Transcendental Sith lord's OFv4 Journal

[DarthXedonias]

@ncbeareatingman Thanks for all the encouragement. Sorry couldn't reply sooner.

Just wanted to say real quick I have noticed people acting differently. As in it feels like people are more willing to try to talk with and engage with me. Every since this huge amount of fear has been released and I just don't give a damn as much its like people have noticed and more willing to try to talk with me. Its like they notice the lack of fear in me unlike what they notice in normal people and are intrigued. Another major thing, have no issue talking back to my mother when she says dumb stuff and is trying to implement some kind of control. Its like she has no power over me at all. It does help that she hasn't been living here much the last few weeks so I have been getting all this growth without any real issues. That last part is major as that has been a major blockage in my mind for a long time. I really realized she really has no power over me. All the power she had was mental manipulation and shaming tactics that she had used to keep me in line when I was younger and I had re-enforced in my mind this entire time. Once that was gone though she has nothing to control me with.

Along those lines something else just puts me off these days. People trying to play games, manipulation, shaming, etc. That shit just annoys me now and I just walk away. Its a waste of time. Like its just interesting seeing how many people play these dumb games whether out of fear or just wanting to get something out of people. Its more obvious to me than ever these days and I just refuse to waste my time by engaging in such nonsense. Seems like such a waste of time when you consider you could be doing something way more productive instead of playing dumb mind games with people.

I almost forgot but there was something very strange that happened recently which I'm not sure if its sub related. So about 2 days ago while I was sleeping I had this very intense dream about one of the women I am talking to and intend on seeing within a few months. So I rarely dream and definitely don't usually dream about current people I know very often. I could still brush that off but then this afternoon I was talking to another woman I am talking to. She told me last night she had dreamed of me and that we had met in person. She didn't remember as much but she said it was a pleasant dream and there was another woman there as well. She said she couldn't really remember how the other women looked like. Either way she decided to take this as a good sign of things to come. I don't know but I have never had these type of things happen before and definitely haven't had a woman admit she had dreamed of me. Guess it could mean I really have some sway over the emotional part of this woman and have her really engaged with me.

Anyway, that's about it for now. Honestly, I don't even really feel any fear anymore. I can't think of the last time I have really felt it at all. Even just thinking about it feels like a waste of potential mental resources that could be better spent elsewhere.