Subliminal Talk

Stage 4, Day 26

The level of stress in my life has reduced to the point where it feels like its source has basically been pinpointed and dug up by the root. The mental image I have is of one of those big mechanical tree spades used to transplant trees. My primary source of stress for the past 10-15 years (maybe longer) has been my job. Major challenges at every level within the company combined with health and financial issues at home took that stress to new heights this year. Keeping me out of a state of total desperation and panic were a tall order, but LTU6 managed to pull it off. To my surprise, last week I was even publicly recognized for my performance and awarded money. I didn't see that coming, especially after the rocky start to a few of the professional relationships involved.

Other areas where I've been seeing LTU6 make obvious progress in self esteem, emotional control, and maturity. I see it most when I'm confronting situations or people whether at work or anywhere else. I'm getting better at stating my position honestly, logically, and dispassionately. I'm getting better at not letting things build up and fester, but instead approaching issues from a standpoint of emotional purity. I haven't mastered this by any means, but I see that it's an avenue to long term emotional peace. This isn't some new, novel concept to me but I'm finally at a level of emotional maturity that I'm able to put it into practice. It's nice to see that the logical and the emotional parts of me are beginning to play nice. I've had to attribute the bulk of my successes in life to feats of willpower and it's exhausting.


For the past week, I've been using Shannon's "becoming" method. It has helped in a way that I didn't anticipate. As I began to "become", I encountered something Shannon has touched on in a few of his posts...fear. My initial response was to stop and think how ridiculous this mind/reality manipulation stuff is. Then the neurotic mental war began...maybe it's real...if it's real, what if I mess it up?...what if I get what I want but realize it's really NOT what I want?...what if I miss the target and it destroys me emotionally?...what if it's a fairy tale and I feel stupid for buying into it?...and on and on... Then it hit me. I'm afraid. After that, it occurred to me that at the very least, this exercise could help me to identify and to understand the root of these fears. In other words, there is a very valid application of this exercise even if all the manifestation talk is a bunch of nonsense. Now, through becoming, I'm "feeling" my way into scenarios that I've feared and I'm getting glimpses behind that fear curtain. I'm actually enjoying the process. It's showing me a whole new world, for lack of better term. Interestingly, I can actually feel the subtle effects of this exercise on seemingly unrelated things in my life.

To summarize, I feel like I've made some strides this week and I'm excited about what more is about to unfold.

Stage 4, Day 28

Stage 4 seems to have at least partially broken through. At times during this past weekend I felt really good. Yesterday, I was even enthusiastic about starting my day. Fatigue set back in today, but at least I was able to get a glimpse of what LTU6 can be. Part of me is disappointed that Stage 4 is coming to an end. I feel like I'm just now beginning to warm up to it.

Stage 4, Day 29

In spite of only getting a few hours of sleep last night, I've been in a pretty good mood today. I'm not known for being easy to deal with when I haven't gotten proper rest, so that's worth noting. 

 Today,  I pondered my LTU6 run and it occurred to me that I haven't experienced near the level of emotional turmoil that I've experienced with older technology. There have been times with older subs that I felt like I had no identity and have undergone severe bouts of anxiety and depression. By comparison, LTU6 is an emotional Cadillac. The biggest issue I consistently face with LTU6 is exhaustion. I'm hoping that naturally lines itself out as execution increases.

Stage 4, Day 30

From the beginning of Stage 4, I've experienced a huge jump in my libido. Over the past few days,  that has dropped off significantly. I don't know if the libido increase was a direct effect of script execution (SDM the 13th title?), a side effect of stress relief, or just a total fluke. @Shannon If there's no direct scripting to enhance libido, it might be worth examining the script to see if something can be mined to add to a future SDM or other similar sub.

My introspective tendencies seem to have returned, particularly while I'm driving to work in the mornings. I sense that my life has branched off of the main trunk and that I'm on a better path. I'm not very far along that path yet,  so it's important that I continue to build momentum. I see subtle hints of this new trajectory in my life at work, at home, and in various relationships. In the process, I'm gaining an intuitive understanding of how reality changes unfold. LTU6 is touching a lot of areas and the effects are slowly coming into focus.

Stage 4, Day 31

Tonight I'll listen to my last set of loops for Stage 4. I've really begun to enjoy this stage and I really want to continue. It has really begun to pick up steam for me over the past 1-2 weeks and I feel like it has more to offer.

Today, I feel really empowered. I feel like I'm pointed the right direction and that's where I'm  moving...slow and steady...like a bulldozer. I feel hints of excitement in my torso and in my chest. It isn't the unbridled excitement I experienced when I was young...it's mixed with a peace that I'm not sure I've ever experienced. It's like the kid NOMAD, the teenage NOMAD, and the adult NOMAD are reconciled to one another. It's a "knowing" that everything is alright. It's nice.

(12-10-2020, 09:12 AM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]Stage 4, Day 31

Tonight I'll listen to my last set of loops for Stage 4. I've really begun to enjoy this stage and I really want to continue. It has really begun to pick up steam for me over the past 1-2 weeks and I feel like it has more to offer.

Today, I feel really empowered. I feel like I'm pointed the right direction and that's where I'm  moving...slow and steady...like a bulldozer. I feel hints of excitement in my torso and in my chest. It isn't the unbridled excitement I experienced when I was young...it's mixed with a peace that I'm not sure I've ever experienced. It's like the kid NOMAD, the teenage NOMAD, and the adult NOMAD are reconciled to one another. It's a "knowing" that everything is alright. It's nice.

Hello NOMAD,

Great results, sounds like deep inner child is being work through you.

(12-10-2020, 02:08 PM)Z-Man Wrote: [ -> ]

(12-10-2020, 09:12 AM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]Stage 4, Day 31

Tonight I'll listen to my last set of loops for Stage 4. I've really begun to enjoy this stage and I really want to continue. It has really begun to pick up steam for me over the past 1-2 weeks and I feel like it has more to offer.

Today, I feel really empowered. I feel like I'm pointed the right direction and that's where I'm  moving...slow and steady...like a bulldozer. I feel hints of excitement in my torso and in my chest. It isn't the unbridled excitement I experienced when I was young...it's mixed with a peace that I'm not sure I've ever experienced. It's like the kid NOMAD, the teenage NOMAD, and the adult NOMAD are reconciled to one another. It's a "knowing" that everything is alright. It's nice.

Hello NOMAD,

Great results, sounds like deep inner child is being work through you.

Yep. I'm very pleased with what I'm experiencing. My hope is that Stage 5 and beyond will continue to deliver.

Stage 4, Day 32

Last night I had several dreams,  but I can only recall one of them. After getting out of the shower, I noticed a rash on my torso.  When I looked closer, I realized that it wasn't a rash at all. I had been scrubbing the dry, dead skin off of me, which resulted in the difference in appearance. I interpret this to mean that I'm taking steps toward newness and ridding myself of the useless attitudes and beliefs I've been holding onto.

Stage , Day 1

Tonight I'll begin running my Stage 5 loops. I say that to clarify that this post if about Stage 4.

Last night I slept for 10 hours. Today, I feel great. During my worst bouts of exhaustion, I could easily sleep 12-13 hours (non-work days only) and feel like I hadn't gotten any rest at all. Fatigue has probably been the worst issues I've had with LTU6 as a whole, but I'm not experiencing any today.

Stage 4 turned out to be something really special for me on a lot of levels that I'm not sure I fully comprehend. I can't even adequately articulate the things I'm aware of.  As I type this, I'm sitting here in my living room in silence. The TV is off. The only sounds are ambient noise. The house lights are off but the Christmas tree is lit up. My usual restlessness is gone. I'm experiencing something that I've only gotten glimpses of over the course of my entire life...peace. I'm content. The words I'm typing don't capture what's occurring within me. I am at peace. I am content.

In another post, I mentioned gaining an intuitive understanding about how reality changes. I'm going to try to describe it, but I'm probably going to come off as being totally nuts. The mental image I have is of a circle where I'm the nucleus. In this circle, I'm the only thing that's solid. Everything else becomes increasingly undefined, out of focus, and fluid as the distance from the nucleus (me) increases. There's no real sense of movement on my part, but there's a sense of position. And although my surroundings haven't changed per se', there's something very different. As I said above, this is difficult to articulate.

Stage 5, Day 4

So far, Stage 5 is impressively smooth. The filename says that it's 5.75.4G, so that probably has something to do with it.

Since starting Stage 5 three nights ago,  I've had vivid sexual dreams. Considering the women involved,  the underlying theme seems to be the breaking down of mental barriers between things I desire, things I despise,  and things I currently possess. Mental barriers seem to cause the buildup of emotional potential/ pressure, which is directly opposed to emotional equilibrium. This concept seems to coincide with the basis for Jung's shadow work and its integration.

Stage 5, Day 4 (cont'd)

The OF & pain thread reminded me of something I've experienced on and off for a while now. Occasionally, I experience the sensation of electricity shooting downward through my legs. It only occurs occasionally when I wake up in the middle of the night.  It isn't painful or anything...just odd. I can't remember for sure, but I think this started while running DMSI 3.3.1. If I'm wrong, then it started during LTU5. I used to have occasional issues with restless legs at night when I was a kid. I never thought about the two issues being related until I started typing this out. 

This happened last night and I completely forgot to mention it.

Stage 5, Day 7

I usually take 2 weeks back-to-back off from work around Christmas time. This is the time I use to recharge. I considered taking 3 weeks this year. Although I decided against it, I did decide to start my vacation a day early. Between being a super conservative "saver" (vacation, money, etc) and a borderline perfectionistic workaholic, this is big for me. I'm actually valuing my personal downtime over production. LTU6 is helping me to reorient my priorities in a direction that is benefiting me emotionally. I'm nowhere near where I want to be, but I'm clearly pointed in the right direction.

I see that Shannon has uploaded OF V2. I'm part of the crowd that expressed interest in it and I'm going to purchase it. But I'm leaning toward at least one more seven stage run of LTU6 once this one is complete. I have a vague idea of where it's tentatively leading me and I like it. The scripting technology is at a place where either direction would benefit me tremendously. My life has been ruled by fear and I have no doubt that OF V2 is going to be amazing. On the other hand, I don't want to interrupt the momentum that LTU6 is gaining. I still have the remainder of Stage 5, Stage 6, and Stage 7 to go before I determine my final plans, so it could still change. I'll get a clearer image of the best path for me as that point in time approaches.

Stage 5, Day 7 (cont'd)

For a while I lost my taste for caffeine (coffee) and alcohol (beer). It got to the point that the thought of them almost disgusted me. That's not the case any more. Last night, I enjoyed a few beers. I never got drunk. I just sipped a few and relaxed. I'm doing the same things tonight. It's possible that this is resistance, but it doesn't feel like it. It actually feels more like the rest of what I'm experiencing which is that I'm learning to settle into myself and relax...to stop and smell the roses.

I'm not going to write it off as progress just yet, though. Resistance is a sneaky b*tch.

Stage 5, Day 9

Last night was the first ASRB2 break for Stage 5. Part of me wanted to continue without a break, but I was beginning to experience the onset of fatigue. So, I went with the break.

I'm really enjoying the "becoming" exercise. At first I was worried about whether or not I was doing it right. Now I'm having fun exploring. It's a little bit like feeling my way around a never-ending dark room where areas I explore become illuminated. Continual exploration of the same areas causes the illumination to brighten, which dimly reveals other areas of the room that I hadn't seen before. All of this is an analogy to illustrate how the process is simultaneously helping me to bring my goal into focus and revealing to me possibilities that I had never considered before. The clearer my primary goal becomes, the more my awareness broadens. It's pretty badass.

More and more, I'm seeing how this all feeds into mental and emotional inertia. As an extension of that, I can see how reality changes. That inertia is required to overcome the constraining energy that holds us in place. I don't have it all figured out but I'm having fun learning. I wish I had been turned on to this stuff 20+ years ago.