Transcendental Sith Lord's OFv2 Journal

[DarthXedonias]

@NOMAD Thanks for the comment. I'm appreciating the quote much more these days as well.

Funny enough I thought the previous post would be my last but some other thins happened recently. So I realized why even more that even though I can stick for myself against my family if they start getting toxic I rather just not deal with it at all. So quite frankly I will just remove myself by trying to get back into China as soon as possible with I will try to do sometime in Early April. Quite Frankly I just need to remove myself from environment totally even though it has become less toxic but I don't want any toxicity in my life. What brought this on was all of a sudden this demand by my mother that I start doing shit for her that she was already doing by herself while I was gone for some reason then start trying to yell at me if I don't do it.

I appreciate being set up here for a few months while I wait to get into China and I do help out when I'm asked to but at the same time I'm not going to be someone's bitch whether it be relative or not. On top of that tried to get me to pay rent when I literally only started the new job 2 weeks ago and then this entire week couldn't work because there is a national Vaccine shortage so the site is closed down. So I don't know where all this money is coming from when I just recently got the job and she tells me this on short notice that I'm supposed to pay rent for next month. I found out I do have the money but by doing that I would literally have nothing left since I just started the job, therefore no money in order to get gas to get to the job. It would seem that I spoke too soon regarding her. She seemed ok for a while now but then it seems she wants to start testing me again to see if she can get back to the "old way" of being.

Some people might be able to tolerate that but after my transformation I sure as hell ain't tolerating that. So its apparent that in order for me to realize my dreams I'm going to have to stay away from this family pretty much indefinitely. I came to this conclusion because its like I had a flash of insight of how my families own mindset keeps them poor and struggling constantly. It is literally rooted in their fear. They are controlled by it and since I have broken away from it I can see so clearly how they sabotage themselves. Its not some "white" person keeping them down its their own selves. I also know what's coming, every time I have started earning decent money my family comes out of the woodworks to start leeching off me, usually to pay for dumb shit they don't even need. For example I remember in the military I had my mother try to call me up to demand money for her real estate license (which she never got again by the way). I tried to say I will see if I have the money next time I'm paid since I had stuff I had to pay for to which she then tried to use guilt and shame to get it out of me.

Either way I have already put in to renew my passport which will be coming in a few weeks. Once I get that back along with the Visa in my old one and have 4k saved up i'm pretty much out of here and have no intention of returning. Passport will be good for another 10 years so have no reason to have to return. Its obvious that I don't need these people and I can't be wealthy here. Its like I see if I tried to stay here to work near silicon Valley for better pay for a few months it wouldn't work because they would see me making good money then all of a sudden everyone would start asking for some. With that mentality I know that would keep me down, so its better to move elsewhere. This is one of those times where it seems being delayed from attending the university by a month worked out for better because had I started earlier I would have reduced my hours which would have made it even longer to reach the 4k target I need to get back to China.

In other news which was the surprising thing is that I did get in contact again with that really hot, busty Asian women. I think I put a picture of her in one of my threads with her face blanked out (I think that thread was lost when the forum migrated servers). Anyway, the story with her was that she was literally an manifestation from when I was running the last version of DMSI. Things were going well while texting on whatsapp but when I went to meet her in Malaysia I might have jumped the gun a bit though she was still fine with me. Thing is I sabotaged myself when I got back as I really thought if I could be with her then made up some reasons that might have sounded logical at the time but now looking back I know they were based on fear. I was afraid of being close to anyone honestly. So I broke it down to her nicely, she took it well at first but then slowly just started ignoring my messages then blocked me.

I ended back up on the site we met up on one day, don't even know why I decided to be on there again, and wondered if she was still on there. She was though she was back in her home country. We had a few messages back and forth where she seemed kind of defensive given how I had sabotaged things. Funny thing is I remember clear as day there was this part of me that said "Whether you end up with her will be your choice really". Last night that ended up being the case finally (she isn't on the site often) as she gave me her whatsapp number and we started talking again, etc. It seems like things are looking up once again and I know this time things will end up much better as I no longer have the fears I once had. The ones that sabotaged the relationship before. I don't know why but out of all the women I'm talking to she is the one i'm most interested in having a relationship with. Obviously part of it is how physically attractive she is but another one might be how uncomplicating she would make my life.

Honestly with her not much would change as she is just fine being an house wife or girlfriend who takes care of the house, takes care of her significant other, and any children. She doesn't seem to need much attention either. I think also she's more on the quiet side and character wise seems decent. I think the reason for this is that even though she is hot she comes from a pretty poor and hardworking family, her parents are both farmers in an already poor country. She's only ever had 3 boyfriends up till now (she's 27) and she is really quite feminine to the point she is obsessed with the color pink. She even dyes part of her hair pink though not in some kind of feminism type of way just that she likes the color so much. So she seems very feminine and traditional in mindset. She also doesn't seem to mind the whole "having other women thing" as much as long as I'm not blatant in her face about it.

Anyway, to me now seems like my life is really coming together at this point. Getting set to get 2 more degrees to make money in a lucrative industry, will be outside the US enjoying other cultures still, with UMSv2 over the summer will more than likely be able to save up for an top tier house in another country, we be far far away from my toxic family, and got back in contact with one of the most beautiful women I ever got to know. So seems like my life has changed quite a lot in just a few months and its set to reach even greater heights over the next year.

P.S. If I feel like it later I might post a picture of her with the face blocked out for those who weren't here during the time I first met her.