Subliminal Talk

See my old DMSI journal for my history with DMSI.

A few catch-up cross-posts:

(09-23-2019, 07:41 AM)whome Wrote: [ -> ]Hello again!

So I’m probably going to start running DMSI. Why?

LTU should be clearly a far better product for me to use. It’s more appropriately targeted for healing, and more directly addresses my issues. However, I ran it. LTU5 wasn’t powerful enough to overcome whatever I’ve got in me.

Meanwhile, the new DMSI has new FRM scripting, and specifically in areas that sound promising. I’m not thinking that all my issues will be solved with it, but I think enough of my issues are around sexuality and human connection that they’ll be in scope for DMSI.

As for LTU, I don’t know what I’m going to do with it. I have 6 months from the end of my running it to decide if I want to ask for a refund, and it’s been about two. If DMSI works, and if the next LTU has that tech, then I’ll upgrade/buy the next LTU. Perhaps clearing enough stuff with DMSI will allow the old LTU to work?

All questions.

(09-27-2019, 05:22 PM)whome Wrote: [ -> ]Before starting up with this, I want to lay out my intentions and my hopes.

The main thing that I’m looking for healing with is a ball of pain in my chest. It’s a combination of existential terror/panic, and self-hatred, with the occasional freakout when I experience what I describe as “the worst acid trip you’ve ever been on”. I tried running LTU (see my LTU journal) but it wasn’t strong enough to get through.

The reason I’m trying DMSI is that a lot of the same issues are connected to sexuality. When I feel sexual arousal, I feel intense grief. When I feel sexual desire, I can feel the burning of self-hatred and worthlessness. I experience the grief and pain in my chest in all areas of my life, but facing sexuality focuses things down.

Which is why I’m hoping that DMSI will be useful. FRM is in there to achieve the purposes of the program, but so many of the larger issues that I want traction with in my life are also issues that are directly in the way of me having sex and a sex life. So fingers crossed.

(09-28-2019, 05:48 AM)whome Wrote: [ -> ]Day 1

This was overnight. It’s starting to cool down, so I decided to give the ultrasonic loops a try with the air conditioning turned off. When I turned on the sub, I found myself vaguely drowsy. I slept not too well, but I never do. I just woke up. I’m feeling more tired than usual, a bit dizzy, with a bit of a headache. This is also sometimes caused by the temperature, and that had edged up to 78°, so it’s hard to precisely attribute all of this to DMSI. But my emotions seem to be stable, which is far better than how they fared under DMSI 3.3.1, so that’s good.

Will continue with the posts here.

More about day 1.

I played the masked track for about 30 seconds to adjust the volume. A good volume was 6/16, so I then switched to the ultrasonic track and played it at the 6/16 volume. My plans are to use 6/16 for the foreseeable future.

I’ve been noticing a light buzz through my body, something that I’ve felt before, a long time ago, but not recently. I remembered Shannon mentioning that he puts that in there as a sign that it’s working, and I find myself even a bit excited and hopeful. I’m a bit scared to get too excited, though. Things that I get excited about rarely happen, and I’m too burned to allow myself to let go in that way.

I usually use subs at 12 or 13/15. Big difference.

(09-28-2019, 03:10 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]I usually use subs at 12 or 13/15. Big difference.

I'm following the calibration instructions. I set up the phone on the charger near my bed, and played the Trickling Stream and Ocean Surf tracks. That's where I got the 6/16 volume level from.

Have calibration instructions changed?

No. I'm just sharing that in case 6 is too low.

But how do I know if 6 is too low? Are the calibration instructions just a starting point?

I have noticed that playing the program too low is a subtle way some people use to be able to escape the program being powerful enough to work. I'm not saying you're doing that but if you don't find it's giving you good results at that level, you can try what I use.

(09-28-2019, 05:08 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]I have noticed that playing the program too low is a subtle way some people use to be able to escape the program being powerful enough to work. I'm not saying you're doing that but if you don't find it's giving you good results at that level, you can try what I use.

We’ll see.

The last time I ran DMSI was 3.3.1, and I woke exhausted and emotionally in excruciating pain for about two weeks before I finally gave up and stopped. It’s only been one day with 3.3.2, and I’m already getting different results, so I’m going to stick with 6/16 for now.

(09-28-2019, 06:05 PM)whome Wrote: [ -> ]I’m going to stick with 6/16 for now.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha sob

Two days ago my Apple Watch Series 3’s screen cracked. No idea how. But it’s not worth fixing (it’s a $150 watch now and a screen replacement is $200) so I got a new Series 5. Turns out that my combo phone/watch charger is incompatible with the Series 5 and watchOS 6. So I’m back to using a cable to charge my phone, which places it a foot further away than it was last night.

No matter what I want to do, I can’t repro what I did last night. Sure, let’s do 12/16. Why not.

Day 2

Slept with no air conditioning again, the sub at 12/16 on my iPhone Xs.

Usually on a Sunday morning I’ve been waking super exhausted, and usually when I sleep and it gets warm I wake exhausted. But this morning I slept quite lightly. I sort-of half-woke about 8am, and since usually I sleep late and feel exhausted, and I’d gotten to bed late last night, I decided to keep sleeping. Those additional hours were worse; I woke feeling more exhausted and with inflamed sinuses. Oh well.

The buzzing in my body is still here. There’s a part of me that’s saying “this buzzing feels good; let’s listen to more of the sub”. Perhaps I should? Might this be some of the inner direction emerging? Surely listening to a lot more isn’t me trying to evade the sub.

I listened to two more loops (hybrid ocean): one at home, and one at work while I was poking at a problem. I felt fine after the first, but now I’m feeling a bit chilly. I hope I’m not coming down with anything.

Maybe I should stick to the four loops.

Wait... the last time I ran DMSI the shivers took me out. Is this the same thing happening again?

Day 3

Last night the chills stayed. It didn’t hit me so hard as to make me think I needed to take a sick day or anything, but they were so bad that I took a naproxen and wore sweatpants and socks to bed. Lots of tossing and turning, and my dream was the usual: unsettled, searching for something, having an unwanted conclusion but being unable to do anything about it.

Woke to 77°F which is quite warm, but at least I’m not shivering. My temperature is 99.1°F, so that’s basically normal. I can’t tell if this is my body reacting, or if my subconscious resisting, or what. 

Off to work.