04-04-2023, 06:23 PM
04-06-2023, 07:14 PM
(04-02-2023, 08:56 AM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]Day 21
The following words come to mind when I think of what Maverick is doing. Some of them come from the product description or have been used by others, so I don't claim any originality.
Raw
Masculine
Powerful
Ruthless
Sensual
Driven
It's clear that my primary focus is going to be my work. I dream about it. I wake up thinking about it. I might go as far as to say that I'm consumed with it. But, that's not all.
My work can only take me so far. There's this inner expansion. There's something burning inside and it's boiling to the surface. My work won't continue to be enough of an outlet indefinitely. Imagine a cross-section of a volcano, where the magma pool is expanding. It finds multiple avenues to the surface. It has to escape. In similar form, I'm beginning to need another avenue of expression. Most likely, this will be in the form of a workout routine, at least in the beginning. For the first time in my life, I'm actually experiencing the sincere desire to engage in the activity without vanity as my motivation. That's crazy.
Also, my libido is increasing. It seems to be a side effect of the inner expansion I've described above.
Considering the fact that I've been running Maverick for less than a month, I'm really excited about where this might be taking me.
I had a feeling that you would take to Maverick like a fish to water. I'm glad to see I was right. It's only going to get better and better. You haven't even scratched the surface of what this sub is going to do. The real magic happens between the third and fourth month of use.
04-07-2023, 11:38 AM
(04-06-2023, 07:14 PM)Duke.Togo Wrote: [ -> ](04-02-2023, 08:56 AM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]Day 21
The following words come to mind when I think of what Maverick is doing. Some of them come from the product description or have been used by others, so I don't claim any originality.
Raw
Masculine
Powerful
Ruthless
Sensual
Driven
It's clear that my primary focus is going to be my work. I dream about it. I wake up thinking about it. I might go as far as to say that I'm consumed with it. But, that's not all.
My work can only take me so far. There's this inner expansion. There's something burning inside and it's boiling to the surface. My work won't continue to be enough of an outlet indefinitely. Imagine a cross-section of a volcano, where the magma pool is expanding. It finds multiple avenues to the surface. It has to escape. In similar form, I'm beginning to need another avenue of expression. Most likely, this will be in the form of a workout routine, at least in the beginning. For the first time in my life, I'm actually experiencing the sincere desire to engage in the activity without vanity as my motivation. That's crazy.
Also, my libido is increasing. It seems to be a side effect of the inner expansion I've described above.
Considering the fact that I've been running Maverick for less than a month, I'm really excited about where this might be taking me.
I had a feeling that you would take to Maverick like a fish to water. I'm glad to see I was right. It's only going to get better and better. You haven't even scratched the surface of what this sub is going to do. The real magic happens between the third and fourth month of use.
I'm looking forward to it. I get the sense that there's a beast within that's yet to be unleashed.
04-07-2023, 11:51 AM
Day 26
Something is going on in my brain that's consuming a lot of energy. When I don't have to wake early for work, I'm sleeping extremely late. On my days off, it's not uncommon to sleep for 12-14 hours. In my half awake state, I often perceive flashes of various images in rapid succession. It's so fast that I usually can't tell what the images are, but they're definitely images. That makes total sense considering I'm a visual learner and presenter. I think in mental images. It's why I sometimes describe imagery in my posts. I tend to perceive and communicate through analogy, simile, metaphor, etc.
Anyway, this is something I've noticed lately...extreme mental imagery in my half awake state and extreme energy consumption. My working theory is that I'm reframing and/or reinforcing my perception of the day's events. I say that because I get an occasional glimpse of something that happened during the day.
Something is going on in my brain that's consuming a lot of energy. When I don't have to wake early for work, I'm sleeping extremely late. On my days off, it's not uncommon to sleep for 12-14 hours. In my half awake state, I often perceive flashes of various images in rapid succession. It's so fast that I usually can't tell what the images are, but they're definitely images. That makes total sense considering I'm a visual learner and presenter. I think in mental images. It's why I sometimes describe imagery in my posts. I tend to perceive and communicate through analogy, simile, metaphor, etc.
Anyway, this is something I've noticed lately...extreme mental imagery in my half awake state and extreme energy consumption. My working theory is that I'm reframing and/or reinforcing my perception of the day's events. I say that because I get an occasional glimpse of something that happened during the day.
04-12-2023, 08:44 AM
Day 31
The past 5 days have been full of emotional upheaval for me. I alternated between deep, piercing anxiety and deep, seething anger. Today, that sends to have leveled out.
Last night, I got a butt display from my wife. For those reading, you're probably thinking, "Of course you did... it's your wife." The thing is, my wife is extremely modest. On top of that, she's insecure about her body. But last night, she pulled her shirt up around her waist, turned around, and showed it off. All the while, she was looking over her shoulder and talking to me. It was odd because she didn't even seem to be aware of what she was doing, even though it was as unnatural (and out of character) as it could be. It was like she was blatantly inviting me to bend her over as ndc take her right there. So, I pulled her into the bedroom and had a brief makeout session with her. No sex, though. Damn it. That shit had me worked up. I don't know if this was Maverick-related, but it's the first time I can ever recall anything like this happening since we met.
The past 5 days have been full of emotional upheaval for me. I alternated between deep, piercing anxiety and deep, seething anger. Today, that sends to have leveled out.
Last night, I got a butt display from my wife. For those reading, you're probably thinking, "Of course you did... it's your wife." The thing is, my wife is extremely modest. On top of that, she's insecure about her body. But last night, she pulled her shirt up around her waist, turned around, and showed it off. All the while, she was looking over her shoulder and talking to me. It was odd because she didn't even seem to be aware of what she was doing, even though it was as unnatural (and out of character) as it could be. It was like she was blatantly inviting me to bend her over as ndc take her right there. So, I pulled her into the bedroom and had a brief makeout session with her. No sex, though. Damn it. That shit had me worked up. I don't know if this was Maverick-related, but it's the first time I can ever recall anything like this happening since we met.
04-13-2023, 04:39 PM
Day 32
I'll start my hybrid loop tonight. Hybrid is my preferred format, so I'm pretty stoked.
On the topic of sexual transmutation mentioned in Duke's journal, it's really obvious during meditation. As far as I can recall, meditation has always been a pleasurable experience for me. But now, it's like I'm bathing in sexual energy. Practicing mindfulness during a total immersion in sexual energy...is fucking amazing.
I'll start my hybrid loop tonight. Hybrid is my preferred format, so I'm pretty stoked.
On the topic of sexual transmutation mentioned in Duke's journal, it's really obvious during meditation. As far as I can recall, meditation has always been a pleasurable experience for me. But now, it's like I'm bathing in sexual energy. Practicing mindfulness during a total immersion in sexual energy...is fucking amazing.
04-19-2023, 05:02 PM
Day 38
Over the past week, I feel like things have leveled out. My libido isn't raging. The emotional upheaval seems to be gone. I feel in control of myself again. The first month almost felt like what I imagine when I read about quantum physics and probabilities. I feel like things are transitioning from probability to something more settled. hat doesn't mean that I have things totally defined. It just means that things feel more stable.
I've had several instances this week where I've had to handle personnel issues. One thing that I'm beginning to see is the childlike nature that tends to underlie people's behaviors. It's astonishing to me at times that people can jump through hoops to make excuses for themselves when it's easier (and more respectable) to acknowledge a mistake or a downfall. Sometimes I hear or see these things and think, "Wow...".
Anyway, I really don't have anything exciting to report. I guess the most interesting thing is how well received my constructive criticisms are becoming. In some ways, I feel like I'm beginning to see through to the core of the issues and strike right at the heart of the bullseye. It's not 100%, but it's improving. Oddly enough, I usually don't realize what's happening in the moment. It's usually when I reflect on things and ponder the difference in my expectation versus the outcome that I can see what unfolded. There are times where I expected a battle and got cooperation instead. Also, I've had two compliments given to me over the past two days. One was about my diplomacy. The other was about my ability to say no to a client and how well it was received.
That's it for now.
Over the past week, I feel like things have leveled out. My libido isn't raging. The emotional upheaval seems to be gone. I feel in control of myself again. The first month almost felt like what I imagine when I read about quantum physics and probabilities. I feel like things are transitioning from probability to something more settled. hat doesn't mean that I have things totally defined. It just means that things feel more stable.
I've had several instances this week where I've had to handle personnel issues. One thing that I'm beginning to see is the childlike nature that tends to underlie people's behaviors. It's astonishing to me at times that people can jump through hoops to make excuses for themselves when it's easier (and more respectable) to acknowledge a mistake or a downfall. Sometimes I hear or see these things and think, "Wow...".
Anyway, I really don't have anything exciting to report. I guess the most interesting thing is how well received my constructive criticisms are becoming. In some ways, I feel like I'm beginning to see through to the core of the issues and strike right at the heart of the bullseye. It's not 100%, but it's improving. Oddly enough, I usually don't realize what's happening in the moment. It's usually when I reflect on things and ponder the difference in my expectation versus the outcome that I can see what unfolded. There are times where I expected a battle and got cooperation instead. Also, I've had two compliments given to me over the past two days. One was about my diplomacy. The other was about my ability to say no to a client and how well it was received.
That's it for now.
04-22-2023, 05:10 AM
Day 41
This week was really smooth. It wasn't perfect, but it was smooth. Even during a last minute crisis that hit me on Thursday, it was smooth. I did get pissed off, but there was a layer of indifference that I experienced. Yes, I realize that anger and indifference don't typically mix. But that's what I experienced. The best way I describe it is that the demon beneath was idling, but the 'indifference pad' provided a buffer that prevented my conscious mind from becoming overwhelmed. Once a temporary solution was worked out, I returned to my emotional baseline quickly and the problem seemed like it had been experienced days (not minutes or hours) before. In other words, the problem seemed like a thing of a relatively distant past. It's like I had been long removed from it, although I hadn't.
Another thing of note is that I'm feeling more in love with my wife. It doesn't take a lot of pondering to understand what this is about. As a kid, I was shy, sweet, sensitive, artistic, creative, intelligent etc. As a child I admired beauty. I can even recall having a crush on Barbara Mandrell when I was in kindergarten. I can probably name every girl from that time up through junior high that I had a thing for. I felt things deeply, so they're burned into my memory. Well, around junior high age, I allowed my self to be emotionally ruined by several girls that I had a thing for. I can remember, verbatim, cruel things that were said to me. I can recall literally crying myself to sleep at times. So, as the years unfolded, I built a protective all around me. Because of that, I've ruined relationships with some really good women. In certain ways, I've even kept my wife at a distance. Yes, I've dropped my guard with her, but I've always kept the mouthpiece in, just in case. This morning, I lied in bed holding her and allowing myself to experience loving emotions that I've kept at bay for years. I let myself feel it all. I didn't think about it. I just let it all in and it was amazing. This is consistent with several other things I've experienced this week as well.
It's a beautiful day today. I think I'm going to do some yard work and just enjoy being outside. I might go visit my dad. I haven't done that in a while and I kind of just want to go see him.
This week was really smooth. It wasn't perfect, but it was smooth. Even during a last minute crisis that hit me on Thursday, it was smooth. I did get pissed off, but there was a layer of indifference that I experienced. Yes, I realize that anger and indifference don't typically mix. But that's what I experienced. The best way I describe it is that the demon beneath was idling, but the 'indifference pad' provided a buffer that prevented my conscious mind from becoming overwhelmed. Once a temporary solution was worked out, I returned to my emotional baseline quickly and the problem seemed like it had been experienced days (not minutes or hours) before. In other words, the problem seemed like a thing of a relatively distant past. It's like I had been long removed from it, although I hadn't.
Another thing of note is that I'm feeling more in love with my wife. It doesn't take a lot of pondering to understand what this is about. As a kid, I was shy, sweet, sensitive, artistic, creative, intelligent etc. As a child I admired beauty. I can even recall having a crush on Barbara Mandrell when I was in kindergarten. I can probably name every girl from that time up through junior high that I had a thing for. I felt things deeply, so they're burned into my memory. Well, around junior high age, I allowed my self to be emotionally ruined by several girls that I had a thing for. I can remember, verbatim, cruel things that were said to me. I can recall literally crying myself to sleep at times. So, as the years unfolded, I built a protective all around me. Because of that, I've ruined relationships with some really good women. In certain ways, I've even kept my wife at a distance. Yes, I've dropped my guard with her, but I've always kept the mouthpiece in, just in case. This morning, I lied in bed holding her and allowing myself to experience loving emotions that I've kept at bay for years. I let myself feel it all. I didn't think about it. I just let it all in and it was amazing. This is consistent with several other things I've experienced this week as well.
It's a beautiful day today. I think I'm going to do some yard work and just enjoy being outside. I might go visit my dad. I haven't done that in a while and I kind of just want to go see him.
04-22-2023, 05:58 AM
(04-22-2023, 05:10 AM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]Day 41
This week was really smooth. It wasn't perfect, but it was smooth. Even during a last minute crisis that hit me on Thursday, it was smooth. I did get pissed off, but there was a layer of indifference that I experienced. Yes, I realize that anger and indifference don't typically mix. But that's what I experienced. The best way I describe it is that the demon beneath was idling, but the 'indifference pad' provided a buffer that prevented my conscious mind from becoming overwhelmed. Once a temporary solution was worked out, I returned to my emotional baseline quickly and the problem seemed like it had been experienced days (not minutes or hours) before. In other words, the problem seemed like a thing of a relatively distant past. It's like I had been long removed from it, although I hadn't.
Another thing of note is that I'm feeling more in love with my wife. It doesn't take a lot of pondering to understand what this is about. As a kid, I was shy, sweet, sensitive, artistic, creative, intelligent etc. As a child I admired beauty. I can even recall having a crush on Barbara Mandrell when I was in kindergarten. I can probably name every girl from that time up through junior high that I had a thing for. I felt things deeply, so they're burned into my memory. Well, around junior high age, I allowed my self to be emotionally ruined by several girls that I had a thing for. I can remember, verbatim, cruel things that were said to me. I can recall literally crying myself to sleep at times. So, as the years unfolded, I built a protective all around me. Because of that, I've ruined relationships with some really good women. In certain ways, I've even kept my wife at a distance. Yes, I've dropped my guard with her, but I've always kept the mouthpiece in, just in case. This morning, I lied in bed holding her and allowing myself to experience loving emotions that I've kept at bay for years. I let myself feel it all. I didn't think about it. I just let it all in and it was amazing. This is consistent with several other things I've experienced this week as well.
It's a beautiful day today. I think I'm going to do some yard work and just enjoy being outside. I might go visit my dad. I haven't done that in a while and I kind of just want to go see him.
This sounds awesome
04-22-2023, 03:18 PM
Day 41 (cont'd)
If you're offended by sex talk, exit this thread now.
Now that we have that out of the way...man oh man. I was flirting with my wife in the kitchen earlier...touching, hugging, kissing, and all that. At some point, she pushed me to my bedroom and onto my bed. We lied there smooching & caressing for 5-10 minutes. Then, she decided she was going to pull the soldier out and give him some oral love. So I told her to close the door (she's usually very conscientious of that kind of thing). She proceeds to do some oral porn star oral shit. I'll leave it at that b/c I don't want to be over the top explicit, but damn. This was the best head I've ever received...bar none. Not only that, but I was supposed to pick up a call-in order. After telling her I need to leave twice, I had to stop her the third time. That's right...hey...stop sucking my dick better than you've ever don in the 20ish years I've known you and let me up. So, I got up, pulled up my pants and kissed her goodbye. As I turned to leave, she pulled me back for another kiss. Then she pulled my pants back down, squatted, and ent at it again. I finally had to make her stop. I had to give my erect buddy some time to calm down before I left my room. So, I grabbed grab my wallet & phone, and she slipped up behind me and started groping my dick through my pants. Finally, I left and picked up dinner.
As I type this, I'm waiting for her to get out of the shower, so we can pickup where we left off. I just figured I'd type this while it's fresh on the brain. It's another example of behavior in my wife that's so far out of the ordinary that it's crazy.
I didn't proof read any of this, so excuse me for any spelling or grammatical errors. 'Bout to get laid.
If you're offended by sex talk, exit this thread now.
Now that we have that out of the way...man oh man. I was flirting with my wife in the kitchen earlier...touching, hugging, kissing, and all that. At some point, she pushed me to my bedroom and onto my bed. We lied there smooching & caressing for 5-10 minutes. Then, she decided she was going to pull the soldier out and give him some oral love. So I told her to close the door (she's usually very conscientious of that kind of thing). She proceeds to do some oral porn star oral shit. I'll leave it at that b/c I don't want to be over the top explicit, but damn. This was the best head I've ever received...bar none. Not only that, but I was supposed to pick up a call-in order. After telling her I need to leave twice, I had to stop her the third time. That's right...hey...stop sucking my dick better than you've ever don in the 20ish years I've known you and let me up. So, I got up, pulled up my pants and kissed her goodbye. As I turned to leave, she pulled me back for another kiss. Then she pulled my pants back down, squatted, and ent at it again. I finally had to make her stop. I had to give my erect buddy some time to calm down before I left my room. So, I grabbed grab my wallet & phone, and she slipped up behind me and started groping my dick through my pants. Finally, I left and picked up dinner.
As I type this, I'm waiting for her to get out of the shower, so we can pickup where we left off. I just figured I'd type this while it's fresh on the brain. It's another example of behavior in my wife that's so far out of the ordinary that it's crazy.
I didn't proof read any of this, so excuse me for any spelling or grammatical errors. 'Bout to get laid.
04-23-2023, 11:38 AM
(04-22-2023, 03:18 PM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]Day 41 (cont'd)
If you're offended by sex talk, exit this thread now.
Now that we have that out of the way...man oh man. I was flirting with my wife in the kitchen earlier...touching, hugging, kissing, and all that. At some point, she pushed me to my bedroom and onto my bed. We lied there smooching & caressing for 5-10 minutes. Then, she decided she was going to pull the soldier out and give him some oral love. So I told her to close the door (she's usually very conscientious of that kind of thing). She proceeds to do some oral porn star oral shit. I'll leave it at that b/c I don't want to be over the top explicit, but damn. This was the best head I've ever received...bar none. Not only that, but I was supposed to pick up a call-in order. After telling her I need to leave twice, I had to stop her the third time. That's right...hey...stop sucking my dick better than you've ever don in the 20ish years I've known you and let me up. So, I got up, pulled up my pants and kissed her goodbye. As I turned to leave, she pulled me back for another kiss. Then she pulled my pants back down, squatted, and ent at it again. I finally had to make her stop. I had to give my erect buddy some time to calm down before I left my room. So, I grabbed grab my wallet & phone, and she slipped up behind me and started groping my dick through my pants. Finally, I left and picked up dinner.
As I type this, I'm waiting for her to get out of the shower, so we can pickup where we left off. I just figured I'd type this while it's fresh on the brain. It's another example of behavior in my wife that's so far out of the ordinary that it's crazy.
I didn't proof read any of this, so excuse me for any spelling or grammatical errors. 'Bout to get laid.
That is just awesome,Nomad !! Powerful !! I cant wait to be able to write down MY OWN version of "If you're offended by sex talk, exit this thread now." !! Marverick when puirchasd down the road,as theres still some more inner work to be done and to be handled, IM gonna ride that Marverick all the way into the Sunset and back !! Let me be clear here: Sex isnt the reason nor driving factor for wanting to use Maverick, at all, but I shure as hell wouldnt turn down such'benefical perks' of the job, so to speak not in the least would I.
IM so glad for both you and your Wife, Nomad. a LOt of deep inner, growth and outter pleasure along the way !!
More power to ya Man!!
"
04-23-2023, 08:44 PM
(04-22-2023, 03:18 PM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]Day 41 (cont'd)
If you're offended by sex talk, exit this thread now.
Now that we have that out of the way...man oh man. I was flirting with my wife in the kitchen earlier...touching, hugging, kissing, and all that. At some point, she pushed me to my bedroom and onto my bed. We lied there smooching & caressing for 5-10 minutes. Then, she decided she was going to pull the soldier out and give him some oral love. So I told her to close the door (she's usually very conscientious of that kind of thing). She proceeds to do some oral porn star oral shit. I'll leave it at that b/c I don't want to be over the top explicit, but damn. This was the best head I've ever received...bar none. Not only that, but I was supposed to pick up a call-in order. After telling her I need to leave twice, I had to stop her the third time. That's right...hey...stop sucking my dick better than you've ever don in the 20ish years I've known you and let me up. So, I got up, pulled up my pants and kissed her goodbye. As I turned to leave, she pulled me back for another kiss. Then she pulled my pants back down, squatted, and ent at it again. I finally had to make her stop. I had to give my erect buddy some time to calm down before I left my room. So, I grabbed grab my wallet & phone, and she slipped up behind me and started groping my dick through my pants. Finally, I left and picked up dinner.
As I type this, I'm waiting for her to get out of the shower, so we can pickup where we left off. I just figured I'd type this while it's fresh on the brain. It's another example of behavior in my wife that's so far out of the ordinary that it's crazy.
I didn't proof read any of this, so excuse me for any spelling or grammatical errors. 'Bout to get laid.
I dont know if its related or not with Maverick, but in a few weeks i had the best sex as well in years. I have known 2 girls that at the begining they seemed pretty demure when it came to sex. But it the second date at home, the first one after 2 cups of wine it was wild, great oral sex like a porn movie haha, and look like almost a bit nympho. The best thing is that she is bisexual and want a threesome with another girl (im not into do it with another boy, so its great). And the other one pretty the same, less savage but she turn me on even more than the first one. And it look like i am more atractive for the girls since maverick.
04-30-2023, 09:03 AM
Day 49
Over the past week, I really haven't been able to detect what Maverick is doing. But after doing some reflection, I can see some effects sprinkled here and there.
I had a client indicate to one of his colleagues that they are fortunate that I'm involved with the current undertaking. He also thanked me for my role in another undertaking. I sensed that I had been building rapport with him. He's tough, but his mannerisms have changed in recent weeks. He verbally confirmed what I had already picked up on. I'm also seeing more respect in my dealings with others.
One thing that really hit me last night is my growing indifference. I was at a public event. I walked into the main room, looking for my seat. I heard a woman say, "Hey Nomad." I turned around and was greeted by a woman I know. After giving her a hug, she introduced me to her friend. I was polite, but I didn't want to talk to them. I just wanted to find my seat. In fact, I hadn't even noticed her because I didn't give a shit enough to look around and identify people I know. I was content to be alone in my own company. Once I was seated, my wife joined me and began talking. But again, I didn't want to talk. I just wanted to sit silently. Then my brother-in-law joined. Same thing. My point here, is that I didn't care what anybody had to say. I didn't want to listen and I didn't want to talk. During the entire event, I found myself annoyed by how people seem to need to constantly jabber. For some I observed, it seems to be meaningless conversation meant to fill the silence. For others, it seems that they feel like they've got something profound to say and that they absolutely need to share it with someone. Either way, they wouldn't shut the fuck up.
I beginning to see how Maverick could strain relationships. For me, it's beginning to weed out some of the things that I consider meaningless bullshit. If I've got a finite amount of time and energy to focus on something, that something needs to be worth the finite amount of time and energy that I have.
Over the past week, I really haven't been able to detect what Maverick is doing. But after doing some reflection, I can see some effects sprinkled here and there.
I had a client indicate to one of his colleagues that they are fortunate that I'm involved with the current undertaking. He also thanked me for my role in another undertaking. I sensed that I had been building rapport with him. He's tough, but his mannerisms have changed in recent weeks. He verbally confirmed what I had already picked up on. I'm also seeing more respect in my dealings with others.
One thing that really hit me last night is my growing indifference. I was at a public event. I walked into the main room, looking for my seat. I heard a woman say, "Hey Nomad." I turned around and was greeted by a woman I know. After giving her a hug, she introduced me to her friend. I was polite, but I didn't want to talk to them. I just wanted to find my seat. In fact, I hadn't even noticed her because I didn't give a shit enough to look around and identify people I know. I was content to be alone in my own company. Once I was seated, my wife joined me and began talking. But again, I didn't want to talk. I just wanted to sit silently. Then my brother-in-law joined. Same thing. My point here, is that I didn't care what anybody had to say. I didn't want to listen and I didn't want to talk. During the entire event, I found myself annoyed by how people seem to need to constantly jabber. For some I observed, it seems to be meaningless conversation meant to fill the silence. For others, it seems that they feel like they've got something profound to say and that they absolutely need to share it with someone. Either way, they wouldn't shut the fuck up.
I beginning to see how Maverick could strain relationships. For me, it's beginning to weed out some of the things that I consider meaningless bullshit. If I've got a finite amount of time and energy to focus on something, that something needs to be worth the finite amount of time and energy that I have.
04-30-2023, 10:53 AM
(04-30-2023, 09:03 AM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]Day 49
Over the past week, I really haven't been able to detect what Maverick is doing. But after doing some reflection, I can see some effects sprinkled here and there.
I had a client indicate to one of his colleagues that they are fortunate that I'm involved with the current undertaking. He also thanked me for my role in another undertaking. I sensed that I had been building rapport with him. He's tough, but his mannerisms have changed in recent weeks. He verbally confirmed what I had already picked up on. I'm also seeing more respect in my dealings with others.
One thing that really hit me last night is my growing indifference. I was at a public event. I walked into the main room, looking for my seat. I heard a woman say, "Hey Nomad." I turned around and was greeted by a woman I know. After giving her a hug, she introduced me to her friend. I was polite, but I didn't want to talk to them. I just wanted to find my seat. In fact, I hadn't even noticed her because I didn't give a shit enough to look around and identify people I know. I was content to be alone in my own company. Once I was seated, my wife joined me and began talking. But again, I didn't want to talk. I just wanted to sit silently. Then my brother-in-law joined. Same thing. My point here, is that I didn't care what anybody had to say. I didn't want to listen and I didn't want to talk. During the entire event, I found myself annoyed by how people seem to need to constantly jabber. For some I observed, it seems to be meaningless conversation meant to fill the silence. For others, it seems that they feel like they've got something profound to say and that they absolutely need to share it with someone. Either way, they wouldn't shut the fuck up.
I beginning to see how Maverick could strain relationships. For me, it's beginning to weed out some of the things that I consider meaningless bullshit. If I've got a finite amount of time and energy to focus on something, that something needs to be worth the finite amount of time and energy that I have.
This made me think of Hank Reardon in Atlas Shrugged.