alpha 4

[ffaux]

I've had enough. It starts tonight.

Goals for Round 4 of AM6:

• Happy and complete within myself
  
• Release feelings of loneliness
  
• Overcome fear of loneliness
  
• Overcome fear of loss
  
• Overcome fear of conflict
  
• Overcome fear of confrontation
  
• Overcome fear of trusting women
  
• Overcome fear of getting hurt
  
• Release the feeling of lack regarding women
  
• Release the feeling of lack regarding friends
  
• Let go of seeking approval from women
  
• Let go of seeking approval from friends
  
• Internally, intrinsically fulfilled
  
• Internally, intrinsically motivated
  
• Internally validated self-esteem
  
• Internally validated self-worth
  
• Internally validated self-confidence
  
• Internally validated happiness
  
• Intrinsic, unconditional self-approval
  
• Transcend seeking value externally
  
• Transcend seeking validation externally
  
• Transcend seeking approval externally
  
• Transcend seeking happiness externally
  
• Be open, authentic and vulnerable
  
• Trust myself and my intuition
  
• Let go of wanting control
  
• Release pride
  
• Let go of fears/insecurities/anxieties
  
• Let go of negativity
  
• Let go of anger
  
• Let go of disapproving of myself
  
• Let go of disapproving of others
  
• Let go of self-pity
  
• Let go of victim mentality
  
• Let go of self-doubt
  
• Overcome fear of appearing weak
  
• Overcome fear of being vulnerable
  
• Overcome fear of being taken advantage of
  
• Overcome status anxiety
  
• Taking care of myself (body and mind) and meeting my needs
  
• Think clearly in the midst of emotions
  
• Be firm and assertive
  
• Be spontaneous and free
  
• Command respect
  

[Benjamin]

I really love the persistence and dediction! Go forth and kick ass

[Kol]

Awesome. You are the first running it a 4th time as far as I know. Looking forward to this journal.

[ffaux]

I'm starting to see through my attachments to women. In my second run I had insecurities around being gay that likely stemmed from fears of what might happen if I give up wanting sex and women. In my third run I ran head first into feelings of loneliness, again another form of resistance to giving up wanting sex, women and friends. Nothing wrong with having those things but that's different to wanting them.

[ffaux]

The circle of friends manifestation needs work. The friends that were manifested for me in round 2 were "fair weather friends" who abandoned me when I needed them to be there for me or took sides against me illogically. It's probable that they also didn't understand me and misinterpreted some of my behaviours in an unfavourable light. Again, it needs work.

I also hypothesise that AM manifests situations for itself to fix in order to achieve its goals. For example, I wasn't conscious of abandonment issues that I had to deal with before AM but the circle of friend situation above, manifested/created by AM, led to me being abandoned by my friends and feelings of abandonment that I now subsequently need to overcome.

[Benjamin]

Yes AM6 was more like 'lose all your friends' for me. :Z

[Life]

It's one thing to transcend and another to be dead inside, or is it? It's pretty easy to not let things get to you and think we are all just a part of the entire universe but it's real when you can see it in others, respond to your thinking and reflect that you're a transcendent alpha in all definitions that you know it to be. Anything else (usually consumed with negativity) is just coping

[About]

Is this your 4th run of AM6? or just your 4th run of AM?

[ffaux]

Is this your 4th run of AM6? or just your 4th run of AM?

Fourth run of AM6. I have only ever run AM6.

[Darkness]

Dude I'm looking out for journal I'm pressed to see how you change.

[kingcobra]

I looked through that list and this looks mostly like self esteem issues, you might want to focus on that a bit more as well. There should be no real self validation going on with any of this stuff, that has to come from within, and until it does, these problems will remain.

[ffaux]

I looked through that list and this looks mostly like self esteem issues, you might want to focus on that a bit more as well. There should be no real self validation going on with any of this stuff, that has to come from within, and until it does, these problems will remain.

I see what you're saying. What do you suggest?

[blackwing Z]

Just curiosity regarding your second run... you said you made fair-weather friends... what about first run? Did you make any then? or did those dissappear as well. And what about friends on third run? Please let me know as im in for 3x AM6 back to back, and already am worried haha.

Social circle has been on my mind quite a bit.

[ffaux]

Just curiosity regarding your second run... you said you made fair-weather friends... what about first run? Did you make any then? or did those dissappear as well. And what about friends on third run? Please let me know as im in for 3x AM6 back to back, and already am worried haha.

Social circle has been on my mind quite a bit.

I can think of two circles of friends that have formed and disappeared. One was a circle of friends I developed through work. The second is the fair weather friends. My third run was a bit of a failure I think largely because it followed Stress Relief. This fourth run of AM feels like growing in the same directions as I did in my second run except with more wisdom and better balance in my life overall.