healing

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Day 42
There has been no end of frustration in the past few days. There is a constant resistance to everything which makes it difficult to really do anything. I'm constantly tense and I'm having difficulty releasing it using the release method. Part of the apathy described earlier is no doubt really just a manifestation of this resistance.

Strangely I've spontaneously been getting into action over my business thought...

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Day 50
I haven't made what I would call progress in the past week. I've stopped taking my dog for regular walks. I've stopped doing exercise. I've stopped eating according to my detox. I've stopped releasing using the release technique. I've stopped learning about dog training. I haven't been teaching myself more about self-determination theory.

I have however, interestingly enough, been doing lots of work around starting a business though and have been spending a lot of time bringing myself up to speed on everything I need to know about social media marketing and SEO. And it's completely intrinsically motivated.

It's as if the subliminal has made me drop activities that were extrinsically motivated and cleared the path for both being intrinsically motivated to start a business and to take action on things that I find intrinsically motivating. Which in my view is a great benefit. Even though the thought of having stopped all the aforementioned activities is giving me mild anxiety. And perhaps the lesson here is that anxiety isn't a healthy motivational source...

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Day 51
It seems like self-reflection is really useful for EPRHA. After yesterdays post I decided to release on resistance on a hunch. And boy did that unleash a torrent of shit on me haha. I'm digging a layer deeper now.

If there is one thing that has been consistent across this subliminal it's that, when it's working its magic, it reveals the truth to me and forces me to be honest and truthful with myself about my underlying emotions and thoughts that I'm hiding from myself. I'm not sure how the subliminal intends most people to deal with that once they have their revelations but I'm sure as shit happy that I can immediately act and release using the release technique.

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Day 58
The days go quickly.

I noticed I keep looking for problems so that I can resolve them. Are there any problems if I stop looking for them? I don't know. If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?

I'm almost done with this subliminal. I'm looking forward to starting AM now. I'm a little bit afraid but it's definitely time. No more delay. I'm going to see these next 4 days through and then switch.

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Day 60
It's difficult to know what effect EPRHA has had on me but it's definitely there in the background. It's almost as if theres now space between my emotions and my perceptions. Whereas previously emotions would colour my world I seem to now have a better ability to see through them and observe them as separate from myself.

The purpose of completing both ASC and EPRHA was to establish that the subliminal programs work. Whilst I haven't yet seen an effect I can point to as proof, I have enough personal anecdotal evidence to want to continue on to AM6 which was always my goal. I feel it's a shame that I won't be able to distinguish the effects of EPHRA separate from AM6 so AM6 will be getting all the credit.

I'm counting down the days. It's like I'm waiting for christmas. I have high hopes and equally high expectations for AM6. Can't wait!

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Day 63
Final day.

I just finished reading through all of my posts in this thread for the first time since starting this program. It has been an interesting journey. There is still a lot of work to be done, and continuing EPRHA would definitely continue my progress but my impatience is getting the better of me with respect to starting AM.

So where am I at as I'm wrapping up this subliminal?

I'm living my life in a relative state of apathy. There are a lot of things that I would like to do that I generally end up not doing. And it doesn't bother me all that much except I keep making fits and starts at getting myself into action around them again and it annoys me that it's not consistent and automatic like it used to be.

One thing I'm definitely doing however, is starting my business. Jim Benson talks about the amount of work you complete being inversely proportional to the number of tasks you're working on and maybe deprioritising everything that isn't starting a business is just EPRHA's way of getting me to focus.

I'm still frustrated when I wake up in the mornings but not like I used to be. There's just a general annoyance that there are a lot of "should"'s that I'm not acting on. I'm also still afraid of relapsing into the depression I was in when I felt like I couldn't achieve my dreams and therefore felt worthless. As I said. There are still things to work on. But I'm comfortable with leaving those for later. The very pointed growth of Alpha Male awaits!