06-17-2017, 07:52 AM
Wow, even I'm getting bored of this recap. 
But a year's worth of overdue feedback is kind of a lot, and "more/less [quality]" isn't very descriptive. Even so, I think that I'll call the prologue done with this last batch of internals and start treating this more like a journal.
Prologue: Internals, part 3.
Social comfort
But a year's worth of overdue feedback is kind of a lot, and "more/less [quality]" isn't very descriptive. Even so, I think that I'll call the prologue done with this last batch of internals and start treating this more like a journal.Prologue: Internals, part 3.
Social comfort
- Preexisting DMSI? Somewhat.
- While listening to DMSI? Yes.
- Difference in consistency so far? More consistent, but still intermittent.
- Difference in quality so far? More extreme highs and less extreme lows. Vaguely familiar settings have taken on an at-home quality.
- Before/during preference so far? During.
- Preexisting DMSI? Somewhat.
- While listening to DMSI? Somewhat.
- Difference in consistency so far? More consistent.
- Difference in quality so far? More prone to cross social barriers/boundaries when someone's gotten the wrong end of the stick. Less concerned about disturbing people (politely) when the situation calls for it.
- Before/during preference so far? During. Similar to what was observed during/after E2, but much stronger.
- Preexisting DMSI? Yes.
- While listening to DMSI? Yes.
- Difference in consistency so far? Roughly the same.
- Difference in quality so far? Less verbal. Communicating more effectively without speech while communicating less effectively with it.
- Before/during preference so far? Conditional. During, for the non-verbal side. Before, for the verbal side. Non-verbal has become nearly telepathic in both directions. Verbal has gone from competent or eloquent to tongue-tied in both directions, which could be related to my brief-but-dense social life, but, if so, it doesn't really explain the non-verbal improvement or the two-way aspects.
- Preexisting DMSI? Yes.
- While listening to DMSI? Yes.
- Difference in consistency so far? Feels as if it's been nearly restored to levels not seen in almost a dozen years.
- Difference in quality so far? More discerning than ever before, but mostly back to the original trust-until-burned default.
- Before/during preference so far? During. It's more like a slightly refined version of my original setting after over a decade of disruption within intimate relationships. This was another primary goal for myself with DMSI.
- Preexisting DMSI? Yes.
- While listening to DMSI? Apathetically.
- Difference in consistency so far? Less consistent.
- Difference in quality so far? Less ambient excitement. Incidental highs and lows from a baseline of waiting to be impressed.
- Before/during preference so far? Mostly before. Even on earlier versions of DMSI, I could romp happily into a room and feel like I'd brought something into it. Now, I walk into a room expecting more from it, as if I've gone from both producer and consumer to solely consumer.
- Preexisting DMSI? Yes.
- While listening to DMSI? Yes.
- Difference in consistency so far? Roughly the same.
- Difference in quality so far? Less suppressive and more "acknowledge -> process -> decide -> forgive (myself or others) -> reflect calmly -> move on." More mental reminders that emotions are just subconscious messages that are too complex (thank you, cognitive dissonance) to be worded as simple thoughts. Makes the "process or suppress" choice a lot more straightforward, like the emotional equivalent of deciding to treat the source of physical pain instead of reaching for an aspirin to ignore it.
- Before/during preference so far? During. Helps considerably in fast-tracking fear, embarrassment, and frustration. Less so for guilt, since that sometimes involves re-shuffling the personal right/wrong/neither lists and seems to take longer.
