healing

[ffaux]

Day 23
I feel like I'm waking up with less tension. I still believe that I have a lot of pent up anger inside but I'm seeing early indicators that I'm not waking up in that state anymore.

I've parked the idea of starting my own business. I didn't seem to be able to get myself into action so I took some time to release the wanting using the release technique. I've come to realise that starting a business was predominantly extrinsically motivated.

I think one of the best things to come out of this program has been to motivate me to release using the release technique. If I could have a subliminal just to motivate me to use the release technique all the time I wouldn't listen to anything else.

[ffaux]

Day 24
There's so much anger beneath the surface. My first approach to everything is aggression. If I'm faced with a challenge I first attempt to solve it or respond with aggression.

I'm often brooding and having all of this anger in my system is consuming a lot of my energy! I've been putting a happy face on top of all this anger for years as a way of coping and being a functioning member of society.

I've also been frustrated for years that things never go my way and never turn out the way I want them to. Inside, under the surface, I just want to scream with anger and frustration at all the effort I've put into getting what I want with no result.

This energy is consuming me.

[ffaux]

Day 26
I had the realisation last night that I have an unhealthy relationship with money.

I've been pondering the question of why I haven't spontaneously got myself into action to start my business in light of all the things I've been reading about self-determination theory. Somehow I got on to not having to work for money: "What if I didn't have to work for money? What if I could do whatever I want and money would still come to me?". Which led me to the question of "Would I still start a business if I had all the money I wanted?".

What followed was a very interesting internal exploration. The answer to the last question was "probably not" so I started asking myself "If I had everything I wanted, what would I want to do?".

At some point I started realising that I dislike money. I think the hunger and lust for money brings out the worst in people so I have very negative associations with making it or wanting it. So then, in addition to the previous question, I started thinking about how this might affect my motivation and attempts to make money.

Interesting night. I'm considering extending my use of this program beyond 32 days and delaying Alpha Male for a bit longer.

[ffaux]

Day 28
I have been getting into action. I finally had the courage to kill my business aspirations for which I had no real motivation. I'm reshuffling my room to give myself a space to relax and moving all the business related things into another room. I need space to relax! I'm so stressed!

After canning my business aspirations I reshuffled my 2014 roadmap and I only have things I actually want to do on there now. I'm back to the original question now however which is "What do I want to achieve this year?". Not yet sure if I'm going to add anything. I want to stop working but all of that comes from a negative, avoidance, orientation which is never a good foundation for a goal.

I really want to keep going with EPRHA because I feel like it's just starting to get some momentum but know that the longer I delay AM the more I'll regret it.

[ffaux]

Day 29
Interesting that things should move so quickly. It feels like a week ago that I decided to kill my business and already I've become more clear on why I was attracted to the idea in the first place.

I've had a lot of anger surge up again recently. It's a tough emotion to release. It makes you feel empowered and righteous so you want to hang on to it.

[ffaux]

Day 30
I committed myself to 32 days of EPRHA and as I'm approaching the end I find myself wanting to continue. I had a very pleasant day today.

I actually went through with rearranging my room today. I'm starting to separate out stress elements so that my room is a space in which I can rest and be calm. I'm in the process of moving all stressing elements (things that require my mind to be active) down into a separate room. I can't be calm in the same room where I have elements of activity and I can't be active in a room where I try to rest every night.

I've noticed myself getting progressively more attention from girls during this program. It's as if my energy is changing, partly because of EPRHA directly and partly because of watching so much Dog Whisperer (which I believe is also a result of EPRHA).

I've also managed to work through my anger feelings that were surfacing. They may resurface but I haven't had the tenacity to persist and constantly release using the release technique in the past which again I attribute to EPRHA--something that I believe will have far reaching benefits beyond just the selling points of this subliminal.

This program is wrapping up and I'm getting more and more ready to go through AM as I'm simultaneously feeling like I need it less and less. But maybe that's a positive thing.

[ffaux]

Day 31
I feel like I'm not yet done with this program. The benefits are just coming into my reality and I'm going to move on? I believe I need to continue stabilising my emotions because I still have emotional flareups. I'm not really sure what to do. The main deciding point for me right now is whether AM will continue the work of EPRHA.

[shmily]

Day 31
I feel like I'm not yet done with this program. The benefits are just coming into my reality and I'm going to move on? I believe I need to continue stabilising my emotions because I still have emotional flareups. I'm not really sure what to do. The main deciding point for me right now is whether AM will continue the work of EPRHA.

The instruction says to listen from 3-6 months. If you still feel that way, I think it's best to give this sub at least another month.

just my 2 cents

[ffaux]

Day 32
I'm going to continue this program until I feel like I'm done (thanks shmily for helping me decide). I'm learning too much about myself using EPRHA to give it up lightly at this stage. Whilst I want the benefits promised by AM I'm not sure I'm willing to trade the introspection and growth triggered by EPRHA.

I woke up today and experienced a feeling of elation and happiness I experienced as a child at the beginning of at least one school year. I felt back to when I was standing in the warm sunlight surrounded by friends all equally excited to be back with each other after summer break and realised I hadn't experienced that happiness in years and years. How did I let myself get to a stage where I prioritised extrinsic motivations over happiness?

I feel like I'm finally finding myself again. What I want. What's important to me. I've been on a journey, friends, and I'm finally finding my way back to me.

[ffaux]

Day 33
Oh boy. What a day. I've had tension all throughout the day, both psychological and physiological. It all started with getting up on the wrong side of the bed this morning and deciding to challenge and release that emotional state which unfortunately caused it to linger around for the day.

It's clearly something that has been around for a long while because the state I woke up wasn't unfamiliar (I just hadn't experienced it for a while). And it's clearly something that was a bit deeper than just being a grumpy person in the mornings.

Interesting that a lot of things have turned out to be more beneath the surface than immediately apparent.

[ffaux]

Day 36
I've found myself dealing with a lot of apathy. I just can't be bothered doing most things. Everything is slipping and I couldn't care less. It's bothering me but I have no motivation to change it. Still dealing with some anger but it's more in the form of annoyance. A lot of people and things are frustrating me that are out of my control.

[ffaux]

Day 38
I've found myself holding strong sexual eye contact with women where there has been clear mutual attraction and interest. I've also noticed I'm in a world FULL of attractive women. They're literally everywhere.

[ffaux]

Day 39
I was reflecting whilst walking my dog this morning and it's clear to me that I've developed a lot of emotional maturity whilst using EPRHA. I'm generally calmer and less emotionally reactive. The most poignant evidence of this is the way I now look at other peoples emotional (over)reactions and notice how much they loose control of themselves and follow their patterns and programs.

I've also noticed that I can see through my behaviour and reactions a lot more and observe myself objectively. I'm not stuck in the emotional turmoil that sometimes stirs up. Instead I see the program or pattern operating and realise that what has been going on all this time is that I've reacted to some stimulus with an emotional response which has then resulted in the behavioural response that I'm acting out in that moment.

[ffaux]

Day 41
I'm so sick and tired of being so damned angry all the time. It's frustrating how frustrated I am. I'm so over it. It's as if anger had permeated my whole being and I'm only just starting to drain it out.