OF has been the cause of my ability to stop looking at Porn. I have not orgasmed in a month now and my sexual thoughts have been almost statistically zero during that point. However, I feel like I have hit the point where my sexual energy has reached the "full" point and it's spilling out or something. I hear that you can flatline and get a little depressed as your dopamine system recalibrates after you stop PMO so I am taking some things to increase my testosterone as that can assist your mood. So far no flatline but now my energy levels are higher and my underlying sex drive is at a peak it has not been at since my teens. The reason I think I am "full" is that I can feel the DRS has more power now. I can feel it emanate off my body. I have not felt an aura as strong as this since the DMSI version about 4 years ago now when I didn't orgasm for 6 months on it. Women treat me differently as well. More banter during interactions or they just go nervous silent. Lots of stares ESPECIALLY from people in cars. I was a bit of a skeptic of some of the claims of nofap but now that the sexual energy cup is overflowing some of the claims people have made don't seem so far-fetched anymore. I also feel the sexual energy pouring out of me as well which affects males and females alike. There are a lot of beta males in my circle and they, along with women, seem to just give way and let me steer conversations and interactions. This has been a learning curve as I have needed to acquire better conversation skills and leadership skills as I never polished those as well as I could. Being more on the agreeable side and having some of the wisdom that comes with being in my mid 30's has really balanced out the aggressiveness that this increase in testosterone brings, I feel like agreeable men really need to keep their T levels high as a natural balance to the proclivity to being too nice and to prevent doormat syndrome.
OF has also enabled me to get past the shame around sexuality for me. My parents have this awkwardness around sex and that implicit feeling and shame transferred to me. I am reincorporating that part of myself back into the whole of me and allowing that to be part of who I am and not staying in the "shadow" to use Jungian terms. I'm still not an overtly sexual man verbally and I'm not sure I'll ever be but it doesn't matter, just standing in my presence is enough to know how much sexual energy is being released off of me and people know it. I always scored very high in dominance on the DISC test and it's really starting to show. My new place in the Hierarchy is requiring an adjustment in how I interact with others as I still have some beta behaviors but I'm catching myself internally and watching for the triggers. Currently, stress really knocks me down a bit, and not knowing what to do in a situation is hit or miss.
One side effect is that my prostate is acting up a bit. It's not causing any issues but it feels bigger and I'm looking into any legitimate things that can help. I have some ideas and am currently taking some things but I think it might be more of a prostatitis issue.
OF is still going and I'm still seeing results. Life just keeps getting better overall.
Had a difficult day today, it also took me a while to figure out why it was happening. I was thinking about running OF last night despite being an off day but in the end, I decided not to. Bad choice on my part. It felt like depression that was being contained by the 4 loops of hybrid finally had a chance to break out and show itself. Just started a carpet-bombing session.
Good things always come after the depression stage so let's get over it and welcome in the better me.
After 10 total loops last night I am unsure if the underlying fear has been resolved. At least the feeling of whatever is going on is underneath the surface of my awareness. A little groggy but that's to be expected after a carpet bombing.
The night after the carpet bombing I upped the loops from 4 hybrid to 5. Finally saw some major breakthrough a little while ago. All of a sudden life felt good for no real reason. Something big was cleared.
Going to stick with 5 hybrid loops until I stagnate and then go to 6. Who knows when that will be.
The OF tunnel boring continues.
Like others I have the feeling it will take longer than 6 months to clear all the fear out but I'm going to run UMS come January 1st.
On my off days I get of fear mentalities and thought processes that creep back.
I'm not sure if breaking off to run UMS before the finishing of OF is a good idea but I think that the OF in UMS will still be very helpful for a lot. I need money badly. My parents are aging as well as I am and I want to support myself fully as well as take care of them in the twilight of their lives and I think that the OF in UMS will still do a lot of what it's doing by itself. If you look at successful people that aren't insane, aka 80-90+ hours a week, you see that they are overall good people. There is a businessman in my area that I know of and have mutual friends with that is very successful and has a thriving life overall. He's a family man, philanthropic, trusting, intelligent, and employs many people and pays them well. He's not uber-rich nor will he ever be but he embodies the ideal that I would like to be very well. Is say that to say that UMS will still clear what fear needs to be cleared to achieve my goals and that will have a lot of overlap with my current OF run.
I'm so glad I stuck around for OF3 and didn't buy into my own hopelessness about being a lost cause that even subs couldn't fix. UMS should be a treat and I might run it for years as I think it's worth my time.
Sex drive is up a lot today. Thinking it's TID from DMSI. This is concerning as I didn't plan on running it.
Shannon; I'm not sure if you powered up the module that prevents you from looking at porn while on DMSI but any urge to look at porn is dead, despite my sex drive being so high. I did consider it but when I did the desire to died.
(09-26-2021, 03:04 AM)Chris P. Bacon Wrote: [ -> ]Like others I have the feeling it will take longer than 6 months to clear all the fear out but I'm going to run UMS come January 1st.
I also intend on stopping OFv3 at the 6 month mark, and start AM6. Unless I sense big changes happening as I enter into my 6th month. In that case, I will continue with it.
(09-30-2021, 06:49 AM)GreekGod22 Wrote: [ -> ] (09-26-2021, 03:04 AM)Chris P. Bacon Wrote: [ -> ]Like others I have the feeling it will take longer than 6 months to clear all the fear out but I'm going to run UMS come January 1st.
I also intend on stopping OFv3 at the 6 month mark, and start AM6. Unless I sense big changes happening as I enter into my 6th month. In that case, I will continue with it.
Good luck to you. Hopefully a lot of fear is cleared out so AM6 can do its thing.
Have to run MIR due to a surprise infection. Hopefully, it makes quick work of it and that turbulence won't be bad or nonexistent.
Joy
Been a while since my last post.
Backed down to 3 loops. I'm not seeing much in the way of apparent results but that doesnt' mean anything. Days off have become something I enjoy instead of dreading because of being halfway through clearing some fear. Also, days off have a good vibe feel and I almost feel the same as when I'm on or better supprisingly.
Personally, i really banked on the DRS to help me with others. Now I'm not afraid to speak my mind even if it's a contrarian opinion and I can actually be pretty respecful when doing so now that some fear is out of the way. I also am aware more now of the good heart I have as a person. With all the fear out of the way I am more inclined to be more generous, kind, patient (for the most part) and social. It feels pretty good.
I score in the 40's for neuroticism on the big 5 test but i think before OF I would have scored higher, negative thoughts are a bit more manageable. Problem solving abilities are up, not as afraid to apply myself and fail when the risk isn't very high and the higher it could be the more I think about acheiving a result as safely as can be accomplished instead of just shutting down.
OF is a godsend and honestly I personally think that OF can get better and faster but that's my uneducated opinon.
Only real downside is that I'm a little bored with OF and will run something else before running OF again.
A lot of fear has been addressed and dealt with though. I feel like a new person so I have no complaints.
I've gone from being crippled by fear as well as "wantless and needless" to a more or less functioning human. What an odd year 2021 has been for me.
For a while now OF results have been less than obvious but things are going on deep under the hood.
I think I said it before but I'm less able to be jump scared as I was prior to OF. I've always been a little on the high strung side so this is good.
Most if not all fear around sexuality has been dissolved and a DMSI run would be interesting. Might do a short run as covid restrictions in my area are pretty much nil.
I'm much more of a generous person as of late. Also a lot of external projection has disappeared. Not really blaming others for my state or emotions.
I feel like a short DMSI would be fun but I also feel UMS would be good too. I've always had this knowing that I was supposed to be wealthy and it was supposed to be fun and "easy" to aquire. OF has brought that out a lot. So much so that I've had to intentionally focus of overcoming fear instead of getting lost in daydreams of wealth and enjoyment. I've never felt so comfortable with the deservedness of large amounts of wealth than I have now. It feels like a part of me and I really hope my UMS runs go really well. I think I'll make an offline journal for myself so I can journal but not have others competing energies around my monetary success and then post it in chunks based on when something major happens.
I've been experimenting with thoughts and attitudes which can make my execution of subliminals more effective. I have been intentionally allowing OF to manifest itself in my body as I noticed myself abstracting subs a little too much. This has been a thing I have been doing for quite some time and it may have been a defense from executing DMSI 2 versions ago that carried over to all subs. If you don't allow a sub to manifest in your body the results can still be there during the run but wont be there after you stop as you switch reality lines and with it goes your prior sub instructions. I really feel personally that not allowing subs to alter my physical body has prevented me from seeing lasting results from subs so I've been intentional about letting subs manifest in my body whatever that looks like. It's kind of hard to describe.
excited to switch to UMS when I'm done. OF has been a life changer but I'm ready for change.
It's becoming abundantly clear how powerful the newer subs are.
If you read Shannons journal discussion I talked about how I was using 1 loop of Tranq B before my OF. Well that's kinda destroying me. It wasn't so bad initially but now I'm so wiped out I can't think straight. last night was the last Tranq B I'll use at this time. My mind is fried. OF and Tranq B are very powerful and mixing doesn't work too well. I'm a explorative and stubborn person but I learned my lesson. Don't combine subs. I almost had a meltdown today. Luckily my subconscious or inner child or right brain can be reasoned with now and I was able to right the ship before it got bad.
Well guess my sleeps gonna suck for a bit, but not tonight. That's for sure.
Slept a solid 11 hours and only woke up once.
There are other possible factors as to why I might have slept that long but it's also possible that 2 subs are causing the turbulence and turmoil. I cannot sayy for sure so this is just a report of data with no assumption behind it. At least I don't have an issue sleeping currently.
