04-21-2019, 04:32 PM
(04-21-2019, 03:39 PM)whome Wrote: I wouldn't say that I'm facing my fear and working through it. I sit and talk to people, and the terror hits me, and takes me down, and it's all I can do to get out of the pain and back into my head, to retreat into safety.
[Edit: The best way I can find to describe this is a bad drug trip, except my body decides to kick it for reasons of its own, and the only way for me to avoid it is to avoid situations where it'll come up. I deliberately go home for the holidays, and the passing of time is very triggering, so I'm not terribly surprised that it hit, but it still sucks that I'm still inflicted with it. That's the number one thing that I would want from healing and that I'm looking for from LTU: stop the attacks of sheer existential terror when I'm in my body. So far it hasn't happened.]
I appreciate your feedback, though. I wish I could say that I'm making progress, but it's hard to say if I am or not. When the existential terror comes up and crushes me, it feels like I'm not getting anywhere.
I understand. I feel the same way about mt progress with E2. I hope I'm making progress, but it doesn't feel like I'm making progress. Then again, the Naturalizer is a part of the process, so who knows? It could just be the naturalizer at play.
