Day 1 and 2 off of 5th cycle,
Nothing particular to report, except that I accidentally broke secondary ASRB, as I crashed on the night of 1st day of 6th cycle.
6th cycle of LTU, tonight is the last night of the active cycle. From tomorrow night, day off.
I first have to note that either the 1st or 2nd day of 6th cycle, I listened to one loop less, because I slept late. (There was some work I had to take care of, and I had stomach pain that I had to stay in washroom for a while.)
Despite the setbacks (also including two accidental messing up secondary ASRB) the results I see are great.
First of all, more civilians are showing their appreciation. I definitely put quite a lot of effort in helping them, being very through in helping them fill out their application for public work. Still, people are being more appreciative. Even the hysteric gov employee was appreciative. (Well, I am helping her work, as this work is now passed onto her, which again comes to me. So in reality, it's my work, but they are supposed to the ones doing it.)
Second, work load. Technically, my work load isn't that low compared to other conscripts working at gov offices. However, it's mostly paper work, and desk jobs nowadays, not heavy lifting/physical work. I definitely prefer heavy lifting/physical work. Therefore, I'm all good. What's also interesting is that gov employee, who usually calls me and/or the other conscript to do some physical work, including checking and carrying emergency supplies (like first aid kits for war times, and gas masks), didn't call me at all to do the work. I don't know the reason, but that's what happened today.
Third, when I have free work, I continuously work on programming, even if I have little time available. Also, when I am mentally tired and can't focus at work, I then do other work such as reading foreign newspapers to see what's going on, or read/watch interesting stuff like TED. Well, it's not something new, but I think I am better at switching tasks and spending time more efficiently/wisely. At the same time, I am not anxious or too worried even when I don't spend time that well.
Given these developments, I think I am achieving my goals, at least partially. Additionally, it seems that almost all the modules work well. For instance, when I had a stomach issue, I ordered fast food, and ate it a lot because of the minimum requirement for the delivery. It was gone two days later. This could be detox working. Also, I was told by a cleaner at work that I seemed to have lost some weight on face. Well, on that very day, I decided to measure weight and I indeed lost 2kg~5kg. I cannot tell how much I lost and when I lost because the last time I weighted myself was when I was regularly exercising, which is nearly half a year ago. (Thanks to the injury I got from the work.) At that time, my weight was around 58kg, and now I weight 53kg. However, the low point of my weight when I exercised was 55kg. Hence, I wrote I lost 2~5kg. This could be detox module, but I cannot tell for sure as I haven't measured my weight for so long. Losing weight can be a good thing for some people, but not necessarily me, because I was never overweight. In fact, I used to be on the side of being underweight or nearly being underweight.
Emotional health seems to be alright to good, and I think I am being more positive than my usual self before LTU. Ultra motivation also seems to work well, as I even try to go extra step further in making sure I do things right at work. For example, I also received applications for public work last week. (Yeah, it's odd that they are taking two different public work applications within a week. Usually, they have much larger term difference). Yet, the required documents became different this week. I felt the need to check, and I basically asked a bunch of gov employees at the work to figure it out. They were helpful to extent, but it still left me questions. Therefore, I decided to ask the number of the person who is in charge of the project at the city hall. I called, and clarified all the stuff. It wasn't necessary, but I felt it was the right thing to do, and I did it. So yeah, Ultra Motivation, and do the right thing does have effect on me. Procrastination seems to go on and off, but well, it's party of autism and ADD so I am okay. Still, less procrastination, and much of my procrastination usually turns out to be something productive. Therefore, it's okay.
Self Esteem improvement --> not sure if it's working, but I didn't really have terrible self esteem to start except maybe in dating/sex department. Nothing much different, but I think more relaxed mental state, not being negatively stressed out does probably have positive impact on self esteem.
Disconnect From Negative Stress --> Hard to tell as there wasn't many sources of negative stress, this week. I notice that when the employee became hysteric, I had much negative internal things going on, even more so than my usual self or prior to LTU. However, perhaps this is working in a way of eliminating negative stress source, so if that's the case, it seems to be working.
Gratitude and appreciation --> I notice nothing about this. I think it's gonna take more time and work to get this. I suppose I am a very greedy and difficult person to satisfy. LOL
Happiness and Joy --> slight increase, but not so much to call happiness and joy. Perhaps my standard for happiness and joy may be too high, but I think there is a room for improvement. It's probably related to gratitude and appreciation. I think I have very high standard, and perhaps it is a reason for difficulty in achieving complete success in these two modules. I hope that the success in the modules happen without lowering my standards.
Anger management --> I think this may perhaps be working backwards, as I feel annoyed more often, usually caused by civilians. (i.e. coming exactly at my lunch leave time, causing me to lose my lunch time usually causes massive annoyance.) Of course, I do my best to not show that. However, I usually don't get angry, and annoyance has been pretty much the max level of anger, so it was already that I didn't really need anger management to begin with.
Overcoming victim mentality --> I think it's working very well. Instead of focusing, thinking and feeling about how the country where I was born is holding me back and caused disaster in my education/career progression, I do what I can to make most of it. I am starting to notice more that how a different mindset can make huge difference even if the situation were to remain the same. I also found that my finding Bruce Lee's philosophy and way of life helped me be more positive and overcoming victim mentality. (I saw promo of new show "Warrior" and it contained much of Bruce Lee's interview, and it was definitely great, at least in my opinion.)
USLM --> Difficult to tell, but I think it's impact is starting to show.
Love life --> I see absolutely nothing. This wasn't really the priority to begin anyway. On the other hand, I see some differences in me and my life that is related to other modules, but love life? Nothing. Though this is the case, I'd like to note that love life is the most difficult aspect of my life. I'm not talking about family love. I have plenty of that. I always had plenty of that. What I'm talking about is romantic love, and sex life. (and perhaps friendship as well) This, I lack. I always lacked that. No matter what I did, or what I tried to do, I really couldn't figure it out or get it to work. The return to investment is terrible on love life. Others? Much better. To me, I think I would find it easier to solve the universe' and mystery of God than get my love life working. In other words, it's damn difficult to get my love life working. Thus, I don't blame the program. Perhaps, it may never work for autistic person like me. Perhaps it will. We shall see. At certain times, I find myself not very patient with getting the love life I want, need and deserve, but many times, I am also patient and okay with current status. I'm not in much hurry for this part, so it's okay.
My overall verdict for LTU 5 journey so far? I think I am seeing more positive results coming in from LTU 5, and more pronounced results related to each of the modules are there. Since the results are progressively becoming more pronounced and progressively getting better, I am excited to see how far and how much better it can get.
Show me what you got LTU 5!
Okay, start of 8th cycle. (April 13th, or the night of April 12th 2019 is the starting of day 1 of 8th cycle.)
Okay, I had a few days of break from the work/conscription as April 9th marked a year. It meant that I needed to use all the remaining vacation days by the 8th. I had three days left, so I used all of them.
A few things I noticed during the break.
1. Apparently, I must exhibit foreigner vibe. Well, I was at locations where there are quite a bit of foreigners, but I still spoke the local language instead of English. I also look pretty local. Still, a waiter at a restaurant thought I was a foreigner. (I explained that I lived abroad for a long time.)
(Also to mention a similar thing, I had a great conversation with women from UAE on one of the break days. Given that I had a very long and sexual talk with a Persian woman while on DMSI, I wonder if I basically connect well with Middle Eastern women. Who knows.)
2. I am continually pushing to increase my skills. This time I am going to do it dramatically. I continue to self-teach programming, and I also plan on honing and expanding math skills. (I had taken up to multi-variable calculus before, but I haven't used math for a long time that I lost all the skills.) So the plan is to do the coding at work, (when I have free time, and this is actually encouraged. Do something meaningful like studying or reading when there is a free time at work.), and do some math during the weekend. Or mix them.
3. Work load --> Well, I mentioned that I want this conscription to go as smoothly and easily as possible, and that includes not having much work at the office. It is happening, and many times, the gov employees don't ask our (I and the other conscript) help. I noticed that the employees would do many of the work by themselves, which they previously asked us to do, or brought us along. Occurrence of such case has been low. Still, I need to see this more to see if it was just random, or it becomes the norm.
4. Continuation of other positive results in general.
Also, I again messed up the 7th cycle two times. First was on the first day as I listened one loop less because I slept too late. (And I needed to go to work the next day, so I simply didn't have enough time to listen to 5 loops.) The second mess up was on the very last day of the cycle. After I came home and had dinner, I was too tired that I crashed and basically woke up the next day. So I basically missed the entire day of the last day of 7th cycle, and I thought well I'm just gonna take another day of break.
Even with the mess up, I still feel and see positive impacts of LTU. In fact, the positive results have just appeared more. It is probably because I have listened to LTU for a while, but I would like to note that even when I mess up the loops and secondary ASRB, I still see positive results.
Starting 10th cycle (Wednesday April 24th 2019 night)
Nothing much different from what I had seen from previous runs. Continuation of good results that I expected. Not so much work at the conscription work (which is very nice).
I suppose I am getting what I hoped for. (Except that I'd like more Luck Maximizer in other areas of life, other than at work. However, if that means no LM at work, then I'll stick to what I am getting currently.)
I am seeing many of the modules in LTU working. For some modules, I'm sure I can see more results. (For instance, I think I can see more motivation, less procrastination, detachment from past, stress, and etc, although I have seen some improvements in them.)
One module, I am not seeing any result; it's improve your love life module. I'm seeing nothing related whatsoever.
Wow, it's so annoying. I had quite a bit of things to report since my last report, and suddenly random auto refresh just took all of that away. Fucking great!
Let's start with why I haven't reported for a while. The reason is that I didn't simply want to keep write nothing special, or same as yesterday and etc. This time there are a few different things worth reporting. Hopefully this is going to be a helpful report.
1. Celeb effects?
First was basically by a woman in 40s telling me that I am giving a similar vibe to that of her favorite singer (whom I don't remember) that she thought I would be good at singing and that I should consider singing as a profession.
Second was by another woman in 40s telling me that I am giving similar vibe to that of a musical star (whom I don't remember) and I also have a similar voice that she also thought that I would be good at singing. I believe this person also suggested that I look into that as my profession.
Third was by a guy who's probably in 40s or in 50s. He basically said something like "us handsome guys" and if I remember correctly said that he chose a wrong career and that he should have been an actor or a movie star. If I remember correctly, he was giving a nuance that I should consider that. Also, the feeling was that this person was trying his best to praise my looks at the same time trying to validate himself/appeal to me that he was also a good looking guy, trying his best to match my status/level, which was interesting as I was doing nothing to demean his status.
Fourth involves babies. Well, from my DMSI times, I have gotten lots of stares from babies, and even dogs. I would like to mention one specific incidence in which a baby was staring at me entire time to a point that the baby was turning his/her head even when her mom was leaving (the baby was in his/her arms.) Also there was an incident in which a toddler was crying, and when the toddler saw me he/she stopped crying, and when I was walking past and was no longer on the toddler's sight, he/she started crying again.
Speaking that baby incident, I was helping a customer getting a document from a self-help kiosk, which I needed to check in order to give the person a parking discount. A temporary worker came to help (which was her job to help customers at the kiosk machine), and she noticed that this baby was staring at me the entire time. The worker said that the baby must be staring at me because I am a good looking, which I denied. (for being modest.) It was actually ridiculous as the baby was literally staring at me the whole time and maybe gave 2 seconds look at this temporary worker.
With LTU I have been compared to the celebrities and being told good looking a few times. I don't know if any of these incidents have happened prior to my last report, but I remember and I recognize this a pattern, which I am not seeing that much lately, but rather getting a subtle hints here and there.
2. Greater desire for freedom, especially financial freedom.
I was basically writing a detailed explanation about how I came to appreciate and want greater freedom, especially financial freedom, but that auto refresh basically destroyed all the work. I'm tired now, so I'm just going to leave it at that.
3. Starting to recognize poor mindsets and wanting greater independence and strength to stand up and support myself
It's probably related to point 2, but it's more related to the job environment in which I see people on welfare every single day, and people who try to be on it every single day. I don't know about other places, but believe me on this. At least in where I am, you definitely want to avoid being on welfare at all cost, as it traps you in the system, and strips all your ability to stand up for yourself. At least that's what I have observed, and people's mindsets changed to poor mindsets for majority of the cases I observed. This led to point 2 and 3.
4. Interesting developing on women related issues.
The first is that I read Shyness and Love: Causes, Consequences, and Treatment by Brian G. Gilmartin. I actually read this book because I read somewhere that it's related to Incels and I developed an interest for Incels after the shootings in the US. (I can go on more but it may violate politics issues. Anyway, my grad study was international affairs, although in a more niche manner, so I developed that interest.) However, it turned out that it was also related to me.
I found that I had many characteristics of love shy men, and my symptoms/scores would be in between that of average guy and that of severely love shy. However, I also saw that I have had much improvements over the course of my life even before the time of LTU. Therefore, there's a hope.
Also, I asked a guy (he's a new guy who was sent to the office to replace a previously discharged conscript. ) to set me up for a blind date. The book served its purpose as being a good excuse to ask the guy for that. (Practice dating, and I need to practice to be better and etc.) The guy said he knew a few girls, but it turned out that none of them were really available as they all live pretty far away from where I live. So logistics wise no.
What's also interesting is with the gov coworkers at the office. I could be dead wrong about this, but I have a gut feeling that two of the girls had developed an interest/feelings for me.
One of them left (her shift came, and the city hall basically called her up) and the other is still here.
Anyway with the girl who left, I remember when this girl was staring at me one day a lot. I could have been very wrong that she could have looked at something else like outside, but I got the feeling that this girl was staring at me.
At the time, I decided to play it very safe, so basically I ignored her, and not looked at her. And later that day, I heard her complaining to a coworker sitting next to her about how somebody wasn't even looking at her once. I wrote somebody as I don't know if she was addressing me or someone else. My gut tells me that she meant me, but I know that men overestimate girl's interest, so I am not going to presume anything.
Anyway, after that day, I have not seen her staring at me. (Occasionally, I might have seen her glancing at me a few times.)
The second girl is more tricky. She has more bubbly personality, more social. She's pretty close with pretty much everyone, except I and the other conscript. (And a few other employees, but they rarely need to work together or they barely need to work.) Lots of laughs and giggles can be expected of this one. The other girl on the other hand was a more serious type, but feels more like she could be a good wife and a mother material.
Anyway, there were two incidents that I needed to go and ask her things, work related stuff. And what I felt was basically that she would be tense, or at least I felt tense aura. It felt to me that she was tense. To certain difficult customers (e.g. those who complain a lot about the social welfare, or those who's not quite understanding materials that she repeatedly explained) she does that, but I don't quite understand why she would tense up around me.
What's interesting is that I think I have caught her giggling/laughing when I was helping a customer twice. Both incidents were basically helping the customer with a fax machine. It couldn't have been because I sucked at helping the customer. I know I am good with helping the customers. How do I know? Remember the temporary worker I mentioned? She sometimes came to my spot to help customers with fax. In many times when she saw me helping the customer, she showed admiration for my being effective and being good. Also there were many cases when customers got angry at the service they got at the front desk, and they became happy after getting my service. (One was basically getting a necessary document, and the other is with the machine.) So it couldn't have been for my being bad with work.
And one of them for sure, I know that it had to do with me, because the girl's giggle was so out of random that a coworker sitting next to her asked what's up. She basically said nothing, and told the person that it was about fax.
And recently girls (this girl and another girl sitting next to her) speak in a much lower voice, to a point that I cannot hear what they say. (Not that I like eavesdropping other people's conversation, but I have a good hearing that I just hear them say things, without my trying to hear them.) I remember that one time the coworker took this girl somewhere more private, where it's more difficult to hear and I remember hearing the girl grasping and saying no. And this was the day after I asked my fellow conscript to set me up with a blind date. (BTW this girl wasn't at the office when I asked for date as it was her day off.)
Also another thing I noticed is that when she has a chance to move it seems that this girl is trying to be close to me. For instance, there was fire drill with fire fighters. When we gathered around to train escaping the building, this girl was standing next to me. And today, when we had a snack, this girl came in later than I and she basically stood right next to me.
However, that's pretty much all that she does. She's not smiling at me or anything. (Nor did the previous girl who I thought was staring at me with open mouth.) Since I know that guys overestimate girl's interest, I deliberate try to think that stuff like these don't mean a thing, unless they make their intentions much more clear.
Yet, there is a part of me that thinks the girls had interest and the second still having interest in me. (Who knows how long that will continue if it were true though) Okay so that's unusual of me.
Two things are unusual with girl issues then. 1. I asked a guy to set me up for a date, which I never seriously asked any guy. 2. Assuming that girls may have interests.
Still, given that I have been told and been compared to celebrities several times, who knows maybe I am damn good looking that they may have feelings even though I am small. (And also that I don't interact with them at all as I am not given any work to do with them.)
Come to think of it, there was a case in the US that a guy thought a girl (both classmates) had interest in me and that were were developing. Although if that were true I know that I blew it. (It's a long story.)
Anyway, if I'm not wrong and that the girl's interest in me was/is actual, then I must be damn good looking as I have no game nor do I know anything about executing game. It could be aura developed by DMSI and LTU. Who knows.
It's all speculations at this point, and given that it's fucking dangerous to take action in my current situation, I'm not going to be more active or aggressive, unless this girl seriously shows sign that can never be mistaken even by a clueless fool like me.
Enough of girl talks.
Another interesting development is that I am getting more serious with money stuff. After I finished the love shy book, I am looking and being directed to money stuff. So today for instance, I watched Richard Kiyosaki on London Real and Dan Pena stuff. I planed on doing it, but I was guided to this a few days ago.
Things are well and looking good, with my improving pretty much every aspects of my life (although some slow, but starting to show things are moving), one thing I wish to take care more is with laziness. I wish I had focused more and pushed myself more on the programming stuff I had been doing. As I began reading the book, I stopped studying the programming. I should do that more, and at least finish it and move on to the next one. It isn't that it's no longer fun, but I find that I still have some difficulty getting started.
Another interesting thing to note is that my interest in games (computer and video) decreased that games that would have interested me no longer interests me other than only a few ones, and those ones relate to my grad study materials. Also, my masturbation drastically decreased, and it's now very hard to find porn that actually turn me on. It could be with aging, but it could be with the sub.
Additionally, I sorta thought that the less I am obsessed with getting a girl, it's more likely that I would get a quality girl. And I resented at that. Now, I don't have any resentment about that and I am less obsessed with getting a girl. I'm much more chill, and thinking that first I gotta secure my freedom. Second, I gotta get myself to perform and produce really well. I have what it takes, but I gotta need to put things together, and need to do that consistently. Then more good things will come. That's the mindset I now have.
So speaking of that, I bought UMS and USLM before price going up. It could be a bad purchase as I am sticking with LTU till the end of the conscription, but well, I'm making less than $200 a month and price increase is going to be a challenge. Besides, if I know that I am going to be aiming to build extremely solid financial ground to secure my freedom and do greater things in the world, why not grad stuff that will help me get there when I can?
Another update that is worth mentioning.
In the past before starting LTU, I was wondering what the difference between AM and LTU. Basically, I thought that the end result of LTU would be pretty much same as running AM, at least for me. Why? I thought that tuning up my life and getting my emotional and mental health in check would make me more comfortable in my skin, be more assertive, and
that I would chase what I want and need, which to me is what being alpha is about. The only difference I thought was basically that LTU's main aim or goal isn't necessarily to make me alpha, while AM's main goal is precisely achieving that.
Yesterday, I actually felt that I was being alpha.
Let me tell you a story. One of the jobs I do at the gov office is distributing parking sticker to people. (Which I believe I mentioned in my previous journal posts.) I need to check their paper (paper of those who wants to get the sticker) and determine whether they can get the sticker, and the type (one has more discount than other.) of sticker to give.
Yesterday, one of new government employee (she's not new as she's just returning from maternity leave, but she's new at this office) came and asked me for the sticker. She brought a vehicle registration, but didn't bring the owner's (her husband) ID. In order for me to give out the sticker, that is the bare minimum: the registration and owner's ID. She then went back and brought a resident registration, but then brought back the vehicle registration. I told her that I need both at the same time to give the sticker. (I need to record the information on both papers.)
She was then complaining to me: "Come on. Are you gonna be like this? We're on the same side. I work here." I told her "That's exactly the reason why I am being like this. What are you gonna do if a rumor gets out that people say that the gov employees go easy on each other, and don't follow the procedure and rules."
Still, I gave her the sticker as I checked both the paperwork and I confirmed that the owner of the vehicle is indeed her husband. I just needed to get the car's plate number, and I basically trusted her word for it instead of checking the paper. (A little gesture of trust, but I don't think either she or other colleague would have noticed anyway.)
The girl could have said that there was nobody who was not a work colleague at the moment. If such thing was mentioned, I would have said two things. First, a random person may come suddenly. Second, how can we ask people to respect and follow the procedure if we, ourselves, do not/cannot follow. Also, in this situation, if we do not and cannot follow such simple procedures for such small minor things, how can we ask people to respect and follow procedures and rules for something that is more complicated and important. (Such as getting paperwork for real estate sales, social securities, and etc.) Also I would have mentioned that what I think is very important is to be consistent in being who you are. If you change your behavior or not being who you are because someone else is there, then you are being a hypocrite and not being true to yourself.
I don't think the above doesn't necessarily show the qualities of alpha, or that I am being alpha. I would have been the same regardless before LTU.
What I think shows I possessed or displayed alpha trait is that I genuinely wanted to live and show consistent character and integrity regardless the status and type of person I was dealing with, and whether there was anyone watching me. I was being assertive of this value, I was being true to that, and I kept it even under pressure.
Genuine need and desire to be your true self, protecting your values even when challenged, and and actually being your true self on a consistent basis under any situation, I think these are alpha values, the beginning point of being an alpha, and qualities of a highly valued and performing person.
What's interesting is that I already had this to begin with, but many times I feel that I wasn't assertive enough, nor did I strongly defended myself. Now I am being more assertive and strongly defend myself and my value, even when it is trivial or seen trivial to do so. I am also consistent in my behavior and my values to the best of my abilities. Yesterday's event allowed me to see this.
In the end, I think I had alpha quality (at least parts of alpha quality) to begin with. I feel that listening to LTU brought that to the surface level, keeps it there and amplify such quality.
Also an interesting thing to note is that I have been on the case of being an exception or an outliar. What I mean is that whenever I had to deal with bureaucrat stuff with school and with others (especially school) I have been an outliar such that I am a foreigner and I also have high functioning autism that certain rules could and needed to be bent. It always was a big hassle to deal with.
Now I am on the other end. I am the judge or a gate keeper in granting things (such as stickers or temporary gov job applications).
When I was the person filing paper work, I thought the need to apply based on individuals. Now, I am following the system, although I try to meet the individual end as much as I can. However, I am not the one who sets the system nor can I fix the system at least given my current status. (Systematically, I am literally at the bottom level, and the hierarchy is too rigid and only one way top down approach here.)
This created a desire to own my life and destiny, and to gain more power so that I can and will create my own system (that is flexible) and bend the rigid system to meet more needs of people.
Interesting experiences so far, and what will I do from now on?
I know that I am going to be on LTU at least till some time in November, in which I know that there will be the most (physical) work in the entire year. Once past that, I think I'd like to switch. To which program will I switch? DMSI? AM? UMS? I originally thought to switch to UMS, but I don't know at the moment.
Anyway how much time do I need to give? How long of a break will I need before switching to other sub, if I were to switch to other sub? Do I give entire month (I mean 32+ days), a week? (depending on the program, I suppose.)
Originally it's been 35 days for 5.5g due to P6, but recently Shannon has said a week or so should be ok and that 35 days was the original safe estimation.
A few days ago, my dad read a news paper and found that they were giving a scholarship (which is given in the form of discounted cost ) for a MBA program. It's an online program that I can do it while I'm going through the conscription.
Also, it's cheap for a MBA. (Total cost to be around $10,000)
Now here's a catch with this MBA. It's pretty new school that I really couldn't find any information or any good reviews about the program nor the school.
Another thing I found is that the school is accredited by DEAC, (CHEA and BPPE) but does this mean anything for MBA? From what I understand, typically one looks for AACSB or something equivalent. (Especially if the MBA is from not so reputable/famous institution. I mean if you got MBA from HBS, Sloan, or Stanford, nobody would care if they lost the accreditation.) DECA legitimizes that it's not a fake MBA, and that it is recognized by US government. However, does this mean anything for an MBA?
Normally, I'd be looking at something higher, as I have been to quite reputable institutions.
For instance, I got into APSIA member school, and I went there for a masters degree. (Some claim that the school I went for International Relations is top 10 in the world, but ranks vary. Anyway, I heard that school being an APSIA member is important for MA degree in IR.)
A problem is that I didn't get the degree as I couldn't finish my capstone, thanks to my being dragged back due to the conscription requirement. (It's a long story, but to simplify, my capstone requirement, a significant research paper, was dragged on for a longer period of time than I anticipated, which that I was dragged back to my home country, before I could finish it. I still had some time before the very last deadline, but when I came back home, region lock, prevented me from accessing school account and my other email accounts, and this totally ruined my capstone as I couldn't finish it in time, and I had serious trouble contacting the faculty or the school. (For some reason, my international calls were not going through either.) This would have probably resulted in my getting F on my capstone.)
Going back to the MBA, it's pretty shady and it has some red flags. Yet, I am somewhat hesitant to totally dismiss this opportunity for a few reasons.
1. It's cheap
I can finance it by paying roughly $400 a month for the entire duration of the program (which I believe is roughly 2 years.) Since my dad is quite determined that he isn't going to finance any more of my higher education (since they are expensive) this cheap option is appealing. This, I believe he's probably willing to pay, or at least I can most likely convince him to pay for it. After all he's the one who got me the information.
However, there's a wise saying. You get what you pay for. So I am also concerned about MBA being quite cheap.
2. I'm going to need a pivot or stepping stone for the next stage in my life.
Basically, my MA degree got totally ruined thanks to the military conscription. (I'd say I give 80% blame for the situation/conscription, and 20% for my failure to deliver. What matters is that I didn't or couldn't deliver it in time even though my autism, depression or whatever have made it difficult to deliver the thing on time. Therefore, I take 20% of the blame. )
Even if I got the degree, the conscription would probably have caused serious problem, as the near 2 year experience is basically same as having 2 vacant years of no work experience. As I understand having 2 years after graduation vacant with no work experience is pretty bad, especially if one has no work experience. (Still bad if work experience isn't extensive.)
Besides, I was pretty disappointed in academia, and the MA degree that I would have gotten would have mostly gotten me in the field of academia or think tank in the field that I was disappointed in.
Either way, I need a turning point and a stepping stone for the next stage.
Here's a million dollar question. Can and will this online MBA degree serve as that stepping stone, and provide me with opportunities?
It may and may not.
3. Is this a possible manifestation from sub?
I've been running LTU 5 pretty extensively, and something I have felt the most is the strong desire and the need for financial freedom. One thing I learned from all my academic experience and this social service corp is that money isn't everything, but is an incredible tool that can get lots of things done, when used effectively. Those who control the capital and financial flow can do incredible things. (I might even go much further to say those who control the financial flow and capital rule the world.)
Additionally, I have entertained the idea of switching to UMS after the conscription or near the end of conscription, which I mentioned in an earlier post.
Given these, I wonder if this MBA is a manifestation from sub either from LTU or TID from UMS.
What do you guys think? I seriously can use an advice here. Is this a total flop? Or would this be worth it?
The first thing that struck me was that you seem to be of the opinion that a degree, or an advanced degree, is necessary to achieve wealth. It is not, and there are many examples of that available. The fact is, degrees become less and less valuable as more and more people have them, and that is why the minimum degree requirements are going up and up. Eventually they will have to invent a degree above doctorate, or you will need to have two or more doctorates for your degree to mean anything in real life for many fields.
That said, having a degree can certainly be useful and helpful, but in some cases, trying to get one only wastes your time, money and goodwill of your supporters. That was the case for me. Formal education and I do not mix well. I only tried to get a Bachelor's degree because my mother was very stuck on the old chestnut about "go to school, get an advanced degree (Master's or Doctorate), get a job, stay at that job until you retire, and live on your retirement. She would not stop harping on me, and eventually I gave in and pursued that degree. It cost me $12,000 for a single year of schooling (relatively inexpensive, I know) and I found it to be a complete waste of my time, energy, effort, money and future. In my case, the degree turned out to be worthless for getting a job (It doesn't matter, any BA will do! Just get a BA! -- Mom) and because I was told that by one of my instructors, I dropped out. Dropping out saved me another $12,000 in student loans, and allowed me to teach myself what was necessary to get started as a pro photographer while I used this business to pay off the student loans. The photography died with the debut of Bridezillas, and with cell phone cameras, everyone thinks they're a photographer, so here I am. I'm not wealthy yet, but I am on track to be. It wasted my time, money and other resources for a long time to go to college and then pay back my student loans. Your mileage may vary, but for me and a lot of other people, formal education is just a way to go in debt for a long time.
So consider that you may not need to get a Master's degree. You can start a business, and make yourself wealthy that way. And if you do it right, it can be done on a shoestring budget and still come out on top. The smaller your startup budget, though, the more work you'll have to do in the beginning and the longer it usually takes to become successful. But even that isn't always true in today's day and age, with crowdfunding options, etc.
If wealth is your goal, a higher education may or may not be your best bet. Just in case you hadn't considered that.
Student loan debt is backbreaking. It's an awful situation, look up how much student loan debt is outstanding in the U.S., you'll be shocked...
I've gotten pretty far myself, without any "pieces of paper". Honestly, unless you're going to be a doctor or a lawyer (even then I'd take GREAT pause beforehand as the debt can kill you and pay isn't as hot as you may think, especially for lawyers...), I'd forget it. Maybe coding if anything, but even that can be learned elsewhere and without mountains of BS debt that will drown you forever.
What Shannon said above it true. Learning business/sales can give you the income you seek, and way more. No degree needed for either.
With the internet, that whole degree mill/loan debt culture has been largely destroyed.
Thank you Shannon and CatMan.
I'd like to clarify one thing.
1. I don't think a degree is a necessity to achieve wealth.
There are examples of people who achieved wealth without degrees from post secondary institutions. It can help one gain wealth or it can help one start in a more advanced places. However, I have an opinion that what matters is one's character, determination, ability to gather people who can and will support one's goals, and perhaps the skills to carryout the goal. These are much more important than having degrees.
I pursued degrees/education to broaden my horizon, expand my understanding of the world, and to help find and sharpen my life's purpose and goal. (Although the MA degree in IR had a bit of career aspects to it, but it still had these motivations. On the other hand, MBA's goal would be much more aligned with wealth and career.)
2. I know student debt rather well (quite a lot of classmates have had student debt to begin with. Also, I met an alum from my first undergrad institution, who was working at a top 10 US law firm as a corporate lawyer, and he told me that he will not make any money until he is past age 40s or 50s. Why? Because he has to pay loans to undergrad and Columbia Law, housing, and living cost in NYC.)
Luckily for me, I don't have a student debt to begin with, and the degree I mentioned would not pull me into the debt either.
3. I suppose my consideration came basically from being a non US citizen, and I would like to get back to the US ASAP.
Why do I want to get back to the US? Well, first, I don't think I fit well here. (Here being my home country) Also, it's quite difficult to open a business here, and the job market for youth is terrible. Second, looking at economic output, it seems that US is the only one that's currently doing okay to well. Others are struggling pretty hard. Okay, US may also be struggling, but seems to be doing better than others at the moment. (At least in my opinion.)
Third, I don't know any other place where it would be good for me to go. I'm pretty open, so I'll take recommendations for this one.
Given these, let's talk about US immigration. Based on what I understand there are three ways to get a US green card. The first is through being hired. If one gets work visa, say H-1B visa and has worked for like 5 years, then one can apply for a green card. Unfortunately, this method seems more difficult nowadays. H-1B visa is typically given to workers with higher degree.
The second is basically via family, and there are two types of family immigration. One is basically invitation of family member (like parent, child), and this is not an option for me anyway. (I don't have an immediate family member who's a US citizen, and this immigration process, I believe is on the edge of being shut down, or becoming closed.) The other one is marriage. This I believe is also becoming difficult.
The third is basically through investment/opening business, but there is a minimum requirement (i.e. minimum number of employees, amount of money invested, and etc) for this option.
Anyway, to open a business I will need finance, skills (for products, and to maintain business), a team of people who will support my goal and business. My thought was to start with being an employee to gain at least two or three of above, and was considering whether the MBA I mentioned was going to help me gain that employment.
After seeing your responses, the negative prospective went up anyway.
4. Wealth is and isn't my goal (at least not an end goal). Wealth to me is a means to an end.
Okay, wealth may be part of my goal, but my goal goes beyond obtaining wealth. Sure having wealth is good and can help you enjoy many things you wouldn't have without having that wealth.
However, I want wealth as I am going to use that wealth for greater goals in life. I am going to use wealth beyond the sake of wealth itself. At least, that's my current thought/wish. (Sure, I'd like to also enjoy the comfort and luxury that wealth will grant along the way. Yet, this isn't my end goal. It's more sideline thing.)
Given this, wealth is and isn't my goal.
I just got a reply from my family friend, and interestingly they think it could be worth pursuing the degree. However, they also mentioned to research the credibility and the worth of a degree from the institution.
Anyway, I am leaning more towards passing the stuff as it has quite a bit of red flags, and there are lots of questionable aspects about the MBA from that institution. (For instance, other than obtaining the skills, getting an MBA has much to do with networking and securing a career placement. The later two is questionable with that institution. A thought for MBA was basically to help find talents who will be helpful )
These are the thoughts I got from reading your responses.
Again I appreciate your input Shannon, and CatMan.
Alright, long time no updates, but there are a few things I'd like to share.
First, I began that MBA..... I know, it seemed like not worth pursuing, and I was going to forget it. Yet, my parents were quite determined that I do it, and I also thought it wouldn't necessarily be a totally bad idea (considering a low cost, and considering that I am not really learning anything much useful at the conscription work) that I applied without spending much efforts. I got accepted and well, I'm in the program. BTW, my parents are paying for the program, so I am not in any student debt. (If I was going to go into a debt, I would not have started at all.)
Yet, here is an interesting thing to mention. I have sorta become a leader in the program. People listen to what I have to say with admiration. (Heck, we created a student group, and one person specifically said how he/she admired my comments.) The school's pretty responsive to what I have to say and suggest. So far it's not bad, and I am learning things that could be useful and applicable for my future career or business.
Second is at conscription work. Sometimes there is an increase in the workload, but most of them are not physical. (They wouldn't do that because they know I have issues with my arms.) I use the time quite productively as when I am not given work, I'd either read books, study (e.g. programming, and MBA), or read news and materials related to international affairs (my previous MA program was related to IA). The customers coming to the gov office usually respects me, and those who are prone to anger, usually calms down.
So far so good. Getting what I want (e.g. not much physical work, and lots of free time to do productive work).
Third is that my working speed has increased. This may not necessarily be true for MBA study (I sometimes find my concentration level can be lower, but I have ADD to start along with high functioning autism and other psychological issues.), but for the work I am given at the office, my work speed is quite fast.
I'll give you an example. One of gov employee gave me a task for Excel work. It was a tedious work basically requiring me to match the corresponding picture and address of a lamppost and put it in the cell, and also find the map of the location on Google map, take screen shot and past it on the Excel. The guy expected me to take things slowly and take it easy. I on the other hand wanted to get it done ASAP, and spend the time doing something else. I ended up finishing the work by the next day or two. He told me that he expected that I'd finish the work in a month or so. I did it at maximum 2 and a half days. (it's been a while.)
The second example comes from yesterday. One of the tasks I was given yesterday involved putting address labels on envelops, putting invitation on the envelops, and then sealing them. I did them and gave them back to the employee who asked me to do. In the afternoon, she came to me and apologized that I need to work on them again as the address label wasn't complete at the time, and that the work needs to be done. What was complicated was that the new labels had duplicates, and given that there was not enough of envelops and invitations, I couldn't just re do them all over; I had to find duplicates first and only pack the envelops for the missing labels. The worst part? I was given only 2 hours to do that and give detailed feedback for other task. (This work was given to me by another employee)
Guess what? I originally thought that the work was impossible to finish at time. Because there was no recognized pattern in the labels and that I needed to re do the packing, which again takes time. However, I actually finished all of the works in one hour as I somehow found out a pattern in the label and the order of envelops I worked with.
To simplify, the employees give me work and sometimes with near impossible timeline, and always I complete the task without a flaw.
Third thing I noticed is with secondary ASRB. When I don't listen to LTU 5 because of the secondary ASRB, it's during this time when things get worse. For example, I could get more work, and have less time to do something more productive. I wonder whether I should forget about ASRB and just crunch through LTU5 every day, but I am not going to. I'll stick with the instructions as much as I can.
The fourth thing is a potential improvement in the love life. A little while ago with a few posts back, I mentioned how girls at work may have interest in me. One of the girl got transferred to other location, and the other still stays. Let's call this girl P.
Here's the development.
A girl who was sitting next to P was getting a transfer. Since she was the one of the last three gov employees who was at the office from the first day I began my conscription, I decided to give her a treatment. I bought a piece of cake and gave to her, explaining why I was giving her. (A little departure/goodbye souvenir) This girl and P later talked quite a bit about how P was not getting attention or so. I suspected that it can be me, but it could be anyone. Either way, they turned into gossip mood after I gave the cake and talked quite a bit.
A new gov employee arrive to replace the girl who got transferred out. Let's call this girl Y. She's new, and she needs to know many different regulations and laws regarding pensions. Unfortunately, she wasn't too adept at them given that she's new. One day, an angry customer came to ask why he didn't qualify for the pension. Y was not really doing a great job explaining things, because of her lack of experience. The customer got even more mad and started to be very straight and direct when questioning. Y broke down and cried in front of the customers. Whole bunch of gov employees came to help her out and console her later. At that moment, I thought, well do the right thing. I was like, shit, let's do something nice. I went out bought beverages for myself, the conscript colleague, and this girl. I chose a chocolate drink for this girl. I gave the girl a drink telling her that eating something sweet and chocolates can help ease stress. And then I basically came back to my station. (My desk is just pretty much across Y and P's)
Y shared the drink with people sitting next to them, and again P and Y talked quite a bit. This time, an older lady joined. (Not a gov employee but a helper hired by the office.) I remember hearing P saying how she's not getting an attention and complained a bit. Then they were saying something like, well I can't talk about it, [a person] can hear. And the older lady saying something like, if we whisper he won't be able to hear. Well, it turns out I have pretty good hearing (I listen to things on my laptop with volume 2 out of 100 when using earbuds and I can hear them just fine for most of the stuff, except few files or contents with especially low volumes to begin with) , so I got to hear quite a bit.
P was saying how she's not liking/loving [him], but has interests. How she now thinks she's attracted to model student type. (Not the greatest translation, but there really isn't really a better translation. Nerd may also work, but has more negative connotation than the original meaning.)
That's pretty much the entire thing I heard, but I'm going to tell you a few more stuff I heard P speaking to someone else.
P in the past talked on a phone about how things are okay as she can cake care of [someone] that his/her body can be weak. Guess what? I am especially taking an image of a weakling at the work to avoid doing physical works like carrying heavy things.
P also spoke on a phone who things are okay as she also wants to leave. Leave? Well the implied feeling I got was that she felt okay leaving the country... Guess what? People know that I studied abroad and that I want to go abroad or want to go abroad ASAP.
P also spoke with a colleague and that she's pretty timid and has difficult time getting closer to someone... well that girl is pretty bubbly with her colleagues. I think I also heard P saying if she was not timid then why wouldn't she talk to oo. I couldn't hear the name clearly, but I think she actually spoke my name; oo was probably my name.
I also heard P saying to the new girl, how she used to like (or dated, couldn't hear that part) a guy who can uplift mood like crazy, but her taste has changed now.
So basically to summarize, P said to her colleagues, she likes a guy whose image is like that of a model student, and complained how she was not getting attention from someone (complained twice about how she's not getting attention after her colleagues got treats from me.) She told her colleague on a phone about how she's okay with a person (presumably a guy) having weak physical body (i.e. prone to illeness and etc) as she's going to take a good care of the person. P also indicated that it is okay to leave as she wants to leave too.
I'm speculating here, but given all these, I suspect that there is a good chance that this girl, P, has interests in me. Why? Because I know that I'm giving off model student vibe (compared to other conscripts, I'm the only one who never sleeps at work, always do something productive like reading stuff that is useful, and handle customers and gov work well), and at the same time, I am also giving weakling vibe, which is done purposefully. (But the issue of arm is true though...)
Given all these, it seems to fit quite nicely that I suspect of a good chance of P having at least interest and perhaps even more to liking me. I don't know what kind of interest though. Marriage, romance, or sexual. Probably not so much sexual, I think, but more marriage or romance. (That girl talked quite a lot about dating and marriage with colleagues.)
I don't know what I am gonna do, but I may test the girl's intention. I'm thinking that I may buy her a beverage or so and telling her how I sorta thought she might have felt left alone or unattended as I gave two of her colleagues (who sat right next to her) treats before.
I suppose I could be much more direct, but hey sexual harassment stuff is dangerous, and she and I never really talk at all as we have no work together whatsoever. (She's been at the office for over a year or so.)
Yet, what I think I am finding is that those around her seem to be advising against her interest in me, and even sometimes encouraging to see some other guy (specific guys).
I don't know what I am gonna do , but I'm curious and want to actually test this out. And if my suspicion is actually correct, I really don't know what I will do.
Anyway, I think this can be an interesting development in the "love life". We shall see what LTU may bring.
Much has remained the same since the last update, except that I got pretty busy with the MBA. (I'm still contributing a lot to the class)
Also, I got really busy today with lots of work piling at the gov office. Yet, I was able to handle them without much hassle. I knew that this was going to happen, and I prepared for it in advance. Unfortunately, I will need to prep for next week in similar fashion, and let's hope that I will pull it off again.
To test whether the girl, whom I mentioned in the previous post, have interest in me, I bough a piece of cake and gave it to the girl. When I gave the cake, I told her that I gave things to persons sitting next to her twice, but not once to her. I also told her that I thought she might feel bad about it that I'm giving her the cake.
She first refused the cake, telling me that she does not have bad feelings. She told me to take the cake as she was fine. I told her, just have the cake, and then I basically went to the washroom.
Few things I noticed were a little and subtle changes in her facial expressions, when she was saying things to me and also on the girl sitting next to her. When I came back I noticed a subtle laughter among the colleagues close to her. It seemed that the girl went to talk to her close colleagues. (Or that they could have seen what happened. Who knows.)
However, that's pretty much everything. I think I played it a little too safely, and I was too tense when giving the piece of cake. Still, I wanted to play more on the safe side (which may be a problem) as I do not have an intention of risking/ruining my last 100 days of remaining conscription. (Now it's about 93~4 days.)
In the end, I could not really find out whether the girl had interest in me. Nothing changed after that, nothing different in the interaction or relation. Given absolutely no change, I am thinking that I overestimated the interest, and that I should call this one a lost case. (Yep, I spent money for nothing.) Oh well, how I feel it would be easier for me to save the world than to start a relationship with a woman. LOL
It's also interesting that I felt the need to take care of the people who was there in the office from my day 1. I purchased something that the older assistants can keep and eat during the lunch times. At least they appreciated a lot.
Okay, very long time no post. It's time for me to post.
First of all, my military draft is officially ended. Nothing crazy happened during the draft, which is exactly what I wanted.
Basically what I really wanted was to have little work at the draft (as most of it would have been related to physical work, and it would have slowed down or worsened the injury I sustain on my arms from the work at the draft.)
There were a few crazies I had to deal with at the community center I worked (for my military draft), but apart from them, things were mostly fine. I also want to add that I finished right before COVID got crazy here, so I can say that LTU's USLM module, especially luck part, worked well. It was exactly what I wanted and hoped the most out of.
For a year usage (well, the journal started on Feb 27 2019, I ended on Feb 28 2019, so exactly a year use), I would say most of the modules worked, but there were a few exceptions.
Improve love life --> Absolutely no change in my love life. So this module has not worked at all for me.
Ultramotivation/Overcoming Procrastination --> It worked well at the work. It didn't work as well at home. Especially lately, it didn't work as well as I hoped it would. However, keep in mind that I have ADD (as well as high functioning autism) that there could have been limit to what it could have achieved. I would say it didn't fail completely, but it had failures at times.
Anger management --> I don't get angry. At least usually. However, there were times when I got angry, and there was one time when I got angry for an entire day. All of these were basically coming from the work where I had been treated unfairly, or swore at. The time when I got angry the most was when a customer came to me to request a parking ticket. Since the person didn't bring the required documentation as in the guideline, I told the person to get the document. That guy got really angry and yelled, threw document at me and cursed and called names. What was even worse was that the guy was a neighbor living on the same building. (Although he would not have known.) If I recorded the situation, I could have sued him and he would have been charged by a prosecutor under felony, and that would have gone on the record. Oh the anger last for an entire day. I had thoughts about how I was going to make him suffer and be under so much misery. Still, my work has not changed, and I did not show any change of emotion at work. Although my concentration suffered very much at the time, I still got some work done (the studying).
Anger management issue is actually hard to say whether it worked or not. That is because I have never actually been treated this badly in my life. I have almost always been treated at least with some dignity. I have never been cursed at (especially not at the level at which the person could have been charged by a prosecutor, if I pressed the charge).
Also it could have been a conflict with self esteem. It's like I don't get to be treated this bad. Yet, there was nothing I could do to respond to this guy, at least at the time. (Nothing similar is going to happen now as I don't have that draft shackle, but if it were to happen again, I have so much more options to choose from) So it is hard to make a definite decision on anger management.
At the same time, it is hard to say it worked, because I am sure that even if similar thing had happened with the LTU, I would have been able to stay calm.
Overcome Victim mentality --> At times, I have a thought, I should have found a way to ditch the citizenship, or I should have found a way to avoid the draft as if I did, I would have already started a career, and I would not be in this situation where things are vague. I had this thought much more back then, but I still do now. However, the thought comes much less frequently, and I don't have negative emotions that comes from the thought. So, I think it works, maybe not perfectly, but works. Also, this module may work with other module such as happiness and joy and emotional healing and pain relief aid.
Anyway, I am forward looking and see what I can do. Since I just got out, I suppose I am taking a short break. Either way, I think there can be an inspiration coming from the class I am taking digital transformation in business. There is going to be a group project where we are going to come up with a project and pretend (or actually be) to be an entrepreneur and come up with a new business using the digital transformation we learned. I have a feeling this could be something I may actually use to start building something great, or move on to the next stage of my life.
I have had good experience with LTU, whether it worked or not, things have turned out fine and my second year of draft was easier than the first year.
I plan on moving onto a next program, either AM6 or UMS. Not sure which to pursue. What would be a better choice?