Subliminal Talk

Day 43 (day 4 on)

Still carpet bombing.

I’m continuing to wake up incredibly exhausted. It’s possibly the weather but I’m getting really annoyed by this. Today’s visit to the acupuncturist was about that.

I’m noticing an uptick on likes on my dating apps, though not women I’m attracted to. I’ve changed nothing, and I don’t think the apps have changed. That’s interesting.

A while ago I subscribed to https://www.meetselect.com/, which, yeah, even at the time was kinda eye-rolling, but I thought “hey, it’s events and I could be social”. I never really went to any. Last night was an event offically from 6:30–10. I couldn’t find the energy to go, but by about 7:30 I got myself to the point where I headed out, getting there at 8. It was just a bar/club, lots of chatting, lots of people milling about and not clearly connected to the group. I fiddled with my phone for 10 minutes and left.

It’s a bummer. It really feels like everyone’s at the places where it’s loud and noisy, and my body has tended to shut down in those kinds of places.

Day 44 (day 5 on)

I woke not exhausted today, which is good. That’s either me getting humidification started in my bedroom, or my visit to the acupuncturist yesterday, or perhaps my body just screwing with me. The buzzing in my upper body was strong through last night, and with the decent sleep through this morning.

The likes keep rolling in on Bumble, though only on Bumble, which continues to be weird. I’m not sure how to explain any of that.

Day 45 (day 6 on)

Woke unsettled, kinda tired.

About the Bumble match number increase, it’s just Bumble, and other users have reported having that happen to them. Maybe it’s a glitch with Bumble? (Could this still be influenced by DMSI?)

Otherwise I still don’t have anything to say. Should I still post day-by-day here? Should I batch it up?

Prob because of DMSI tbh, first day I ever did dmsi back in 3.01, I got unlimited likes on tinder for a day for free. IDK why or how. Never happened before or since and hasnt happened to anybody I know

Weird that it happened on the first day that I ever did DMSI

(11-11-2019, 09:48 AM)Oversoul Wrote: [ -> ]Prob because of DMSI tbh

Thinking about that. I’m looking at two likes on Hinge. Again, not women that appeal to me, but two likes within hours is not something I remember ever happening before.

Day 46 (day 7 on)

Slept fitfully.

Time to catch a flight; I’m out in the SF area for meetings and stuff all week.

Day 47 (day 8 on)

Sleeping at a hotel for a week or so. The last day on for a while, and while I listened to the ultrasonic in a loop overnight, I didn’t have the chance to carpetbomb as I usually do as I was in a conference all day.

Still nothing to report; will note things as they show up.

(11-13-2019, 09:39 PM)whome Wrote: [ -> ]Still nothing to report; will note things as they show up.

Same here.

Day 49 (day 2 off)

Still at the hotel. Not sleeping well at all. It’s chilly in that room, but when I turn it to heating the PTAC is loud and earplugs don’t seem to be helping. Perhaps I’ll try leaving the heat off and see if my body can deal with the chilliness better.

Everyone seems to be friendly at the conference, but that’s mostly expected and it’s hard to tell if any difference is due to random chance in terms of people being happy to see me or if it’s from the sub. There’s nothing yet that would have me say, “oh, that never happened before”.

I have a weekend to spend. I need to do some book shopping for my nieces when I see them in a week, but otherwise I’m not sure what to do. I suppose I could go up to the city, but driving takes forever and the amount of human interaction at all of these conferences is starting to wear at me.

Day 50 (day 3 off)

I decided to head to the city; after an hour and a half drive I got there. It was about 1:30 when I arrived, and I went to a science-ish museum. I kinda knew that it would be aimed at kids, but when I got there it hit me hard. I had something to eat, wandered around, and left. I walked and walked.

I’d looked at museum options, and I’d walked to another one on my list, but when I got there I stood at the front door and couldn’t find any desire to enter. My emotional state had cratered, and I felt exhausted. It felt like 9pm and I was shocked to look at my watch and see that it was 4pm.

I’m sitting in my car now. It’s 4:30pm, and I got a movie ticket for 6:30 in the city. I might get something pure sugar to try to wake up. I might cancel the ticket and just go home. I don’t know. I don’t know what’s going on with me. Maybe I’m still jetlagged. But I haven’t felt this emotionally dead in a rather long time.

Day 51 (day 4 off)

Feeling better today. I’m not going to push myself, so it’s going to be an easy day.

I’ve been thinking about the dating apps. For a very very long time it’s been zero interest. I’ve mentioned that things seem to have been changing, and I’m willing to say that it does seem that the rate I’m getting occasional matches looks to be significant. Not anyone that I’m interested in, looks-wise, but perhaps that’s the only level at which I could accept interest from women?

Day 52 (day 1 on)

Woke super early, though feeling decent.

This is a conference of 1000 people, so they gave everyone six identical pins and made it a game to exchange them with others to get a set of all six different pins. It’s easier to just barge into conversations and chat with people when you have pins on the line, and I did so. The conference isn’t quite in my area, so the content was a bit boring and I zoned out a bit, but in the evening there was a trivia game and my team pulled ahead of all the others, just barely. We all got the special 7th pin, though.

One more night away from home before heading back. It’s gonna be a few days home but then back to the road.

Day 54 (day 3 on)

I caught a red-eye back, which I hate doing because I feel terrible after doing so, but there was something today that I wanted to be a part of, so lesser of two evils.

The past few days at the conference were emotionally good days, which was appreciated.

I’m home for four days, then off to see my family for a week. My father isn’t doing so great, and so that’s always on my mind. Even if that weren’t an issue, a week with family is always iffy, so I guess we’ll see.

Day 55 (day 4 on)

Still recovering (maybe?) from the redeye. I’m still waking exhausted and I’m emotionally numb. If I push through the numbness to emotion, it’s grief and pain. I guess the reprieve from the pain is over?

On Sunday I fly back and am with my family for a week. I can’t imagine that it’s going to be good for me emotionally.