Who do you love - DMSI 3.3.2 Jandom Rusings

[Have at ye]

The last several days, I've been noticing an internal struggle going on, as well as an external struggle on an energetic/belief level. The internal struggle is still that part of me that does not really want to do that entire DMSI thing putting up a bit of a fight, while the external one is the one that the DRS has been helping me with tremendously.

But, tonight, as I was returning from that tour (still one day to go tomorrow), I think I managed to get a breakthrough on both fronts, my mood skyrocketed and I found myself dancing a bit, etc. We're gonna win this thing!

Continuing. I elected to start using a volume of what foobar says is -5dB volume adjustment, as the 0dB volume adjustment whilst useful for checking what I've got to work on still, kinda elicits a resistance reaction from me as well. The -5dB setting seems to be just the right amount of pressure absent the "that's too much pressure" thing, I guess! We'll see.

[Have at ye]

Lol. As a slight joke in the spirit of "I think this girl wants to keep in touch", I sent that exquisitely exquisite lady my touring schedule for January. Now, these are not exactly glamorous shows, it's potato-work and a stay-busy-while-working-on-other-stuff type of thing.

She actually responded: "I won't be able to make it tomorrow, but I'll try to make it on the 20th. See you!" :O

If she actually does that, I think I may have to propose, lol.

[Have at ye]

I also just got an "aha" moment, which is related to my resistanty efforts towards the lovely goal of DMSIng - notably, it would appear I am scared of experiencing physical pleasure, lol. Most wonky. I believe that crazy Wilhelm Reich guy (a. k. a. the Orgone dude) wrote some psycho-babblery on this particular subject, so I'll look it up as I like psychoanalysis. Creepy uncle Lacan doesn't have anything on this subject directly, I think, but I'll check.

Still, I love Lacan's trolling, f. in. in his writings regarding human sexuality he sometimes goes "Masters? lololololololo, nope, haha... morons..." Although he oftentimes trolls clinical psychology due to the fact that in his understanding of the unconscious, once you try to strictly define something, you a) miss the point, b) measure symptoms, because quantifying the unconscious psyche borders on impossibility, c) actually create a limiting belief of some sort on a grand scale which results in pathologically trying to mold one's subject into a set of what is essentially symptoms of something potentially having gone *bork* in one of the unconscious mechanisms, lol (though I'm actually simplifying this a great deal, obviously, heh).

[Have at ye]

Lots of internal stuffies and thingies going on.

F. in. today I realized that I'm totally done working in the environment I have been working these past several years, as it's unhealthy and derp, and I also realized I've been sticking around it mostly due to having this deeply embedded need to "prove myself worthy" to people who are constantly trying to belittle me or show me how unworthy I am, as well as try to control me. Frankly, it's pretty stupid. Because of that, I've been procrastinating on going "my way", as Frank Sinatra used to sing, lol, in order "to show them", lol.

I mean, my fighting spirit is all well and good, but there's a point where it's just a waste of energy. I mean, what would the prize be here, exactly?

So I'm going "my way" even more-so than before. Sure, I'll probably stick around for potato and such until I don't require this particular source of income, but internally, I'm done with these bozos and the entire local singing class. They can all go fuck a duck or something as far as I am concerned.

I mean, I may even very well "show them", but that's only going to serve to make these types of people more salty, lol. I'm even noticing some types that I would never suspect of being so showing their true colors, lol (I believe it's owing to the DRS. It reflects shite back, and thus "keeps people honest", heheheh).

Apart from that, on the DMSI + DRS front: I've had that lovely girl around for three days, pretty much 24/7. I've been observing her reactions (and flirting with her ) on the different versions of DMSI for a year-and-a-half, give or take. Now, what I have noticed is that she was acting a bit salty/testy for some time there, with moments of fun and connection sprinkled every now and again there. Then, after all three days of being around me, her behavior started visibly changing - it's like she became a different person, in a way - but not in a *bad way* (she also kept getting progressively more huggy as time went on). At the end of it, as we were finishing up the tour, and there was no one around to overhear, she said "well, so this is me with all masks off". So that's why she was trying to resist!

I like her with all masks off, heheheh. She's like sweet naughty girl, who also really enjoys teasing people for fun and profit (she also has a bit of a "praise and adore me!" situation going on, but, well, she is a singer, lol. I've seen worse.).

We'll see how this turns out in the end. Not "an easy lay" by any stretch, seeing as as far as I know, she comes from a very "proper and Catholic" background.

[Have at ye]

Also, fuck you, Lacan.

[Have at ye]

BTW., in the spirit of "fuck you, Lacan", I finally had the chance to attend some hot Lacanian action tonight. None of my lovely milf gurus were in attendance, sadly, but it still was fun. "Foxy psychotherapist" is Skyping in to these meetings. I might join up for some more "beginner" classes later in the year, as that Seminar XI thing is hardcore psychoanalysis stuff (i. e. it's way easier to wrap your head around the darn thing if you are a trained psychoanalyst, f. in. if you've read all of the important daddy Freud stuff).

Still, for some reason, I started "firing up" during the meeting. I don't know whether it was DMSI or the DRS, but I noticed the tell-tale increase in bodyheat.

We discussed the chapter on "substitution and repetition", good times, good times. It also goes into detail on the function of trauma as regards the psychic real and the real in general. Also had some fun stuff regarding daddy Freud's pleasure principle as well as his reality principle, and the interaction between the two, what he called "the primal process". Good stuff!

[Have at ye]

BTW no. 2, DMSI appears to be hitting something that's generating fear. I get fear indicative physical reactions, and have to calm myself down through deep breathing and such. It appears to be going on the right foot/root/pernieum - liver line mostly. The root- heart line seems to be pretty fine already, although it still acts up a teensy bit every now and again, but that's usually when somebody's trying to influence me negatively (which is occurring less and less. Usually only when I leave a time-gap between the DMSI loops and the DRS loops. On one hand, without the gap there's, well, less of a gap between the NDRS and the DRS. On the other hand, with the gap, the DRS appears to be more efficient. I can't really state this with any kind of certainty right now though, more of an intuition).

EDIT

Oh, I've also been working through internal stuff by thinking about it, practicing that self-love dealio, and watching/listening to my beautiful YouTube step-mommies (I have three! )

[Shannon]

I am curious what your experience is as to if and how and how much DRS derails DMSI and vice versa.

[Have at ye]

Honestly, I don't see it derailing DMSI right now. It's actually allowing me to make better progress as far as I can tell. But I would assume that "your mileage may vary" on this point, as everyone's circumstances are different.

There's definitely conflict between the NDRS and the DRS, and the energetic requirements are off the charts.

It might have the effect of "scaring away" certain responders whose "natural seduction style" is game-based, but, as far as I can tell, if there's actually a seed of intention that would drive the responder to actually seduce the user into sex and/or romance, and not, f. in., waste his time for validation or anything else of that sort, then they're going to come around anyway.

It also appears to be "scaring away" certain males who normally would keep inviting me to various social gatherings, parties, etc., which is a good way to meet women, but that would also usually imply their intentions are not pure. I had one guy who kept dragging me along with him to various more-or-less fun parties, but once I started running DRS, he suddenly went very, very quiet.

Another thing of note is when responders start competing for your attention. One time, I *think* one of the girls managed to knock herself out (though she very well may have been physically tired. Perhaps both). Because if they see a competitor being accepted, they may get start getting angry at the user, lol. The female whom I suspect of having undergone this, erm, "pleasure" kept responding and is still in touch with me, so perhaps she got over it, lol. Another one's gone radio silent, though, for the time being (but there's a chance she was wasting my time anyway to gather attention points ).

I do believe that DMSI + DRS, or perhaps even any other sub + DRS, is a "grown ups only" proposition. Without social and life experience, and skills as well, it may make the user blind to the fact that they're about to get themselves into trouble/actual danger. But other than that, it would seem to be a pretty decent combination. Say, a married woman starts sending you IOIs, and the husband can see it and gets testy with you (as usually happens in my experience. A woman shows interest at you, it's *you* who's going to be attacked for it, lol) - the energetic vibe is going to be reflected back at the guy, so he may start calming down. But - and this I won't be testing out in practice - if you decide that this means "hell yeah, let's bone a married woman in front of her husband, he's not going to do anything about it!" then you may very well be wrong, lol. The same may very well apply to boyfriends and significant others of any other sort.

EDIT

Oh - DMSI derails the DRS when it's being actively listened to, as the NDRS in DMSI becomes the dominant shield.

[Shannon]

I would say that DRS + DMSI is a very dangerous combination indeed with taken women, but DMSI is designed not to target them if they care about their relationship. Of course that's not to say they don't potentially "not care about their relationship" and also have a very immature/insecure/low awareness male who would claim them as "his property", consciously or otherwise, legally or otherwise through some formal relationship. Should such a female react to DMSI, and you have used DRS until it dominates the NDRS, you would be "punching him back" energy-wise, and even if you are innocent, there are those who can and will continue to escalate until one or both of you is dead. And they are usually the most dangerous, precisely because they have successfully escalated until all of their other "opposition" has either been scared off, "been beaten to a pulp" or killed.

You are 100% correct; DMSI + DRS is potentially a very dangerous combination regardless of your level of skill and experience with women, which is why I did not use it.

Out of curiosity, what did you observe happen when she "knocked herself out"?

[Have at ye]

Exactly!

Now, if you remember that crazy "E" woman on whom I reported some time after I added DRS to the mix (crazy - but in a good way. She's simply a high-energy/high sex-drive type of gal, and she feels a bit unloved because her hubby's been having trouble with his business and so she's a bit dissatisfied currently, so let's not hold her behavior against her) - what I gleaned of her husband through conversation is that he'd fall under exactly the type of personality you have here described. I can tell mostly because I have a tendency to be somewhat... let's say "territorial"... as well.

As of right now, I haven't put myself into any sort of actual danger as of yet, so here's hoping! Perhaps it's testimony to the effectiveness of the safety limiters that are in place (if that's what they're designed to do; i. e. have the user execute the program without causing harm to themselves).

[Shannon]

There is a difference between executing a script without causing yourself direct harm by doing so and using a program in an unsafe and unwise way.

[Have at ye]

I would say that DRS + DMSI is a very dangerous combination indeed with taken women, but DMSI is designed not to target them if they care about their relationship.  Of course that's not to say they don't potentially "not care about their relationship" and also have a very immature/insecure/low awareness male who would claim them as "his property", consciously or otherwise, legally or otherwise through some formal relationship.  Should such a female react to DMSI, and you have used DRS until it dominates the NDRS, you would be "punching him back" energy-wise, and even if you are innocent, there are those who can and will continue to escalate until one or both of you is dead.  And they are usually the most dangerous, precisely because they have successfully escalated until all of their other "opposition" has either been scared off, "been beaten to a pulp" or killed.

You are 100% correct; DMSI + DRS is potentially a very dangerous combination regardless of your level of skill and experience with women, which is why I did not use it.

Out of curiosity, what did you observe happen when she "knocked herself out"?

The woman in question was the hostess of a party. Suddenly, out of the blue, upon having gleaned that I, erm, may have been dragged to the bathroom by another female to make out, and then having her publicly say "text me, please!"... she instantly went to lie down in her bed, saying she's not feeling well, and had her boyfriend/boyfriend prospect guy tell everyone "party's over, leave, now!"

There is also the chance she simply may have been very tired, but it *was* sudden. I don't know any more since I did not want to bother her. She was still awake when I came to say goodbye, she just looked at me weakly and did not respond. She was fine the next day, though, we chatted over a social media messenger.

EDIT

This also served to raise an eyebrow as when this girl host's a party, she's usually "the perfect hostess". Never seen her act this way, so it *may* have been DRS.

[Have at ye]

Funny. So, went to bardic practice, then visited that conservatory place (no negative wonky sensations at all Whoopeee!), met tons of people etc., including SLA's ("sweet little aristocrat", I'm tired of typing the whole thing out) BFF, who even said hi, but I responded with but a curt nod, lol. Noticed also something that may be DRS-related - I sometimes start feeling like a "darker substance"/"shield" (obviously) around my auric field (but, since the shield is strong, it's pretty far away from my physical body by now) and usually can tell the direction of anything untoward coming at me, and I'm sad to say one dude I considered a good guy seems to be testy as he was definitely projecting bad stuff my way. Oh well, screw him then as well. Didn't get anything of the sort from SLA's BFF even though last time I saw her, she was evil eyeing me hard. Maybe she's learned her lesson by now.

Then went to "G"'s singing school establishment or whatever you would call that, and she indeed wants me to substitute for her every now and again, lol. It was pretty fun; I did get dragged into joining them for a little concert on Sunday, but that's not that big a hassle. That "E" woman was there as well, and she was acting most normally and maybe even a little sheepish, which - as far as I am concerned - is a good thing. Met two very attractive young women there as well who were very, erm, reactive to my presence. Neat!