Transcendental Sith Lord's OGSFv2 5.11G Journal

[DarthXedonias]

Well, this sub is working more quickly and subtly than any I have tried which is amazing. The first thing I am noticing is more of what I mentioned before. I'm getting this huge motivation to want to do get rid of GSF. Like I feel very motivated to do the whole 6 months and maybe beyond of this sub. I even imagine how I will be by the end of it. This is very big for me because I feel like the thing that has been lacking in my life a lot even over the past 10 years is motivation and wanting to truly live. To be honest I feel like I have had this persistent Nihilism that has engulfed me for so long and with that this lack of motivation for anything. I actually am starting to feel this motivation and hope which is making me feel very good. 

In a more practical sense something happened within the last few hours that shows a lack of fear and lack of willingness to be slightly manipulated. I probably have to set the stage for this so people can emphasize with what I will say. I think most people might know of when say your in a relationship (romantic, friendship, or otherwise) where it seems like your helping out the other person when you can when they have a problem or need help. However you notice when you ask for things or favors the person either drags their feet or makes up lame excuses on why they can't help. yeah I had one of those situations recently and usually I wouldn't make as much a big fuss out of fear of pointing out the double standards, etc will cause the so called relationship to fail. The funny thing was I only had like a split second hesitation then I just said screw it and didn't care. I literally brought this to that person's attention and of course the excuses were lame along with the usual gaslighting those people try to do. The thing where they gaslit you into acting "offended" that you are "keeping track of how much you have helped them" (whatever that means) and act like your the one in the wrong. As if you should just sit there and keep on letting them use you and you should be happy about it. I didn't even care, every single point they tried to bring up I made them realize how dumb that excuse sounded. They couldn't even explain to me how I was in the wrong exactly. Its interesting that during this time I realized I actually hate it when people make excuses for this type of behavior. No offense to anyone but I notice women are especially known for this behavior. If it seems like your putting more into the relationship than them and helping them then you notice they aren't giving that energy back or barely help you in return then you point this out to them they get angry that you are "counting how much you have helped them" as if a "good person" would just help with no expectation of receiving back. No, a good person also expects not to be used by people and using people is not an aspect of a good person last time I checked. 

I don't know I just realized how I dealt with that situation was way different than usual and I realized I don't give a crap about these lame excuse people make for either not helping people that have helped them or just acting crappy to people in return. Anyway, so far I am noticing the changes. If this is only the first week I can only imagine how 6 months will look like. I don't know what is in 5.11G that is finally getting me to be way more motivated but I'm glad its finally happening.