alpha 3

[ffaux]

The ego balancer is there to prevent false ego. It's there to prevent you from becoming an arrogant, egotistical overblown self centered asshole - not because that is bad for someone else, but because it is bad for you, and makes you blind in ways that tend to destroy success. Has nothing to do with confidence other than to keep your confidence levels from going off into the stratosphere when you don't have real reason for them to be there, and you can't actually back that up with results if you need to.

I realised through reflection that my self-confidence tanked right after peaking. It peaked when I decided one night last week that I wanted to spend time with my friends and didn't feel like having sex with the girl I've been seeing. It then tanked the next day when I suddenly became afraid that I was going to lose the girl over this decision.

Growth creates cycles. The first cycle is becoming unhappy with stagnation. Then you seek growth. Then you deal with the fears that kept you stagnant in the first place. Then you grow some more, and back and forth until the fears have been outgrown and no longer exist. But again, this has nothing to do with the ego balancer. It's a natural part of growing.

I've noticed also that before this fear kicked in I was totally cool and indifferent to women because I didn't want anything from them (I was satisfied and didn't care about sex) but now after the fear has kicked in I'm looking for approval and have consequently gone back to my old pattern of wanting sex from women again.

Translation:

I've noticed also that before this fear kicked in [the part of me that was dominant at the time] was totally cool and indifferent to women because it didn't want anything from them (it was satisfied and didn't care about sex) but now the fearful part of me has become uncomfortable and has taken control, and it is looking for approval and has consequently gone back to my old pattern of wanting sex from women again.