06-15-2016, 03:20 AM
I think I have figured out my problem right now. It took me some time (including 2 hours of failing to fall asleep) and some kilometers of walking zen meditation, but I got it. It's neediness. Somewhere along the way I lost outcome independence I had. After break-up and realization that things probably won't work out with next girl I had my eyes on (I feel I would be getting into quite a trap if I will pursue her) I feel like I have no options. And it's terrible feeling, if I felt like this a month back or so I wouldn't break-up with my ex. But something has changed and with seemingly no options and low confidence I feel like shit.
What can I do? Nothing really, just keep doing what I'm doing right now. If I were to talk to myself from half a year ago I wouldn't believe things I've done. But I've done them, experienced quite a bit and if past six months gave me so much experiences, who knows what next six months hold for me. I must embrace this feeling, this sadness right now because fighting it would only make things worse. But future is good, I'm certain of it.
What can I do? Nothing really, just keep doing what I'm doing right now. If I were to talk to myself from half a year ago I wouldn't believe things I've done. But I've done them, experienced quite a bit and if past six months gave me so much experiences, who knows what next six months hold for me. I must embrace this feeling, this sadness right now because fighting it would only make things worse. But future is good, I'm certain of it.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
