Transcendent Sith Lord's DMSI 3.3 D Journal

[DarthXedonias]

Thought I would give a update. Well, it turned out I ended up failing the final test for my 4th course but passed the others. Since I failed it in order to get approval to take it a second time I had to finish this Study guide, take a excel pre-test then talk to the course mentor in order to get approval. Won't lie, due to that failure I ended up dragging my feet on that all last week. It really damped my motivation by a lot. Fortunately, by Saturday I found out a way I could speed up the process and I was able to talk to the Course mentor yesterday in which he gave his approval to take the test again. I don't know why but every time I get stuck like this now it seems I stumble across some resource or such that will get me out of it. I don't think this a coincidence seeing as this is the second time this has happened in a row. Every time there is something that could dampen my motivation or progress something else happens that lessens the difficulty of the obstacle.

I should be able to pass the 4th course tonight, study for the 5th course, then get that done tomorrow. This temporary slow down seemed to work out for the best as well because I found out there is literally a study guide for each course that you fill out as you are going through it. Fortunately, I found out there several filled out study guides online which will definitely help me be more accurate in what I need to know for the tests. I'm thinking this should keep me on schedule with probably passing a course each day (except on probably weekends). If that happens I should most definitely be out of here in no time. The only other thing I have to worry about is finishing up my TEFL certificate, which the time to finish it up is by October 14. Though even if I go pass that date all I have to do is pay a small fee to extend the time. All I have left is to write a lesson plan for a scenario and explain in 1000 words why I went with that plan.

In other news I do think I am starting to experience 3.3 TID still. I've noticed in other times that I've had this anger and frustration come up out of no where. I also had what I felt the sniper slightly activate sometime yesterday at work. First response was to get this kind of frustration about why I am feeling this way. I hope I'm not reading too much into it but It feels like the frustration came from this sense of futility. Like I can't "shut it off". I guess that might be a good sign if it turns out my mind has ran out of loopholes to exploit. I will have to watch this carefully though because I don't know if when I start running 3.3 my mind might not still find some way to go "scorched earth" in response. I could take many things my mind has pulled over the time of this sub ( reverse resistance, redefining terms, denial of reality, etc) but I will honestly admit that response is the one response I totally "fear". I have never had so many bad things happen (go 3k+ in debt due to an emergency,etc) and had such a bad emotional roller-coaster ride in such a short time span that literally had me drop the sub. Like in Game of Thrones, its like my mind just said "burn it all" in response to running B side.

I do hope this ends up being the one where I fully "directly" execute. I mean I did execute on 3.2 eventually, its just I had to go to another country where I felt comfortable enough to execute without getting the normal responses I'm used to (straight out rejection, sometimes very cruel like rejections that I would have never thought any good person would give to another, men successfully cock-blocking or spreading rumors to successful sabotage things, etc). Another thing that has happen is I'm just not satisfied with my life at the moment. I want to have fun in my life and don't want to just be a shut in at the moment. Hence, I guess the need to travel besides the women aspect.