Subliminal Talk

Quote:I'm writing here because I think it is the result of using E2.

I have stopped E2 for about a week, and it's amazing. I still see and feel E2.

Today was another day of noisy arguements, and I was able to handle it calmly (90% of it, at least). The other party was argumentative, finding fault, twisting my words and doing a host of other things angry people do. The thing I probably would have handled differently in future was not to be confrontational at first when provoked, and to give things some thought first.

Although I was eloquent in expressing myself incisively and clearly, it obviously did not sit well with the other party, because I was the perfect mirror, directing the level of energy back at him. People don't really do well with their own poison, even though they enjoy poisoning others with their words. I think my first words set the other party on fire. Not a good tone for subsequent conversations. Nevertheless, I cooled down quickly and I calmly handled the rest of the conversations

During the time the other party was talking I realised how different our levels were. I could see through the intentions, like trying to provoke me, trying to get me to shut up, trying to change the topic, avoidance of the big questions. It's VERY cool. It's like the special power I've wanted all my life.

In the end, the outcome (for that day) was not good. But I am generally pleased with how I handled it and how it did not affect me much.

E2! E2! E2! Fighting those demons and going through that difficult period was worth it!

Quote:Day 30

Looking back, it’s been a damn good 30 days. EPRHA has helped immensely and I am excited to have found such a powerful tool. I had some serious financial matters hanging over my head that were recently resolved and I am now in position where I do not need to be concerned with money for the foreseeable future. A big relief, and I am grateful for how fortunate I am to be in such a position. For the past 30 days, instead of watching porn on a daily basis, I have watched once every 6-8 days for only a single and brief period of time. I still sleep in a separate room from my wife but we are now being intimate on a regular basis.

As for EPRHA, the most noticeable impact has been what I discussed in my last post. I had an insight, and realized that I unwittingly harm myself physically, mentally and emotionally. This insight came as a huge surprise and I am certain that it was triggered by EPRHA. Not only have I started looking after myself but I notice I am now looking after my property too. I have serviced the cars and have been completing different repair jobs on the house. I have been making the family home a more comfortable place to live. They are jobs I am capable of doing but for whatever reason, I’d always put them off, instead mindlessly browsing the internet or watching porn. I was in a rut so deep that I did not even know it and my behaviors were fueled by fear, anxiety and depression.

It’s my 30th run of EPRHA tonight but I wanted to do a 30 day report because I am excited. I have talked to my wife about the subs and explained how they work and what a difference this one has been making to my life. I know I have a long, long, long way to go but it feels like the sky is the limit. I might update here less frequently, but I will continue with EPRHA updates.

Quote:...I'm excited, coupled with fearful, as I may be heading into doing something I've wanted to do a very long time. It involves me being successful, and responsible for myself. Since I've been playing a child's role in my head so long, even I am shocked. I don't have a clear outline on what my goal is, but my desire is becoming much clearer (!)...

Quote:...E2 have taken me internally to a whole new place in just 6 months, I can't phantom where I will be in 2 years. 6 months ago I was suicidal and felt like there was no way out, now I am almost OK just being alive, and starting to be able to see a future for myself. Thanks for your great work.

Quote:Some observations, actions and insights I have had over the last days.

I went out partying to a rave totally sober, a thing I can't imagine myself doing even before I got depressed. Absolutely progress! I had a pretty good time, enjoyed dancing and listening to the music. still social game isn't fully there, I saw some girls being interested and showing ioi's like flipping their hair and giving me looks, but I hadn't the guts to approach them. But it was fine, I kept enjoying the dancing and focusing on having a good time in a way that suited me. There will be a day, pretty soon, where that will include approaching the interested girls.

I catched myself realizing that I should be happy that I am who I am. To be happy to be me. Thats fundamental to emotional well-being and emotional health. I sometimes go around looking to others and in some way thinking that they are better than me, more "able" or what you should call it, but that kind of thoughts stems from poor self-esteem and i should cultivate thoughts that reinforce my happiness and belief in being me and believing that I am whole as I am, not needing to try to be like someone else.

Quote:I'm starting to change the way I relate to other people. Previously I have fallen into trying to change them, but as I am growing more secure in myself I'm less and less invested in what other people do. Interesting change, I look forward experiencing more of this change. Like, if they are having a bad day - so what? Let them have it, I'm not getting my vibe invested in that shit. If they want to interact with me, well change the way you are doing it...

Quote:I have been using E-3 for 12 days, I have been noticing I am very peaceful and calm even when my boss was trying to stress me out. I been less fearful and very positive. I wake up with a lot of energy and before the alarm clock goes off. I even started exercising again. I have been making healthy choices when shopping for food. I have been drinking a lot more water with the detox going on with program. I know it is doing a lot of deep energy work. So days I wake-up happy for no reason, been very appreciated of past to help me move forward. I love this program. Thanks Shannon...

Quote:I woke up happy and appreciative of life. I am getting less fearful and don't put up with any BS anymore. I stop playing the victim and take responsible for my life. I know I am healing everyday.

Day 22, I had a dream, of ex-girlfriend I didn't recognize her. She said are you looking for me and I said why would I do that for. I don't want to be in a unhealthy relationship. I guess I really let her go. The healing must be working on releasing the past. I was ok in the dream I didn't feel hurt or anything. I just had a peace about me. I notice I am more happy and joyful everyday. So days I am tired but I thing it is part of the healing process to take care of me. I do through but I don't stay there and beat myself up anymore E3 is really working on me. I look forward to each day and I have a positive aspect on life.

Quote:So in the past couple of hours, I have gone from having feelings of self shame and self hatred to having fantasies about my future self, where I'm confident, secure and emotionally healthy, and while I realize these are fantasies, it hits me that E3 is designed with this feature: "Projection of part of the awareness into the future in which the goals have been safely and successfully achieved, and then pulling the 'now' self to that future through the connection." And I realize this may be what's at play with these fantasies. I have never imagined a version of myself with this kind of self assured confidence and security until E3. I've imagined more dominant versions of myself, but no version of myself I've ever fantasized of becoming has had the qualities my fantasy self now has. There's a subtle sense of... authenticity to it. Hard to explain, but it DEFINITELY is a projected version of myself into the future where the goals of the program have been safely and successfully achieved.

Quote:Finally I got some time to write...
I am now near the end of the third month of E3, and I must say It was a rollercoaster, rough at times, but manageable, and at the end, it was totally worth the time and money!!!  undefined 

I did switch back to 3 loops per night (as recommended) ...more than that it is really too much...

I would recommend E3 to everybody who is serious to do some real work on themselves in order to improve themselves and their life quality,and sanity undefined 

I will write how I feel now after this three months....

Little or no stress at all
Little or no fears at all
Little or no anxiety at all
I really feel more connected to myself
Feel much much calmer than I used to
I instantly recognise what other people really want from me, and if they are sincere.
I see the reality as it is, no weils...
I am more mature than I ever was
I don't let anyone to take advantage,manipulate,victimize me anymore, if I do something for someone, I do it because that person merited, and I do it because I sincerely want to do it.
I take responsibility for myself, my words, thoughts and actions.
All my positive aspects bloomed,and the negative like never existed. undefined 
All my skills started to finally work for good purposes
The internal fight of good and bad stopped
I feel in peace with myself and others around me

I feel more myself than I have ever felt,and I could say now, I am I.

Quote:Week 5 Summary

On to my 2nd month of E3. I am really glad I choosed this sub. My life is taking a turnaround for the best. I have had some important breakthrough and realizations lately (and this spring in generally) with regard to my physical and social life, the values that I care about and how I want to live my life (financial freedom, physical & spiritual harmony).

• went on another date this week. I still felt like my former shy, timid self, but to a lesser degree. The girl offered me a cigar at some point. I instantly relaxed and was able to vibe and connect with her.
  
• I am taking care of my physical appearance more and more (which I've neglected in the last few years due to depression). Paying more attention to grooming, got a slick haircut at the barber
  
• I am slowly and surely getting rid of chronic & learned helplessnes.
  
• I am supportive of myself, I care deeply for myself. Self-criticism has reduced big time.
  
• starting to feel more entitled and deserving of high quality girls
  

Quote:Week 2 summary

• Overall feeling of being emotionally stable.
  
• Less judgemental on myself
  
• don't dream very often these times
  
• whenever reading or finding out other about other people's emotional / mental blocks, I get bothered by it, "just be strong and get over it" would be my advice. 
  
• I seem to no longer identify with self-pity and victim playing, which I did a lot in the past. I would say I am progressing towards emotional maturity. I see more solutions and less excuses brought up by my mind
  
• I have not been triggered or bothered by much this week. Generally in a feeling of content
  
• Thinking highly of myself.
  

Quote:One interesting side note, I don't even care if I'm in a relationship now or not. Women aren't even really on my radar at the moment. Reason being that it feels like I have cleared so much shit that I am no longer "needy" about anything in that area and also I've grown so much , especially confidence wise, that I'm pretty certain most women aren't even worthy of me. Sounds arrogant but I'm not. Why should some one who has spent so much time dealing with his baggage, improving himself internally (externally as well), and knows who he is lower himself by being with someone who doesn't? I mean do women lower their standards for guys?

Quote:Well, had to literally drag myself to post something here. After getting better and better mentally I just haven't felt the desire to post here much. Life has been really good. I feel myself being filled with Happiness, light, power, love and joy. This is literally the best time of my life so far emotionally. Even when its not like this its more like a Zen type attitude. I don't know how I would explain it but its like this state of knowing more than feeling. There is a certain phrase that comes to my mind when I'm in this state and I try to analyze myself: "I just am". Don't know how to explain it more than that. Barely even try to remember anything from the past because it doesn't interest me, something blocks me and even when I do remember something I usually just end up forgiving the person who did something wrong to me and in my mind send love in their direction to hope they change. This is very different from how I used to be though how I used to be feels like that was years and years ago for some reason.

As it is now I have this hunch that I just need to stay on this sub a bit longer then I will have everything that I need to move forward with my plans and life in general. Fear, guilt and shame are practically nonexistent in my life now. I've been so thoroughly cleaned out as it were I'm pretty certain I could run any sub at the moment (at any generation) and get the results I want mainly but as I said I will be sticking with this a bit longer as I feel like I need just a little bit more to fully get what I want out of this sub. 

As far as negativity that is pretty much nonexistent. If I had to use percentages of how much a negative thought tries to come to mind during the time of the week I would say it would be at 5% or lower. Mainly it feels as if as soon as something negative comes up something just blocks it and I soon forget about it. There is a funny story related to this actually. Last week because of a misunderstanding I actually thought my boss in China was about to let me go and my contract was going to be cancelled. When this happened I actually didn't think negatively like I would normally would. I felt a part of me trying to go to that place but couldn't fully get there. My reaction was basically: "Oh well, I will simply get an even better job than that one" which would be unheard for me before. I was even thinking about the positive things that would come out of potentially maybe even going to another country instead of staying in China for work. Luckily, this wasn't the case but I was going to be fine either way. 

The last major thing I can think of is that I took fully responsibility for my life. My life as it was before was my doing. If you are fully of anger, rage, hatred and depression your just going to attract more of the same. If you want to have something different your going to have to "be" something different. You only experience what you are really. I have noticed since then I feel like I have a lot more control over my life and funny once your filled with light, love, happiness, joy and power you don't seem to attract negative things in your life as much instead you seem to attract more of the same. Either way that's about all I can think of right now. In the end your the one that is choosing to keep on experiencing what you are current experiencing. Want to experience something different? Then you need to choose to become something different. The only thing stand in the way of that is your fears, shame, and guilt around becoming that new person. Its funny how what Shannon has been saying for years now finally actually makes perfect sense.