Last night was the first night on. Slept for about 11 hours agian.
Either turbulence has cleared up or I broke through something big as I feel amazing today. I'm hesitant to say I broke through a big fear but I think I did.
I feel ready to move on to something else. Thank goodness my 6 months is almost up. Going to take a break in December and be ready for UMS in January. Ready to make money.
I feel like my fear of the spiritual or supernatural has cleared up. Had a bad experience in highschool that soured the supernatural for me, but I think that's all cleared up now.
Feels like good days ahead.
What I am about to describe is the most vivid dreams I have had in a long time. It is both symbolic and very literal. At least that's how it felt.
Be warned that it was very sexually explicit and very vivid and yet I felt no arousal in the dream. But I have never experienced such graphic sexuality in a dream before.
Yesterday I overcame some sort of fear that was causing a lot of exhaustion and resistance for the past few days by allowing my conscious mind to be involved with the sub. It kind of feels like it's clearing fear out of my higher, conscious thought processes. After the resistance cleared I felt pretty good for the first time since I tried to play Tranq B to get to sleep. I felt like a 4th night wouldn't be so bad and I also felt like my subconscious was saying to run 5 loops of OF. That's the waking context and situation. There are a few abrupt scene changes but I think I'm forgetting it so I'll write down what I know.
Also, this is mainly for Shannon so the explicit details shared are in the hopes that he can gain any useful information from it.
Ok here goes.
It starts off with a female sports agent in a Jerry Mcguire situation and oddly enough she was getting her new client, an NFL draft hopeful to say "Show me the money!" in the end he gets drafted with a contract totalling $115 million. Everyone is happy and confetti comes down from the ceiling. Scene change; oddly like a movie the scene changes abruptly to a this female agent in front of 4 men sitting in a row and she's whipping out the dick of one of them and giving him a blowjob. He is expressionless during this action, as well as the rest of them are expressionless. She's dressed in a business casual with a button-down dress shirt and a black pencil skirt and black heels. As I am watching this 2 men come up to me one is a neither good looking nor bad looking male in his late 30's or early 40's. He still looks young but is old enough to have made some moves in life and gained A LOT of power. The other one is an older man in his late 60's I believe and he is naked and seems to be almost senile or not concerned with what the others are concerned about. A bit less emotionally controlled and a bit more pleasure-seeking. The younger one seems to have taken a liking to me and he is telling me about how the world really works. I don't remember the dialogue anymore but I do know he's the one in control and has taken me under his wing. The older one is just hedonistic and is seeking pleasure all the time but cant get an erection anymore without a vibrator up the butt. The younger man in control seems to tolerate and be accepting of his actions and behavior and doesn't care that much.
During the whole dream, I am also getting phone calls from a prominent religious figure that also seems to be interested in wanting to take me under his wing. So I get occasional calls from him during the dream. Scene change; I'm in a mall or public place with the feeling that I want to get away from the powerful business guy. He finds me with his naked, hedonistic friend and is showing me a video of a naked woman in an almost audition-style video and saying she is pretty good and pretty fresh. His naked friend says "didn't you just bang her recently?". I thanked him for the offer and said that I wasn't interested and that I didn't value casual sexuality. The powerful business guy seemed indifferent yet accepting of my decision with a "to each their own" kind of vibe. The naked old man was surprisingly understanding and had a look and tone of either admiration or an almost reminiscent of better times, a "good ol' days" kind of feel to him.
Scene change; we are in an area that is controlled by powerful business guy. I get a call from the religious figure again and he is talking to me about something and I describe my current situation to him and how I feel stuck and want to get out of it. He seems to have a somewhat shocked or exasperated tone to him but as he is answering there is noise in the background and I can't hear what he is saying. I said that we can discuss it when I meet him. That's as much as I can remember.
I was losing some of the details as my mind was becoming more and more awake so that is the best I can do at present.
Overall it was one of those second life dreams that was long and left me a little tired. I woke up with a somewhat deep sense of meaning about the dream.
Anyways, I hope you can derive some sort of info from that dream Shannon. I generally wouldn't share it.
Off day today so I attempted to use LFC during a meditation. Once again the meditation was off the charts but I am getting the same fatigue as with Tranq b. Thought it would happen but wanted to make sure. It appears that LFC is going to have to be shelved until my OF run is over.
Planning on running LFC after OF is done for a short stint. This will be the first time I have run a sub to its suggested time length unless it was multi-stage. Feel good about that.
Although I might run DMSI after OF. My room smelled a bit sourer than before so my pheromone signature might have changed. Also been getting some real bouts of arousal, especially in the morning.
during the meditation, I arrived at a point where I was aware of my subconscious enough to notice the possibility that my subconscious isn't fully locked into the subliminal. I was playing ultrasonic LFC as well as some other audio and at one point I focused on the ultrasonic noise and it felt like my subconscious and the ultrasonic were not quite "meshed" or conjoined or overlapping or some other metaphorical adjective. I felt like the true purpose of a sub is to have an interaction where you melt together and become the instructions and I felt separate from the sub even while executing partially. Moreover, the sub sounded slightly irritating to me which is why I focused on it in the first place. I've always been able to hear the ultrasonic so it's not a new sound but I think my subconscious was not pleased. It was a bit of a short experience so I'm not fully sure what it meant. Hopefully, I'll have it again and be able to understand it and me in the process. It might provide a key as to why I have issues executing. But no more using more than 1 sub at a time, it's frying my brain.
OF has been hard but good, wouldn't trade the last 6 months for anything.