I took 10 days off of Maverick, and I will be running Money Magnet for the foreseeable future.
The moral of Maverick: seems like most of the external sources of validation, and most of the driving forces behind my vices, were stripped away, and at the end of it all, I didn't really want what I was pursuing.
It felt like riding a donkey (my subconscious), and it was running away from crocodiles and hunters (external factors), but once those were not a concern, the donkey began to dig in its heels and say "no further"; there are deeper obstacles that I'm not facing.
As insightful as this is - and I can't overstate that - I can't linger in those feelings forever.
Due to a 12-week business course I'm following, there are growing demands on my ability to drum up my own business; since the steps are increasingly becoming about outreach - and having lost the internal motivation to move things forward - I want to make money-making a priority.
Loop 1 / Day 1: I'm already looking at cybersecurity courses to become more knowledgeable in the field. Cybersecurity recruiters are one of the potential niches that I'm considering focusing on during this biz course.
This is a potential trap, seeing that I could be in perpetual training.
I got wired and angry during the loop as well.
(09-23-2023, 06:16 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Why wired and angry?
For one, I was watching this video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vfB2STD...ShaunJones
Without having to click it, the context is that this bodybuilder podcaster named Bradley Martyn has been asking fighters if he could take them on in a scrap.
In this clip, he does "light sparring" boxing with a content creator named Sneako - who is nominally into fight training - and you can tell that BMart is taking this incredibly seriously and punching; it's an ego thing, which can get very dangerous very quickly.
I'm in the martial arts community and I've been getting irritated about people who are about my weight who aren't very considerate about my safety. Yesterday I tapped very early in a Jiu Jitsu spar because I was falling funny (ankle) and he was starting to roll over my ankle; he didn't even notice the tap and I made a point of verbally prompting him and tapping again, even if I was 99% in the clear. I don't want partners like this.
Also, during the day today, I had flashbacks to experiences I had almost 20 years ago where my mom put the blame on me for things that were out of my control, or wouldn't apologize (at that time) when I brought up her unwarranted blame; long story. I don't bring them up because both of my parents chilled out when I reached my early to mid twenties.
So to make sure I understand... some, but not all of this was/may have been response to something the program was doing?
(09-23-2023, 09:23 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]So to make sure I understand... some, but not all of this was/may have been response to something the program was doing?
Not sure; all I can give is the conscious explanation I think best explains the feeling. Given that the second reason happened before running the loop, that could be chalked up to TID?
I'm still wired now and not able to sleep at around 1:30 AM; went back to the computer. This has happened before, but it's still rare enough to stand out.
Day 2,
My sub-donkeyous mind is budging! (See Day 1)
I had been delaying two important action steps involving money.
The first one - sending some documents to my bank to get a line of credit going - has been for about three weeks.
For the second one - reaching out to the practice advisory of my regulatory college - I delayed for nearly four months (I could have sent this email as early as May 30th), and I had until October 31st to send it.
After that initial hesitation, I just followed through and did it!
Day 3,
Moved further on a money step.
Furthermore, my being "wired and angry" has continued; I've felt a swelling rage at perceived injustices against me. I felt the urge to unleash a blinding wrath, cracking skulls, and such. Not quite at the level of "drinking the blood of my enemies" yet. A mix of adrenaline and testosterone, not a purely self-defense feeling.
The BASE subliminal had an "assertiveness training" module, which I believe is a similar thing to what I'm having done. It's a rocket fuel t
I was kept up a couple of extra hours by this feeling, which I wound up using to write some recommendations to the people who run the business course. Keep in mind that it stated certain frustrations with the lack of structure. Turns out to be visible by the participants. Oh well; I still stand behind it.
I think that Maverick's insights are continuing, and I'm still having these thoughts. Here's one.
Be wary of words that I will refer to as "Infinity Variables". These are pretty-sounding, flowering words like:
* Love
* Trust
* Duty
* Security/Stability
* Friendship
* Sacrifice
* Teamwork
* Equality
* Masculinity
These things are real and do mean something. Classical philosophers have opined about these themes for centuries. The issue is that they are constantly redefined and reframed into a set of actions which benefit someone else at your expense.
They quickly become bottomless pits of time and energy, as you're trying to conform to some third-party's description of it.
The reason I've called them "variables" is due to mathematics; if two sides are not adding up, just plop down one of these badboys to make things appear equal. They fit the purpose they serve. "Ad hoc", if you will.
Suppose that I were considering marriage, and conducting a sober analysis of the realistic costs.
I could provide someone a statistic that I have a 50:50 chance of being parted with a half million dollars (sake of example), and the other party might say: "but what about love?" as though they've said something of equivalent weight.
I might say that "All married people started with the assumption that they would love forever. Love does not undo the very real possibility that the marriage would fail."
They might then say: "Don't you trust your wife-to-be? Why are you being so cynical?" (Appeals to trust)
Or go: "Relationships were not meant to be easy; they require work" (Appeals to sacrifice and teamwork). Etc. Etc.
Then maybe, when all else fails: "You need to make an honest woman out of her." (Appeal to masculinity)
When these words are invoked, ask yourself: "Do I need to experience a substantial loss for these pretty-sounding words to become fully realized?"
In fulfilling duty, I am asked to sink my time, energy, and potentially my physical safety (e.g., going to war for your country).
In fulfilling trust, I am asked to allow (potentially) deceitful people to continue their deceit without interference.
In fulfilling stability, I am asked to rebuke my gut feelings to keep up its appearance (i.e., getting called insecure for wishing that your wife/gf not go out on weekly girls' nights).
In many cases, the person invoking these words will *gain* from your believing them.
When I've written my books before, I often get a flash of new ideas and insights, largely related to the topic of the book. This is happening on the topic of relationships, language, and interpersonal manipulation.
@
Ampersnd Very articulate and well explained.
I have long believed that all this talk of what a "Real Man" does is nothing more than the attempt to manipulate those who want to believe they are "Real Men". The irony is that any man who falls for this isn't a "Real Man", and any man who doesn't will be attacked for not being one.
The "Real Man" doesn't do what others tell him defines a "Real Man". He does what he chooses to do on his own, regardless of whether ot not it fits with what others say a "Real Man" is and does.
In many cases, the "Real Man" is the one being attacked and belittled for not being a "Real Man". But one thing I have noted about "Real Man": he doesn't allow himself to knowingly be manipulated.
(09-26-2023, 11:33 AM)Ampersnd Wrote: [ -> ]I think that Maverick's insights are continuing, and I'm still having these thoughts. Here's one.
Be wary of words that I will refer to as "Infinity Variables". These are pretty-sounding, flowering words like:
* Love
* Trust
* Duty
* Security/Stability
* Friendship
* Sacrifice
* Teamwork
* Equality
* Masculinity
These things are real and do mean something. Classical philosophers have opined about these themes for centuries. The issue is that they are constantly redefined and reframed into a set of actions which benefit someone else at your expense.
They quickly become bottomless pits of time and energy, as you're trying to conform to some third-party's description of it.
The reason I've called them "variables" is due to mathematics; if two sides are not adding up, just plop down one of these badboys to make things appear equal. They fit the purpose they serve. "Ad hoc", if you will.
Suppose that I were considering marriage, and conducting a sober analysis of the realistic costs.
I could provide someone a statistic that I have a 50:50 chance of being parted with a half million dollars (sake of example), and the other party might say: "but what about love?" as though they've said something of equivalent weight.
I might say that "All married people started with the assumption that they would love forever. Love does not undo the very real possibility that the marriage would fail."
They might then say: "Don't you trust your wife-to-be? Why are you being so cynical?" (Appeals to trust)
Or go: "Relationships were not meant to be easy; they require work" (Appeals to sacrifice and teamwork). Etc. Etc.
Then maybe, when all else fails: "You need to make an honest woman out of her." (Appeal to masculinity)
When these words are invoked, ask yourself: "Do I need to experience a substantial loss for these pretty-sounding words to become fully realized?"
In fulfilling duty, I am asked to sink my time, energy, and potentially my physical safety (e.g., going to war for your country).
In fulfilling trust, I am asked to allow (potentially) deceitful people to continue their deceit without interference.
In fulfilling stability, I am asked to rebuke my gut feelings to keep up its appearance (i.e., getting called insecure for wishing that your wife/gf not go out on weekly girls' nights).
In many cases, the person invoking these words will *gain* from your believing them.
When I've written my books before, I often get a flash of new ideas and insights, largely related to the topic of the book. This is happening on the topic of relationships, language, and interpersonal manipulation.
That’s why we shouldn’t be drawn into the contemporary opinion of life, but rather seek out timeless wisdom, find out what we value ourselves and strive for achieving this in our lifetimes.
Sure we can be inspired by others in our lives but this need to “check out” in our more long-term standards based on the values we support.
Reading words from the philosophers that has walked this earth before us, has given my much needed perspective and tools to start developing my own frame of right and wrong as well as virtue and vice.
Day 6,
If I didn't know any better, I would have believed that I was listening to OGSF v.2. This is because I'm having challenging feelings associated with sex.
I'm reminiscing back to when I was 29 and was hooking up with enthusiastic 22 year olds, and having the irrational feeling that I did something wrong (when I know logically that I didn't) due to the age gap. I'm encountering a rumbling at the bottom of my gut, which usually associates with that worry that I would be "found out" and made to be "in trouble" back when I was much younger.
There's another time when I was a couple months shy of turning 30 and hooked up with a 23 year old. She caught feelings and never asked directly about exclusivity, but became very upset and ended things when it came out that I wouldn't want to become exclusive to her, and more angry when she learned that I fucked another woman early on in our dating. She accused me of being manipulative.
I've thought about the meaning of 'manipulation', and whether there is an acceptable amount.
My idea for its definition: "A distortion of how others perceive the playing field, great enough to lead a reasonable person into making a different decision from what they would have taken without the distortion."
If that is true, then I figured that parents, authority, women as potential romantic partners, and society at large all manipulate to a large amount.
Missing information, misrepresentations, and omission are all distortions.
And yet, they require that you play completely straight? Get the fuck out of here.
Even with that insight, the guilt I know that I would incur from both a successful and an unsuccessful manipulation prevent me from acting out that philosophy.
I would adjust your definition slightly to this:
"An intentional distortion of how others perceive the situation, great enough to lead a reasonable person into making a different decision from what they would have taken without the distortion, which in some way benefits the person committing the distorting of perception in the other person or people."
However, remember that while there is a lot of manipulation that goes on, not all of it is bad. Parents often shape their children's beliefs in order to prevent hose children from coming to harm, for example. Beware of justifying actions which are negative, especially through the commission of black and white thinking. Just because others do something negative does not mean you should. It will damage your self esteem and self respect to follow that path.
As for the age difference... if all parties are legally adults and they are all consenting, then any objections are irrelevant intrusion into the relationship, typically moral grandstanding, and of course, attempts at manipulation.
(09-28-2023, 11:40 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]I would adjust your definition slightly to this:
"An intentional distortion of how others perceive the situation, great enough to lead a reasonable person into making a different decision from what they would have taken without the distortion, which in some way benefits the person committing the distorting of perception in the other person or people."
If that's the case, what is your word for the kind that does not benefit the person committing the distortion?