Healin' and chillin' day today. Had some wonky dreams about my fear of driving, mixed with wonky stuff about my crazy family. Sleepy, a bit tired, less energy than last night, but I guess that's mostly because the program is working through something.
Yeah, getting healing exhaustion/depressive symptoms today, hopefully this will change once I play my loops.
One month of this run done, two more to go! Hopefully this state will only be passing. I had to force myself to go to singing practice, but it was pretty solid anyway (though short).
Caught some Zs and I feel better now. I can feel my physical regimen having an effect, but I'm back to dieting to lose fat kgs (regained some). I'm definitely taking at least 6 months off healing subs after this one, gonna do DMSI (either v. B or v. C followed by v. B, we'll see how I feel). Can't wait to get back to god of sex and song goodness.
Went to a friend's art show opening, met one tremendously beautiful woman who unfortunately left before I managed to chat her up properly. Bummer! But otherwise it was a very nice evening, these people had some tips what to do with my crazy older brother's religious sect membership, lewl. The psychotherapist was useless as always today, but I've not given her the boot yet - I kinda feel it's gonna be like that with any kind of psychotherapy from now on, that the therapist is going to annoy me based on faulty preconceptions. It's really quite something.
Anyway, back home and healin'. Got some stuff to prepare for rehearsal this Saturday for that funky pop project. Quite a bit of stuff to do, but fortunately it's extremely straightforward musically for me.
Oh, BTW., in other news, I'm also branching out into dramatic acting (I have a knack for it) and playwriting (took a pro course, writing a drama which I'm gonna then adapt as a libretto with composer bro). I have a lead on a performative reading of a good Polish playwright, non-profit for now, but you gotta start somewhere.
Had a bit of an "angry boi" moment whilst listening to my loops of DRS v3 today, but then I had a very solid, very good breakthrough PRA-wise. Good stuff.
Man, I checked out the scores from that new singing gig and the music utter shite as far as I'm concerned. I'll go to a couple rehearsals and see what's what, but I'm really not too enthusiastic right now.
Feeling pretty decent otherwise. Some pretty important healing going on recently. Can't wait to switch subs to sonething not-healing related, though, it's been almost a year on healing programs exclusively (with a short DMSI break which I really enjoyed).
Had a bit of an emotional release/cry today, albeit a short one. Mourning some stuff, mourning my life which to-date has not been to my liking, to put it mildly.
Singing practice went decently well but I forgot I was supposed to start learning that crappy music for rehearsal on Saturday. Oh well, I'll start tomorrow. I doubt the leader-guy is expecting much, given that I received the scores yesterday evening.
EDIT
In general, I either feel great or kinda crappy, and this can change throughout the day depending on the hour. I'd like to sleep through the rough patches but I'm not all that sleepy TBH.
Had a good sleep with wonky dreams included in the package. It involved some sort of presentation, some lady-stuff as well as talking to antrophomrphic monkeys for some reason. Very interesting.
I feel a bit better today, perhaps even a little bit bored.
Continuing my search for a band, just applied for one with seeking a vox style that's perfect for me (like the band Nevermore) and gonna have tryouts for another one on Tuesday.
Slept quite a bit today with wonky dreams. OGSF and FRM are also working overtime, and doing so quite effectively if I do say so myself. I'm experiencing way less trepidation when f. in. ogling attractive women etc.
It's funny. I feel - I dunno - restless, and am actively on the lookout for constructive things to do, especially when it comes to singing/acting and translation gigs (hadn't had one in some time). On the other hand, I'm a bit worried that I shouldn't be taking up too much stuff on at the same time as I'm healing, because I'm still sometimes thrown back into "healin' and chillin'" mode. We'll see. Currently feeling restless but optimistic.
Currently the program's working on Core Traumas and related GSF, and it's kinda layered, that trauma (as it's been triggered repeatedly by all and sundry), but progress is being made. I have way less ambient anxiety and am experiencing less fear in general. Wonky dreams, though, and my sleeping pattern is off-kilter, but I'll managed.
Wrote pianist chick to resume our piano lessons. I feel inspired.
Now I feel down again, I may have overpracticed (singing) and overtrained, after tomorrow I'm taking the Sunday off.
Can't wait to be done with healing and move on to greener pastures.
The healing's progressing, I am getting angry boi effects when switching to DRS v3 for the day. I'm mostly angry at the various learned psychologists who've actually harmed me.
On the healing front, though, I am doing very well re: future DMSIng. It's like I had this feeling of guilt for being *too attractive* to certain women and causing them trouble because of this. Interesting stuff. It's like it's either that or feeling like a total loser, based on my kid years and the lack of sexual partners.
EDIT
I did a negative cord-cutting and it calmed me down. Does DRS v3 have automated negative cord-cutting?