09-29-2021, 09:01 AM
Well, that didn't last long.
So I took a nap during break last night for work and then when I woke up I suddenly felt changed. As if something inside me had awoken. I'm not totally sure what but I feel as if a certain part of me knows what to do going forward now. I don't know how but its just this instinct. Also I noticed last night was one of the first times I was able to study practically most of my shift for my degree. Usually I could go 1 hour or an hour and half then get bored then switch to some youtube videos to listen to but now there seems to really be a drive to just get this shit done during work where I could potentially get 8 hours of studying done a night really. If I were able to keep this up for a month I'm pretty sure I would barely have any classes left before graduation. So going to try to keep at this for a bit.
I did come to another realization last night as well. Not only move love for myself but also that I really do love the women I am in contact with at the moment and they seem to be really genuine. I think after I especially dropped that one girl who didn't seem as genuinely interested in me things just have fallen into place. More than anything seems like since I dropped those 2 problematic people out of my life things are really starting to look a lot better. I will keep with screening people I allow into my life more carefully now. If I see they have emotional issues or unresolved traumas and I don't see them actually doing anything to work on these I'm going to stay away from them. I'm starting to find these people are just so scared of dealing with their traumas that they do nothing and therefore unleash their traumas on to everyone else they are involved in.
As for the temptation thing I mentioned before I think I'm over it. After I woke up I just felt numb and more indifferent to the whole thing. Why would I do such a thing when its not really going to change anything? All it would be is me lashing out for being hurt and I know I'm better than that at this point. I am somewhat annoyed that part of me still has to go through this grieving or hurt process. Sure it has sped up by an enormous amount but its more that I'm annoyed part of me has to even go through this to a degree seeing as sooner or later I know it resolves itself and i move on anyway. So why even bother with this whole process? Maybe its just the consequence of being partly emotional creatures. It just feels like all that energy and time could best be used on other things even if its only for a few days at most.
I do think I am even more determined to reach my goals now. I have an general idea of what I have to do but I need to fill in some of the specifics. I do know for sure though in the future I will need to run maybe both MLS and then the updated version when it comes out and then also maybe one of the psychic subs eventually when they come out. I do think once the new DMSI is out I will run that for quite a while until something else good comes out. The reason I want to run it is because of the better amount of tech involved and the fact that there would obviously be a spill over effect. What I mean by that is that even though it would be primarily clear up things in the way of sexual success it obviously would still clean up things that would spill over into other areas. So I think doing that with something that could reach even deeper into the subconscious would be good for me. I do hope we aren't too far from 6G now as I can only imagine how fast acting and how good it would be at fear removal. I don' know, at this point I want even more growth and more ability to move forward. I want to get to a point where most shit is basically dealt with and I can run any sub with minimal resistance.
I would also like to add even though I haven't mentioned it before I think I have also not had the urge to look at porn I think since stage 3 or 4. Just no interest whatsoever. I think that was a coping mechanism for something and after the root cause was dealt with I've had no reason to watch it. I think all that energy wasted on that has been moved to other areas that are more beneficial. Anyway, that's about it for now. Will update again soon.
So I took a nap during break last night for work and then when I woke up I suddenly felt changed. As if something inside me had awoken. I'm not totally sure what but I feel as if a certain part of me knows what to do going forward now. I don't know how but its just this instinct. Also I noticed last night was one of the first times I was able to study practically most of my shift for my degree. Usually I could go 1 hour or an hour and half then get bored then switch to some youtube videos to listen to but now there seems to really be a drive to just get this shit done during work where I could potentially get 8 hours of studying done a night really. If I were able to keep this up for a month I'm pretty sure I would barely have any classes left before graduation. So going to try to keep at this for a bit.
I did come to another realization last night as well. Not only move love for myself but also that I really do love the women I am in contact with at the moment and they seem to be really genuine. I think after I especially dropped that one girl who didn't seem as genuinely interested in me things just have fallen into place. More than anything seems like since I dropped those 2 problematic people out of my life things are really starting to look a lot better. I will keep with screening people I allow into my life more carefully now. If I see they have emotional issues or unresolved traumas and I don't see them actually doing anything to work on these I'm going to stay away from them. I'm starting to find these people are just so scared of dealing with their traumas that they do nothing and therefore unleash their traumas on to everyone else they are involved in.
As for the temptation thing I mentioned before I think I'm over it. After I woke up I just felt numb and more indifferent to the whole thing. Why would I do such a thing when its not really going to change anything? All it would be is me lashing out for being hurt and I know I'm better than that at this point. I am somewhat annoyed that part of me still has to go through this grieving or hurt process. Sure it has sped up by an enormous amount but its more that I'm annoyed part of me has to even go through this to a degree seeing as sooner or later I know it resolves itself and i move on anyway. So why even bother with this whole process? Maybe its just the consequence of being partly emotional creatures. It just feels like all that energy and time could best be used on other things even if its only for a few days at most.
I do think I am even more determined to reach my goals now. I have an general idea of what I have to do but I need to fill in some of the specifics. I do know for sure though in the future I will need to run maybe both MLS and then the updated version when it comes out and then also maybe one of the psychic subs eventually when they come out. I do think once the new DMSI is out I will run that for quite a while until something else good comes out. The reason I want to run it is because of the better amount of tech involved and the fact that there would obviously be a spill over effect. What I mean by that is that even though it would be primarily clear up things in the way of sexual success it obviously would still clean up things that would spill over into other areas. So I think doing that with something that could reach even deeper into the subconscious would be good for me. I do hope we aren't too far from 6G now as I can only imagine how fast acting and how good it would be at fear removal. I don' know, at this point I want even more growth and more ability to move forward. I want to get to a point where most shit is basically dealt with and I can run any sub with minimal resistance.
I would also like to add even though I haven't mentioned it before I think I have also not had the urge to look at porn I think since stage 3 or 4. Just no interest whatsoever. I think that was a coping mechanism for something and after the root cause was dealt with I've had no reason to watch it. I think all that energy wasted on that has been moved to other areas that are more beneficial. Anyway, that's about it for now. Will update again soon.
"I have no use of disciples. Let everyone be their own true follower" - Nietzsche
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