Subliminal Talk

(10-25-2020, 11:13 AM)FluffyBunny Wrote: [ -> ]thats interesting, for me stage 1 and 2 mostly felt nothing much to me, other than i can notice it cleaning lots of emotions and past experiences.

on stage 3 i felt its kicking in much harder.

For me it was the opposite lol, great results with Stage 1, nothing worth mentioning in Stage 2 and 3. Aren’t we all different.

Stage 3, Day 17

Lately, I've noticed that when my anger is triggered, I return to baseline quickly. I don't get upset enough at anything to let it ruin my day. In fact, I've caught myself laughing at something humorous within minutes on multiple occasions. It's like my mind not only lets go, but focuses in a totally different direction. This has been happening for a while now, but I didn't think of writing about it until I decided to log and make a post. It's as if a part of me was aware that it was happening, but the conscious part that articulates inner knowledge was totally clueless. Now that I'm writing it, that gap has been bridged and I can see that it has been going on for a while now...even as far back as me stating in posts on this forum that nothing seemed to be happening. Damn.

The original reason I decided to post tonight was about a thought I had today. The thought was that maybe happiness and joy lie somewhere I've never consciously considered. Maybe LTU6 is leading me in a direction I've never anticipated. This type of thinking has crossed my mind before, but today it seemed more real at a deep, subtle level that's hard to describe.

Stage 3, Day 18

For the past the days,  I've had a feeling of excitement right in the center of my chest. It was so intense when it first appeared that I lost almost an entire night's sleep. In spite of that, I felt pretty energized the next day.  That has continued into today. It appears to be self-generated.  I can't identify any external circumstance that would be driving it. This is exactly what I want from LTU6. Hopefully, this will continue through the rest of Stage 3. I've been using downtime to bask in this feeling in hopes that conscious focus on it will help it to magnify and grow.

Stage 3, Day 23

My appetite has been all over the place lately. One day I'm ravenous.  The next I'm not hungry at all.

Also, my taste for caffeine and alcohol are at an all time low.

Stage 3, Day 27

I'm going to try to condense a lot of thoughts into a few sentences.

I feel pretty confident that the primary focus of Stage 3 has been the "disconnect from negative stress" and related scripting. Assuming I'm correct, I'm executing that part of the script. My stress & anxiety is lower than it has been in a very long time. I'm sleeping well and worry is mostly a thing of the past. The downside for me is that my subconscious appears to taking it to the extreme. What I mean by that is that I'm applying a broad spectrum disconnect mentality... I'm unfocused, disinterested, unmotivated, and downright lazy. 

It also appears that there are other parts of the script that I'm fighting tooth and nail. Fatigue is a daily thing. 

This will most likely be my last post for Stage 3 unless some drastic experience occurs. I haven't enjoyed this stage and I'm ready to move on.

Stage 4, Day 1

In my zombie-like stupor, I miscounted my "on" days during the last cycle of Stage 3 and began my break two days too soon. Considering how much I disliked Stage 4, I'm petty sure I did this intentionally.

With that being said, I'll be starting Stage 4 tonight. Here's hoping that this stage will unfold more smoothly than Stage 3 did. I can't imagine it being any worse.

Stage 4, Day 2

Last night, I dreamed that I was driving a hovercraft on the highway. It didn't go as fast as I wanted, but the lack of road friction was notable.

I woke up feeling really good energetically, but a heavy-headedness set in when I got to work. I've noticed this happening during last two "off" days of Stage 3. I've also carried an underlying anger for the past few days. It isn't raging or anything, but there's a definite smolder going on.

Stage 4, Day 4

Today, I felt really good...moderately aggressive. I like it. I feel alive again, which 180 degrees apart from the easy I felt during Stage 3 (I hated Stage 3).

Hopefully this continues.

Stage 4, Day 6

To me, Stage 4 has a similar feel to Stages 1 & 2. They're like finely machined pieces of a cohesive overall system. Stage 3 felt felt like a jagged piece of rusty iron. So far, I feel like I'm back on track.

Two nights ago, I attended my daughter's parents week dance class. During the class, I noticed a little girl who hadn't brought her accessories, so she had to undergo a "punishment" (pushups, wall squats isometrics, etc.). Later, throughout the class, I noticed that nobody talked to her and she seemed sad. As a shy kid growing up, I found myself hurting for her. During the drive home, I encouraged my daughter (the social butterfly) to speak to her. She said that she had already, but the little girl didn't want to be bothered. So I told my daughter to be friendly to her and may she'll warm up one day. I asked if the little girl ever had the required dance accessories or if she had to undergo "punishments" every week. The whole event affected me emotionally to the point that I was going to anonymously purchase accessories for her if she needed them.

Yesterday, I was sitting in the lobby of a business. There was a little old man sitting across from me with a nice ARMY baseball cap. I told him that I liked his hat and thanked him for his service. He was friendly. He's the kind of person I might normally make small talk with, but for some reason I didn't. I just observed him. There was something about him that was stirring emotion in me. After he checked out, he stopped and spoke with a lady sitting next to me. At that point I joined in the conversation, but spent most of the time just listening to him. He was 91. He was sharp as a tack. He was full of good-natured wit. He was gentle. He was happy. He showed us a picture of his wife when she was 18 years old. He showed us a picture of her when she was 84 years old. Then he mentioned that she was at the lake (still alive...hallelujah), so he was going to have to figure out what to eat without her there. As he spoke of his life, I wiped tears from my eyes and again after he got in his car and left....yes, he drove. The few minutes of conversation with this gentleman touched me deeply.

I don't know if the two paragraphs above are sub-related, but I've definitely been more sensitive in a positive way this weekend.

On another note, I woke up on my own at a decent hour (no sleeping 'til noon) both days this weekend. The deep exhaustion I experienced in Stage 3 seems to be gone.

Stage 4, Day 7

Mental fatigue caught up with me today. I'm looking forward to tomorrow's break.

Stage 4, Day 11

Stress levels are still pretty low. I'm sleeping really well. Deep belly laughter is still present (even had someone comment on it). Energy levels aren't perfect but are much better than they were during Stage 3.

Over the past few days, I've experienced an uptick in my libido which is always welcome.

Edit: Corrected day

Stage 4, Day 15

Something in Stage 4 feels similar to Stage 1 to me. It's soothing and I enjoy listening to the loops.

Stage 4, Day 20

I feel like Stage 4 has awakened something in me. It's still just a faint spark at the moment, but it's there. Along with it, my sex drive has increased. It's partly physical, but more emotional. As I type this, I can feel strong sexual desire emanating from the center of my chest in spite of the fact that my wife took care of "that" just a couple of hours ago.

In spite if this, I'm increasingly becoming of the opinion that I should've run OF 5.75G or E4 prior to running LTU6. It feels like I'm trying to get a jumbo jet up to take off speed using a jungle as a runway...not exactly ideal. There's just too much drag. I feel like it needs a clear path considering the breadth of what it's attempting to accomplish. It's possible that I'll feel differently after Stage 7, but this is where I am now.

My head feels a little bit loopy today. That's not uncommon when I switch to the Ultrasonic format like I did last night. Sometimes I switch it up on the weekends when I'm anticipating some sexy time.

Stage 4, Day22

One area LTU6 deserves praise is in the stress reduction department. Job stress used to consume me. Now, I'd say I'm probably 85-90% stress free. I've been so busy looking for evidence that LTU6 was moving me forward that I've mostly glossed over the fact that it has done an excellent job at breaking this chain. It's possible that this is why my libido has been raging lately. I suspect that my endocrine functionality is improving.  In fact,  my back is breaking out which in the past had been indicative of higher testosterone.

On the flip side,  LTU6 is still using up a lot of mental resources. Stage 4 isn't as bad as Stage 3 in that regard,  but maintaining focus is still a chore at times.

I've started writing in my offline journal again. Doing this regularly will help me to step through my thought processes without posting incoherent and often conflicting musings here. I used to do this daily, but I got to a point with LTU6 where introspection no longer came naturally. It's possible that this has been a form of resistance. It's also possible that I've just been too tired to want to have to think. Regardless,  I  have no doubt that my lack of offline journaling has negatively impacted my progress. Private journaling has always been a good way for me to be totally honest with myself. In doing so, the gap between my conscious and subconscious mind narrows and the words begin to flow. That's when the stuff under the hood becomes more apparent. It's time to get back into this habit.