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Stage 3, Day 7
I carry an internal sadness. I've carried it for a very long time, but in the past, it's only been obvious when I'm either alone or around the holiday season. Lately it makes itself known during the weekends when I'm not intently focused on work.
I took a walk to day and pondered its source. I don't have any real goals other than getting out of debt, which I'm well on my way to accomplishing. But there's no joy in it. There isn't much that really excites me. My default emotional state is more or less apathetic. When I have down time, I don't know what to do with myself other than rest. A lot of this stems from repeated childhood verbal abuse that essentially crushed my dreams. I lost sight of the things I enjoyed as a kid (mostly nerdy, imagination-based stuff). That part of me has retreated into a hole and I don't know how to bring him back out. I haven't had contact with him in almost 30 years. I think he's crying out to me. I think he needs me. I certainly need him.
I've done inner child meditations with varying degrees of success. If anybody has any tips or suggestions for me, I'm very much open to them.
(10-17-2020, 11:31 AM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]Stage 3, Day 7
I carry an internal sadness. I've carried it for a very long time, but in the past, it's only been obvious when I'm either alone or around the holiday season. Lately it makes itself known during the weekends when I'm not intently focused on work.
I took a walk to day and pondered its source. I don't have any real goals other than getting out of debt, which I'm well on my way to accomplishing. But there's no joy in it. There isn't much that really excites me. My default emotional state is more or less apathetic. When I have down time, I don't know what to do with myself other than rest. A lot of this stems from repeated childhood verbal abuse that essentially crushed my dreams. I lost sight of the things I enjoyed as a kid (mostly nerdy, imagination-based stuff). That part of me has retreated into a hole and I don't know how to bring him back out. I haven't had contact with him in almost 30 years. I think he's crying out to me. I think he needs me. I certainly need him.
I've done inner child meditations with varying degrees of success. If anybody has any tips or suggestions for me, I'm very much open to them.
Pick some imaginative/nerdy thing or activity you could easily access to do in your spare time - even if it's 15 minutes/week - and do it. See what happens.
My son took some styrofoam from an Amazon package today and started coloring it with marker. Next thing I know, he's got it taped to his chest, and told me he's Optimus Prime. I have an imagination, but mine is more for music. I told him that I never had that type of imagination as a kid, and that I thought it was awesome. He was pretty happy. So make or do something that could make you happy, even if your adult self thinks it's stupid. You may be surprised.
(10-17-2020, 11:31 AM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]Stage 3, Day 7
I carry an internal sadness. I've carried it for a very long time, but in the past, it's only been obvious when I'm either alone or around the holiday season. Lately it makes itself known during the weekends when I'm not intently focused on work.
I took a walk to day and pondered its source. I don't have any real goals other than getting out of debt, which I'm well on my way to accomplishing. But there's no joy in it. There isn't much that really excites me. My default emotional state is more or less apathetic. When I have down time, I don't know what to do with myself other than rest. A lot of this stems from repeated childhood verbal abuse that essentially crushed my dreams. I lost sight of the things I enjoyed as a kid (mostly nerdy, imagination-based stuff). That part of me has retreated into a hole and I don't know how to bring him back out. I haven't had contact with him in almost 30 years. I think he's crying out to me. I think he needs me. I certainly need him.
I've done inner child meditations with varying degrees of success. If anybody has any tips or suggestions for me, I'm very much open to them.
That’s
exactly where I am bro. It’s not a terrible life but it’s not something I want to carry around forever either. What I miss most is excitement, enthusiasm, I just cannot summon it no matter how hard I try.
After much inner work, reading and subliminal-triggered insights I came to the conclusion it’s burnout and/or the result of adverse childhoods experiences (ACEs).
My choice has been E3/E4/LTU6 as first line treatment and possibly OF later (and then E4 again lol). I have been looking for other options to use beside subs but I realized that many could interfere with the subs. I just started working with Heartmath and I am following the recommendations of a scientifically based positive psychology course. None of that is specific to ACEs though. I have been debating professional counseling. I wish I could find something more specific to inner child and ACEs that does not interfere with the subs. Could @
Shannon maybe have any specific suggestions?
In other words, I am also very open to any tips or suggestion
,
(10-17-2020, 03:25 PM)RTBoss Wrote: [ -> ] (10-17-2020, 11:31 AM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]Stage 3, Day 7
I carry an internal sadness. I've carried it for a very long time, but in the past, it's only been obvious when I'm either alone or around the holiday season. Lately it makes itself known during the weekends when I'm not intently focused on work.
I took a walk to day and pondered its source. I don't have any real goals other than getting out of debt, which I'm well on my way to accomplishing. But there's no joy in it. There isn't much that really excites me. My default emotional state is more or less apathetic. When I have down time, I don't know what to do with myself other than rest. A lot of this stems from repeated childhood verbal abuse that essentially crushed my dreams. I lost sight of the things I enjoyed as a kid (mostly nerdy, imagination-based stuff). That part of me has retreated into a hole and I don't know how to bring him back out. I haven't had contact with him in almost 30 years. I think he's crying out to me. I think he needs me. I certainly need him.
I've done inner child meditations with varying degrees of success. If anybody has any tips or suggestions for me, I'm very much open to them.
Pick some imaginative/nerdy thing or activity you could easily access to do in your spare time - even if it's 15 minutes/week - and do it. See what happens.
My son took some styrofoam from an Amazon package today and started coloring it with marker. Next thing I know, he's got it taped to his chest, and told me he's Optimus Prime. I have an imagination, but mine is more for music. I told him that I never had that type of imagination as a kid, and that I thought it was awesome. He was pretty happy. So make or do something that could make you happy, even if your adult self thinks it's stupid. You may be surprised.
I love this on more levels than you can imagine. Thank you for this. (Optimus Prime was one of my childhood heroes BTW and I'm about your age). I also have some musical inclinations. To this day , I can still actually hum the tunes to Dallas, Magnum PI, Dukes of Hazzard, the A-Team, Knight Rider ( who can't?) , and even the somewhat obscure Simon and Simon. My wife even played a tune oneday and I asked her..."Is that Airwotlf?"...yep. I can even hum the tune from that Wesley Snipes movie Dropzone when they're gaming grin the sky.
My dad has always been very musically inclined as well.
After I reread some of this I realize that it might come across as arrogant. That wasn't my intent at all. My intent was to show that I deeply relate to what you're saying.
(10-17-2020, 05:16 PM)fab10 Wrote: [ -> ] (10-17-2020, 11:31 AM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]Stage 3, Day 7
I carry an internal sadness. I've carried it for a very long time, but in the past, it's only been obvious when I'm either alone or around the holiday season. Lately it makes itself known during the weekends when I'm not intently focused on work.
I took a walk to day and pondered its source. I don't have any real goals other than getting out of debt, which I'm well on my way to accomplishing. But there's no joy in it. There isn't much that really excites me. My default emotional state is more or less apathetic. When I have down time, I don't know what to do with myself other than rest. A lot of this stems from repeated childhood verbal abuse that essentially crushed my dreams. I lost sight of the things I enjoyed as a kid (mostly nerdy, imagination-based stuff). That part of me has retreated into a hole and I don't know how to bring him back out. I haven't had contact with him in almost 30 years. I think he's crying out to me. I think he needs me. I certainly need him.
I've done inner child meditations with varying degrees of success. If anybody has any tips or suggestions for me, I'm very much open to them.
That’s exactly where I am bro. It’s not a terrible life but it’s not something I want to carry around forever either. What I miss most is excitement, enthusiasm, I just cannot summon it no matter how hard I try.
After much inner work, reading and subliminal-triggered insights I came to the conclusion it’s burnout and/or the result of adverse childhoods experiences (ACEs).
My choice has been E3/E4/LTU6 as first line treatment and possibly OF later (and then E4 again lol). I have been looking for other options to use beside subs but I realized that many could interfere with the subs. I just started working with Heartmath and I am following the recommendations of a scientifically based positive psychology course. None of that is specific to ACEs though. I have been debating professional counseling. I wish I could find something more specific to inner child and ACEs that does not interfere with the subs. Could @Shannon maybe have any specific suggestions?
In other words, I am also very open to any tips or suggestion ,
Shannon had been pretty clear that inner child work is beneficial. He primarily recommends it when someone is facing a crisis. In the end, subs should get us there. But conscious intervention can help to shorten the journey if we're able to consciously identify the issue(s).
Stage 3, Day 9
I have a ton of guilt, shame, and fear being dealt with beneath the surface. I'm even trembling a little bit. This usually happens when I'm about to overcome something big.
For years, I've buried my head in my work to the detriment of other areas of my life...areas that are of greater importance. To avoid facing my fears, I hid in my work and i managed to justify it to myself the entire time. LTU6 isn't letting me hide. It's bringing me face to face with what I've been running from.
The fear is bad enough, but I feel extremely guilty for the things I've missed out over the years due to sheer mental & emotional exhaustion. I've given so much energy to something that will never reciprocate and I've neglected things in my life that matter. As bad as this realization hurts, I know that it's the first step toward correcting course.
Quote:Shannon had been pretty clear that inner child work is beneficial. He primarily recommends it when someone is facing a crisis.
Did Shannon ever recommend a specific approach to inner child work? My concern is that a lot of techniques could interfere with the subs.
(10-19-2020, 01:26 PM)fab10 Wrote: [ -> ]Quote:Shannon had been pretty clear that inner child work is beneficial. He primarily recommends it when someone is facing a crisis.
Did Shannon ever recommend a specific approach to inner child work? My concern is that a lot of techniques could interfere with the subs.
The only exercise I've ever seen him explicitly describe is what he refers to as "becoming", which he practices himself. But that's an attuning exercise.
Stage 3, Day 12
I've become bored with Stage 3. From the very beginning, I noted that Stage 3 felt gentler. Now, I'll go as far as to say that it feels downright weak. I'm disappointed in that considering the level of scripting technology being used.
I'm past the initial mental exhaustion, so I'm going to eliminate my days off and go until fatigue sets in. Hopefully that will make a difference. If not, I'll work more loops in during the day.
(10-22-2020, 04:15 AM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]Stage 3, Day 12
I've become bored with Stage 3. From the very beginning, I noted that Stage 3 felt gentler. Now, I'll go as far as to say that it feels downright weak. I'm disappointed in that considering the level of scripting technology being used.
I'm past the initial mental exhaustion, so I'm going to eliminate my days off and go until fatigue sets in. Hopefully that will make a difference. If not, I'll work more loops in during the day.
Interesting, this is the first stage where our experiences diverge. LTU kicks me hard right now, although it may well be some kind of infection.
(10-22-2020, 11:58 AM)Mystic Pymp Wrote: [ -> ] (10-22-2020, 04:15 AM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]Stage 3, Day 12
I've become bored with Stage 3. From the very beginning, I noted that Stage 3 felt gentler. Now, I'll go as far as to say that it feels downright weak. I'm disappointed in that considering the level of scripting technology being used.
I'm past the initial mental exhaustion, so I'm going to eliminate my days off and go until fatigue sets in. Hopefully that will make a difference. If not, I'll work more loops in during the day.
Interesting, this is the first stage where our experiences diverge. LTU kicks me hard right now, although it may well be some kind of infection.
Today is the one of several consecutive days where I've felt like the program is stuck. It's very reminiscent of LTU5 whose script struggled to keep up with the program's goals.
I noticed immediately that it wasn't pushing nearly as hard as Stage 2. For me, it needs more oomph. I feel like I've taken my foot off the gas and lost momentum.
(10-22-2020, 04:29 PM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ] (10-22-2020, 11:58 AM)Mystic Pymp Wrote: [ -> ] (10-22-2020, 04:15 AM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]Stage 3, Day 12
I've become bored with Stage 3. From the very beginning, I noted that Stage 3 felt gentler. Now, I'll go as far as to say that it feels downright weak. I'm disappointed in that considering the level of scripting technology being used.
I'm past the initial mental exhaustion, so I'm going to eliminate my days off and go until fatigue sets in. Hopefully that will make a difference. If not, I'll work more loops in during the day.
Interesting, this is the first stage where our experiences diverge. LTU kicks me hard right now, although it may well be some kind of infection.
Today is the one of several consecutive days where I've felt like the program is stuck. It's very reminiscent of LTU5 whose script struggled to keep up with the program's goals.
I noticed immediately that it wasn't pushing nearly as hard as Stage 2. For me, it needs more oomph. I feel like I've taken my foot off the gas and lost momentum.
I agree, LTU5 never strained and exhausted me like LTU6, especially stage 2, did.
Stage 3, Day 14
Well, I'm having to eat my words in terms of fatigue. It caught up with me today in spite of me sleeping for a full 12 hours last night. That said, tomorrow I'll begin my ASRB2 break.
This cycle went from about 4 days of boredom (no signs of anything happening), to 1 day of feeling pretty good (like something positive was being executed), to feeling like I got hit by a mack truck today.
This week has been a really odd experience.
thats interesting, for me stage 1 and 2 mostly felt nothing much to me, other than i can notice it cleaning lots of emotions and past experiences.
on stage 3 i felt its kicking in much harder.
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