08-26-2012, 09:05 PM
Hey guys!!
I figured I'd start a new journal to get some
of my subliminal experiences, success, and issues off of my chest.
Right now I'm running winners mindset and Luck magnifier.
Winners mindset is great. I never realized how much I abdicated my own
healthy ego and sense of healthy pride until I started running this set. The disconnecting from others negativity and going after what I want is awesome as well. Both extremely obvious and awesome.
In the next version there should definitely be some scripting added about
being fully entitled to and deserving, and even grateful, for whatever the user wants. I think in any case that would give it a nice finishing touch for follow through in 'winning' and congruence and in my case especially I am noticing a lot of deserving issues, and apathy based on even being worthy or feeling entitled to have what I want coming up. At least the contrast of that to my new winning self at least.
I'm NOTICING this but I'm also noticing it fading more and more and have just been struggling in a minor way with some of the up-downs of that.
Luck Magnifier is off the charts incredible and I can tell its only in its baby stages, when it starts going full gear WHOAA!!...look out time space multiple reality continuum being positively manipulated to meet my ultimately shallow conscious wants and needs lol.
In a week and a half of use 2 new opportunities for consistent cash came out of thin air. A distant cousin heard I was a trainer and I am getting paid to train him for college basketball 4-6 times a week, and my mom's old friend for highschool is paying me 12$ an hour to help him out with life. Not as a life coach or anything like that lol. He is just pretty depressed and called for my help to move, said he paid me, to just help out with stuff like that in his life. And now were doing that and hanging out and playing guitar and fun stuff like that-and I'm getting paid for it lol.
Last night-walking to a party I thought about the kind of woman I wanted to meet that night, and she was literally on the next block, we talked for while we walked in the same direction for a bit and then she had to go up to her house but went in to kiss me and make out with me for a bit before she headed up. Later on a met a more perfect 'version' and less tipsy
of the kind of girl I wanted to meet was at the bar I went to.
Back to journaling out the gook...The biggest issue in my life right now are 2 fold. 1. Internal-self sabotage-fear of success and even some victim thinking I never realized I had...more on that later. The second issue is finding new direction and pulling all the incredible things I am interested in improving on/working on together. After 2 years of subs I'm really f-ing good at noticing opportunities and capitalizing on them, as well as creating them, right now I'm struggling with the energy to do those more consistently. I do something every day to take my life forward, but I also waste a lot of time circling, thinking to much (trying to resolve stuff mentality, cover everything, and make it perfect) and just being really tired, I see where I am out of control here and burn out trying to change everything at once and to impatient to take it slow...just have to manage my energy better.
I've been meditating alot lately and the differences in the quality of my life are fantastic, there is definitely a very objective sense of the past coming up to get healed in the present. This is all good but I am also starting to get some clarity on
some really 'monster' emotions that
I'm seeing now have been creating a lot of
victim thinking, and circumstances of stuck-ness and inability to ever fully succeed, I can't stay consistent and I lose it right whenever I am crossing the finish line with anything that matters to me, I've been experiencing alot of success in short term gratification areas, quick money, quick intimate encounters etc, really rewarding sense of contribution and community with certain groups I am involved in etc.. but I'm struggling with doing or succeeding at things that really matter to me, building a real foundation for myself in life, finding my place in life even, following chosen paths instead of circling in the grooves of conditioning and child hood imprints, having relationships that go somewhere where I can have a synergy with someone I am really attracted to and we can actually make an impact on teacher's lives. Both with friends and woman, replace attraction with admirer, respect, and trust for male friends.
Intellectually I never feel or see myself as a victim but these 'monster' emotions seem very related to self sabotage and victim thinking and very connected to the negative way those close to me perceive me. I also can't ever seem to cover all the ground I want to with subs-one thing goes up-another goes down, dropping alpha, I'm feeling to complacent and not strong enough, , on alpha I'm more robotic, lets interested in anything, dropping seek the challenge I'm not making as much purposeful progress, on seek the challenge its to much go go go-.
Its nothing to drastic but I can just intuit the tremendous amount of life energy and success that would be free'd up if these 'monster-emotion' got resolved/transcended and I found sub combos that complimented each-other, or ran one at a time..., not gonna happen! lol, I find since running winners mindset and LM, my actions and general attitude are much more positive and in line with someone in control of his life and able to succeed and go after what I want, but some emotions/resistance going on inside and how their overtly effecting myself and my life is pretty obvious as well, especially in anything that involves completion.
Was wondering how much Alpha 5.0 might deal with some of this really deep internal stuff that might be coming up...
I've been in a wasteland for a while now
right now I'm making the best of the world I kind of wound myself into
and my big goal right now is to make the shift into living completely in a world of my own choice, having the financial independence, credentials, and connections to do that, so I can get started on all the things I am driven to do in my life. Not just dabble in them, but live them.
My self sabatoge/ stuckness seems to involve two major components
1. The negativity I grew up with and its involvement in my life both-i.e. family
2. My own fear of success and sense of deserving-ness
3. Finding a balance between being happy and grateful as well as success oriented, thinking big, and staying motivated-even though those things are not mutually exclusive-to me there like a see-saw-up goes one , down goes the other-
It's like I can create everything I want for myself but I cannot actually accept it, grab onto it, and certainly can't hold on to it at this point.
Concretely what that means is work wise-I keep giving up interviews and opportunities that may or may not work to do short term free lance jobs here and there that will definitively pay.
Woman wise-it means I always eject, not premature ejaculate lol, when things are going well woman I actually really like and someone I could see consistently in my life, and then get a wee bit despondent about it since I struggle crossing that bridge.
Creative wise-I never bring projects, writing, art, music, to completion and keep resisting starting on the path of learning how to run my own business.
Personal wise-I always find some way that something is wrong, or I feel off or not good enough.
Don't get me wrong my life is pretty awesome right now and so is how I feel about myself-but from almost a clinical viewpoint I see this 'negativity' opportunities in my 'system' and its like a dissonance and off-ness that I want to resolve/transcend-evolve beyond.
I'm going to be doing the new WM or Alpha soon and want to run along side and before-end self sabatoge, attract positive energy, everything is possible, and deep gratitude and appreciation, ultra success, happiness and joy, asc and possibly overcome victim thinking although I am not so sure how necessary that will be with the other sets I'll be running-especially if its Alpha 5.0. I figure a month or two before my next 6 stage set.
I'm going to continue LM since its pretty rad and a bit of a life saver right now, and I'm deciding between EIP, end self sabatoge, or attract positive energy to run with it after I wrap up winners mindset...suggestions are as always appreciated
and Shannon-from my extremely limited understanding-alot of the internal conflicts, and drifting into abstraction-inability to turn thoughts, visions, creation, into concrete reality, focus and hard work doesn't seem to be entirely cutting it-especially when the internal sense of direction and desire is shifting so often, are note-able potential down sides to Pisces-any good advice on how to integrate/deal with those things (subliminal's aside) or where the silver lining is thanx.
I figured I'd start a new journal to get some
of my subliminal experiences, success, and issues off of my chest.
Right now I'm running winners mindset and Luck magnifier.
Winners mindset is great. I never realized how much I abdicated my own
healthy ego and sense of healthy pride until I started running this set. The disconnecting from others negativity and going after what I want is awesome as well. Both extremely obvious and awesome.
In the next version there should definitely be some scripting added about
being fully entitled to and deserving, and even grateful, for whatever the user wants. I think in any case that would give it a nice finishing touch for follow through in 'winning' and congruence and in my case especially I am noticing a lot of deserving issues, and apathy based on even being worthy or feeling entitled to have what I want coming up. At least the contrast of that to my new winning self at least.
I'm NOTICING this but I'm also noticing it fading more and more and have just been struggling in a minor way with some of the up-downs of that.
Luck Magnifier is off the charts incredible and I can tell its only in its baby stages, when it starts going full gear WHOAA!!...look out time space multiple reality continuum being positively manipulated to meet my ultimately shallow conscious wants and needs lol.
In a week and a half of use 2 new opportunities for consistent cash came out of thin air. A distant cousin heard I was a trainer and I am getting paid to train him for college basketball 4-6 times a week, and my mom's old friend for highschool is paying me 12$ an hour to help him out with life. Not as a life coach or anything like that lol. He is just pretty depressed and called for my help to move, said he paid me, to just help out with stuff like that in his life. And now were doing that and hanging out and playing guitar and fun stuff like that-and I'm getting paid for it lol.
Last night-walking to a party I thought about the kind of woman I wanted to meet that night, and she was literally on the next block, we talked for while we walked in the same direction for a bit and then she had to go up to her house but went in to kiss me and make out with me for a bit before she headed up. Later on a met a more perfect 'version' and less tipsy
of the kind of girl I wanted to meet was at the bar I went to. Back to journaling out the gook...The biggest issue in my life right now are 2 fold. 1. Internal-self sabotage-fear of success and even some victim thinking I never realized I had...more on that later. The second issue is finding new direction and pulling all the incredible things I am interested in improving on/working on together. After 2 years of subs I'm really f-ing good at noticing opportunities and capitalizing on them, as well as creating them, right now I'm struggling with the energy to do those more consistently. I do something every day to take my life forward, but I also waste a lot of time circling, thinking to much (trying to resolve stuff mentality, cover everything, and make it perfect) and just being really tired, I see where I am out of control here and burn out trying to change everything at once and to impatient to take it slow...just have to manage my energy better.
I've been meditating alot lately and the differences in the quality of my life are fantastic, there is definitely a very objective sense of the past coming up to get healed in the present. This is all good but I am also starting to get some clarity on
some really 'monster' emotions that
I'm seeing now have been creating a lot of
victim thinking, and circumstances of stuck-ness and inability to ever fully succeed, I can't stay consistent and I lose it right whenever I am crossing the finish line with anything that matters to me, I've been experiencing alot of success in short term gratification areas, quick money, quick intimate encounters etc, really rewarding sense of contribution and community with certain groups I am involved in etc.. but I'm struggling with doing or succeeding at things that really matter to me, building a real foundation for myself in life, finding my place in life even, following chosen paths instead of circling in the grooves of conditioning and child hood imprints, having relationships that go somewhere where I can have a synergy with someone I am really attracted to and we can actually make an impact on teacher's lives. Both with friends and woman, replace attraction with admirer, respect, and trust for male friends.
Intellectually I never feel or see myself as a victim but these 'monster' emotions seem very related to self sabotage and victim thinking and very connected to the negative way those close to me perceive me. I also can't ever seem to cover all the ground I want to with subs-one thing goes up-another goes down, dropping alpha, I'm feeling to complacent and not strong enough, , on alpha I'm more robotic, lets interested in anything, dropping seek the challenge I'm not making as much purposeful progress, on seek the challenge its to much go go go-.
Its nothing to drastic but I can just intuit the tremendous amount of life energy and success that would be free'd up if these 'monster-emotion' got resolved/transcended and I found sub combos that complimented each-other, or ran one at a time..., not gonna happen! lol, I find since running winners mindset and LM, my actions and general attitude are much more positive and in line with someone in control of his life and able to succeed and go after what I want, but some emotions/resistance going on inside and how their overtly effecting myself and my life is pretty obvious as well, especially in anything that involves completion.
Was wondering how much Alpha 5.0 might deal with some of this really deep internal stuff that might be coming up...
I've been in a wasteland for a while now
right now I'm making the best of the world I kind of wound myself into
and my big goal right now is to make the shift into living completely in a world of my own choice, having the financial independence, credentials, and connections to do that, so I can get started on all the things I am driven to do in my life. Not just dabble in them, but live them.
My self sabatoge/ stuckness seems to involve two major components
1. The negativity I grew up with and its involvement in my life both-i.e. family
2. My own fear of success and sense of deserving-ness
3. Finding a balance between being happy and grateful as well as success oriented, thinking big, and staying motivated-even though those things are not mutually exclusive-to me there like a see-saw-up goes one , down goes the other-
It's like I can create everything I want for myself but I cannot actually accept it, grab onto it, and certainly can't hold on to it at this point.
Concretely what that means is work wise-I keep giving up interviews and opportunities that may or may not work to do short term free lance jobs here and there that will definitively pay.
Woman wise-it means I always eject, not premature ejaculate lol, when things are going well woman I actually really like and someone I could see consistently in my life, and then get a wee bit despondent about it since I struggle crossing that bridge.
Creative wise-I never bring projects, writing, art, music, to completion and keep resisting starting on the path of learning how to run my own business.
Personal wise-I always find some way that something is wrong, or I feel off or not good enough.
Don't get me wrong my life is pretty awesome right now and so is how I feel about myself-but from almost a clinical viewpoint I see this 'negativity' opportunities in my 'system' and its like a dissonance and off-ness that I want to resolve/transcend-evolve beyond.
I'm going to be doing the new WM or Alpha soon and want to run along side and before-end self sabatoge, attract positive energy, everything is possible, and deep gratitude and appreciation, ultra success, happiness and joy, asc and possibly overcome victim thinking although I am not so sure how necessary that will be with the other sets I'll be running-especially if its Alpha 5.0. I figure a month or two before my next 6 stage set.
I'm going to continue LM since its pretty rad and a bit of a life saver right now, and I'm deciding between EIP, end self sabatoge, or attract positive energy to run with it after I wrap up winners mindset...suggestions are as always appreciated
and Shannon-from my extremely limited understanding-alot of the internal conflicts, and drifting into abstraction-inability to turn thoughts, visions, creation, into concrete reality, focus and hard work doesn't seem to be entirely cutting it-especially when the internal sense of direction and desire is shifting so often, are note-able potential down sides to Pisces-any good advice on how to integrate/deal with those things (subliminal's aside
) or where the silver lining is thanx.
).