Subliminal Talk

2nd day off of LTU.

Nothing much to report. Emotion has been stable, no conflicts/arguments/disputes.

I find that I was more distracted today, and was procrastinating more. Still I was getting a few things done. Not as much as I have hoped, but I still got some done.

Acute headache/migraine gone, except one time it appeared.

Oh and I think I have felt more fatigue today. Not much more, but a little more.

You do what you have to do, and either feel terrible about it and go against what you're told, experience punishment, and perhaps feel less guilty b/c you got punished... Or, you can forgive yourself. Or, you do what you have to do to side with your values and experience "terrible consequences." But perhaps, it's not terrible - b/c you're doing what you must to protect (w/in yourself) what you find valuable.

There was a movie a few years ago called "Hacksaw Ridge." It was about a medical person who refused to carry a firearm or kill others in WWII. But he accomplished amazing things, and changed minds. I'd say he was Alpha, doing what he felt was right.

But that's life, right? We all find ourselves in a multitude of situations, and they all provide opportunities for growth, no?

Looking forward to hearing your stories, from here.

@RTBoss

Thank you for mentioning the movie. I heard about it and I watched bits of the movie. Yes, the main character (who happens to be a real life character) is a true heroic example of what's being Alpha and a great example of conscience objector. He definitely deserved the medal of honor he got rewarded.

I was going to write a long response, but I realized it was pointless, as it seems more like whining, so I am going to hold back on that part.

Still I suppose I need to describe some of the challenges at work, while trying not to whine about it. One of the challenging part (other than seeing occasional legally questionable works) is the needless work/BS that I need to deal on pretty much daily basis. For instance, I genuinely think that the government employees (many of them, if not most of them) are creating some BS/needless work for the sake of their performance evaluation, and I am being used for that. The funny thing (and a sad thing) is that most of the time (if not all the time) they try to do new stuff, it actually is worse off. (Though it may look good on the performance evaluation and their chance of promotion.) Worst part? It's usually me that gets sacrificed in the process; I am usually the one that needs to carry out the needless and often unnecessary if not detrimental work for me (i.e. need to carry out heavy physical work, while having inflammation on arms and shoulders,) and for the citizens (works that results in waste of taxpayer's money... waste of budget, and that usually ends up the office to request more budget from the city hall.) Hell, if this was a job, I'd just quit, but since it's a conscript, I can't just quit. This is one thing that's fucked up, but like you said fucked up things happen in life. I'd be able to accept it more easily if it was based on my choice, not a forced on.

Oh yeah, I tried to change that by trying to object, raise concerns and etc.... It didn't work. Do you know how difficult it is to try making a guy think who's only used to taking orders and following them without questioning? (Trying to bypass the hierarchical structure can also be very difficult, I found, and can also result in some unforeseen consequences.) I suppose I can go even more crazy by going public, but that's gonna bite real hard. For instance, there is a specific prohibition that prevents conscripts like me from participating in politics. Well, going public, going journalism route could seem doing politics. And two, I've heard too many stories in which a guy like me try to do something similar, but ended up in much worse hell hole.

After reading your response, it made me think about this. LTU has a module that is about "doing the right thing." What would be a right thing? Trying to fix things and trying to tell the others at work a better way or a better solution while risking myself potential trouble? Or ignore the hopeless people who's clearly not ready to listen or to grow and focus on my own?

I don't know. Old me (I'm talking very old me) would try to choose the first way, but semi-old/newer me would more likely to choose the second one, as I now seem to understand more that there's so much one can do when the other isn't ready nor willing. At the same time, I don't want to be too pessimistic on people; it feels too pessimistic to let go all the hope on people (in this case would be people at my work.)

However, I can tell you this, I did a few right things at work. One time, I didn't neglect a woman who's a victim of domestic violence, even when I was told to ignore her. (This woman seemed to have some sort of memory issue, and the government employees began ignoring her after telling a few things several times. (What good would that do if her memory is like that of Drew Barrymore in 50 first kisses) I noticed that, and I couldn't just sit still and ignore her, especially after I noticed the memory issue.) There were other situations in which I did similar things (deliberately going out of ways to provide/trying to do right to those who are actually in need).

Based on this, I suppose I am an Alpha, doing things that are right but can also cause challenges. Still, I haven't yet done/or achieved things that I believe need addressing at fundamental level.

Doing the right thing or being an alpha, whatever it is, I am also curious to see what choice I will make.

I was hoping that LTU will end my conscription prematurely. Now, I am thinking about these stuff in more depth?

And BTW, I still need to make that one goal, and damn it's hard.

Ending conscription early while doing whatever necessary to start building my next stage of life. Is this one goal statement or two goal statement?

Besides it still needs refining to include things beneficial way/legal way and etc.

Anyway, I'm going to take things slowly, but will try to do it right for the goal statement.

Well, mistake in the earlier post. It was supposed to be 1st day off not 2nd day off. (Mistake was made as I listen to LTU during the night, so there was a confusion.)

Anyway, today would have been 2nd day off, although I am now listening to LTU 5 now. (It's night here, and I'm starting day 1 of 2nd ASRB cycle.)

I got two things to report.

1. LM. Potentially Mixed result.

There was definitely a good LM part. I went to a convenience store to buy a lunch. I brought the stuff at checkout and the cashier told me that I may qualify for a souvenir/extra stuff. It turned out that I did, and I got another thing to eat.

However, a bad LM, well it's related to work. Let me try to draw my work spot first.


Long Desk
empty me

small desk small desk
gov employee guy in same situation as I


This is what my work spot is like. (Well there are many more people, but that's basically how it is currently setup for my spot.) Now the government employee would move to different spot in the same office, and the guy in the same situation as I am in (another conscript) would basically move up and take that empty spot next to me.

Honestly, I find that there is no reason to move, but this is one of the thing that I mentioned in the previous post as government employees try to do things to improve their performance evaluation (although the work they do actually worsen, while potentially improving their performance evaluation.)

And once the employee moves, we will need to take that one long desk away, and bring the smaller desks up front. That's what we were told.

I'm like huh? Why move the long desk at all? Why not just take the two smaller desks and put it in storage? (Honestly, I'm more for leaving one behind, as temporary workers come from time to time. And trust me, when that happens, we will need to bring that table back again.)

Okay, it's pretty BS to do this. I'm hoping LM will work wonders in making this more doable, or even prevent from happening. (I'm not liking the idea of another conscript moving up next to me, though I'm fine with the employee going somewhere else. Still, I'd prefer if stays there, as it's easier to ask him questions if he's right behind me.)

So one definitely good thing, and one potentially bad thing. Yet, that bad thing hasn't happened yet, and I'm just told that it's going to happen tomorrow or the day after. Let's see how this will unfold.

LM please work wonders here!!!

2. This one is one interesting case, and it's about a girl (an elementary school girl.)

I came home from the work, and I was waiting for the elevator to come down. Then a girl came, and saw me, looked shocked/surprised. (It's like you found someone who's not supposed to be there, or you expected nobody to be there, but a person was there.) She put a little distance to me, (She deliberately put a distance from me.) and seemed like she was waiting for the elevator. When the elevator came down, she didn't come in. I held the door and asked her if she's coming, and she told me no. I was like alright, and went upstairs.

This was strange, as I've never experienced this nor had anyone shown such fear to me. Though that's the case, I'm actually glad that she did. She may have just gotten a sexual assault ed that she may not have just wanted to be in an elevator with a guy alone. She may thought I could be a scary guy, and decided to act. I'm glad that the girl did what she thought necessary to be safe and feel safe.

Funny though, I don't feel bad about being in that situation. I'm just glad that the girl did what she thought best to protect her, although she had no reason to do that from me.

Again, it was very interesting as nobody has shown signs of fear because of me.

Crap, I gotta do better with date recording. Day 2 of 2nd cycle of LTU 5. (This is the correct one, remember that!)

A few interesting things to note.

1. Remember the moving? Well, my arguments have basically been accepted, and that we made easier one.

So basically here's the original setup.


one long desk
empty spot me

two small desks
gov employee conscript


Originally what was proposed was this remove that one long desk, transfer all the stuff on that long desk to two small desks (while bringing stuff on two small desks somewhere else, ), take that big table somewhere, and bring that two small desks forward.

So that end result would have been this

two small desks
conscript me

Given that it's just way too many unnecessary work, I proposed just taking that two desks away so that we don't have to move that one big desk at all. I also proposed leaving at least one desk, because a part-timer may come later, and in that situation we will need to bring out the desk again.


Well that argument was sorta accepted, which was interesting as my previous experience told me that it would not have been accepted. Yet, I didn't really have a feeling that it wasn't going to get accepted or get accepted. I just wanted to make an appeal, and I did. (Which I did yesterday), and the gov employee pressed quite hard, it seems. And the superior accepted.

Basically, it ended up as being this
partition wall
one long desk
conscript me
two small desks

Well, it wasn't all that great. we got crammed even more (as they told us to move back even further), had partition wall set up, which further isolated us, and there were other works that was given to us. For instance, we were asked to move a desk, which was fine and was never planned to move/replace. I and the conscript were given about 610 mail works to be ready to be shipped by tomorrow.

Terrible part? Doing all that work caused me to feel that inflammation pain again. Hopefully LTU's universal detox may help heal faster again.

So in all my proposal was sorta accepted, but did it lead to less work? It did, but I ended up getting more work, and lost whole a lot more space.

Another interesting thing to note is that I have become more vocal. For instance, when the conscript and I were alone and were coming down from moving the desk, I was telling him, well today was really like the gov workers created useless and needless work. I normally don't talk to anyone at work in the open, as I'd like to avoid any potential issues.

And, at the same time, I have become brighter? I was laughing to some stuff, which again is unusual for me at work as I normally try to hide all emotions and remain neutral at work. (Although I try to treat everyone with respect and kindness.) And two, there was a snack time today, and when we got in, I was saying how doing the work was causing pain in my arm. A gov employee told me that the mail work load that comes later (I guess it can be like a month or two away) is larger. We were eating sweets, and I told him, "this stuff just got bitter" after hearing that in a slightly joking manner. Then unexpected thing happened, which was that a female gov employee responded to that comment. (I don't know. I didn't expect her to react. She would have been the last person I expect to react to stuff like that.) Her response was probably best described by scoff/snort but not in a negative way. (At least it felt like it wasn't negative.)

Anyway, more need to be observed to see if things are turning more positive (i.e. easier work, more growth, and reduction of conscription, and etc) or turning more negative (i.e. becoming more isolated (which this moving actually physically made), more work (especially unnecessary/needless heavy lifting work), being treated worse, and etc.).

Day 3 of 2nd cycle

Nothing special or noteworthy to report. Perhaps it's because I didn't get a good night sleep last night. (Had very little sleep like 3 hours or so.) The sleep issue isn't caused by LTU though, as I had some things to do last night, and also that my dad made quite a noise last night and very early morning that disturbed my sleep.

One thing, if I may note is that I didn't have much work other than morning to early afternoon work of the mail stuff that I was working on yesterday.

Hmm, it's confusing with the date record as I listen to it during the night.

Currently listening to the last of 2nd cycle. Today was supposed to be 3rd day, not yesterday. (And it will be 4th day next time I come back to report.)

Today, I didn't notice much, except feeling that how negativity can spread very quickly, and very difficult to remain optimistic and maintain positive attitude when I'm surrounded by negative people. (People that radiate negative energy, and people who are filled with negativity.)

The other conscript feels like he has lots of negativity, and because he just moved next to me that is spreading to me. I can totally understand why he's like that, but it feels like it's spreading. I'm trying to contain it, but it isn't all that easy.

Also, gov employee and one of the superior is somewhat acting more negatively to me. It's nuanced, but I somehow feel it.

I also noticed one of terrible aspects at this place; all the good work I do or the other conscript do gets credited to either the superior (many of the times) or to other gov employees. For instance, the superior decided that it was the time to move desk, pretty much at the beginning of the work hour. Okay, we did that. (Moving and storing the desk required a lot of re-organizing in the storage.) Then he basically told us to clean the empty area. Well, basically, I did all the vacuuming.

Oh and later, I heard another superior talking to the guy who is going to replace her next week (well, one of the superior is being called to the city hall, change of department, and this guy is supposed to come and replace her. I really don't understand the rotation system of this place, or this municipality such that things look so random. Someone who stayed nearly the double amount is stuck, while someone who's just been assigned for 6 months get called up and that. (Not her, but there was previous case of this.)) and this superior was basically praising the other superior on how he cleaned up all the stuff and now it looks so clean.

Technically he participated, and he did some work. Did he do the most of the work? Actually no, that would be the other gov employee, and the other conscript. (I wouldn't say that I did most of the work, but I did some work.) I suppose if order counts that much, then he can get the credit. (Maybe she's right. If it wasn't for the highest ranking person thinking the need fill in the empty spot at the gov employee section and get rid of empty spots at the conscripts area. (which is quite odd, as they have been trying to get more people). Oh yes, the segregation has gotten more explicit and stronger.)

Oh and I also remember how my good work can get distorted and become something to promote their good work, when it really isn't the case.

I didn't really think about this up until now, but after hearing that incident (the superior talking to the person who is going to replace her) and after going through this week's event of doing all the work that is really contrary to my own thoughts/reasoning (i.e. getting rid of all empty spots when they are trying to get more people. Wouldn't it send a signal that the place is full that they don't need any more people? If it were me, I'd leave the spot as it is and wait for the audit guy to show up. And I'll tell the employees to go slowly, but not so slowly to be caught, so that it gets even more crowded with people waiting to get gov paper work done. I think this makes more sense, if I feel I'm very understaffed, and need to make a strong appeal for reinforcement of gov employees.), it made me think about how difficult it is to remain positive when in a very negative and toxic environment. I suppose I thought about it previously, I think I have felt it more strongly today.

So far I think and feel that LTU is doing something. I think the results I have gotten have both positives and negatives. Hopefully, only positives will come very soon.

On the LTU usage note, I just read Shannon's response about how LTU 4/5 benefits from higher volumes. Since I'm using it during the sleep, I can't use hybrid or masked version if I were to raise volume. Therefore, I'm going to be switching to silent/ultrasonic. I don't know if it's lucky or a bad thing, but I don't hear ultrasound anymore. (I suppose I'm hitting the age in which I'm losing ability in hearing certain range of sounds.) Besides, silent/ultrasonic may accommodate my personality better.

We shall see.

Day 4 of 2nd cycle of LTU 5

Well, I first need to start that I messed up with the ASRB; I accidentally closed VLC player while listening to it. I noticed that it was approximately an hour and half past when I started, so I decided to start from the 2nd loop.

Fortunately, I didn't notice any negative impacts today.

On the other hand, I had an interesting dream.

In the dream, I was with Charlize Theron, and she and I were close. Not intimately close, but sorta on the borderline of being friendly and intimate. There was a nuance of business relationship, but at the same time there was also a nuance of close friendship border-lining intimate relationship. Apparently, she was putting me a makeup, after she put one on herself. We were to go on a tv, which I believe it was to be some sort of an interview. In the dream, I was a very influential figure, but I don't recall what made me influential. Charlize and I had some chat during the makeup, and sadly I don't remember what it was about.

Then, we moved out to watch a tv in the waiting area, which I believed showed some sort of movie awards, like Oscars. I then woke up as I needed to go to work.

Nothing much special at work today, except that I sorta found out that the gov employees think that the new setup is more beneficial to me.

Come to think of it, I find that there is some merit to the new setup. Perhaps, this change in the thought is due to the other conscript coming late (after lunch) today. I find that he radiates much negativity (which I understand as I heard his story, and it makes sense why he hates being in the situation so much.) that perhaps being less exposed to him benefited me.

I also find that I try to be more friendly tried to make more jokes to the citizens visiting the office. (i.e. when a guy was looking at the fax, while waiting for it to send the stuff, I was telling him, why so serious? You're going to embarrass the machine with that intense gaze.)

Also, I'd like to point out that I switched to ultrasonic/silent version and I upped volume quite high. (from 70 to 80% in VLC, and 10 to 20 on laptop speaker volume.)

1st day off of 2nd cycle.

Nothing to report. I didn't observe anything interesting.

2nd day off of 2nd cycle.

Same as yesterday, nothing to report.

1st day 3rd cycle.

Two things to report.

1. Increased workload. Had physical work to start with. (Had a tent to carry over, and this is not a typical tent for camping. This tent is for some event which is huge, and heavy.)

Near the end of the work, an old woman came to request me something. To give that something, I needed a document from her, and I told her to bring all those last time she visited. She insisted that I never told her, and my response? "I basically do this everyday that whenever I tell people what to bring, I become robotic. I tell them the same thing over and over, so yes I did tell you." I suppose that assertiveness is something of a trademark I got since I started LTU.

Still, she put much effort in coming here to get the stuff. (It was clear that she ran quite a while.) Besides, it was related to disability car, so I had to get creative. Fortunately for her, there is a government employee who deals with disability related issues, and he could check the stuff for me, even without the documentation. I basically gave her what she came for, and told her that this is a special situation, so that this better stays here. (Normally, I need to check documentation, but since I could check the system, it didn't matter. ) Anyway, she also needed to update that disability parking sticker, so all in all it worked out.

After dealing with her, I needed to go upstairs to clean up the auditorium. I went upstairs even later than usual because of dealing with the old lady. Given that I wen there later, I expected that there would be nobody up there. I was wrong. There were old folks hanging around arguing about some money issue. (It was related to group fees or something from what I heard. However, collecting group fees/dues is explicitly prohibited that getting caught with that can permanently close the program down. ) These people were supposed to be gone after their class/program, but they were arguing. They were not going to go somewhere soon, and I thought to give them some time. Not too long after, I saw the soldiers leaving the post (these are conscripts too, but they work at reserve. I work at the government branch.), and I used that opportunity. I basically walked up to the group and told them "look you guys need to wrap this up fast. The soldiers are leaving, and when they leave they lock the place down. (They lock one side, I lock the others and the elevator. So I bluffed a bit.) If you don't want to be locked up here, you better leave now." Well, that basically did the trick, ended the fight and they quickly left.

Normally I don't see these stuff. I don't normally have people insisting that I did wrong, and demand to get something even when they did not bring the necessary documents, which I always tell them to bring. Nor do I see a huge group hanging out after the class and fight over some money issue. (In fact this money issue was the first time I saw.) Therefore, this can constitute more work. Still, the issue was dealt with rather easily, but it would have been easier if it never arose in the first place.

2. Fatigue at work.

Well, I felt higher level of fatigue at work, and it was like a sine function. At certain times at work, I felt higher fatigue, and other times, I didn't feel fatigue.

3. Excrement

I think this may be related to detox. I had gone to bathroom 3 times for excrement, and first two times were normal ones except a little darker. The third one was a diarrhea.

It's difficult to determine whether ultimate detox as I have had some digestion issues (too many times) ever since I started the conscription work. Yet, I was fine yesterday, and I just had this issue today, (just started 3rd cycle of secondary ASRB) so it can be ultimate detox related issues.

4. Taking initiative for next step of life?

Well, even before I began LTU, I had a few ideas of what to do as an intermediate steps. However, I couldn't really decide and pursue one or multiple of those.
Today, was closer to choosing one thing to do at work (begin playing with python. Others could have been something like studying math again on my own, figuring out social hobby, and etc.), but I didn't pursue that activity. I needed to first confirm with gov employees that it is acceptable to do at work. Since the guy left early today, I didn't have a chance to check that. I may do that tomorrow, or do something else.

Feeling fatigued now, so this report is a bit disorganized. Hopefully, my next day report would be better.

2nd day 3rd cycle.

First of all, I forgot to mention that one of the superiors was replaced. It was basically a government employee rotation thing, which I cannot figure out what the rule/mechanism is. It's so random that some stay in one spot for a long time (like 2+ years) while others stay for a short time (like 6 months).

So far, I can't tell whether this replacement is a good or a bad one. I'll have to see.

1st thing 1st, I am feeling more fatigue today. In fact, I believe I slept more and better than yesterday, but I am feeling more tired today. Probably this is one of those days in which I am feeling more fatigue than average. I would say it is high even when compared to days when I felt tired. Yet, I wouldn't call say I was felt the most fatigue ever.

Today, I didn't do anything related to coding/programming as I thought it would be more fun/important to read news and see what's going on. Currently, there's some interesting stuff going on here. (I think reading world affairs, and see what's "truly" going on very important, as I, the navigator of my life, need to see what's ahead and decide how to move in the best direction to the best destination.) Anyway, I'd like to mention that reading news, and trying to decipher what's really going on or trying to figure out what are the real important stuff to pay attention to is not something new. I have done this pretty much all the time whenever I had free time at work, except when I had terrible inflammations on my shoulders and arms. (I found that using a computer at work when I had inflammations caused so much pain that I just spent time doing nothing, trying to put my arms in the most relaxing and comfortable positions.)

Nothing much went on at work today, and it is always good to not have much work as I can do something more worth while. (I don't mind paper work or seeing and helping citizens with a few things, but it's always more preferable to have the free time to do whatever is more valuable. Anyway, I definitely prefer the two mentioned than doing heavy physical work, which I feel that may bring inflammation on my shoulders and arms.) Not too many people visited me either. Therefore, there really wasn't something interesting to report.

Though that is the case, I did notice that girls at work (girls around my age) were more bubbly today. The two who work near me (especially there is one) almost giggles/laughs on daily basis. On the other hand, there are three who sit very far from me (these are the ones who typically have the most amount of work to do as they are the primary ones who deal with citizens coming in to do governmental works) were also bubbly. It isn't all that unusual, but they were bubbly. I also did see one girl being more talkative to the other ones, who seemed not very sociable, but stick to business type of person. All of this isn't all that unusual, but I felt their being more uplifted was more profound than usual. Oh, and BTW, all of the bubbliness, or uplifted spirits had nothing to do with. Remember the segregation I mentioned? Yep, I pretty much don't interact with them at all. (In fact, I believe I was told to minimize interaction with them as it can either lead to increased workload, or lead to potential problems such as sexual harassment issues, and etc. Anyway, I do not deliberately seek them out to have an interaction (which is also against my work ethic, as I think I should focus on work, or do something that would be additive to me or to others than chit chatting.), but at the same time, it seems the same for the girls. In summary, minimized interactions in both the length and frequency. Come to think of it, I sorta have a feeling that one girl, who I would have to say is the bubbliest of all just turn cold and strict whenever I come by to interact or she comes around/near me. This happens all the time. I don't know why, but it has been that way for ever since, I don't know.)

Lastly, I am staring to question LM. Today, on my way back home, I was waiting for an elevator to come. (I live in 10 stories/floors building.) And guess what, I had to wait a quite a while as it was stopping at every floor. A FedEx/UPS guy was delivering. (It wasn't FedEX/UPS guy, but just to give you an idea of who this person was.) I've never seen a FedEx/UPS person doing delivery at that time for like last 11 months. (I've been coming home pretty much same time for the entire 11 months.) Yet, today, there was this guy, and he was stopping at every floor before coming down to the first/ground floor. Wow what a luck! Luck Maximizer. At least for this instance, it was a bad luck maximizer. I hope that it will turn to good luck maximizer very soon.

I don't know if it's resistance or whatever, but I'm not quite sure if I am seeing much improvements yet.

I know that it's not been long, and I'm going to be patient with this. However, I guess I am surprised and disappointed that I am not seeing more dramatic and graspable results as this is currently the most powerful and effective program.

3rd day 3rd cycle

Today was another interesting day as it is a day which I'd name it as "complain day."

From the early morning I saw a person complaining about a wrong instruction that the person got, which the person was completely mistaken. (She insisted that she got an instruction from a male employee, but there was no male employee at that time in that station!)

I also got another complainer, which it wasn't exactly my fault, as someone on the phone gave a wrong instruction. And of course, I almost go to my resort, whenever someone complains, which is that I also blame the gov employee with the complaining citizen. For instance, the complainer was basically telling me, can't I not do the checking at my end? (Basically the situation was that the person didn't bring the required paperwork for verification process. Technically, we should be able to check the person using the database, but in reality, I can't check it for several reasons. 1st, I'm not an official gov employee that I am not granted any access to database that has sensitive information. (This in itself is a problem, which is that I am given a work, which in theory, and in common sense, requires having access to database that has personal information.) 2nd, because of the privacy law, even the gov employees would not have the easy access to the database/personal information. 3rd, there is also a lack of common database that needs to be established. (For my work specifically.)) I explained my situation, and after that passing on to my usual last resort strategy worked pretty well. The person didn't seem totally satisfied, but she got what she wanted, and seemed to have become more content than when she was complaining.

Then there was a 3rd complainer. Not to me, but this person, from what I heard, came in drunk. He was on a social welfare, and a gov employee was opening the his log/history. Meanwhile, he was sitting in front of another employee (not the gov worker, but a helper hired by the office), and the guy was basically complaining about waiting. (He was waiting for only a few minutes.) Then he just took off.

Weird day, as we don't usually have that many complainers in one day. Who know there could have been more, but I can't know as I needed to leave the office in the afternoon for an education for conscripts like me. (Sadly, the education is not of high value.)

I went with another conscript, and we figured out that the they (the educators) pretty much expected us to go home after the education. (It basically ends a little bit earlier than usual work time.) On the other hand, the office folks expected us to return and clean up. (Usual duty.) The other conscript basically explained and complained, and eventually got the permission to leave early.

What a day today was. A complain day.

Though today was an interesting day as there was too much complain, I don't know how to reflect this with regard to LTU.

4th day 3rd cycle

I had a day off today, because I needed to see someone. Anyway, there are a few things to note.

1. Dizziness pretty much entire day.

The dizziness started when I woke up, and it was pretty intense in the morning. Then, it rode a trigonometric graph. (At times it was strong, and some other times it was gone. Then it would come back.) This would be considered the 2nd most intense day for dizziness. The first was a while ago, like several months to maybe a year ago, in which the dizziness was too strong that I couldn't get up for hours. This time, the intensity was much weaker, but the duration lasted very long. (Nearly entire day, and I felt it when I washed before going to bed. (Technically, before writing this.))

2. Mixed LM results

I believe this LM thing, or the luck thing has become a pattern. I had a mix of good and bad lucks.

Let's start with the bad ones.

I needed to take several buses/subways to see this person. And whenever I would transfer, I'd miss the train or the buss by a split moment. All of them. From going to see the person, to coming back to home. The entire trip! Yes, I missed all of them by a margin. It can happen for one transfer, but to happen for all 4 transfers? That's rare, and a bad luck!

Now the good ones.

1. Even though I missed all of the transfers, and needed to wait quite a while for the next buses/trains, I always got a seat. (Meaning that I was able to sit down in the trains/buses for the entire trip, and this can be quite difficult to pull off.)

2. I stopped at a restaurant before meeting this person to have lunch, and it there was a spot for me. This restaurant can be so busy that it can be quite hard to be seated right away.

3. There was an issue with automatic payment. I decided to go to a person to ask a question and take care of the payment issue. The person who was available for me turned out to be a guy who is a technician and who oversees the automatic payment, not just any cashier who would just take care of payment. (To clarify, the person available to assist me could have been a regular cashier, but this guy was a cashier, who also happens to be a technician that oversees the automatic payment.)

Therefore, I got both good bad luck. I don't want to see any more bad luck! I want only good luck!

Also, I remember that I forgot to report that at the end of the education yesterday, there was a survey. I believe I happened to be the only one who actually wrote about bad stuff and rated pretty low for my conscript experience. That can be because they fear for potential retaliation. It can also be that they think it doesn't matter. Turns out, my move could have been a bad move, as the collection of survey (both how it is conducted (collection of survey data), and the collection of survey paper itself) could have easily given out my identity. Interesting thing? I'm not that afraid of the consequences. Besides I'd be lying if I say everything's great. I'm just hoping that it would not result me being posted somewhere else, which can be terrible.

Anyway, that's it for today's report.