Subliminal Talk

(04-17-2013, 12:47 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]I would say, Javier, that your issues probably stem from a cycle of feeling vulnerable and expected to perform under pressure, without the acknowledgement that you have feelings and your feelings are valid. It sounds to me as though you have subconsciously come to have conflicting beliefs, which is causing anxiety and that is making the cycle worse. The next version of OED may be a significant help. In the meantime, OGSF should help.

But the core issue seems to be a common one. It is a cycle of "My masculine validity depends on me being able to do XYZ. If I have anxiety or fear concerning ABC, and it affects XYZ, then I am not a real man."

This becomes a self defeating spiral. The truth is, you do not need to be able to do anything outwardly to be a "real man". Masculinity is a function of being male, and "real man" is a function of self mastery. Internals. It doesn't have to do with impressing, performing for or pleasing a woman. Just as a "real woman" is not a "real woman" simply because she is ready, willing and able to have sex with a man, or is particularly good at any aspect of it.

First off I'm currently listening to OGSF. I haven't noticed any significant changes but it is because I have only listened to it for a few days. I will update soon.

Now as I said, my problem is premature ejaculation. I noticed this because when she recently grabbed and jack off my penis while were making out, I instantly felt that I was about to ejaculate. It seems that before I was only trying to hold of my "point of no return" in a way that it backfired and cause me not to have a boner anymore.

(04-17-2013, 12:47 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]But the core issue seems to be a common one. It is a cycle of "My masculine validity depends on me being able to do XYZ. If I have anxiety or fear concerning ABC, and it affects XYZ, then I am not a real man."

This becomes a self defeating spiral. The truth is, you do not need to be able to do anything outwardly to be a "real man". Masculinity is a function of being male, and "real man" is a function of self mastery. Internals. It doesn't have to do with impressing, performing for or pleasing a woman. Just as a "real woman" is not a "real woman" simply because she is ready, willing and able to have sex with a man, or is particularly good at any aspect of it.

I understand your point bro. It made my problem clearer. The truth is, I always am trying to be the "real man" that could please her. A guy who is amazing in bed. But in reality how can I be that guy when I have like zero experience with women before her. Thankfully my gf is totally understanding of my situation. She's really nice, kind and loving.

However, at times I can feel a bit needy towards her. Like she'll leave me and what will I do if she does? Again, this stems from my deep fears which I totally believe that OGSF can help me get through. She talked to me about her ex-bf's and I can't help it but feel jealous. That these guys once pleasured her and how can I compete with them? Add the fact that she admitted that she once fall for another guy when she currently have a boyfriend. It made me insecure. I felt that she will also do it to me. Even though she told me that I am different and she won't do it, I still feel insecure. This is probably due to reading stuff like "Don't trust women." Really reading a lot of pick up materials in the past kind of made me a bit of a misogynist.

All in all I put my trust on OGSF to help me get past my fears. Because my fears not only hinders me on my current relationship but on other things as well.

For a good news, I recently am getting involve more in my job by going out of my comfort zone.

There are no guarantees in life. I have seen people both prove and disprove the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." I have seen people come out of prison much worse criminals than they were when they went in, and I have seen it happen that people were permanently and completely reformed when they came out of prison. I have seen good girls go bad, and bad girls go good. I have seen normally faithful wives cheat, an cheaters become faithful. There are no guarantees in life, and the only thing you can do is try to balance your trust with reasonable caution. Too much of either is bad.

Also, worrying about how you compare to other guys is useless. A woman who chooses to be with you is not with you because you are inferior. Don't waste your opportunities to enjoy yourself, or her, because you are worried that maybe you aren't as good as so-and-so. You aren't so-and-so. And she's not with him; she's with you. Let her enjoy your company too. Relax and just be yourself.

A good woman can be opened up to, and shared with of your insecurities and she will help you overcome them - but nobody is going to want to constantly try to fight your insecurities over and over. OGSF is going to help a lot, and there will be other things necessary to do as well.

(05-06-2013, 09:54 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]There are no guarantees in life. I have seen people both prove and disprove the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." I have seen people come out of prison much worse criminals than they were when they went in, and I have seen it happen that people were permanently and completely reformed when they came out of prison. I have seen good girls go bad, and bad girls go good. I have seen normally faithful wives cheat, an cheaters become faithful. There are no guarantees in life, and the only thing you can do is try to balance your trust with reasonable caution. Too much of either is bad.

It's immature of me to judge her because of her past. Balance trust with reasonable caution, I hope I got that right.

(05-06-2013, 09:54 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Also, worrying about how you compare to other guys is useless. A woman who chooses to be with you is not with you because you are inferior. Don't waste your opportunities to enjoy yourself, or her, because you are worried that maybe you aren't as good as so-and-so. You aren't so-and-so. And she's not with him; she's with you. Let her enjoy your company too. Relax and just be yourself.

A good woman can be opened up to, and shared with of your insecurities and she will help you overcome them - but nobody is going to want to constantly try to fight your insecurities over and over. OGSF is going to help a lot, and there will be other things necessary to do as well.

Slowly I am getting more and more relax when I'm getting intimate with her. I am also kind of enjoying it more. I do hope this continues.
Other than this, we also have a few small disagreements on some matters. I believe this is just normal thing as they said. On this occasions I was the one who acted like a prick. It's a good thing she forgives me and I forgive her as well. We both open up ourselves and talk about each other. I am happy that our relationship is great. I can't take you guys enough for giving me advice every step of the way.

Anyway, as I am listening to OGSF, I experience a somewhat clear and kind of negative dream. It happened like I was eating out with my friends. Then came the pizza. When it arrived everyone got a piece of it and I got late so there was no more pizza left for me. I got mad at the guys who took a piece and when I look at them they were the guys whom I am a bit pissed of back in high school. Then one of them offered me his piece which he already bite on. I got angrier and wanted to hit someone. I can't remember anything anymore after that. I feel I already woke up after that. This can be a good indication that my subconscious is already being affected by the subliminal or not?

Most definitely. That sounds like you're processing some repressed emotions based on experiences long forgotten to your conscious mind.

That's good to hear. I also had another dream which is a lot like it yesterday. Two guys whom I hated back in high school were together. And they were teasing me about things that I can no longer remember. This is all happening inside my house.

Now I just let it past until when I go out I see them at my garage eating and laughing probably at me. What I did was one of them, I dip his head on what he's eating while I assault the other guy. I can't remember if they are still laughing at that point but I inflicted a terrible kind of "punishment" for them. I woke up after that but I felt it was a bit premature since I still want to inflict more "punishment" on them. But it's already past 6AM and I have to go to work.

Am I a very cruel person or what?

Last night I didn't have any dream though.

I'm almost a month in with OGSF. A lot has happened within the past month. In a way it pushed myself a lot. I had multiple fights with my gf which almost ended our relationship. Good thing we both reconciled. I learned a lot from them. As they say, handling and keeping a relationship requires a lot of work. But I don't want to consider it as work. I mean we're both having fun but when I think of it, it is due to the trials that make our relationship stronger. It does hurt a lot, emotionally speaking, when we fight.

Aside from that I believe that the sub is making me realize all the fears that I have. I have read the description of the OGSF and it states, "Guilt, shame and fear are negative and toxic emotional responses which are very useful for manipulation and control of the person experiencing them, and they are primarily used for that purpose. When you have outgrown the need for someone to control you, manipulate you or make you feel bad to keep you safe, and you can think for yourself and keep yourself safe, guilt, shame and fear become useless, and their natural toxicity becomes unreasonable." My concern is that yes, there are people that have been trying to control or manipulate me, but this time around I feel that I am the one being too controlling or manipulating to others. Yes, as a man I want to be the dominant force but I feel and discovered that I am being controlling due to having deep fears. For instance, I am being controlling with my gf's diet due to the fact that she might get fat. It's good that she is following me and now doing something to eat healthy. However, there are times when I get pissed off when she eats unhealthy like fastfood. It seems that I worry too much that she get sick or fat. As such, I became too controlling towards her. I just want to be assertive and not aggressive.

Another thing, I also read this, "It is also designed to do so without making you suffer in the process." Lately, I have been experiencing a kind of a tennis match in my head regarding my fears. Some of my dreams have also been quite disturbing. In others words, I feel I am stressing too much on my emotions instead of letting them go. My overthinking and worrying too much have been affecting me as well. Is this part of the process or should OGSF be smooth?

I have found the current version of OGSF isn't as easy as I'd like it to be, but I'm working on that. Your response to your girlfriend is definitely fear driven, but if your responses have shifted, that means it's peeling away and dissolving your fears one layer at a time. I have been experiencing the same thing, and each month my fears dissolve more and more. Keep going.

Thanks for that Shannon. I do notice that my fears are still here. I do feel that they are slowly going away or it is just probably I am trying to be optimistic. I am still insecure at times. For instance, I get frustrated that I see my college friends traveling, are financially stable compared to me etc.

With my girlfriend there are times when I fear that she might leave me or go for another guy. It is silly so it is a good thing I can control myself. I almost lost it one time when she wasn't able to reply or call me because she was busy with work. I thought she was mad at me. Well it's a good learning experience on my part.

I'm more than one month in using OGSF. I don't seem to have dreams anymore when I listen to it at night.

I do notice that my fears are still deeply rooted. From time to time I still think of the what ifs and the things I regret in the past. Also, I compare myself to others as to how much they earn, how much money they have etc. As I used to go to a university filled with well off and rich students I always am making sure to "Keep up with the Joneses". That isn't helping me in any way.

Lastly, I know that I am improving but up to how much? It seems that every time I kind of improve, there are still fears that I need to conquer. Like I am climbing an insurmountable mountain. It's kind of tiring as well. I know I am gonna make it but the challenges and problems I faced in the way are making me very tired and wanting to give up.

Based on my run of BAMM, I would say OGSF is actually something to be used for 6-12 months for challenging cases. I'm on Stage 5 and almost fearless, but if I was where I started off, it would have taken a lot longer.

I am working on, in my head, a revision of that program that should be faster and easier, but it's complex stuff to work on.

Okay Shannon, I decided to use this OGSF sub for at least 6 months. I'm about 1 month and a half and it seems I still have a long way to go.

My fears are still here I can tell. The only bad thing is that I am getting a bit impatient on getting some of my fear out. But I will try to focus on the journey. I know I can make it.

It's already July and welcome to the second half of 2013. The first half was really a time when I have had big changes in my life. New job, new relationship and new outlooks in my life. It wasn't easy but I learned a lot. Looking forward to this second half.

(05-28-2013, 09:01 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]I have found the current version of OGSF isn't as easy as I'd like it to be, but I'm working on that. Your response to your girlfriend is definitely fear driven, but if your responses have shifted, that means it's peeling away and dissolving your fears one layer at a time. I have been experiencing the same thing, and each month my fears dissolve more and more. Keep going.

Anyway, I reread this and it seems that you are right. OGSF is hitting me hard. Especially in terms of my relationship. I've been using this sub for two months now and it seems to make my fears come out. I don't know man but as I said, she's my first girlfriend so I'm not really a guy who knows a lot about relationships. I know we're okay but still there are times now that I am getting too controlling. She got mad at me recently for being too concerned about what she wears, her body, her diet and her job. I can partly tell what I said was fear driven. I fear that she might have a problem at her job in the future, she might get fat with what she eats etc. I was also commenting a lot about her. She told me that I notice a lot of things. In the end, I apologized to her but she just ignored me. I cried and I believe she got a bit pissed of me for crying.

Man, I cried because this was the girl who wrote to me that she will love me more and more. She already told me that she's doing her best on improving herself and being the girl that I want her to be. But at the end I messed it up by saying she's not trying hard enough and lecturing her about her mistakes. It seems that at this time I only realized how much she cared and loved me but I was busy concentrating on other things she could do and didn't do. I also compared her to other girls. I don't know if she will forgive me since I felt that I've been repeating the same mistakes I have done to her. As such I decided to give her some time by not texting her probably for a day or too before I contact her again. I'm still hoping for the best because I am sure enough that I have learned from the mistakes I have done. It seems that I learned the hard way.

(06-30-2013, 05:18 PM)Javier Gerardo Wrote: [ -> ]It's already July and welcome to the second half of 2013. The first half was really a time when I have had big changes in my life. New job, new relationship and new outlooks in my life. It wasn't easy but I learned a lot. Looking forward to this second half.

(05-28-2013, 09:01 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]I have found the current version of OGSF isn't as easy as I'd like it to be, but I'm working on that. Your response to your girlfriend is definitely fear driven, but if your responses have shifted, that means it's peeling away and dissolving your fears one layer at a time. I have been experiencing the same thing, and each month my fears dissolve more and more. Keep going.

Anyway, I reread this and it seems that you are right. OGSF is hitting me hard. Especially in terms of my relationship. I've been using this sub for two months now and it seems to make my fears come out. I don't know man but as I said, she's my first girlfriend so I'm not really a guy who knows a lot about relationships. I know we're okay but still there are times now that I am getting too controlling. She got mad at me recently for being too concerned about what she wears, her body, her diet and her job. I can partly tell what I said was fear driven. I fear that she might have a problem at her job in the future, she might get fat with what she eats etc. I was also commenting a lot about her. She told me that I notice a lot of things. In the end, I apologized to her but she just ignored me. I cried and I believe she got a bit pissed of me for crying.

Man, I cried because this was the girl who wrote to me that she will love me more and more. She already told me that she's doing her best on improving herself and being the girl that I want her to be. But at the end I messed it up by saying she's not trying hard enough and lecturing her about her mistakes. It seems that at this time I only realized how much she cared and loved me but I was busy concentrating on other things she could do and didn't do. I also compared her to other girls. I don't know if she will forgive me since I felt that I've been repeating the same mistakes I have done to her. As such I decided to give her some time by not texting her probably for a day or too before I contact her again. I'm still hoping for the best because I am sure enough that I have learned from the mistakes I have done. It seems that I learned the hard way.

You create outwardly what you focus on inwardly. If that is what you fear, then guess what? You will generate exactly what you fear.

Case in point. This is your first girlfriend. You are approaching this as the only shot you have, ever. That puts WAY too much importance on this woman, and this relationship. That makes you overvalue it so much that you start fearing the "what if"s. What if she gets fat? What if she leaves me?

Well what if she turns into Swiss cheese, bro? Ya got a fear for that yet? How about what if she eats a tree? What if a jet crashes into her? What if she's really an alien spy? What if lightning strikes you whenever you kiss her?

Chill, man! It may be your first girlfriend-boyfriend relationship, but how many people do you know who end up with their first girlfriend? It's not very common, at least where I come from. You typically have several GFs before you find the right woman. Understanding that makes it easier to relax and let go and just enjoy her, and let her enjoy you.

So what if she gets fat? If that doesn't make you happy, find someone else. So what if she leaves you? Just find someone else.

I know it seems hard to swallow hearing that because it's been so hard in the past for you to find women, but you know what? The difficulty is inside you, not out there. The difficulty is in your fears. The fears that are making you focus on "what if" instead of "what is". The fears that are making you annoy her instead of enjoy her. The fears that are making you push her away instead of attract her to you.

I used to be in your shoes. I speak from experience. Relax: it doesn't matter. There are plenty of fish in the ocean. Work on getting past those fears and you'll be fine. I think another run of AM would be just right for you right about now.

(07-04-2013, 08:41 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Well what if she turns into Swiss cheese, bro? Ya got a fear for that yet? How about what if she eats a tree?

Looooool

Clearly Shannon has a strong stance against fear.

I agree with what he is saying, in that you have to appreciation the things you like about your significant other for the relationship to blossom and if you don't you two will drift apart.

Remember that there are many.. more than enough amazing people, and relationships you can experience out there, that are just for you.

Thanks

Fonzy