12-04-2018, 02:18 AM
I worked with 2 different traders this morning about 2 future deals, plus I expected a friend to join me online this morning for a game.
During this time, I felt myself withdrawing from working with the traders. Moving towards success is really throwing me for a loop, mentally. Meaning I'm looking for what I know, which is failing, and I'm being pulled towards this foreign thing. Also, my friend didn't contact me, but....I didn't contact him either.
I got in my shower, and I felt my feelings come on. Terror came on. Not fear, but terror. I felt it in my stomach, and since I'd just eaten, it stayed there.
I don't feel it as heavily now. But I do remember it.
Truth: I've feared failure mostly due to social stigmas; people knowing about it and judging me (or abandoning me). My success, mostly, has been fear driven. It makes the success thing undesirable.
During this time, I felt myself withdrawing from working with the traders. Moving towards success is really throwing me for a loop, mentally. Meaning I'm looking for what I know, which is failing, and I'm being pulled towards this foreign thing. Also, my friend didn't contact me, but....I didn't contact him either.
I got in my shower, and I felt my feelings come on. Terror came on. Not fear, but terror. I felt it in my stomach, and since I'd just eaten, it stayed there.
I don't feel it as heavily now. But I do remember it.
Truth: I've feared failure mostly due to social stigmas; people knowing about it and judging me (or abandoning me). My success, mostly, has been fear driven. It makes the success thing undesirable.
I want to be FREE!
