07-22-2018, 12:48 PM
Being responsible...for myself? Yeah. I felt it today and followed through.
I went to the ACA meeting place at 2pm. Noone was there. And I'd purposely not checked beforehand since I know it's fear acting out--part of me, the scared part, did not want to go. I went to know I could. I texted 2 members I know asking if it'd closed or moved. Both responded, which encouraged me. This meeting had closed.
And I went and bought oil to change the oil in my scooter. If I'm hired by the other branch I applied at, I'll be doing 80 miles a day round trip. Currently I only do 12. Again, fear sought to ignore and dismiss this, and I followed through. Did my laundry this morning, which I'd often stalled and waited until the last minute, frustrated by lack of choice and time in the end, and judging myself excessively.
I'll share this. I'm feeling the old fear rising as I go forward. I read in Zane's thread where Matt422 said fear often masquerades under many, many pretenses, and I'm knowing that is true. Anything to keep me from changing is fear's job. I'm grateful I have some experience to identify truth from lies, as years back, not knowing the difference, attempting change felt like gambling. My mind made up beliefs that even good things would turn out bad for me, so I withdrew from a lot of "dangerous" endeavors. Fear lies everytime.
I'm feeling good and unafraid. Thank you Shannon for making this one.
I went to the ACA meeting place at 2pm. Noone was there. And I'd purposely not checked beforehand since I know it's fear acting out--part of me, the scared part, did not want to go. I went to know I could. I texted 2 members I know asking if it'd closed or moved. Both responded, which encouraged me. This meeting had closed.
And I went and bought oil to change the oil in my scooter. If I'm hired by the other branch I applied at, I'll be doing 80 miles a day round trip. Currently I only do 12. Again, fear sought to ignore and dismiss this, and I followed through. Did my laundry this morning, which I'd often stalled and waited until the last minute, frustrated by lack of choice and time in the end, and judging myself excessively.
I'll share this. I'm feeling the old fear rising as I go forward. I read in Zane's thread where Matt422 said fear often masquerades under many, many pretenses, and I'm knowing that is true. Anything to keep me from changing is fear's job. I'm grateful I have some experience to identify truth from lies, as years back, not knowing the difference, attempting change felt like gambling. My mind made up beliefs that even good things would turn out bad for me, so I withdrew from a lot of "dangerous" endeavors. Fear lies everytime.
I'm feeling good and unafraid. Thank you Shannon for making this one.
I want to be FREE!
