Day 91
This week, I noted in my offline journal that I feel like I'm on the cusp of freedom. I still have a hump within myself to get over, but it's in progress. I'm coming face to face with fears, inadequacies, and things that I flat out don't like about myself. The odd thing is that they're subtly revealing themselves to me. I'm not having any huge 'aha' moments or anything like that. I'm just noticing them in subtle ways. In fact, they're so subtle and fleeting that I've started writing them down on scrap paper as I notice them. And I'm at peace with myself enough that I can allow myself to ponder these things that I fear and dislike without any internal backlash.
Once again, Duke has hit the nail on the head in his latest journal entry. I'm already experiencing some of these things. The valleys aren't nearly as low. But the peaks aren't nearly as high either. I don't get the same charge I used to get from the victories in my work. I'm almost becoming bored with it. There are some books I'd like to read to help me boost my efficiency at work. Why? Because I want to get the same amount done, but to be able to spend more down time. I'm finding that I really enjoy quiet time alone. It helps me to "sink" into myself and explore my mind. I know that probably comes across as cryptic and weird, but it's about the best that I can put it.
Up to this point, I feel like Maverick has stripped me down so that I can't hide from myself. But I don't want to hide from myself. I want to see what's under the rocks and in the cracks & crevices. I feel exposed, but it's not uncomfortable. It's interesting.
I feel really good about where I'm going. It's uncharted territory, which is part of the fun.
Day 119
Overall, I feel like I'm in a state of low. Overall, I'm at peace. That's all I care to say. Maverick is too complex to waste time trying to articulate.
Day 122
One of the levels that Maverick has had a significant impact on me is that it has removed how much I care about almost every aspect of my life. At the surface level, that appears shallow, apathetic, yada yada. At the deeper level, it's freeing.
I've used the cage analogy in at least one other post. That analogy is standing the test of time for me. There's freedom in removing emotional attachments to things, people, outcomes, etc. It's freedom from worry (of loss...what if it doesn't last?). It's freedom from 'needing' to 'be' something you aren't. It's freedom to enjoy the moment you're experiencing right now. I didn't realize what a slave I was until the attachments began to dissolve. For most, this post probably won't make much sense. This is part of why I'm hesitant to post. But for those experiencing it, you might describe it with different wording, but you know exactly what I'm talking about.
There's so much more going on here than I have the patience/words to describe. It's pretty incredible.
(07-02-2023, 04:08 PM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]Day 122
One of the levels that Maverick has had a significant impact on me is that it has removed how much I care about almost every aspect of my life. At the surface level, that appears shallow, apathetic, yada yada. At the deeper level, it's freeing.
I've used the cage analogy in at least one other post. That analogy is standing the test of time for me. There's freedom in removing emotional attachments to things, people, outcomes, etc. It's freedom from worry (of loss...what if it doesn't last?). It's freedom from 'needing' to 'be' something you aren't. It's freedom to enjoy the moment you're experiencing right now. I didn't realize what a slave I was until the attachments began to dissolve. For most, this post probably won't make much sense. This is part of why I'm hesitant to post. But for those experiencing it, you might describe it with different wording, but you know exactly what I'm talking about.
There's so much more going on here than I have the patience/words to describe. It's pretty incredible.
I've been having family meetings the last couple of days.
It's a nice conversation, and I enjoy being there for about 30 minutes, but then I don't feel the need to say anything.
There are things that I could ask, but then I realize it in myself that I don't care about knowing the answer.
That's unfortunate, since I know I'll regret not having these kinds of conversations when a funeral comes, a year or twenty years from now.
To add testimony to what you're saying about loss of attachment.
(07-02-2023, 04:20 PM)Ampersnd Wrote: [ -> ]... I know I'll regret not having these kinds of conversations when a funeral comes, a year or twenty years from now.
If you spend enough time with Maverick, maybe you won't.
Day 129
First off, if you're on the fence about Maverick...it's not for you. If you're disappointed in the journal postings because you don't see clearly defined signs of "success"...it's not for you. You don't get it. Maverick is about reaching your absolute potential. It's about discovery. It's why users have a hard time understanding what it does, let alone articulating the things we begin intuitively understand. Run another sub if you're looking for success in the conventional sense. The Maverick product page tells you this if you've got the eyes to see it.
Now that I've gotten that out of the way...
Maverick is showing me limits to the road(s) I'm on in two separate areas of my life. I'm approaching the end of road(s) in terms of forward progress. In at least one case, I've passed the exist ramp. Making the change toward forward progress essentially means that I'll have to take a few steps back in order to take leaps forward. I believe this to be along the lines of the Rubik's cube analogy Duke gave. Again, Duke nailed it.
Maverick has a way of bringing inconvenient truths to light. It does this gently, but there's no denying what's there when it's revealed. Interestingly, I don't want to deny anything that's revealed. I'm embracing the truths and the discomfort. In turn, that transforms the discomfort into something else entirely.
(07-09-2023, 09:08 AM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]Day 129
Maverick has a way of bringing inconvenient truths to light. It does this gently, but there's no denying what's there when it's revealed. Interestingly, I don't want to deny anything that's revealed. I'm embracing the truths and the discomfort. In turn, that transforms the discomfort into something else entirely.
I think what you're saying is very easy to understand and 'i get it". Yeop I get it ! .... This one's for the Maverick Man! Dig this !!
A thing called 'FREEDOM" !!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxI1WWbLOSo
Day 139
First off, I'm going to answer a question that I saw a user post in another thread. I'm answering here, b/c the question wasn't directed at me but I do have some thoughts on it.
Does Maverick center the user?
No. It does not. Shocking answer? Maybe.
One of the biggest issues I see is that everybody has a framework that they establish to try to understand 'what is'. I'm no different. It's how we make sense of things. The problem is that 'what is' doesn't fit within a framework; at least not a framework as simple as most of us try to apply.
I've made mention of cages and how Maverick is continually dissolving cages. Well, the framework that we try to use to understand 'what is' is exactly that...another cage. It's the antithesis of what Maverick is about. And the fact that we continually keep trying to build these cages, to make sense of things, is exactly what makes Maverick so difficult to explain. It doesn't fit in a fucking cage. The experience is growth outside of what you currently know. It's like trying to explain three dimensions to a two-dimensional stick figure drawn on a piece of paper. Even if this two dimensional figure could think, and could understand width and height, it has no concept of depth.
Moving on...
Growth is occurring in me. Overall, I'm more relaxed than I can ever recall being in my life. I won't go so far as to say I could calmly diffuse a bomb, but I can see getting to that place at some point if I run Maverick long enough. I know what you're thinking...."I knew it NOMAD...it centers the user." No. It's not that at all. Any apparent "centeredness" is a symptom of something more complex than I can understand, let alone explain with my current vocabulary. "Centerdness" implies being static. For lack of better term, Maverick is fluid. Of course, the concept of fluidity is what? ... another cage that Maverick doesn't fit in.
In my work, I'm finding that demand for me is growing. I currently have a client stepping around the normal protocols to get me involved. The act of doing this excludes one of my counterparts in the company. I sensed that this was going to happen and I sense that this type of thing is going to increase in frequency as time unfolds. Interestingly, the importance I've placed in my work is fading. There was a time that I would've relished the glory of it all. Now, it's just another day.
Day 141
For anyone interested, I thought of another couple of analogies that describe the way I tend to feel while running Maverick.
1) I don't know if there are any Marvel comics fans, but some of you might have some exposure to the character "Vision". Yes, he appeared in the MCU. But what I recall about him in the comics is his ability to change his molecular density. He could lower his density to that of a gaseous cloud or he could increase it to the point that he was as hard as a diamond. He could even combine the two so that he couldn't be physically harmed all the while destroying an attacker. About a month ago, I noted feeling like Vision. I could attack, defend, or just let it go right through (or around) me. Regardless of how I chose to act, I was unscathed.
2) There's a scene at the end of the movie "Queen of the Damned" where Lestat and his love interest ware walking in slow motion as everything around them speeds by. I haven't found the scene online, so I'm speaking from memory here. If I recall correctly, they appear intent in their walk as the world passes by (the scene represents their immortality and the passing of time). This is similar to what I described as giving my attention to something versus everything else, which is nothing more than background noise.
Day 146
For the past few days, I've felt a sense of underlying unease.
I've spent a lot of years developing myself in my career field. Over the past year and a half, I've catapulted myself two levels above where I'd been for years (largely due to UMSv2). In my 'new' role, I've begun to establish myself as the "go-to". I'm becoming the guy that that client can rely on. I'm becoming the guy that the boss can rely on. I'm becoming the guy that my colleagues (several of which are significantly more experienced) ask, "How are you handling {insert expectation/task/problem 'xyz'}? Through all of this, I'm experiencing tremendous growth on professional, mental, and emotional levels. I'm facing situations that would have terrified me into giving up and quitting as recently as a year ago (yes, even while running UMSv2). But although I've taken some minor bumps and bruises, I'm succeeding.
The good thing about all this is that the more I grow, the more I'm challenged. And the more I'm challenged, the more I grow...and on and on. But, the deeper I get into this cycle, the more I want simplicity. I want downtime. I want rest. I want peace. The more I accomplish, the more the 'returns' on the time and energy I invest diminish. The ratio of energy spent to fulfillment is out of balance.
I believe this is the source of my unease.
@
NOMAD
Hi how are you?
How are you playing Maverick?
Are you listening on your phones speakers or using earbuds?
(07-27-2023, 06:56 AM)KingDavid93 Wrote: [ -> ]@NOMAD
Hi how are you?
How are you playing Maverick?
Are you listening on your phones speakers or using earbuds?
Earbuds
Day 156
Since my last post, Ive been more temperamental than I've become accustomed to while running Maverick. I don't know that it's necessarily sub-related. I've started working out again, so it's possible that my testosterone is increasing and I'm experiencing more aggression because of it. On the other hand, it could be because a part (or parts) of me is tired of driving with a foot on the brake. I don't know. What I do know is that my intensity is increasing to levels I used to experience prior to Maverick. The difference is that my filter (another cage) is dissolving. I need to be careful with this.
Another notable is that I had an epiphany today. I've lived so much of my life in a state (or states) if fear that I've never really taken the time to determine, let alone pursue, what makes me happy. The overall level of fear I experience day to day is at an all time low. I rarely have an adrenaline surge any more. That used to be the rule. Now, it's the exception. Even with my aggressive tendencies on the rise, it's rarely backed by fight or flight adrenaline. The best way I can describe it as deep intensity. The point is, the fear fog is lifting and I'm facing the question: What brings me joy? It's sad when I acknowledge that I don't really know.
One more thing that I noticed a few days ago. In a conference room full of people, my boss consistently held eye contact with me. The odd thing is that I'm not his favorite. He has a protege. I'm not the protege. So, there's something else. It's like he consciously wants his guy to be #1. But his deeper self knows it's not going to happen. In hindsight, this has been happening for a while, but I didn't detect it until this week.
Day 156 (cont'd)
Another thing...I almost can't keep myself from taking over. I've mentioned it before, but I find that I'm being consulted and contacted more and more when things are falling through the cracks. Now, I'm naturally taking ownership of things that have nothing to do with me. I do this without thinking. This is another thing that I need to be careful with for multiple reasons. It's threatening to people that are less capable and it puts a greater load on me. I used to be very conscientious about stepping on other peoples' toes. Lately, it really doesn't cross my mind. I just do what needs to be done.