alpha 3

[ffaux]

Shannon can you please define the meanings of these words as you intend them?

• Self-worth
  
• Pride
  
• Humility
  

I'm trying to work out why my self-worth and self-confidence is so heavily tied to getting approval from other people (right now women in particular) and why AM6 isn't breaking that tie.

My definition and yours will differ. I primarily try to leave the definitions as close to your own definition as possible, while still making sure the effects are in the right direction,

That said, self worth is the value you place on yourself in comparison to yourself yesterday, and in cases of those who are not really understanding how things work yet, perceived value of others around you.

Pride is an umbrella term that I break down into parts: false ego and genuine pride. False ego is responsible for arrogance, egotism, baseless pride (which is itself frequently responsible for things like demanding respect that has not been earned, believe that one [gender, race, skin color, nationality, etc.] is better than the others - which by the way is differentiated from the actions, choices and results thereof of each) and frequently these are based on a deep sense of low self worth and insecurity about being good enough, especially as an individual.

Genuine pride is the pride one experiences as a result of having achieved a goal or successfully maintaining some standard. This pride does not need to make itself known obviously and overtly, as false pride does, because it is internal and genuine. It usually manifests as a sense of increased self worth and better body posture and self confidence.

For instance, let's take an Amish person who makes butter for a living. They may have a simple and humble job, but if they always do the best job possible at what they do and only use the highest quality milk, the result is genuinely better butter than is sold elsewhere. (I can personally attest to this.) And knowing that they are doing an exceptional job and providing the best of what they do makes for feelings of accomplishment. This could go either way, if they had a propensity for false ego that had not yet been overcome, but in the case of someone who was humble and understood the difference between true and false pride, they would express their pride through self confidence and an increased evaluation of their perceived self worth.

Let us not forget that self worth does not actually tie in to the worth of others; to try to do so is the path to false pride. My personal value is entirely independent of that of others, because it is not my place to decide what someone else's value is. I may note that we are at different places in terms of self valuation and validation, but that's a matter of growth: we all have the potential for achieving growth, and ultimately, similar levels of growth - just in different directions, and of course one must take into account factors that may last longer than one human lifetime and get into Rule 4 territory.

Humility comes in two forms also. There is what I call default humility and enlightened humility.

Default humility is based in a lack of self worth, self confidence, and the belief that most, if not all, others are better/stronger/more advanced/more capable/more worthy than the individual. Default humility is usually based in just as much judgemental error on the individual's part as false pride.

Enlightened humility is an understanding that there is value in the inverse of (false) pride. Since false pride is based in insecurity, and results in self blindness and requires others (how can one be "better than", for example, if there is nobody else to compare the self to?), enlightened humility would be the understanding that regardless of how good the individual is, that all individuals have value, because there is understanding that each individual is not their current state of accomplishment, but their potential instead; and individual potential, in the grand scheme of things, is relatively equal.

Furthermore, enlightened humility is the understanding that false pride leads to true blindness, which is the willful refusal to see and deal with things that are undesired or uncomfortable, instead of seeing things as they really are, dealing with them and growing in the process.

Enlightened humility does not base its self worth on others, their achievements, their actions, their owned property, etc. and therefore does not need false pride to sustain or defend the self. It is also, to some degree, enlightened as to the condition of the whole of humanity, instead of the self, or the members of any one group. All humans bleed red. All humans need food. All humans need to stay warm. All humans feel pain, mentally, emotionally, physically. All humans have potential for being hurt. And all humans have potential for greatness in some way. So a person with enlightened humility understands that they are a part of a greater whole, and that the greater whole has intrinsically more overall value than the individual. "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few", to quote Mr. Spock.

An enlightened humble also understands that no matter how good they are at doing or being something (or how bad, for that matter), there is always at least the potential for someone else to be better than they are (with reference to how good they are) or worse than they are (with reference to how bad they are). They don't need to be the best because they are inwardly insecure; if they make themselves the best, they do so because that is their individual goal, and it is against themselves yesterday whom they compare themselves to. Since there is only inward comparison, instead of outward, they have no need to be better than anyone else, and therefore, voila... excellence and achievement with humility. Master Ip Man was an great example of this.

Hope this helps.