03-05-2019, 09:04 AM
I'll be happy if I do achieve that as a default state.
This is a tricky space, where in the past I've felt really good, but then it faded away and I went back to a painful, grief space. It was easy to get angry, that I had a taste of feeling good, but that the sadness pulled me back. I'm better at not doing that now, so I'm more in a space of "enjoy it while it lasts, and it's OK if I go back, because that happens".
If I stay in a happy space for a long time, I can re-evaluate things. But given my past I don't want to get excited yet. My sad side is strong, and if I slip back into sadness, I don't want to turn my excitement about changing into a weapon that will be easy for my self-hatred to use against myself.
I'm in this for the long haul, at least the three month cycle noted in the instructions. It would be very nice to hit happiness as default, and I'm open to it. Given my knowledge of how the self-hating voice has acted in my past, I'm going slowly with accepting change.
This is a tricky space, where in the past I've felt really good, but then it faded away and I went back to a painful, grief space. It was easy to get angry, that I had a taste of feeling good, but that the sadness pulled me back. I'm better at not doing that now, so I'm more in a space of "enjoy it while it lasts, and it's OK if I go back, because that happens".
If I stay in a happy space for a long time, I can re-evaluate things. But given my past I don't want to get excited yet. My sad side is strong, and if I slip back into sadness, I don't want to turn my excitement about changing into a weapon that will be easy for my self-hatred to use against myself.
I'm in this for the long haul, at least the three month cycle noted in the instructions. It would be very nice to hit happiness as default, and I'm open to it. Given my knowledge of how the self-hating voice has acted in my past, I'm going slowly with accepting change.
I share the details of my life in my posts to help in the understanding of the effects of the subliminals I use. I am only open to advice that relates to the use of the subliminals.
