Alrighty, lessgo!
Feeling very good for now, the angry-boi effect is lessened, but I'm very much lost in though and want to sleep a lot (and am having extremely fascinating dreams, directly related to what my new therapist recently called "unfortunate entanglements", hyuck). Anyway, it's probably gonna be two months of healin'-chillin' primarily, but we'll see. Got some stuff to do and gonna keep at it.
Going with DRS, currently, v2, gonna switch to v3 once it's out.
Feeln' good, spending a lot of time thinking, but I'm pretty happy about it TBH. Focusing on work-tasks etc. is going to require some effort of will, but doable, healin'-chillin' until the end of the weekend.
I've devised a proper nuclear option, too - kudos to my moronic older brother, who's a member of some sort of religious sect and has been trying to recruit me to said religious sect by pretending to be a member of an actual political party - a political party of which, incidentally, I know actual members, lewl. I inform them, they inform our equivalent of counteritelligence, and boom - everything falls down like a house of cards.
Currently doing my best to restrain myself, but I do so relish the thought.
The program is deffo doing its thing.
Wonky sensations time: Core Trauma areas only left to work through, and they're being worked on. Moments of mild anxiety, somewhat increased heartbeat. Funky dreams. Still lost in thought. Occasional physical pain-pangs in the right-of-heart area. Currently not going to put my insane brother in trouble with the local counterintelligence agency (even though he really, really deserves it, lewl. And I am saying this as a patriot now) - what I will do is discuss this idea in therapy tomorrow and ask the therapist: "Give me one good reason I shouldn't do this"
Gonna go get some singing practice in and start working on the 'lil part for October.
PRAing is going swell, but apparently I'm gonna have to switch therapists again because this one is an absolute frickin' moron apparently. I was describing my extremely complicated familial situation and apparently all this time she was interpreting it as some sort of delusion, lewl. Stupid See U Next Tuesday.
So far, so good. Singing practice is starting to go even better than DMSI 5.1, imagine that. I do get angry-boi moments, but they're manageable. Everyone's being very nice towards me, people appear to be drawn to me as well (old ladies mostly, though, so far
- they do seem to treat me as a very trustworthy, safe person to be around). Totally not giving any more craps about my "psychiatric treatment", as it's now but a hindrance (switching therapists ASAP, yeah).
Feelin' really good right now.
A happy camper am I.
BTW. the combo of DMSI 5.1 followed by PRA v2c (+ stuffies) has made my libido skyrocket tremendously, I'm now popping boners left and right and am horny (so I'm probably not gonna need OED 6.5G). Good stuff.
PRAing's going great. Can't wait for DRS v3, especially now that it's going to have more functionalities (should free up some of my time from some stuffies
). Doing my thing, singing practice is going swell, I even have more energy for quotidian stuff, like doing laundry and cleaning up my apartment.
Switched to DRS v3. Feels good. Internal wonky sensations lessened.
Got a call from a dude who know wants to be my best friend and hang out in clubs to score chicks off my back I presume, lewl. Tons of such people lately.
Does v3 feel obviously different than v2 to you?
Yup! The "wonky sensations" are disappearing totally. I get them from time to time, but they're more externally located. PRAng is in progress still, espescially GSF. DRS v3 is the bomb, as far as I can tell!
I'm still experiencing attacks, trying to induce fear/paranoia to be exact right now, and they're related to particular wonky sensations, but I am also experiencing moments of PURE HEALING finally.
No more shoveling shit upstream, let's give it a week or two, tops.
Great stuff. It can get pretty intense right now, as far as I ccan tell, but there are moments when I feel truly free, healthy and in total control. I'm really working forward to them, DRS v3 got a workout, but I managed to free myself from some really vicious stuff Thanks.
I'm slowly coming to grips with the fact that I've probably messed up my entre professional singing career by being very, very stupid and radicalzing myself oiut of frustration. This stings, but I'll keep at it.
I'll continue singing of course, but I was directly working through 20 years of mobbing and early childhood stuff (some including f. in. piano lessons - my first piano teacher was a very strict disiplinarian and this killed my love for music for *years*).
Kinda feeling off-balance. It's like trying to maintain balance right now is key.
Thanks to DRS v3 I'm now free of a great many things! I'll always appreaciate this.
But now we've got some serious healing to do. Had to cancel that October gig because I could have caused a total shistorm if I didn't.