(10-01-2012, 08:54 AM)Spiral Wrote: [ -> ]What really helped me was finally being ok with it. I'm almost 25 and I've never had a girlfriend. First and foremost you must be honest even with new people. Honest about everything. Who the fuck cares if you are 25 and have never had a girlfriend. If someone actually cares they have their own problems and insecurities which stems from that it self (being a late bloomer). Anyone who is grounded, successful, and gets loads of women could care less. In fact those people may want to help you.
One of my buddies who is incredibly successful flawless with women and is honest and knows himself has helped me. Ive actually had other friends who seemed like they would poke more fun at me but they would always say they are jsut trying to help me grow. My college friends were better than most of my high school friends.
But it's ok Javier. your standards are going up.. your perspective is changing as well as your priorities. I've been on the SM refresher for aseveral days now and lol... my sex drive hasn't increased much and I've become more indifferent. it's very empowering because I know I have priorities above getting a ***** girlfriend.. letting alone getting laid. Once you figure out that the only person that can give you the value, love, and validation you seek is yourself.. you will become happy.
Your post really help shed some light in my situation. I partly know what you are talking about, I even remember Shannon gave me a helping hand about this too when I started my journal here. I probably just need to hear it from someone.
True I have a lot of friends in my life even beautiful women whom I currently hang out with. But I keep on lying about my status on women to them. Well I didn't say that I have a girlfriend, I just say that I already had one in the past. I said that because I will really come off as a big creep and it is weird for a guy to never had a girl yet in his mid 20s. This became my thinking because most if not all my girl friends have pointed out that they don't want anything to do with a guy with very little experience. I firmly believe that I should let go of that thinking man. But it is very hard to let go. All these years of negative social programming really has a very nasty effect on me. And after almost three years of dedicating my life on improvement, I still believe I have a long way to go.
Progress is really slow man and I don't want to spend another 3 years on trying to improve myself if I again get little results in regards to having women.
(10-01-2012, 09:30 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Javier, Spiral nailed it, but there's another thing to consider. You never help yourself by lying. Here's an example.
By saying you have a girlfriend, you're telling women, "Stop, back off, I'm taken." Why would a woman continue to pursue you at that point? You're killing your own chances of having a girlfriend by claiming to already have one.
And... by lying... any woman who knows you're lying, or finds out you're lying, won't trust you. And that kills your chances of dating her!
It never, ever pays to lie to women, because you'll never get anything back but what you don't want.
Yeah man I should stop lying. But I never told them I currently have a girlfriend. Just had one or two in the past but not that serious. The problem is I basically am known by having that history. If I tell a new girl the truth she might eventually discover that I instead be lying because my friends will say otherwise.
One reason that I lie is that I seem to get more confident and more IOIs from girls when I tell them that in the past, I have a lot of women in my life. I feel it's preselection. If I continue to present myself as being that guy that has never been loved, women will see me as that - without any preselection from other women.
Quote:Yeah man I should stop lying. But I never told them I currently have a girlfriend. Just had one or two in the past but not that serious. The problem is I basically am known by having that history. If I tell a new girl the truth she might eventually discover that I instead be lying because my friends will say otherwise.
One reason that I lie is that I seem to get more confident and more IOIs from girls when I tell them that in the past, I have a lot of women in my life. I feel it's preselection. If I continue to present myself as being that guy that has never been loved, women will see me as that - without any preselection from other women.
Once upon a time there was a man who stepped on a thorn, which became embedded deep in his foot. He knew it would be painful to pull out, so he did not. Eventually, it became infected, and the infection caused his foot to swell and become very sensitive and sore. Whenever he touched the thorn to pull it out, it hurt so bad he didn't dare. As the infection got worse, so did the pain. Eventually the infection became life threatening and the pain was absolutely unbearable. He had to have the thorn removed by a doctor, who charged him so much he went bankrupt after having a heart attack and dying. After he died and went bankrupt, his family had to pay his medical bill and his burial costs, which meant they couldn't afford to buy food, and they all died of starvation. When this happened, they couldn't afford to be buried, so their corpses started a horrible plague which infected and killed everyone on earth. And then the earth exploded.
Now, if that man had simply faced the fact that the thorn would hurt coming out, but not as much as it would hurt staying in, he would still be alive, and so would everyone on earth, and the earth wouldn't have exploded.
While I am being a little silly here because I'm tired, the moral here is that doing the wrong thing because it's easier than fixing it, is only going to make fixing it harder, more painful and more costly later on.
So you can keep lying, and stay single forever... or you can be honest, own the truth, and eventually get a girl.
Your choice. But people who don't take my advice invariably live to regret it. I suggest you consider carefully how to proceed.
(10-02-2012, 10:52 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]The shame comes from your belief that you have to judge your own progress by that of others. That is not true. Your progress is only judgeable by comparing it to your own past progress. What others do is not an accurate way to judge your own situation because others are not you. Let go of the belief that you have to do what others are doing, and allow yourself to be your own man, and move at your own pace.
I see your point Shannon. I always seem to be that guy that keeps on comparing myself to other people. This happening for some time now and only recently around 6 months ago when this "insecurity" of mine has been diminishing. Now I feel that my subconscious and negative insecure self is fighting back with everything it got just to keep alive. I know I am improving and there are days wherein I am entirely accepting and secure of myself. But when I'm back up against a wall and slightly felt down, just like what happened last weekend, my former self keeps on coming back to say how inadequate I am compared to others.
(10-02-2012, 09:57 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Once upon a time there was a man who stepped on a thorn, which became embedded deep in his foot. He knew it would be painful to pull out, so he did not. Eventually, it became infected, and the infection caused his foot to swell and become very sensitive and sore. Whenever he touched the thorn to pull it out, it hurt so bad he didn't dare. As the infection got worse, so did the pain. Eventually the infection became life threatening and the pain was absolutely unbearable. He had to have the thorn removed by a doctor, who charged him so much he went bankrupt after having a heart attack and dying. After he died and went bankrupt, his family had to pay his medical bill and his burial costs, which meant they couldn't afford to buy food, and they all died of starvation. When this happened, they couldn't afford to be buried, so their corpses started a horrible plague which infected and killed everyone on earth. And then the earth exploded.
Now, if that man had simply faced the fact that the thorn would hurt coming out, but not as much as it would hurt staying in, he would still be alive, and so would everyone on earth, and the earth wouldn't have exploded.
While I am being a little silly here because I'm tired, the moral here is that doing the wrong thing because it's easier than fixing it, is only going to make fixing it harder, more painful and more costly later on.
So you can keep lying, and stay single forever... or you can be honest, own the truth, and eventually get a girl.
Your choice. But people who don't take my advice invariably live to regret it. I suggest you consider carefully how to proceed.
Thanks for sharing that story man. Yeah it is silly but it makes a great point that I should very well keep in mind. I believe that what your subs and advice to us are for the long term.
I do not want to lie anymore. From now on I would do my very best to be an honest guy. This will be no easy feat as I tried this also in the past few months too and failed.
I remember Cory Skyy also showed this by saying that he admits to women that he is a badboy who dates other women at the same time. As such he looks genuine and real to other people especially to women. In our time where authentic people are lacking, people who are indeed honest and true to themselves are really attractive. It shows high self esteem and confidence which I want to attain from using your program.
I should have thought always that honesty and integrity are much more important than preselection and what others think of myself.
Another thing though man. I've had friends before whom I dropped out of my social life because they seem to be the guys who seem to prevent me to becoming the man I want to be. I don't want to do that again especially due to the fact that some of the friends I left doesn't like me anymore that much. From this, I have discovered that true friends should be accepting of who we are and what we want to become. I can definitely say that I am because I have experienced otherwise.
Now in relation to women, if she end up not liking me for not having much experience with women should I just accept it, move on and find another? This is what usually goes on in my mind whenever I am already having a connection with a girl. I kind of feel she'll leave whenever I will say the truth. Then my neediness kicks in. I know that as an Alpha Male I should be the prize and stop giving a f*ck what women think. But I keep on repeating the same mistakes.
In the end I always know what I should do but I make mistakes and beat myself up for doing such. I feel that I'm like a drug addict. Instead of being addicted of drugs, I'm addicted to self-defeating, failing myself, being insecure, having lots of fears etc.
Here's how this works.
When you drop the lies, you will suffer for it. But, the suffering is going to be a lot less than you think. And when you're honest, you will find that what happens is that those who are not right for you will naturally fall away, and those who are will naturally be attracted. Honesty is a polarizer. The women who will walk away are the ones you didn't want anyway.
That's the beauty of honesty. It gets you what you actually wanted.
(10-01-2012, 11:01 AM)jimbobday Wrote: [ -> ]Hey dude I know what its like. I used to do the exact same things. I would lie to even my best friends about my women situation. I would act like I have had a lot of women in my life. One thing that did end up getting me was a women that lied herself. The funny thing was I was so good at lying that I even convinced myself of my lies and this attracted women who were similar in that respect. At the end of the day I ended up getting hurt quite badly through being lied to and deceived.
I then made a promise to myself to cut out my lies around that specific aspect of life and you know what I get on with my friends better than ever now and I even have the odd women approach me that has genuine self esteem and self confidence. I started out just sharing honestly with a few people and realising that hey they still like me I don't need to put on this act any longer 
Letting go of it has helped me with my neediness because I feel its ok not to have a girlfriend or not to have had a huge amount of experience with girls
I know the shame man but at the end of the day if they are good friends they will still like you and as spiral said will more times than not want to help you out.
Hey jimbo!
Looks like the Law of Attraction really did it's work on you. The only flip-side is that you attracted a girl who is roughly the same as you, a woman who is not true to herself.
I totally agree that being honest us the way to go for me from now on. Even though I might face embarrassment from such, I shouldn't be affected by it. Hell, I just got myself embarrassed in front of a large audience recently. It did hurt but deep down inside me it was a good opportunity for me to finally overcome my fear of being the center of attention. And I did.
Thanks a lot man especially for knowing and understanding my shame. I now firmly believe that I am on my way to where I want to be. But it isn't going to be easy. I will face a lot more challenges and I will brace myself up for them. The path to success and greatness is not an easy path to take.
Around Day 40+ of ASC 5G Report
Changes are now becoming more prominent. Earlier I went out to do some window shopping and I happen to be able to flirt with a saleslady. Before, I am not comfortable with this or am only comfortable if I am with a friend. I'm still a bit shaky and had a few moments wherein I felt that I lose my cool but in the end my flirting was pretty much okay.
When I walk I try to walk with an air of confidence. My back straight and chest out. As Cory Skyy has said, "Being sexy is not a part time job." I want to internalize that because I feel that before I was only "trying to be sexy" when I'm with a girl or when the situations calls for it. Now, I want to be sexy FULL TIME. Anywhere, Anytime.
I still had a couple of things I want to post but I can't to remember them. I will be posting more powerful results soon.
Dude Awesome Javier!
Thats a huge step. Flirting with the sales lady alone whilst maybe others are behind you in line or whatever.
That was a big change for me too a while back. Things started to gradually progress and I virtually do it to any woman in sales, or department stores etc naturally. And being sexy full time rocks!
(10-11-2012, 05:08 AM)Spiral Wrote: [ -> ]Dude Awesome Javier!
Thats a huge step. Flirting with the sales lady alone whilst maybe others are behind you in line or whatever.
That was a big change for me too a while back. Things started to gradually progress and I virtually do it to any woman in sales, or department stores etc naturally. And being sexy full time rocks!
Thanks a lot man. I actually was able to flirt back with salesladies when I was starting two years ago. But most of the time I do them when I am with my friend or a sibling. I always am not confident of my abilities, specifically flirting and attracting women when I'm alone. It seems that before I have usually depended mostly on my wingman.
I'm not sure what is the cause for this. Sometimes, I just feel a bit insecure when I'm alone outside. I'm just really used to going out with a friend. Would practicing going out alone be of great help here?
I really want to be able to attract women by my own which is why when I have a spare time, I am continually trying to push myself out of my comfort zone and socialize. Wish me luck and to you too man!
Anyway, when I listen to ASC 5G nowadays I don't encounter any headaches, nausea etc. Like I can barely notice the difference whether I turned my player for ASC 5G or not.
Does this mean that my mind isn't anymore resisting this 5th Generation sub? Or I already have milked every last ounce that I can get from this sub?
I'll second that! Good job flirting with the saleslady! The great thing about flirting with them is that it's their job to be nice to you. You're guaranteed to have good practice, and that will make your future flirtations more comfortable.
Keep it up, man!
I enjoy flirting with the ladies that don't flirt with me initially or have no desire to be nice to me. So I personally bring their spirits up rather than wait for them or any other girl to flirt with me. Always something to think about..
(10-11-2012, 06:27 AM)Javier Gerardo Wrote: [ -> ]Anyway, when I listen to ASC 5G nowadays I don't encounter any headaches, nausea etc. Like I can barely notice the difference whether I turned my player for ASC 5G or not.
Does this mean that my mind isn't anymore resisting this 5th Generation sub? Or I already have milked every last ounce that I can get from this sub?
I think that your brain has become used with the extra 5G effort.
Beefed up the brain so to speak. Better circulation of blood, oxygen and stuff.
Just a guess tho.
(10-11-2012, 08:54 AM)Elusive Wrote: [ -> ] (10-11-2012, 06:27 AM)Javier Gerardo Wrote: [ -> ]Anyway, when I listen to ASC 5G nowadays I don't encounter any headaches, nausea etc. Like I can barely notice the difference whether I turned my player for ASC 5G or not.
Does this mean that my mind isn't anymore resisting this 5th Generation sub? Or I already have milked every last ounce that I can get from this sub?
I think that your brain has become used with the extra 5G effort.
Beefed up the brain so to speak. Better circulation of blood, oxygen and stuff.
Just a guess tho.
Shannon has mentioned this elsewhere, that the brain demands more blood to deliver the nutrients required for being run at 100% while processing a 5G subliminal. Once your body adapts, and meets this increased demand, that type of headache will disappear.
(10-11-2012, 10:53 AM)Sean Wrote: [ -> ] (10-11-2012, 08:54 AM)Elusive Wrote: [ -> ] (10-11-2012, 06:27 AM)Javier Gerardo Wrote: [ -> ]Anyway, when I listen to ASC 5G nowadays I don't encounter any headaches, nausea etc. Like I can barely notice the difference whether I turned my player for ASC 5G or not.
Does this mean that my mind isn't anymore resisting this 5th Generation sub? Or I already have milked every last ounce that I can get from this sub?
I think that your brain has become used with the extra 5G effort.
Beefed up the brain so to speak. Better circulation of blood, oxygen and stuff.
Just a guess tho.
Shannon has mentioned this elsewhere, that the brain demands more blood to deliver the nutrients required for being run at 100% while processing a 5G subliminal. Once your body adapts, and meets this increased demand, that type of headache will disappear.
Now I think I've read that before. Thanks for reminding me. I even tried listening to the Masked Subs of ASC 5g just to make sure. Again I didn't get any headaches.
(10-11-2012, 08:02 AM)Sean Wrote: [ -> ]I'll second that! Good job flirting with the saleslady! The great thing about flirting with them is that it's their job to be nice to you. You're guaranteed to have good practice, and that will make your future flirtations more comfortable.
Keep it up, man!
Thanks Sean. Now my problem would be consistency. I always have been flirting with a cute salesperson before but I wasn't doing them consistently. The same with going out and socializing.
Okay time for another update.
Absolute Self Confidence has been hitting me hard everyday. I continue listening to it nonstop for at least 8 hours a day. There are days wherein I feel I have been listening to it for up to 16 hours a day.
Past weekend has been kind of tough for me again. I happen to came up with a realization of how I manage to screw or f**k up some of the chances that I should have gotten with women. There were instances wherein I didn't pursue any contact with a girl because I wasn't that attracted to her. This was even though I can entirely feel and see that she really wants me. Another one is when I end up unconsciously friendzoning a girl because I couldn't take her seriously back then or I have other girls in my mind.
(As they say having standards is one thing but as my friend had said "Beggars can't be choosy". I don't consider myself a beggar but my virginity kind of sets me the same as them.)
Anyway going back, this hit me because I felt that was already a good time for me to kind of experiment and finally be with a girl. A friend of mine had said that I should at least go and have sex with girls whom I don't like just for experience. Me, being the gentleman nice guy, wouldn't want to hurt a girl's feelings and just f**k them for the sake of experience. I have always gotten this dilemma because I want to be like Cory Skyy who is the "Badboy with a Heart" but I couldn't even see myself hurting a girl's feelings.
Do you guys think that if I want to change and stand up to myself as a MAN, I should and want to be willing to change this "nice guy" mindset. That as a Man I should care less about hurting a woman's feelings and prioritize my need? Even women do this to guys so what am I stressing about right?
I do know that I have change a lot from where I started. But I kind of believe now that this old mindset of mine is the one holding me back to the place I want to be. Or have I got it wrong?