Maverick - Emergence

[NOMAD]

I don't plan on keeping a regular online journal. I keep a detailed journal off line. I'll pop in from time to time if I have something worthwhile to report.



With that said, I ran my second set of loops last night. Wow. Maverick is unlike anything I've ever run. I don't really even know where to start. But I'll try to articulate this the best that I can.


Day 1

After day 1, I noticed an incredible calm. This is a total 180 from UMSv2, that often had me feeling on edge. I also sensed some something immense happening. Going against @Duke.Togo 's advice, I attempted to harness it by using the same mental imagery and affirmations I used with UMSv2. But, I quickly found that Duke was right...it slaps like Mike Tyson. My attempt to harness Maverick was like trying to funnel the power of a hurricane through a garden hose. And that was the day after I had run one set of loops...


Day 5

I had a rough day at work and woke up in the middle of the night pissed off about it. I was able to calm myself down fairly easily. Lying in bed, I went into a meditative state. The sense of relaxed aggression took over. Yes, relaxed...aggression. That's the only way I know how to describe it. I get the sense that something bigger than me is emerging, hence the title of the journal. It's the sense that there's something inside that's beyond what I'm able to contain. The imagery I have in my mind is that of a huge ground swell that spans the entire ocean floor of earth and that a mythological titan is emerging. The imagery is terrible, overwhelming, exciting, and utterly magnificent.

I'm not far into the experience at all, but I'm pretty impressed so far. My one complaint is usage. I don't like the ASRB2. I've been craving more input.

[Duke.Togo]

One piece of advice that I would give, no matter how tempting it is to listen more, don’t. The more you use Maverick, the more you’ll begin to appreciate the lower listening times, especially when you get to 20 minute loops.

Listening more than you need to will only overload you and will greatly diminish the results. It’s one of the reasons why this sub does not have autoconfig.

Enjoy the ride though, the more you give Maverick time to breathe, the easier it will be to adapt to all the changes that are going to happen.

[NOMAD]

One piece of advice that I would give, no matter how tempting it is to listen more, don’t. The more you use Maverick, the more you’ll begin to appreciate the lower listening times, especially when you get to 20 minute loops.

Listening more than you need to will only overload you and will greatly diminish the results. It’s one of the reasons why this sub does not have autoconfig.

Enjoy the ride though, the more you give Maverick time to breathe, the easier it will be to adapt to all the changes that are going to happen.

Yeah, I can actually feel that, especially now that it's a couple of days after my 2nd set of loops. Although it's early on in the game, it feels like it's building upon itself.  And although I've been tempted to reduce the ASRB2, I won't. Those instructions are there for a reason.

I think the desire for more loops came from the euphoria I was experiencing during my meditation just moments before I typed that post. Really,  euphoria doesn't even describe the feeling. I felt like Superman and I just basked in that feeling for about an hour and a half before thinking,  "I want to  do this until I have to get up, but I need to write about it."

[NOMAD]

Day 6

I feel really good today.

One thing I'm noticing is that my interactions with people are different. It's subtle, but it's there. It could be, in part, because I'm more present in conversations. Typically, my mind is running multiple directions because I'm frequently dealing with multiple urgent matters at once in my work. But yesterday, I noticed that I was able to subdue the 'scatteredness', and be there in that moment. I know some of that probably comes across as me parroting the posts of others, but it's what is happening. I'm not saying it's some drug-like laser focus experience or anything like that. It's just that the noise is subdued enough that I can actually participate in whatever is happening in front of me. This has extended to my home life as well.

What I've written doesn't adequately capture what I sense happening. It's as if I've developed internal filters over the years that help keep me focused on overall goals/tasks. Those filters serve a purpose. They keep those little nagging things at bay...the things that don't serve the defined goal. The problem with those filters is that they create a sort of tunnel vision. And in my experience, anything that falls outside that tunnel vision essentially doesn't exist for me. In some ways, that has served me. In some ways, my life has passed me by. Maverick seems to be taking me to a place where those filters are no longer needed. Like, maybe, somehow, I can experience all the good things life has to offer.

There seems to be a staggering immensity to this sub and it's really hard to describe without experiencing it. It might take a novelist several books to adequately describe this thing. Even then, I think some would just take it at face value.

I'm only 6 days in, so we'll see how things unfold. So far, this is new ground for me.

[NOMAD]

Ho...
Lee...
Shit...

Day 7

I spent the day with my wife like I usually do on Sundays. Maverick has me feeling a little more flirty. My moves wear dismissed to a large degree. No biggie. It didn't stop me from having fun.

Later this evening (a few glasses if wine in), my wife signals to me that it's time for sex. I'm in. My wife is pretty conservative and I've come to conclude that her upbringing has shamed her into thinking that sex = bad. It usually takes some alcohol before she loosens up and is able to have fun. I lead her to our bedroom. She told  me to put it in...no foreplay...just do it....okie dokie. During the act, she told me over and over again how much she loves me. She told that she always wants me to do her, but that I don't...what?!? (I'm always down for sex). I'm going to spare everybody the juicy details, but holy shit, this was wayyy out of the ordinary...even when using pheromones (which I've avoided b/c I don't want to taint my observations) I'll share this, though...she begged me to finish...I went the extra mile...she was thoroughly satisfied....the I finished....fast forward 20 min...just before i ate dinner, she wanted seconds and I delivered. I'm in my mid-forties. I'm not the young buck I used to be. But you'd never know it tonight.

Was it maverick? That's the only explanation I can come up with.

[NOMAD]

Day 13

So far, some notable things about Maverick are:

1. My mind feels like it has withdrawn into a vault. There's something heavy going on. Duke mentioned a mental fortress. That might be what's going on. I'm not finding myself emotionally overwhelmed, even under otherwise overwhelming circumstances. Duke also mentioned rewiring. I suspect this is where the heavy feeling comes from. The heaviness is significant enough that I struggled this past week with keeping my mind on boring tasks.
2. I'm more relaxed overall. When I finish typing this, I'm going to lie down with my eyes closed. I'm not sleepy per se'. I just want to bask in my relaxation and recharge.
3. I sleep better. My sleep isn't perfect, but it's better.
4. I'm having vivid dreams that I mostly remember. They tend to either be about sex or people from my past.
5. My taste for coffee is diminishing.
6. The craving for more input from the sub is gone.

That's about all I can think of as far as the obvious goes.

[NOMAD]

Day 14

Something is shifting beneath the surface, but I can't put my finger on exactly what it is. That hit me earlier today. It's barely noticeable, but it's there.

Also, today I thought about another thing that's happened since starting Maverick. For about a year, I've had swelling around my eyes. It felt like I was having allergy problems. I don't typically suffer from allergies, so it was weird when I began experiencing this. I almost came the conclusion that it might be some age-related phenomenon. Well, since starting Maverick, that swelling has gone away. I'm sleeping better, so maybe it's related to that.

[NOMAD]

Day 15

It would probably take me an hour to type what I'm thinking, but I'm going to abbreviate the realization I had earlier today.

For years, I've felt like parts of me were at war with each other. To simplify: Happy vs sad...peace vs aggression...pleasure vs pain...an on and on. Today I realized that there's no war. It's more like a dance. The opposing parts of me aren't enemies. They're partners moving together. These parts aren't mutually exclusive. They fade into one another. They compliment one another. Each part makes up where another lacks. Each part serves a role. Each part serves a purpose.

Have you ever felt joy and frustration at the same time?...an odd swirling of emotions? I hadn't until today. This is in line with the "relaxed aggression" I described in another post. I don't really know how to describe it other than...absolutely amazing.

Do we honestly not have to feel one way or the other? Can I experience it all simultaneously?

Let's see if this continues.

[findingme]

That's a beautiful truth NOMAD. While on E5, I've felt emotions of opposite poles simultaneously, and just like you, I've tried to exclude one and embrace the other. It can be quite uncomfortable, to put it mildly.

Even though Maverick is blatantly not a sub with "training wheels", it sounds like it's working some areas that most would call "their issues", when they're really just misunderstandings constantly repeating themselves in their heads. Sounds like Maverick straightens out some things we thought were our brokenness.

Thanks for sharing this.

[NOMAD]

That's a beautiful truth NOMAD.  While on E5, I've felt emotions of opposite poles simultaneously, and just like you, I've tried to exclude one and embrace the other.  It can be quite uncomfortable, to put it mildly.

Even though Maverick is blatantly not a sub with "training wheels", it sounds like it's working some areas that most would call "their issues", when they're really just misunderstandings constantly repeating themselves in their heads.  Sounds like Maverick straightens out some things we thought were our brokenness. 

Thanks for sharing this.

Yesterday morning, it felt like a pendulum swinging back and forth between emotions. By the end of the day, they felt intertwined. It was odd, but fascinating.

[NOMAD]

Day 16

Today has been a rough day, mostly in terms of frustration and anger. I'm drowning in my work. With UMSv2, I embraced it. With Maverick, I'm about half tempted to walk out the door and never come back.

[NOMAD]

Day 20

There's something deep within me that I'm becoming increasingly aware of and aligned with. There's a sense of purpose that hasn't quite come into focus yet, but it's there.

I just deleted an entire post, mainly because it would've come across as aloof and arrogant. The gist of it is that I'm not wasting much time or energy on anyone or anything that isn't in line with what I believe my purpose to be.

[NOMAD]

Day 21

The following words come to mind when I think of what Maverick is doing. Some of them come from the product description or have been used by others, so I don't claim any originality.

Raw
Masculine
Powerful
Ruthless
Sensual
Driven


It's clear that my primary focus is going to be my work. I dream about it. I wake up thinking about it. I might go as far as to say that I'm consumed with it. But, that's not all.

My work can only take me so far. There's this inner expansion. There's something burning inside and it's boiling to the surface. My work won't continue to be enough of an outlet indefinitely. Imagine a cross-section of a volcano, where the magma pool is expanding. It finds multiple avenues to the surface. It has to escape. In similar form, I'm beginning to need another avenue of expression. Most likely, this will be in the form of a workout routine, at least in the beginning. For the first time in my life, I'm actually experiencing the sincere desire to engage in the activity without vanity as my motivation. That's crazy.

Also, my libido is increasing. It seems to be a side effect of the inner expansion I've described above.

Considering the fact that I've been running Maverick for less than a month, I'm really excited about where this might be taking me.

[NOMAD]

Day 23

...if you're offended by sex talk, don't read any farther...

ok then...

I woke up this morning pitching a tent. I won't go so far as to say it was like I was 18 again, but it was damned stiff and aching to be buried in something right then, right there.

35 min later...my wife was whimpering and begging me to finish. After cleaning up, we lied in bed together until my alarm clock went off. This is the best sex I've had in a long time. Everything about it was good. The after sex cuddle was pretty fucking amazing too.

The rest of the day was pretty rough (work...too much to do...too little time), but the start of the day was absolutely incredible.