I start tonight. The past couple days I’ve felt like shit and have been dead tired. I think the emotional relief module from OGSF2 wore out and I started feeling what I was working on. I wanted to start EHPRA early to deal with the pain but toughed it out.
I’m looking forward to starting tonight.
Edit: A little bit later, and I’m feeling a little bit of relief. I feel light and fluffy. Hopefully it lasts me until I start EHPRA6, cause the pain I’ve been experiencing has been brutal.
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Topaz Thanks man!
The pain relief last night did indeed last until I started EPHRA6, so that was a blessing. Just woke up and feeling awesome. Hopefully this continues.
Dream below. Don’t read it if you don’t care.
Interestingly enough I had a long dream about zombies. Then I woke up and went back to sleep and the dream continued. It was a dream where this guy could turn you into a zombie if you spoke in his presence. It was an interesting dream where I was on the run constantly after trying to rescue someone and they ended up turning on me and I kept getting chased by the guy and barely outrunning them. I was the only person who successfully never spoke in his presence. I even came up with texting to communicate with others, but most people never took my warning to not speak seriously and ended up turning. At some point they stopped being zombies, and were more just brainwashed people.
I get the sense that EHPRA6 is dealing with some stuff that’s deep and long overdue. On AM6 I tried to willpower through the pain and be unreactive. There were times where I looked outside myself to numb the pain, like with women, success, validation, etc. Ultimately there’s no way out but through if I want to become the person I want to be.
Edit: been having a headache on and off that I’m assuming is EHPRA6 dealing with some emotional stuff. Also been feeling pretty good relatively speaking.
E6 is amazing. There is some turmoil, but there’s also an undercurrent of joy, bliss, and feeling like I’m on a fluffy cloud. Perhaps a mix between what OGSF2 has done and the new stuff of E6. But either way I’m pleased with where this is taking me. Feeling super optimistic.
There is still pain and negativity, but the positive direction I’m going in is looking scrumptious.
Edit: I don’t think I’m far from being able to enjoy living on a park bench lmao (if you know you know).
(06-17-2024, 03:23 PM)Frosted Wrote: [ -> ]E6 is amazing. There is some turmoil, but there’s also an undercurrent of joy, bliss, and feeling like I’m on a fluffy cloud. Perhaps a mix between what OGSF2 has done and the new stuff of E6. But either way I’m pleased with where this is taking me. Feeling super optimistic.
There is still pain and negativity, but the positive direction I’m going in is looking scrumptious.
Edit: I don’t think I’m far from being able to enjoy living on a park bench lmao (if you know you know).
So happy for you and your progress! I've become more productive and I'm told I've become less needy as well. It's a good feeling.
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Sky Thanks man! I’ve been through a lot of shit in my life and it’s nice to start finally seeing the fruit of my labors.
Update: past 2 days have been filled with emotional pain. The pain doesn’t seem to correspond with the standard emotions. They’re kind of more like emotional wounds than emotions like sadness/guilt/anger as far as I can tell. It’s just raw emotional pain.
Underneath the pain seems to be awesome results. They’ve shown themselves to me here and there like clouds parting briefly to let the sun shine through. Today I was mostly just trying to go with the flow and relax into the pain and not identify with it. I was somewhat successful. I ended up being accidentally funny a lot today. I think it has something to do with my vibe. I was relaxing so hard that I became unintentionally funny somehow.
After a few good jokes my mood went up significantly. Today was overall a good day despite the pain.
One of the things I noticed was at some point I stood my ground against something I was afraid of and became more and more aware of it. It was a sense of “I won’t be stopped.”. I just became still, and aware, until it stopped bothering me and dissolved. Reminiscient of OGSF2.
Had another dream where I was on the run from a brainwashing guy.
Edit: oh yeah. Actually one part of the dream was me being in a tangle with a bunch of women around me. That was nice for a moment. Felt healing. I remember becoming almost lucid and trying to relax into it so I didn’t make it go away with resistance cause I was enjoying it. In the end part of me that was needy caused it to vanish.
E6 has been brutal lately. Lots of ups and downs with mostly downs involving me dealing with a lot of pain that is intense and nearly debilitating. (Edit: can’t forget the awful tiredness as well!) I’m guessing E6 is bringing me to my limit and not allowing me to run away. It’s hard sometimes because I want to execute but it can be hard to tell what is resistance and what is execution.
At times my inner landscape will go from crying child to calm master. Mostly with the crying child though. When I do get those tastes of mastery they inspire me a lot. It’s a bit like having 1 key to a door, but the door has more locks that need more keys. So while I feel some sense of mastery at times, it’s not all encompassing yet. After I finish emotional mastery I’ll need more infinity stones for my gauntlet!
I’m noticing my desire for a relationship increasing. I’m also noticing my capacity to be interested in women emotionally without being pure neediness is increasing. In fact, the neediness and emotional interest seem to clash.
On E6 the progress is so fast. 6 months will likely be at least a lifetime of growth, I imagine. I can’t see how anyone can heal all their trauma without subliminals because some of this stuff is sneaky and really hard to uproot, not to mention just using the conscious mind.
So far today I feel absolutely amazing. I went on a walk and I felt so comfortable in my skin. I noticed when looking at a tree, for a split second, I noticed its “tree-ness”. I just seem on the edge of being one with the world. I suspect once I’m done healing I won’t just be an individual, I’ll be everything. There won’t be this subtle film of subject between me and what I experience.
Still healing and got a ways to go, but days like this show me that what I’m doing is worth it.
edit: gotta add that I dropped meditation and reading a few days ago. The tiredness plus the meditation/reading left me no energy for work and it was brutal. Also haven’t been eating as properly as I like, but I suspect I’m giving myself comfort food occasionally to help the healing process along. Indulgence can help if applied properly.
Everyone is trying so hard and then we just cut in line by listening to a few minutes of a silent audio track made by a fringe company nobody currently knows about. Reality is absurd.
Also loving my results. Earlier today was feeling how much resistance towards my goals I still have, but then go for a walk and notice this growing change in myself and my experience of reality and also notice in real time how I’m healing.
Still a normal guy dealing with petty ego and pain, but noticing some blooming amazingness kind of sneaking up on me.
Frosted, your Journey is sooo amazing and remarkable!!
In All seriousness Re-Mark-able !!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=meg2_BrTrvY
(06-26-2024, 12:53 PM)Frosted Wrote: [ -> ]So far today I feel absolutely amazing. I went on a walk and I felt so comfortable in my skin. I noticed when looking at a tree, for a split second, I noticed its “tree-ness”. I just seem on the edge of being one with the world. I suspect once I’m done healing I won’t just be an individual, I’ll be everything. There won’t be this subtle film of subject between me and what I experience.
Still healing and got a ways to go, but days like this show me that what I’m doing is worth it.
edit: gotta add that I dropped meditation and reading a few days ago. The tiredness plus the meditation/reading left me no energy for work and it was brutal. Also haven’t been eating as properly as I like, but I suspect I’m giving myself comfort food occasionally to help the healing process along. Indulgence can help if applied properly.
(07-01-2024, 07:44 PM)ncbeareatingman Wrote: [ -> ]Frosted, your Journey is sooo amazing and remarkable!!
In All seriousness Re-Mark-able !!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=meg2_BrTrvY
(06-26-2024, 12:53 PM)Frosted Wrote: [ -> ]So far today I feel absolutely amazing. I went on a walk and I felt so comfortable in my skin. I noticed when looking at a tree, for a split second, I noticed its “tree-ness”. I just seem on the edge of being one with the world. I suspect once I’m done healing I won’t just be an individual, I’ll be everything. There won’t be this subtle film of subject between me and what I experience.
Still healing and got a ways to go, but days like this show me that what I’m doing is worth it.
edit: gotta add that I dropped meditation and reading a few days ago. The tiredness plus the meditation/reading left me no energy for work and it was brutal. Also haven’t been eating as properly as I like, but I suspect I’m giving myself comfort food occasionally to help the healing process along. Indulgence can help if applied properly.
Thanks man! I’ve still got a long ways to go, but the highs are inspiring!