought of it doesn't absolutely terrify me anymore. I feel an extremely sexual vibe(probably from Biatbws) , And I don't believe the things coming out of my mouth sometimes. The old me would never be so bold and reckless.
I think this sub is really doing me some good.
Also I think I was right before when I said you need to interact with others to truly notice the difference. The first 2 weeks I ran the sub I was mostly at home and had minimal interaction with other people. Really noticed the diff once I was interacting with others
Now just imagine OF 5G and REPHA 2.0 being released.
(12-07-2015, 03:29 PM)Multiworld Wrote: [ -> ]Now just imagine OF 5G and REPHA 2.0 being released.
Imagining is all I'll be able to do since I'm flat broke. Hence why I'm running erpha instead of OF
(12-07-2015, 05:08 PM)Superman Wrote: [ -> ] (12-07-2015, 03:29 PM)Multiworld Wrote: [ -> ]Now just imagine OF 5G and REPHA 2.0 being released.
Imagining is all I'll be able to do since I'm flat broke. Hence why I'm running erpha instead of OF
I here you and it makes sense but on a positive spin,tomorrow may bring better fortunes your way,I hope,could happen!
Had a lot more strange dreams once again. Multiple parts
Part 1: at my old house and also my old apartment which I lived before that house. There was some kind of computer problem and so many people were trying to help me but no luck. After that I went to the elevator and the girl from work was there and we started touching each other and making out.
Dream 2:
I was at work at night and there was a party outside the building. Apparently there was some type of solar alignment and all of a sudden the sun grew to 20 times normal size and filled half the sky and peoples skin started roasting and they started dying. The sun went a way and people were trying to recover. Some people died but the survivors kept partying.
Dream 3:
I was in the forest participating in some kind of competition to go through the forest and collect things. I go through the forest and I encounter a bug that makes a sound like a cricket but it's the size of a squirrel with wings and claws and uses the sound to draw people in. I went close and it jumped at me and I dodged it and ran. Then I encountered a (banana) spider. It jumped at me as well but it missed. I found a big stick and I just started killing these bugs. Then I jumped in a hollow log and used my stick as a paddle, and went back so fast. Even though there was no water..
Strange dreams continue :
Part 1: I was spending time with the girl who I loved more than anyone else in my entire life. We're friends now but in the dream we were acting like we were dating although she's married. and in the dream we were walking around a mall shopping and then we stopped at someone's house to rest. While I was laying down she grabbed my butt and I got up and said I have to get her back for that one. I grabbed her butt with both hands and got a good deep feel. Sue was trying to squirm away but I wouldn't let her go. She was laughing and giggling and we started kissing.
Dream 2: my family and I were on a massive ship but the inside of the ship was just like a house and everyone had their own room. I was exploring the ship looking around at all th different rooms and wondering if there was anyone else on the ship.
Dream 3: I was in a house that is a combination of my old house and my current house. I was laying in bed in my room and I notice some colour from outside. I looked out the window and it was a beautiful sunset with mist and fog over a valley and purple coloured hills. The hills closer to me were more purple and the ones farther away were white because of the fog. I was looking for my camera to take a picture and then the sun started to eclipse. I got the pictures.
The next day I went to a camera shop to buy a new lens for my camera but the person was so dumb they didn't even help me. When I got back home I hear some people talking and kids running around the front yard at my house. Then I see my cousin come in the door. I haven't seen these cousins in almost 10 years because of a family feud. They said they're dad was calling me downstairs. I asked why, and they said just come. I went down and they were all taking pictures together. They didn't know how to use the camera as well as I could so I offered to help. When I started to take the pic I noticed the sun starting to eclipse again. Then my dad said something about helping my uncle get notification on his phone for when apricots are ready.
That's all. Strange right?
Well I just found out that both girls I've been pursuing are now dating other guys. I kinda hate my life right now. But erpha is keeping me mellow as it has done since I started running it. This sub is a very nice emotional pain drug.
It makes my miserable life somewhat bearable. I'm pretty lonely these days. I miss being in a relationship and having someone there who I can open up to and trust.
Oh well. I'll just keep running the sub. The numbing is kind of addictive
Had another dream today about being at a church and there was a function going on. Except this function was a bunch of people playing video games. Later I went to a different area of the church and there was a girl who used to babysit me when I was small. She was studying or doing homework and I was talking to her and she started to have an asthma attack and I gave her her inhaler and she got better. That's all I can remember. Not very eventful.
I'm still very mellow and chilled out. I feel like a lot of my anxiety, fear, guilt and shame are being eroded away. Other people noticed how mellow I am and tell me that I'm so emotionless, and how I need to show more emotion. Just because I'm neutral they think I'm emotionless. I actually tried to be emotionless when I was younger. I ended up not being emotionless but being negative all the time and negating the positive emotions.
Onward with erpha!
Once again I had a multitude of dreams:
Dream 1: I remember being around my old house and there was a girl who I had a crush on when I was in 5th grade. We were there with a bunch of other people and we were doing something and some stuff fell off the table and I was helping her pick it up. While helping her I said something to her and she gave me a weird look and wasn't friendly with me anymore. Can't remember the rest of that one
Dream 2: I was at a mall shopping by myself and I see my ex there. She was apparently with another girl who she never hangs out with in real life. They were sitting at a table talking and eating. Then afterwards I was walking down the street and I looked in one of the shops it was just some beds lined up and she was laying on the bed at the end. Naked. I went in the shop and just started having sex with her. At first she told me to get off her, but as I started stroking she started telling me to do it harder. And I remember looking at my watch because I never lasted that long before. It was probably over two hours.
I'm sure there was another dream but I forgot it as I was trying to recall the other two.